Transcendence
A/N: I just want to profusely thank my amazing beta Lemon-of-the-tent for all her work with my story. It wouldn't be the same without her.
Chapter 10
My feelings were roiling as I drove down the damp highway. There was a calm I hadn't know in years beginning to brew inside me, something I hadn't even had a hint of since I left Phoenix that first time. It was mixed with this exciting sort of dread; I had begun something by taking that first step outside the door today, something, huge and life-altering. And it wasn't just meeting with the lawyer or getting that old name back on my license. It was something more than just a divorce. People get divorced every day.
This was different from that sad inevitability.
This was something more, something bigger, something… cosmically unavoidable.
Of course, I understood Charlie's worry for me. In my weird, twisted sort of way I almost enjoyed it. There was something to what I had told him though: I had found my anger and hatred for Edward Cullen. It was the only thing that allowed me to even see Alice and Esme without the total breakdown and it wasn't something I believed he would be able to break though.
The drive felt longer than it ever had before, and my anticipation mounted with each bend of the road. Finally, I spotted the familiar chunk of pavement and before I knew it the tall house came into view beyond the trees. Everything had changed. The building, usually so void and empty, seemed alive again; the windows were thrown open, and the lights blazed into the near constant semi-twilight. I sat in the parked truck and simply enjoyed the welcoming sight.
I jumped when Alice suddenly pulled my door open.
She smirked but her face fell quickly. "You've come here recently." Her eyes were full of grief again with the simple statement.
I sighed and cut the engine. "I – sometimes – when that… day comes – I just end up here."
"To cry." She stated with a reserved sadness.
I knew there was no way the scent of my tears would have lasted through the weeks of rain since I had last made the trip. I don't know how she knew that piece of my personal tragedy. I'd been here more times that I would ever be willing to admit. I'd even managed it without Seth a few times. Maybe that knowledge was just some visionary throwback Alice had seen. Chances are I would never know the real answer.
"Mostly." I snorted a sarcastic laugh. "I seem to cry a lot."
"With a wolf?"
If even vestiges of my scent had lingered, Seth's must have stood out from the pine and rain like nothing else in the world. "The treaty is intact." The defense came automatically. "Please don't hold it against them. Seth's my step-brother; he stays with me because he worries."
"We figured it was something like that. I'm sorry. I'm supposed to be cheering you up, and I'm failing miserably."
I just sighed and grabbed my bag as I hopped out of the truck. I had forgotten how quickly they all seemed to process emotions and move on to new things.
Alice simply ignored my eye roll and linked her arm with mine, chatting happily about all her plans for me.
"Esme is making pot roast for dinner. She thinks you're too thin."
That made me laugh. Sweet, maternal Esme had always though I was too thin. The comment almost distracted me as we stopped in the foyer. I didn't think the first time I set foot in here in five years would feel so relaxed. Something in my mind braced itself as I glanced into the parlor. An ornate table with a beautiful, etched crystal vase full of white roses sat on the dais where my memory insisted the piano should be. I didn't even realize I was holding my breath until I let it out. "Thank you." I breathed to Alice.
She simply nodded and continued to lead me up the stairs, hardly stopping her narrative.
The guest room was as beautiful as the rest of the house. It was something I had never considered any of the previous times I'd been here. But when I was younger and stayed over it had always been in Alice's room – which in retrospect I suppose meant Jasper had been relegated to some other part of the house– or on Edward's sofa. I guess, intellectually, I assumed they had guest rooms – most big houses did – it had just never occurred to me to use one of them then. I was too old for teen sleepovers now, though.
Alice helped me unpack still rattling.
"Oh, Bella," she sighed shaking out another hoodie I'd long ago claimed from Jake and wrinkling her nose, "I didn't think your fashion sense could have gotten any worse and yet… You do realize I'm going to make most of your wardrobe disappear, right?"
"I figured. I left anything sentimental at Charlie's."
"Oh, Esme is calling." She sprang up and suddenly I was on my way down to the kitchen.
A place setting was laid out on the bar. Esme was at the stove looking almost uncertainly into the pan. She sighed and moved it to the counter.
"I hope it tastes alright." She smiled as I took a seat. "I haven't had the chance to practice in the last few years."
"It smells wonderful." I told her. Honestly, it did smell better than anything I had ever made. She served and waited patiently for my reaction. The meat was divine, moist and flavorful. The vegetable and potatoes were perfectly roasted. Esme relaxed with my contented sigh.
The two vampires filled the silence while I ate with updates on the rest of the family, carefully avoiding any mention of Edward. All too soon the plates were cleared but they continued to talk. There were so many stories of Emmett's creative ways of entertaining himself and so little time to tell them.
Soon I began to feel the weight of the day's emotional upheaval the yawns began to dominate. Esme ushered me up stairs ordering Alice to finish cleaning up. Outside my room, she hugged me again and pressed a kiss to my forehead before she disappeared back downstairs with a wistful glance.
In the room, alone for the first time since I arrived, I began to think. Usually, I avoided thinking as much as possible but things were different now. The gaping wound in my chest was there but its pain was only a small ache. I changed my clothes and practically collapsed into the bed, feeling something I believe must have been akin to contentment for the first time since I was seventeen. The last thing I remember thinking of before sleep finally claimed me was sunshine and a meadow full of wildflowers.
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