This took way too long. I left you guys hanging, didn't I? I'm so stupid.

So anyway… this chapter is kind of sad. My friend almost cried, considering what happened to Courtney in her little 'flashback' is what happened to her. Yeah. I almost deleted it, but she told me it was fine. Now I feel all guilty!

So, at the end of this chapter, you should understand why the title of this chapter is called, 'Shame, Blame, Guilt'.

"There, finished!"

I folded the book back to its shut stance, and inhaled deeply, a smile on my face. I had now finished all my homework for the next two weeks. Now I had a little more time to myself, like to read that new Shakespeare thing for drama. Or to do next week's homework. I couldn't help but grin at all the all the other kids, clicking my tongue in self-confidence. These would all be the people wasting their weekend at parties and playing with friends. Nobody knew how to have fun anymore.

Feeling a sharp pang in my back, I turned.

I met the dark pupils of teal hair, eyes suspicious. "Why do you look so happy?" Gwen's sketchbook lay in front of her, a drawing on it which appeared to be a tree by a lake. It was pretty, but I expected nothing less from her. Gwen was like that, creative and artistic. It made me jealous sometimes. I hadn't taken art this year because when I did, the teacher always commented Gwen and told me how dull my paintings were. Of course, the other reason was that the teacher was a total hippie. Danielle says I only think this way because I am jealous of Gwen being better at something.

The bad thing? It's the truth. I hate it when people can be better than me, which rarely ever happens. Excelling in whatever you did was the best- and if someone was excelling a bit more… you either try harder or quit.

"Why do you look so happy, Courtney?" Gwen repeated. She looked annoyed. If there seemed to be one thing Gwen did not have, it was patience. She like for her questions to be answered, even if they were rhetorical.

I sighed. "I finished all my homework for the next two weeks. I don't have anything to worry about, well, except the next week." Smiling again, I felt Gwen rolled her eyes.

"Typical Courtney." She mused. She tapped her pencil, as if looking for a conversation starter. She then grinned, which caused my suspicion.

Curious, I frowned. "What?"

She bit her lip. "Duncan… well… his cell phone went off in class." I tilted my head to the side. She smiled. "I thought you might want to know, since, you know… You and Duncan kind of…"

A look of horror passed over my face. "No, no, no! Duncan and I nothing! Nope. I didn't want to know Gwen, really." I scoffed at her. Gwen too? First Danielle, then Bridgette, now her! This wasn't fair. I didn't like Duncan. I never showed any signs of liking him, did I? Not unless you could mistake hatred for love, no. "We have nothing in common."

Gwen raised a brow. "Opposites attract." I turned, sticking out my tongue. Gwen giggled. She then looked to her side, and a look of worry and distaste crossed her face. "Are you okay?"

I looked in the direction she was looking towards- only to see something that made me back up.

In front of me stood a sickly looking Duncan. His eyes had dark shadows beneath them, his face a bit pale. But that's not how he looked this morning. No, something was wrong. I should know- my mom was nurse. She had taught me so much about the common cold. And, with Duncan, things that… weren't so common. I hadn't seen someone ever go from looking healthy in one hour to sickly the next.

He hunched over into his seat beside me, throwing his head on the table, covered by his hands. "No. I feel like crap." He mumbled, and I could hear the congestion.

I felt bad. I had just been thinking about hating him, and here he is looking sicker than a dog. For some reason, I felt responsible. As if I had something to do with his nasty condition- that it was my fault. And I felt bad. Really bad. Like something was tickling me and wouldn't stop, and I sure was not laughing.

***

I struggled into the classroom, sniffing slightly. My head pounded as I heard the conversation in the room, and I quickly walked to my desk.

Courtney was already there, talking to that Gwen chick. Before Courtney could take notice of me though, Gwen decided to stare at me in horror. Her mouth went agape, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Are you okay?" Gwen asked more in disgusted than she did in concern.

