Disclaimer: Nope

A/N: More tsundere-Lovi, more f-bombs every paragraph, idiot-Antonio, other vampires and le werewolves! OHMAI. Thanks to Lily Winterwood for beta-ing :)

9-9-11 EDIT.

Chapter 2 - why is everyone I meet a freak?

I never thought that I'd really miss Phoenix until that bio class, which was a sharp reminder that back home, people were sane. The tally went as follows:

Phoenix: 1. Forks: -689. (Every second I spent with that damn guy sitting next to me pushed Forks' tally lower, see, and periods were fifty-four minutes long.) I don't even know how I survived through that AP Bio class from hell.

Maybe you're thinking, what's wrong with this guy to not like the attention? I mean, I had half the class staring at me because I was already new and quite sexy on my own, thank you very much, and then I had the hottest guy in school next to me, and I'm, uh, open to experimentation, so isn't that a good thing?

Not when the fucker's breathing down your fucking neck.

Desirable, my ass.

That class wasn't even the worst of it. You know why? The teacher - this total weirdo Swiss guy who looked like a freaking teenager - gets up and says with this barking voice that I'd be sitting next to Happy for the rest of the semester, at least, because everyone else had designated spots already.

I wanted to scream, but right after he said this his phone rang with a gunshot ring tone.

Scary, until he answered sweetly. It turned out to be his sister - well, I think it was a sister, anyway, because he called her Lily, and he didn't really look old enough to have a daughter or mentally stable enough for a girlfriend. I hoped that after he spoke to his sister, I might be able to ask him - politely - about switching seats. When he hung up, I raised my hand and he looked at me by means of calling on me; I barely said, "Can I switch -" when he went psycho.

Absolutely fucking psycho.

I shrank back into my seat Mr. Zwingli stomped over, brandishing the thin metal meter stick he used as a ruler (which was almost taller than him) as he shouted at me.

It went something like this:

"ARE YOU DEAF? I will NOT allow stupid questions in my classroom, at any time. Did I not say that these are your PERMANENT seats? I don't care that you're new and you had the bad fortune of sitting next to that idiot -" Teacher pointed at Antonio, who was staring at me with that damned lovestruck look and who didn't notice the insult - "but he's your partner now, so STOP WHINING!"

I opened my trembling mouth to reply with 'YES SIR' and he hurled the ruler at me.

Fucker hurled the ruler at me!

Of course I didn't shriek.

Or jump into Antonio's arms.

Of course-fucking-not. How dare you suggest such a thing! I mean, obviously, I ended up in his lap because he grabbed me while I was distracted by the insane teacher. And the overjoyed look on his face was not heart-stoppingly gorgeous. It was like...like...the smile a pedo would give a little kid.

Not beautiful. At all.

Duh.

And anyway, how I ended up in a grinning Antonio's lap isn't important. What is important is that I ended up there, girls pulled cameras out of god-knows-where, and snapped enough pictures in the space of a second to blind me for the next ten minutes.

And fuck, Antonio was cold. I mean, when he grabbed me he wrapped his arms around my waist. It's not like I had jumped him and clung to his shoulders and bare arms for dear life.

Mr. Zwingli's ruler ended up stabbing the wall right behind me. The kid who sat behind me had been reaching under his desk for something in his bag when Teacher threw the ruler, and so he was still alive.

But seriously. Guy was psycho, and the metal yardstick was in there up to the two-foot line.

Bio wasn't my last period, because in six-period schedules you apparently aren't allowed any opens so I'd taken Advanced Dance. Unfortunately, over the fifty-minute period, Happy had moved steadily closer to me, and currently sat maybe a half-foot away from me, so I jumped up and ran.

And, like, it's not as though I tripped over my bag and knocked Mr. Zwingli over. And then ran for dear life screaming as he lobbed a few more rulers and scissors at me, swearing loudly enough to terrify students out of the hall. Of course not.

