Transcendence

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Just playing with them for a bit.

A/N: As always, so much thanks to my amazing beta Lemon-of-the-tent.

Chapter 3

"Is there a specific reason you're hiding out from your husband here?"

I honestly did feel bad for crashing Charlie's vacation.

Thankfully, Sue was gone – she and Leah were off visiting family for the day. The pair were, by far, the least tolerant of my moods; they shared the opinion that Jake should dump me and find someone that 'deserved and appreciated him'. There were few positives that I could see to my father's marriage. Sue did take care of him- I suppose… and I got Seth as a step-brother.

I looked up at him from my slouch on the sofa. "I'll be gone before Sue and her spawn get back."

"Bella."

"I know, I know -I'm sorry." I raised my hands at his glare. "I really am. I just needed to get out of that house."

He sighed, heavily. Charlie was more tense than usual. He scowled at the TV and kept clenching and unclenching his fists. It wasn't anger. I could tell that much.

"Just say it, Dad. I'm a big girl now, I can take it." The worlds came out much more clipped and sarcastic than they had sounded in my head.

"I've just been…" he sighed again, frustrated. "Do you regret marrying Jake?" he asked, carefully, tentatively. My father's eyes were so sad as he said those words.

"Dad… I–"

"I … I never should have pushed you to do it. It just… it seemed like he was so good for you," he said, his voice heavy with regret, adding as an afterthought, "at the time."

"Dad, don't say that," I smiled weakly. "I'm not unhappy, I'm just… stressed." As soon as the words left my mouth I knew they were a lie.

So did Charlie; I really was the worst liar in the world.

"You're like a zombie, Bella. You're barely better than you were right after…." He faltered a bit at the end recalling my vague catatonia.

"Zombies don't fight with their husbands." I pointed out, tartly.

"You know what I mean, Isabella."

"Yeah… I do."

Charlie gave me an awkward look, as if he was trying to work himself up to something and stood. He went to the small kitchen. He returned quickly and handed me a small, stiff piece of paper. "Just… hang on to this…"

The business card was heavy in my hands. "What is this, Dad?"

"A lawyer in Port Angeles," he said gently, "If you decide you need it. I already talked to him for you, about your… situation. I'll pay the retainer if you decide to…"

"You don't have to do this." I was in shock, but my voice sounded completely lifeless.

"Yeah, I do. I encouraged you, and now you're miserable."

"Does Sue know?"

He shrugged awkwardly. She knew.

I turned the little card over in my hands. "I'll let you know, Dad. I haven't decided anything yet."

"No hurry or anything." He paused, searching my face. "Listen Bella; don't hang on to something that isn't there because you think it's what I would want, or you think you'll disappoint anyone or anything. You need to be happy." He studied me, sadly. "I just need you to know you have options."

That was the end of the conversation.

When the second football game started I retreated to my ancient truck and headed for the store; my thoughts kept coming back to the rectangle of cardstock, burning an invisible hole in my pocket.

Leaving Jacob had never occurred to me before but, suddenly, a lot of things made sense. For ages Charlie had worn the strangest look when Jake was around and Renee's recent phone calls had a whole new context – she had been calling more and more often. The calls always ended with her reminding me that if I ever needed a place to live I should come to Florida. She would even send me the ticket.

Then I knew.

They were all in on this.

Charlie, Sue, Renee, Phil, all of them. Seth probably even knew.

It felt like I was walking in a haze as I shopped and then drove toward home. The drive back to La Push seemed to take forever as the thoughts swirled in my head. From nowhere, it seemed, I was rumbling down that too familiar, shadowed, green, overgrown drive; I hadn't even made a decision to come this way.

I didn't cry today. The white house was just as silent, just as dead as it was the day before. A plan was developing in my head.

I still hadn't decided whether I would actually go through with it or not, but I knew what I would do if I did decide. Charlie would let me stay with him while I made arrangements. I could apply to college in Florida, stay with Renee until I got a job, got on my feet. I could leave all the green and cloud and rain. Run and never look back.

"As if I never existed," I whispered to myself. The echo of his words from so many years ago irritated the still-gaping wound, but somehow I was able to stay coherent. In that moment I knew why I was there.

I needed to see it.

Really and truly see it.

The desolate emptiness in the house, the utter absence of anything representing the family I had once so longed to be a part of.

Now I knew. As long as I stayed in Forks, I would never be free of the specter of Edward Cullen. His voice, his face would haunt my dreams, my memories, my very soul. The yearning I'd had to join him in eternity would taint every second of my life here: I would never be capable of being happy.

But I had to try.

I had to go home and see if there was anything left to salvage with Jacob. I returned to the truck and drove away, leaving that part of me behind.

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