Spidey: I'm back, with another chapter! As i start typing chapters of this story BEFORE I have enough reviews to call it a chapter, I can only hope that this chapter hasn't been posted years after I typed this weird intro thingy...yes, it's just the way I do things with this fic. Anyway, on to the chapter; today, I'll be introducing several new characters! They're from a horror manga I've read called "Uzumaki"; I haven't read the entire manga, but I've read up to the third issue. Now, please welcome our first guess...Shuichi!

Shuichi: -looks around, terrifiedly- W-where am I?

Spidey: Relax, you're in an ask fic...which takes place in my secret base that TOTALLY isn't an orbital space station cleverly disguised as a regular T.V. satellite.

Shuichi: -sighes with relief- Wherever I am, I can only hope I'm far away from that god-forsaken town and it's evil spirals!

Spidey: -nods- You couldn't GET to that town from here if you wanted to...

Shuichi: -sighes with relief- Then I'm safe...

Spidey: Wouldn't say that... cause our next guest is Azami!

Azami: -appears out of nowhere- AAAAAAAAAHH....hey, I'm alive...and my scar isn't slowly turning into some weird vortex that will eventually consume and kill me....-looks at her scar in the mirror which, sadly, is currently a two inch wide, hollow, spinning vortex of death- Damn it...

Spidey: Sorry, you're totally weird scar thing was too good as a potential running gag for me to completely remove it; but don't worry, I made sure it won't grow any bigger than that no matter how obsessed you get with Shuichi...

Azami: -not paying attention- Shuichi? WHERE? -sees Shuichi- SHUICHI! YOU'RE HERE! AND OUT IN THE OPEN! -runs after Shuichi-

Shuichi: -girly screams of terror- IT'S THE STALKER! -runs into the closet-

Azami: Damn it! -beats on closet door- Let me in, Shuichi!

Shuichi: I'll come out when I get a copy of your death certificate! Why the hell did Spidey even bring you here anyway? You only survived for one fricking chapter, and the fans probably hate you!

Spidey: Why to torture you of course! -evil laughter- No hard feelings; you're my favorite character after all, but what can i say? You're mental scarring is my amusement...speaking of mental scarring; our next guest is my second favorite character, and probably amoung the most insane so far, please welcome, Shuichi's Father!

Shuichi's Father: -appears out of nowhere- I HAVE BECOME A SPIRA....-notices he's back to normal- What? I'm not a spiral anymore! NOOOOOOOOOOO! -tries to twist himself into a spiral... and gets electrocuted-

Spidey: -holding a remote- No hurting yourself! You'll be electrocuted before you can twist yourself into a spiral, so I suggest you stop! Speaking of hurting yourself...our next guest is probably the exact opposite of Shuichi's father....Shuichi's Mother!

Shuichi's Mother: -appears out of nowhere- Huh? Where am I....oh no....I can hear...THERE ARE STILL SPIRALS IN MY EARS! -looks for something to stab herself through the ears with, but gets shocked-

Spidey: Ok, seriously, what the hell is with this family, and self-inflicted harm? Seriously, with those genes, it's a wonder Shuichi hasn't gone emo...though he HAS gone a bit crazy. Anyway, I've brought someone with me to help reduce the amount of times I have to shock you...

Agent K: Maam, I'm here to make those nasty spirals in your body go away, just look into the pretty light...-holds up neuralizer-

Shuichi's Mom: Oooh, pretty...-is neuralized-

K: There are no spirals in your ears, there never were any.

Spidey: Thanks K.

K: No problem. -walks away-

Spidey: Kurenai, you do the rest.

Kurenai: -nods, and casts a genjutsu on Shuichi's mom so she won't see spirals in her fingers, toes, or anything else on her body- She probably doesn't even know what chakra is, so I don't think that she'll be dispelling that genjutsu; however, it won't stop her from seeing spirals that aren't attached to her.

Spidey: Thanks Kurenai, you can go back to Ask the Ninja's now....