I took a look at Courtney. Her face, unlike Gwen's, had an expression I had never seen on her face before. Worry. And… guilt? As the light in the room hit my eyes, I had to go sit in my chairs, and lay (more like slam) my head down on the table.

A migraine? I think not. Migraines weren't this bad. They didn't make your stomach hurt. Just your head. So, as much as I wanted for that sad look to get off of Courtney's face, I wasn't going to lie. "No." I sniffed. "I feel like crap."

A few moments passed, and then I heard words I thought I would never hear- at least not from this person. "I hope you feel better Duncan. I don't like seeing you in this condition." Princess's voice flowed through my ear like velvet, and I almost shivered. Wait. She was going to make me shiver? I'm supposed to be the one seducing people, not the other way around.

She was hardly trying and already had me.

Mrs. Griffith walked into the class, and began talking. I tried to force my head up, but could not. It hurt a bit too much. Screech could forget about that party. I was in no condition to drink and party my ass off- as much as I wanted too, I couldn't. After coming to this by-the-book school, I lingered for a fresh party, the pumping music, hot bodies. But it wasn't happening. When I got my phone back, I had to call him, and put him down as gently as possible. I had never missed one of his parties before, and I didn't want for him to think that moving away was going to change that.

"Mrs. Griffith?" A quiet but calm voice came out of nowhere, interrupting whatever Mrs. Griffith was going to say. I now had the curiosity to look up and see who had spoken.

And, like earlier, the Princess had decided to surprise me yet again.

***

Ever had that feeling of guilt? That you should help because you have some responsibility to the unfortunate incident which has occurred? Where you have to say something, so even though you know the person is not blaming you, you feel as if all is forgiven?

I had only had this feeling once.

It was way back. It was when I was six years old.

-

My older brother Luke seemed tried every night I would pound on his door. "Luke!" The door would open, and he would emerge, his sloppy brown hair tangled, his eyes drooping. "Luke, the monsters won't go away."

He would sigh, and pick me up, hold me tightly, and lay down with me in his bed. "Courtney, the monsters are gone now. Can we please go to sleep? I have a big test tomorrow, and I have to get into Princeton." I had no idea what he was talking about, but I nodded, and snuggled to him closer.

One day, Luke came home, and Dad yelled at him. He yelled at him for what seemed like hours- and Luke yelled back. He said things to my Dad, and he told him that it was his life or something. And Dad would just tell him that he had no chance now. He told him he had failed.

And then, one night, Luke ran to his room, and he slammed the door.

I went up to it, this time not scared of only monsters. "Luke…"

And he opened the door, but he didn't seem tried. He looked sad. "Hey kid." He smiled at me.

I couldn't smile at him though. "Will you protect me from the monsters tonight?"

He blinked, the smile coming off his face. "Not tonight, Courtney." He hugged me tight, but didn't bring me to his bed. He shut the door, and I was alone.

The next morning, Luke was gone. Mom and Dad told me he went off to Princeton, but I knew it was a lie. Luke had gone off, and left us, left me.

I was never scared of the monsters again. I never needed anyone's help again. I could do things by myself. I could. People just left you hanging.

But whenever I walked into Luke's old room, I would think about how he was trying to get some sleep. My stupid monsters, stupid me. And I knew that it wasn't my fault, and yet I felt guilty.

No one ever reassured me otherwise.

-

And now, I had that feeling again. Here with Duncan, I felt guilty. As if I had something to do with this. And again, no one was here to reassure me.

"Mrs. Griffith?" I asked reluctantly. Duncan head came up, looking at me with surprise.

"Yes?" An interrupted yet calm teacher asked.

I took a look at Duncan, and she understood. Walking over to the table, she patted his head, causing him to grimace. "Courtney, take him to the nurse, will you?"

I sighed, and took what was my fate. Unlike with Luke, I was going to get this guilt off of my shoulder. I was going to get it all off, so I didn't have to feel it anymore. It was slowing me down.

I was going to have someone reassure me this wasn't my fault.

But what if it was?

Yeah… R&R~