Passing period was five minutes, so I hurried to the dance room. Teacher was a tiny little thing with a loud voice, very much like Mr. Zwingli, and she insisted we call her Laura, so that's what we did. It was fun, but the nagging horror of Happy moving closer and closer to me - ugh. After class, I I went straight to the office, mainly with the hopes of switching out of 6th period Bio.

Naturally, my creepy partner happened to be standing right there in front of the office, beaming at me with a smile that of course did not make me blush and trip over my feet. I'm too cool for that, duh.

I stumbled - uh, walked right past the guy, into the office and right over to the lady behind the counter. I felt a whoosh of cold wind on my neck and groaned as I saw in the reflection of that metal wire-basket thingy that Stalker had followed me in.

Fuck.

Talking softly because it felt awkward to talk loudly in a quiet room, I turned in my signed schedule paper slip to the lady, who took it with a smile and set it in the wire basket. Then I said, "Excuse me, but do you have any science open that's not 6th period AP Bio?"

The lady asked why and I said, "I want to transfer to - to AP Chem." Hey, Camille was in that class, so why not? I crossed my fingers and bit my lip as the lady checked for spaces. I was amazed - in Phoenix, they wouldn't change your classes no matter -

"I'm sorry, but that's full."

Fuuuuck.

"A-are there any other sciences open?" The woman looked over her glasses at me and I was close to dropping to my knees and begging. I could imagine the happy look on Happy's face...and I never wanted to see it again. Dammit.

"I'm sorry, but all our other science classes are packed."

Packed, in Forks, meaning a jaw-dropping total of fifteen students. In Phoenix, packed meant thirty-eight kids, so it took all my restraint to keep from whamming my head on the counter.

Instead, I smiled strainedly and turned to leave. The grin on Stalker's face had steadily widened during my conversation with the woman behind the desk, and his teeth glimmered white. I walked around him, glaring at the ground. He opened the door and called a loud, "Adiós, mi amor!"* as I stomped away.

:::

At home, Ludwig stood outside and talking to this tall man who looked like an old man but was really too buff to be older than, like, fifty or sixty. He wore a long flowing jacket, Soviet style, and next to him was a just-as-tall boy in blue jeans and a long scarf.

"Lovino!" Ludwig called as I pulled into the driveway. I parked, turned off the blaring radio and climbed out of the car, swearing in Italian as my bag caught on the shift.

"What now?" I grumbled, ambling over to where the three were standing. I felt abnormally short, surrounded by these three tall people - especially since the babyfaced boy stood almost as tall as Ludwig. I'm like, what, 5'6? 5'7? Tch.

I shrunk under the intense looks I received, and scuffed my toes against the pavement. These two strangers were both imposing and scary, but for some reason the older one seemed scary in a sad way and the younger... well, he just seemed scary.

"Lovino, I want you to meet a few friends of mine," Ludwig said a bit stiffly, as though they weren't friends at all. "This is Mr. Winter and his grandson Ivan." Now that I looked closer, Mr. Winter did look old. But Ivan looked pretty young - his round cheeks gave that away, despite his height and sculpted face. His eyes were deep violet and he really was huge.

"Hello," greeted Commie Jr. cheerfully, voice deep but still somehow childish. Mr. Winter nodded solemnly and turned to Ludwig. Ivan instead turned to me.

"So, like," I said, searching for a conversation topic. I failed miserably, and Ivan smiled, face splitting into nearly two parts and revealing perfect white teeth - like Mr. Winter'd threatened to beat him if he didn't wear his retainers and brush his teeth four times a day.

"You should become one with Mother Russia."

"...I'll pass."

"Oh, but you are just prolonging the inevitable. All becomes one with Mother Russia eventually, see."

"That's nice," I spat, glancing frantically at my car and wondering how long it would take me to get in the car and drive to safety. Would Commie Jr. catch up before I could get to the police station?

