Transcendence
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: I just want to profusely thank my amazing beta Lemon-of-the-tent for all her work with my story. It wouldn't be the same without her.
Chapter 4
Our tiny house was silent as I pulled up and lifted the grocery bags from the passenger seat. The usual light misty drizzle was picking up to a true rain and the small leaky awning over the front door provided just enough cover as I unlocked the house. I offhandedly made a mental note to remind Jake to oil the hinges as their loud creak welcomed me into the cold, silent house.
There was a note waiting for me on the table.
Sorry about this morning. It just annoys me that he still upsets you. But I know
I upset you more when I start that shit.
So sorry.
Out wolfing- might be late for dinner.
He must have felt bad to leave me a note.
I started making enchiladas as the rain began to fall. Once everything was in the oven there was little to do – the dishes all washed and put away were further proof of Jacob's regret – so I went out on our little covered porch and sat on the bench watching the rain. My head began to feel heavy and I pulled my knees to my chest and began to drift to the sound of the rain…
I jumped awake suddenly.
A blazing arm wrapped around me, stopping me from falling. It was dark out; I had no idea how long I'd been asleep.
"Oh!" I tried to push off Jacob's are to rush into the kitchen, suddenly remembering the food in the oven.
"I already took it out." Jacob's voice was quiet beside me. "I didn't want to wake you up. You looked so peaceful."
I slumped back against his warm body.
Peaceful. Right.
The dream had come up intermittently through the years, but it was different this time from all the times before. I was always lost in the forest; wandering, stumbling through the darkness aimlessly until I came to the meadow.
The Meadow.
He was always there. Perfect, unchanging. His flawless marble skin glinting, shooting faint rainbows.
"Why are you running, Bella?" he asked in his gentle, velvety voice.
But I couldn't speak, couldn't make a sound.
But this time Jacob was with him, watching me with accusing eyes. The darkness began to descend like a living creature, devouring me, consuming my universe...
"You okay, Bells?" Jacob sounded worried again.
"Yeah, I just…"
"Yeah." He almost sighed.
There was an awkward silence between us.
"Are you hungry?" I asked standing quickly.
"Nah, I'm fine." He shook his head and studied his large, callused hands. It was a habit I knew he always did when he was worried about something but not sure how to give his concern in words.
His stomach grumbled, testifying against him.
I couldn't help but smile at his weak attempt; Jacob was always hungry. He took the hand I offered back to him.
As if he would need my help.
Jacob smiled, though, and took my hand anyway, almost dislocating my shoulder as he pulled.
I groaned and grabbed my arm in, mostly, exaggerated false pain. His worry seemed to dissipate at the idea that I would joke about his overabundant strength. "Silly little human," he whispered dropping a kiss on the top of my head before holding the outside kitchen door open.
I could never bring myself to tell Jacob how that particular epithet pulled at the wound in my chest. Emmett had taken to calling me that the summer before…
I'd never mentioned it to him any time before and today wouldn't be any different. It would only send him back into a mood and I had bigger things to worry about now.
Jacob, it seemed, assumed everything was back to normal. He sat at the table talking about his day as I re-heated the food. I only half listened to him.
He went into detail about the car he was working on out back – Jake had developed a tidy business fixing and rebuilding cars. He then went into the details of his meeting with Sam and the subsequent patrol. Honestly, there was nothing to report on that front. There never really was. The vampires were gone so there wasn't exactly a resident threat and they hadn't even had an attempt on my life from Victoria in almost 4 years. It seemed without the Cullens to torture, my death and her vengeance weren't worth the hassle of fighting a pack of werewolves.
He only stopped talking when I put his plate in front of him: nope, Jake had no idea that I still felt any kind of sadness at all.
I ate standing by the counter still mulling over everything that had happened today.
"So, how's Charlie?" Jake asked, around his mouth full of food.
"He's fine." The answer came automatically. "He has the week off. Sue was out of town with Leah…"
There was a tentative knock on the door.
"Yeah, Seth," I called. Of the few pack members that actually came to our house, Seth was the only one who knocked. He peeked in, quickly entered, and closed the door behind him.
"Bella, you know you need to tell me when you cook Mexican. I could smell it all the way down at the beach – I almost died on the way up here!"
"So why don't you run up to Forks and bug your mother for food?" Jake glared at him.
"She and Leah are gone for the night." He explained almost pitifully. There was a definite hint of worry that Jacob may order him away and he would have to fend for himself for the night. Which, more likely than not, would mean phasing and hunting deer.
"Help yourself, Seth." I gestured to the half empty pan.
He grinned and grabbed a plate from the cupboard.
Jacob grumbled quietly. He wasn't annoyed to have Seth there, not really. He could easily have ordered Seth not to touch his food, though he knew how much it upset me when he used his authority stupidly. He had just been hoping for leftovers for tomorrow, but it was a minor annoyance...
Then it hit me.
This was pretty close to Jacob's view of perfect. All that was missing was the baby on my hip.
A piece of my mind began to hyperventilate – this isn't what I wanted. I loved Seth – I even still loved Jake, as a friend, at least – but that wasn't enough. I knew what I needed to do. I had to follow through with my plan.
Even if it meant losing Jake as my friend, losing Seth as my brother.
If I didn't do this now, I would never get out.
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