Chapter 13

A/N: As always I own nothing. And my beta is a-mazing

The car ride began in tense silence. Mostly because I was too busy – clinging to my seatbelt and praying Alice didn't kill me as she sped over the wet, serpentine roads– to talk. Once we got to the marginally straighter highway I allowed myself relax a bit. I needed to ask her about Carlisle this morning I just wasn't sure how to broach the subject.

"I saw the look you had earlier – you know Carlisle is worried. He's nervous about my visions." She answered as if I had actually asked the question.

"Cheater." I grumbled.

Alice simply smiled as she drove.

"But what about the vision? There must have been…" It hit me suddenly. "Alice?" I asked tentatively.

"Yes, Bella?"

"You had a vision of me once, of how I would end up." I asked her tentatively.

Alice didn't respond but sighed almost wearily.

" That vision is back isn't it?"

She just smiled wistfully and shook her head. "It never really went away. It just faded."

"And that makes Carlisle nervous." He didn't want me around. He was with Edward. He wanted me to be human and grow old and die – all those average human trials.

"Don't freak out Bella. It's not the idea of you being a vampire that makes him nervous – it's your soon to be ex husband that worries him."

"Jacob? Why would…" Oh, I was so stupid.

The treaty.

It would be broken if any of the Cullens were ever to bite a human. Not kill: bite. And as far as any of them were concerned I was, despite anything else, Jacob's mate, a part of the pack. The wolves would see any of them turning me as an attack on the pack itself.

I hate werewolves.

"But you see things working out – right?"

She was quiet. "Bella, do you still want it? I mean I know you did before everything – But now?"

"You see the future, Alice. You tell me."

"I see what happens. I don't know why it happens. I want to know if it's something that you still want."

Her comment made me think: was it something I wanted? Did I really want to be a vampire even without Edward by my side? He had been the main reason I wanted it before…

But now. Without him?

I turned my head and studied Alice's profile. She wasn't waiting for a reply, no pressure.

I couldn't come up with an easy answer. Part of me instantly said "of course". But there was another part. Something very palpable that dreaded the idea of having eternity but not having him. He would come back to the family eventually. Did I want to be there, be one of them and have him treat like nothing more than his youngest sister? Would he even treat me that well?

He didn't want me.

He really didn't want me to be a vampire.

Would he be angry at the others for welcoming my change as I knew deep in my heart they would? Maybe not Rosalie, but the rest of them would. I couldn't bear to tear their lives apart over something as trivial as my own. No, I couldn't be the cause of that.

"Your next comment is going to make you sound almost as depressing as Edward so don't even say it. I won't let you make a martyr of yourself because of him, Bella. He's not worth it. It doesn't matter what he wants. What do you want?"

Count on Alice to be the voice of reason.

If I took Edward out of the equation…

"Yes." I whispered my answer.

Alice smiled again from her seat. "I can't promise an easy road, Bella. There are lots of gaps in my visions, so the dogs must be involved."

"You can't see them?"

"Not a bit. It's really very annoying." She sighed bitterly.

I shook my head – it was all I could do. I was worried. I didn't want anyone to get hurt because of me; Alice still saw me as a vampire.

She still saw it.

But that would certainly put the nail in the coffin of Jacob's and my friendship. As if divorcing him wasn't enough.

"Bella?" Alice called, amusement in her voice.

I looked up from the dashboard where I had been focusing. The car was stopped and Alice was leaning down to look in on me. I rolled my eyes at myself as I finally exited and joined her on the sidewalk.

Alice just laughed and linked her arm with mine. "You think too much, Bella. You will relax today – I'm determined." She stopped in front of what, must be, an insanely expensive spa.

"Alice…"

"Don't even start that. You are going to be pampered and I am going to go shopping get you some respectable clothes."

"My clothes aren't that bad." I protested as she pulled me in through the elegantly frosted, glass doors.

"You actually do believe that, don't you" There was a vague shock in her rhetorical question. "Don't worry. When I'm finished with you, you will actually look like a woman." She stopped to chat quietly with the receptionist and almost before I could blink we were surrounded by smiling technicians.

"So what do I look like now?" I was miffed as she handed me over to the others.

"Do you mean other than a twelve-year-old boy?" Alice spun on her heel and headed for the exit, calling over her shoulder, "Don't worry Bella, I'll see you later."

If I was completely honest, I did zone out as I was lead from massage to facial to mud bath to hair styling to make up to… I wasn't even sure. The stylists and masseuses had been instructed not to let me see myself so I had nothing to worry about. I let my mind drift. It had never been this easy to simply let my mind wander, focusing on nothing.

When I went back to the changing room, my clothes had mysteriously disappeared and been replaced by new bags – there was no use fighting Alice. I hadn't lied: any clothes I had been particularly attached to, I had left with Charlie. At least she had chosen me clothes I could figure out how to put on. There had been a fairly large dread that she would leave me with some intricate and completely overdone dress. The jeans, t-shirt and sweater were a relief. Though they were much nicer and more stylish versions of the ones I had been wearing before. The flat boots were also a huge relief. Previously, Alice had been obsessed with sticking me in insanely high heels that I barely was able to totter in on.

When I emerged she was waiting for me. Alice squealed with excitement as I came into view grabbing my arm and pulling me toward a mirror. "You look amazing." She marveled at her own handiwork.

I could hardly believe my eyes. I didn't recognize the woman standing next to Alice in the mirror. There was no way that could be me. No one could ever hope to compete with Alice's vampiric perfection but the person with her in the mirror… There was no way that girl could be me.

She was studying my profile as I stared at my reflection. "Are you happy?" she asked, an eager smile plastered across her face. I took a step forward and studied my reflection closer. It was me, alright.

"Thank you," I whispered.

She just smiled and pulled me toward the door. "I can't wait to get you home so you can see everything I got you – you'll love it!"

Alice was so pleased with herself and her excitement was terribly infectious.

"Do you mind stopping at Charlie's on the way back?"

"Absolutely. He'll love this."

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