"I hear you go to Forks High School." He actually didn't have much of an accent, just a soft lilting; I guessed he'd been in America longer than Russia. Good. I mean, obviously, Russian accents aren't hot at all. Pff.

"Yep," I said, crossing my arms. "And?" Then a name came back to me, and before I knew what I was saying I asked him, "Are you related to Miss Braginskaya?"

He frowned and raised an eyebrow.

Douche. I mean, it's a tiny town. How many people named Braginski/Braginskaya are there?

I flushed a bit and tried to describe her, and the only things I could do were shape out huge boobs and say, "She has a rack the size of -" but then I stopped speaking.

Ivan's face fell, and at the same time this terrible grimace stretched his lips. A visibly dark aura cloud formed around his head and he muttered under his breath.

Dammit. I shouldn't have talked about that woman like that.

"Yes. She's my older sister."

...well then. I definitely shouldn't have talked about her like that.

I saw a light flare behind Ivan. Was...was that a water pipe?

"Eevan, vat have I said about that pipe?" Mr. Winter's voice was like his appearance - cold and raspy, but still strangely grandpa-like. If your grandpa was stricter than airport customs, anyway.

The flash was gone and Ivan smiled again.

"Eet vas nice to meet your son, Ludvig," Mr. Winter said. Ivan nodded a bit, staring at me with an irritated glint in his eyes.

I can't tell you how happy I was when Mr. Winter and Commie Jr. piled into their car and drove off, Ivan driving and waving happily at me, and then shooting an evil grin when Mr. Winter wasn't looking.

My legs felt faint, and I made for the door.

It's not like I ran inside, screaming at the top of my lungs.

For dinner that night, Ludwig cooked these disgusting sausages and I prepared some pasta to go with it, and his damn dog kept trying to eat my food.

And it's not like I gave it to Aksel because I was scared or anything by the huge frigging German shepherd trying to rip my face off. I just decided the food wasn't worth grace from my digestive system.

I decided instead to just have pasta and tomatoes. Ludwig had agreed to my only terms of living with him - one, that he never detain me from leaving the house at all odd hours, and two, that the house be always stocked with tomatoes. He obliged, of course; I mean, it's me. I'm like, the best damn thing that's ever happened to him, for fuck's sake.

I don't like thinking about the time he was living with Mom.

After dinner, I got up and put my plate in the sink before heading upstairs. I wondered if scrubbing hard enough could get Antonio's sappy grin and Commie Jr.'s freakiness out of my head.

It didn't, of course, and I got into bed an hour later with a scowl on my face as I reached for my laptop. My cell vibrated harshly against my hip as I checked my emails, and Ludwig burst in on me because he's crazy, not because I yelled loudly enough to pull him out of bed to come and check on me. Duh. When Ludwig saw me on the phone, he nodded in relief before walking back to his room.

"Lovi!" Mom's voice was so loud, I had to hold the phone away from my ear to avoid popping my tympanic membrane. "Hi, baby! How are you?"

"Fine, Mom," I said with a roll of my eyes and a fond smile on my face. "How empty is the new house?"

"The mansion is huge, Lovi!" Mom squealed. "The cooks all make great pasta, the orchard has row after row of tomato plants - but I miss you so much, dear."

"I miss you too," I sighed. "Forks is such a drag."

"I know, right? How's Luddy?"

"'Luddy'?" The name sounded weird in my mouth. "Ludwig's fine -"

Mom cut me off with a click of his tongue. "'Dad', not 'Ludwig'!"

I scowled. "Dad, then." Calling Ludwig 'Dad' was even weirder, if possible, than hearing Mom call him by an obvious pet name. "He's fine. He's got a damn annoying dog, though."

Mom laughed. "Doitsu still there?"

"Doitsu?"

"We had a German shepherd around when you were born, Lovi. Called him Doitsu because I was learning Japanese then."

"Well, nope. Dog's name is Aksel."

