Transcendence

A/N: I just want to profusely thank my amazing beta Lemon-of-the-tent for all her work with my story. It wouldn't be the same without her. Also, I am planning several outtake chapters to post after this is finished so... yeah.

Chapter 11

The odd sound was the first thing I became aware of. It was almost like someone tapping oh-so-lightly on something very hard. I cracked my eyes and sat up, quickly.

The blonde vampire at the dressing table ceased drumming his fingers against the antique wood and stared back at me, panic in his golden eyes. "Good morning, Bella," he ventured, tentatively.

I studied him a moment before answering. "Good morning, Jasper."

Jasper Hale looked exactly the same as he had that last night. He still seemed so young, the flaxen waves of his hair falling with haphazard elegance around his boyish face. For the millionth time I wondered how old he had been when he changed.

"Alice?" I asked.

"Who else?" he shrugged. "She thinks we need to get everything out in the open."

"I agree." There was silence for a moment. I shifted about slightly nervously, pushing my sleep tangled hair away from my face. "When did you get in?" It was conversational, I know, but what does one say to the vampire who blames himself entirely for his family abandoning you?

"A few hours ago. Carlisle and I left Sacramento immediately when Esme called." He smirked. "She said it was a dire emergency."

I smiled as readjusted myself on the bed. "Again, Alice, I assume."

"Of course – she knows how to manipulate." There was a quirk to his mouth as the words came out. It wasn't a judgmental statement. It was just a fact. Alice's gift meant she always knew exactly what to say.

Fear, pain and regret were taking equal turns flashing across his face, radiating off from him.

"Jasper," I leaned forward, even closer to him, "I know you can sense I'm not afraid of you."

Jasper smirked as he studied the floor. "You never did, did you?"I knew he didn't expect an answer to his wistful question. "I don't understand it. I never have. I'm the one responsible for everything that's happened to you. If I'd just had more control…"

"No, Jasper. Don't you dare take responsibility for Edward being a moron! He used you as an excuse – if it hadn't been you, he would have found some other reason to do it." I was bitter about it. I knew now, deep down, that Edward would have left me no matter what had happened that night. That knowledge irritated my wound and feed my anger.

"If Emmett hadn't been there, hadn't been stronger than me I would have killed you." His voice carried so much regret, so much self-hatred. So, so much more than Jasper could ever deserve.

"Maybe, Maybe not."

"No, not maybe, Bella. Definitely." His grave eyes finally rose up to meet mine.

I studied him a moment. "You know," I leaned back, "I have a theory about that night."

"Do tell?" The Texas drawl crept into his voice as he let himself relax a fraction, smirking slightly.

"With your gift, you're sensitive to the feelings of those around you. And you are especially connected to the family, more so than outsiders, correct?"

He nodded, seemingly intrigued.

"When I cut my finger that night, when I looked up in the moment before… Don't think I didn't see the look on everyone's faces. In that moment, everyone in that room, even Edward, saw me as nothing but a walking, talking happy meal." I shook my head and continued. "You could have controlled it if it had just been your thirst, your feeling of hunger and desire. But it wasn't just your feelings, was it?"

"It never is." His voice was barely a whisper.

"You had to cope with and control everyone's thirst on top of your own. It was more than anyone could have handled."

Jasper just stared at his hands before he raised his head and looked at me. "I suppose I just never though about it that way."

"You don't want to kill me right now, do you?"

He laughed at that. "I've been working on my control since…the… incident…" There was a frustrated look on his face as he explained. I would probably never understand how hard all that work had been for Jasper. He met my eyes again, a tiny hint of satisfaction coming from him. "I'm much stronger now."

"That's good to know."

"I'm actually 92% sure, if you cut yourself right now, I wouldn't try to tear your throat out."

"I like those odds." I jumped when he appeared in front of me, his hand outstretched.

I took his hand and he helped me to my feet.

"You should get dressed. Alice has a long day planned for you and I think breakfast is almost ready." He was still a moment with the oddest look on his face. Then he pressed a gentle kiss to the back of my hand. "Welcome home, Little Sister." He whispered and was gone.

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