Transcendence

A/N: I just want to profusely thank my amazing beta Lemon-of-the-tent for all her work with my story. It wouldn't be the same without her.

Chapter 8

The glass rattled as I yanked to door closed behind me. I threw the bag in my hands on the counter as I stormed through the small kitchen toward the living room and there they were.

Sitting, chatting with Charlie, without a care in the world. They must have been attempting to emulate the passage time but Alice and Esme only looked marginally older with their hair styled differently and I was struck by the absurdity of anyone believing they aged at all. Other than me, had anyone in town even known them well enough to notice?

Everyone in the room froze. Charlie was like a deer in the headlights, shock still as his brain struggled to come to some sort of decisions on how he should broach this situation given my childish displays of anger. But I wasn't focused on him. They were the centre of my ire. Esme just seemed so... sad, regretful maybe. I was far from the teen girl she had last seen. And then Alice... She had been my best friend once. The first best friend I had ever really had and she had abandoned me. Not so much as an email for 5 years. She radiated regret. It seeped from every ounce of her being.

Charlie snapped into action and spoke to me as he stood. "Bella, we were waiting for you."

I cut him off with a wave of my hand – I couldn't deal with this.

All of the resentment I had counted on to carry me through the encounter had dissolved when I saw their sad, golden eyes. I could feel the tears beginning escape. The darkness and misery were beginning to well up and I knew my attempted ruse was over.

I needed to leave, to run away. I re-traced my path and burst out of the house. My feet couldn't move fast enough as I crossed the yard and followed the all too familiar path into the woods.

There was no sense of distance or time when I finally collapsed to my knees and let the sorrow wash over me. I wanted to loath them; I wanted to accuse them, to blame them for leaving me behind. I wrapped my arms around my torso as my tears finally escaped.

All I wanted in the world, at that moment, was the ability to hate them; I wanted to be able to hate them as much as I was starting to hate him. I had almost talked myself into believing that my latent anger would give me that relief.

But actually seeing them, my resolve faltered. Seeing their perfect faces all I could think of was the last time I had been with them. I still wished I could isolate all the good memories of that night from the painful ones. Alice, so excited and pleased with her planning; Esme, sweet and kind and loving…this wasn't fair. Was this the price for hurting Jake? Is this what happen to someone who left the tribe after they knew the secret? The one thing they wanted most and feared more than anything would be forced into their lives, reeking havoc.

There was the sound of footsteps behind me.

"Oh Bella…" Alice whispered.

I couldn't force my head to turn toward her. Her voice, so expressive, carried such a profound sadness. I would never have believed her capable of carrying such a heart wrenching sound.

I had to be angry – I had to hold on to that, pull it forward and cast it out. My rage had to become a talisman to ward off the creatures of the night…

"If I had known…" Her voice broke for just a moment. "Bella, I should have come back! I should have come the first time your future disappeared…. but then it appeared again and I thought it was just the distance or something and it kept fading in and out but it seems the werewolves…" she stopped suddenly. "I should have come back. When we… when he heard you got married he thought it just proved him right, that you were better off. You were my friend, I should have known better." She inched closer. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

Her presence, so close, gouged at the hole. For a split second, my vision faltered and I was convinced I was going to pass out.

What did I do to deserve this pain?

What could I possibly have done in some distant past life that was horrible enough to deserve this?

Or was I just the only one in the world that could tolerate the whims and wishes of a family of vampires and walk away vaguely coherent?

Was I at all coherent?

Maybe this was a fantasy: maybe all those years ago I hadn't ever come out of it. Maybe this was a creation of my mind. Maybe I was in a mental hospital trapped in some kind of wasting, catatonic state.

No. That wasn't it. When I was dazed I didn't feel pain; I didn't feel anything. This hurt too much to be a fantasy. I eased myself up and wiped at my tears. Finally, I did the only thing left that I could do.

I turned my head and looked at her; Sadness marred her flawless face. This was too much. I could never be angry with her, never wish pain on her gentle features, never use my anger to hurt her. She didn't deserve it. Alice wasn't the one who left me. She only followed her family, followed Jasper. Wouldn't I have followed after Edward, had our places been reversed?

"Charlie filled us in, at least a bit. I can't tell you how sorry I am, Bella. My brother," her opinion on his decisions, obvious in the venom of her voice, "is an absolute idiot and I was even dumber for listening to him. I should have ignored him and come back for you."

"Alice," my voice was raw, "stop." I couldn't bear to listen to this any more.

"I don't know how you could ever forgive me for being such a terrible person."Alice's voice wavered as she dropped to the ground beside me.

There was silence for a moment. I had almost forgotten how dramatic my vampires could be. She already knew how this would end – Alice wouldn't be here if she didn't see this ending well. I knew she wouldn't cause me that pain.

"You already know whether I will or not."

"Bella…" her voice was pleading.

Manipulative, little leech.

"I can't be angry with you, Alice." I sighed. "Even when part of me wants to be, I'm not capable of it."

She gave a small smile and grabbed my hands. "I promise. We, Esme and I anyway, will do everything we can to fix what we've done to you."

"You don't have to…"

She shifted forward and held my hands tighter. "Yes, we do. We made a mess of your life. We have to help fix it."

I looked down and studied my hands in her pale ones. Her icy skin felt so… right under my touch.

"Should I even waste my time arguing with you?"

In an instant that impish smile was back on her face. Alice pulled me forward into a tight hug. Her marble arms around me were like the most comfortable place in the world.

"Are you going to fill me in on my future?"

"What fun would that be?" The hint of mischief was there. She would never give details. "It is good though." She answered into my hair.

"Wow, helpful." I murmured into her shoulder, rolling my eyes but smiling slightly despite myself.

She was still smiling when I shivered and she pulled away. "It'll be perfect, Bella, I promise."

I wiped at my face again. "I'm a mess aren't I?"

"You reek, actually." Her nose turned up but she laughed when I smelled my hair. "You realize you're married to a werewolf right? You just smell like wet, disgusting dog. I know you've been staying with Charlie but that… smell must just sink into everything. You'll never get it out of your truck. But then that's not so much of a loss."

"I wonder what you smell like to them." I might spare her my anger but she insulted my truck and she would just have to deal with my snark.

"Lord, Bella, he was right about one thing: you are a complete magnet for danger! The vampires leave town and you marry a werewolf, a young werewolf at that! How in the world have you survived this long?"

"Dumb luck, I guess." I sighed and finally pulled myself back to my feet, brushing away the detritus from my legs. "We should go back to the house before Charlie thinks I've gone catatonic again."

"Bella…" she was standing beside me before I even noticed her move. "I really can't explain how sorry I am that we hurt you."

"You never hurt me, Alice. And… I've never blamed… I've never even blamed him until about an hour ago."

She walked slowly at my side as we picked our way back toward the house. "Jasper still blames himself for everything."

"He shouldn't. He couldn't help it. Edward," I cringed as I said his name, "overreacted."

"When was the last time you actually that out loud?" her golden eyes were too insightful.

I sighed and hesitated before giving the honest answer. "Five years ago."

Alice sighed but said nothing linking her arm with mine as we walked back to the house.

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