Transcendence

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Just borrowing the characters for a bit.

A/N: I just want to profusely thank my amazing beta Lemon-of-the-tent for all her work with my story. It wouldn't be the same without her.

Chapter 5

"Bella?"

I ignored Jacob's voice whispering in my ear.

All I could concentrate on was the idea that I was going to leave him today, break his heart. The sunlight was nauseatingly warm on my skin trickling through the windows.

"Isabella?"

My eyes finally cracked open.

"We're running south today. Sam heard about some hikers getting killed just south of here. Paul, Embry and I are gonna check it out." There was a cautious excitement in his voice. It had been months since they had been given a chance to really track anything. There was still an air of worry around him. There had been since the night I made my decision. It was almost as though he sensed what was about to happen or at least that something was about to happen.

"Be careful." I whispered, burying my head in the pillows. I was terrified that if I looked into his eyes he would see everything. He would know everything I was planning.

He laughed. "Maybe if we're lucky we might get to track a leech. I probably won't be home till late." He bent and kissed my cheek. The kiss was tainted with his worry. He sensed something was up. He knew me better than anyone; he had to know something was wrong. When I didn't react he simply left, running the back of his hand across my shoulder in one last parting gesture. I would likely never feel his touch or his kiss again and I didn't even have the guts to tell him good bye.

This would be far easier for me than it had any right to be. Maybe it would be better that I wouldn't have to face him.

The long moments I waited to make sure he was gone seemed to drag on; this must be how it feels to wait for execution.

When I finally emerged from our room, I went straight for the phone – there were half a dozen rings before Charlie grumpily answered the phone. "Hello?" His voice was still heavy with sleep.

"Umm…Dad?"

"What's wrong, Bella?" His tone shifted from annoyance to concern in seconds.

"Well… Remember that…thing from a while ago?"

"Yeah." The concern in Charlie's voice had dialled down from worry over imminent bodily danger to emotional nightmare. Which were just far enough apart to him to make his voice sound obviously more relaxed.

"I was wondering…" I paused, taking a deep breath before I spoke again. "Could I stay with you for a little while? I mean just until I get everything… arranged." "Of course, Bells. As long as you need a place you have one here. Did you call that lawyer yet?" He had shifted into this unfamiliar mode that I could only think to label as fatherliness.

"As soon as I hang up with you. I'll be over later."

"Is Jacob home?" His voice sounded less like my father and more like the police officer for a moment. Of course he would think to be worried about that.

"No. Anyway you know his control..."

"I know." He cut me off. "Usually he's perfect but he's never been through this before. It can make a guy... crazy."

I supposed even in our little town Charlie had seen enough domestic disputes to jump to concern. There had been a slight trickle of worry since the day he first found out about the big secret.

When he asked me and Jake to bring Billy up for a 4th of July cookout none of us thought anything of it. Jacob and I had only been married about a month, Billy was his best friend, it all made perfect sense. We had no idea he'd decided that was the perfect place to inform us he and Sue Clearwater were dating. It was a small consolation that Seth and Leah were just as surprised as we were. Despite the unexpectedness, the afternoon had been going well. That was until Seth felt comfortable enough to try to set Leah's hair on fire with a bottle rocket.

Of course, she phased immediately and lunged at him. Which, in return, made Seth phase and take off into the woods, Leah close at his heels. Sue sighed angrily at her children and set about righting the mess they had made of the yard. Jacob shook his head, slipped off his tennis shoes and tossed me his t-shirt before taking off after them. Billy just laughed absently and we all forgot my father, standing in shock. His beer had fallen from his hand and he stared into the break in the forest their large bodies had made. Seeing his reaction had only made Billy laugh harder.

"They just..." he finally whispered.

"Come on, give an old man a push." Billy asked him. Charlie obeyed and the two were gone for what seemed like hours.

The two troublemakers were sitting side by side in the extra clothes Jacob kept in my truck for emergencies when they returned. Seth jumped up to beg forgiveness – and try to blame Leah – but Charlie held up his hand.

"So you're all...?" he gestured to the three wolves. They all nodded quietly.

"How long have you known about it?" he looked toward me.

"My senior year." I answered quietly.

Charlie just shook his head and got himself and Billy another drink.

I was surprised how well he took everything but the worry over Jacob's control had never really left him.

"I know Dad. And I know this will... But Jake would never..."

"It's Ok, Bella. Just at least leave him a note or something. He deserves that much."

"I was going to." Deep down I still hoped there was some way that he and I might come out of this friends. It was an irrational thought, I knew. He had saved me, given me everything. And here I was, throwing it back in his face.

"Ok, well… See you in a bit." Charlie tried to sound relaxed but I could hear the tension hanging in his voice.

"Yeah." I disconnected and stared at the business card in my hand. I pulled in a deep breath and dialled. The phone was answered after the first ring.

"Michael W. Rybarcyzk, Attorney at Law. This is Courtney speaking, how may I help you?" The receptionist answered with practiced decorum.

"Um… Hi. My father said he had spoken with Mr. Rybarcyzk about my situation. My name is Bella Black.

"Well…" there was the sound of shuffling papers. "Yes, we have your file started. When would you like to come in?"

"As soon as possible." The words came out rushed. I was afraid if I waited I would lose my nerve.

"I can get you in at 10AM today."

"Perfect."

She proceeded to give me directions to the office.

It was all too easy.

I went back to the bedroom and packed my clothes into a large duffel bag. It was such a haphazard task. I just grabbed whatever was mostly clean and threw it in the bag. The need to be out of the house was quickly becoming something like a mania. I was suddenly desperate to be away from the tiny house in La Push. I had never felt anything like this in my life. My misery and desperation was beginning to mix with something I had no way of putting into words.

When I was dressed and my bag was in the truck I came back in and sat at the table and stared at the piece of paper. There were so many things I wanted to say, needed to say. Things he needed to know. As soon as I put the pen to the page the words seemed to just flow out.

Jacob,

I think you know as well as I do where we are. We're both miserable, Jake. We've been pretending things between us are okay for a long time. We aren't even really friends anymore. I miss you being my friend and I think this is the only thing I can do to get that back.

The very fact that I'm thinking of this should be enough to prove to you that you were wrong about the imprinting.

I love you, Jake. Just not like that. I never did.

I thought it would be enough but I was wrong.

You have no idea how hard it is for me to leave. It tears me up because I know that this will hurt you. I just hope maybe someday you can forgive me enough to be my friend again.

I'm staying at Charlie's so don't worry about me.

I never meant for this to happen,

Bella

I folded the note quickly and sealed it in the envelope with my engagement and wedding rings. I placed it in the center of the table and ran from the house.

Safely obscured in the cab of the truck I stopped and let out the heavy breath I had been holding. I gave the tiny red house one last look over my shoulder before turning over the engine and driving away.

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