"Aww!" Mom gasped. "What happened to Doitsu?"

"Well, Mom," I sighed, "it's been almost seventeen years -" I stopped as Mom started sniffling.

"H-he was such a c-cute dog -"

"Yeah, yeah."

Mom stopped. "So, what else's happened?"

"Umm, at school I met this really nice Dutch-Belgian-Luxembourgian family, though Camille - the Belgian one - is the only one I actually like -"

"I bet the Dutch one tried to offer you drugs."

"Don't be racist, Mom," I snickered.

"I'm not being racist! All my Dutch friends offered me drugs, which is why I asked, you know! And the Luxembourgian - is that even the right term for someone from Luxembourg?"

"Don't think so. Don't care."

"And this Camille, is she nice?"

"Yeah, pretty cool."

"Don't date her too fast, Lovi!"

"I wasn't going to!"

Mom laughed. "What else?"

"There's this other creepy stalker guy from a gay adopted family -"

"Don't do anything to him! Luddy won't shield you from the law!"

I rolled my eyes. "And Lu- Dad's friends are just as creepy as the guy from school."

"Ooh, who did you meet?"

"Ehh, some Russians named -"

Mom screamed shrilly. "The Braginskis?"

"Yeah?"

He gave another shriek, loud enough to bring Ludwig running again. He knocked concernedly on the door - unfortunately, when Mom screams, he sounds like me - and I called for him to go away. His footsteps receded and I thought I could hear him grumbling.

Tch. Probably something about his old age.

"Don't let them take you alive, Lovi!"

"Uhh...yeah. Love you Mom."

"Love you too, honey. Bye~"

"Bye." I hung up, put my phone on silent, and slid into bed. "Fuck this town," I said sullenly as a clap of thunder announced the pouring rain.

The next day at school, I dreaded fifth. Mr. Zwingli was too fucking scary for his size, dammit, I thought as I walked into the cafeteria and over to a waving Camille.

"So, how was your first day?" she asked with a stunningly bright smile.

I shrugged lightly. "It was okay," I said, pulling my plastic container of pasta out of my bag. "I got stuck sitting next to Antonio Carriedo in Bio, though."

There was a grimace on her face and she leaned in closer. "Well, just between us," she whispered, "Carriedo is a total -"

"Don't go spreading rumors, Camille," Alek chastised loftily as he dropped his tray onto the table. Jason followed and sat on Camille's other side, across from me; he started eating right away, and she pouted at the interruption. Alek turned to me. "There's nothing really wrong with Carriedo," he said with a shrug as he picked up his pizza. "Except that he's a moron. I feel sorry for you. I got partnered with him for a lit project and he didn't do any work at all."

"But you got a hundred on that, because it was Miss Braginskaya teaching!" Camille objected. Alek and Jason both glared, and she shrank back in her seat.

"Speaking of gays," Jason said absently, pointing with his fork over to the Kirkland table. Stalker was dead or something, and there were only four people here. I could hardly remember the names, but I remembered their nicknames; Emo was actually smiling lightly, sitting next to Friendly and probably laughing because of the silent, nonverbal argument that Constipated and Annoying were having.

"Carriedo not here," Camille frowned.

I breathed a sigh of relief. I could actually see myself enjoying Bio without my stupid partner.

"By the way, why's his last name Carriedo? I thought it was Kirkland," I wondered aloud, glancing back from the Kirkland table.

Alek shrugged again. "The only Kirkland in that family is the doc. The rest of them kept their original surnames - they're all adopted, as you know."

"Yep. Antonio Carriedo, Nat Arlovskaya, Liz Hedervary, Gilbert Beilschmidt, and Roderich Edelstein," nodded Camille.

Either way, Antonio wasn't there, and that was wonderful.

So when I walked into class that day, I let out an audible groan to see luminous, energetic, molten gold eyes staring joyously at me.

Fuck this town.