Kurenai: Can't; that creepy stalker girl is outside the door and there's no way in hell I'm going near her...

Shuichi: -from closet- I agree with you entirely! I don't want to be near her either!

Spidey: Well, anyway, I guess you're all eagerly awaiting for me to get on with this chapter already, so I shall! FIRST QUESTION!

Erin Nightshade
Hannibal: *Hugs* You're now my favorite horror icon. So, doing anything
Friday night? *winks*
Michael: I love you no matter what people say. *Hugs*
Freddy: sorry but I'm now attracted to Hannibal lecter but you still rock.
Jason: Have some back bone. Don't let the man keep you down.
Spidey: Torture someone the next chance you get.
Pinhead: -lets Pinhead out of his damned puzzle box- You're free! YA!
Hannibal: what is your favorite way to kill someone before you cook and eat
them?

Hannibal: Oh, I'm going to be having crazy monkey smex with Clarice in the closet...wouuld you like to join us?

Clarice: We could always use a third...

Michael: Yay! -glomps-

Freddy: I know I do. -sweeps non-existant hair-

Jason: -randomly fell asleep-

Spidey: -slams hand on desk- WAKE UP! AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR QUESTION!

Jason: -shoots up- You want me to break a man's backbone? Can do...-grabs Freddy and snaps his back like a twig- That work?

Spidey: Technically, every character in this fic is tortured daily by circumstances I control, or by people reviewing this fic, and since I brought them here...

Pinhead: FREEDOM!

Hannibal: I like drugging them, opening their skull cap, and feeding them part of their own brain while they're too high to figure out what's going on...

Spidey:...ok, that's just plain messed up; in an awesome way. Next Question!

Guesswho

I suggest you have Croup and Vandemar join the madness. And Sweeney Todd.

And yes, I know I'm insane.

Have any of you ever eaten someone alive?

Spidey:...I have no idea who the first two are, and know nothing about the third. And compared to most of the people in this fic including myself, you seem very sane. And no...

Hannibal: Well, I started to eat someone while he was alive; heh, funny part is, I served him part of his own brain...and he ATE IT! People are fun when they're drugged....

Leatherface: Well, not alive, but I have eaten my share of people...

Azami: Some random guy got sucked into my scar; does that count?

Spidey: What? No comments on which section I put the fic in? Just kidding. Next Question!

Skullblade
Amazing what you can do with Cloning these days... I mean, look at Solid
Snake!
Orochimaru: ...I'm going to have to bring a mongoose in here, aren't I?
Ed: The Pain! -pulls out a rocket launcher-
Spidey: So did I!
Sakura: Done. Oh, and I have a new person to stalk, so bye!
Spidey: My random clone? I think...
Gomez/Morticia: I don't remember this event of which you spe- Ed, stall for
time! -jumps out window with a space helmet on-
Ed: -pulls out a flashlight- Time for a tour of the haunted space station!
Enaku: I've gotta do this again? Great...
Wednesday: Erm... god, Ryumura, why did you never teach me self-control!?
Fester: You're welcome! -starts running-
Spidey: Would you prefer another of Skull's OCs? Cause I think you may need
one so- OHGODTHECHAINSAWITYDEATH!

Orochimaru: NO! NO MONGOOSE! THEY'RE GODLESS KILLING MACHINES!

Jason: Cool! I always wanted a rocket launcher! are we good enough friends yet for you to share it with me? -gives puppy dog eyes-

Spidey: Get your braces off, eat popcorn while you still had them, or both?

Sakura: Yay! Who's the unlucky girl?

Spidey: Well, as long as it doesn't have your author/reviewer powers, it shouldn't be too difficult for him to kil... damn, I'm guessing this line of conversation is dead since I can't think of a funny reply for it... so I'll just use it for fic peddling! -turns around- LEGEND OF THE ICY HOT NINJA! The tail of three OC genin and their almost-Gary-stu sensei as they struggle to become the greatest shinobi that they can possibly be without being stupidly overpowered...but little do they know, they may very well already be.... Now playing on a profile near you! Namely mine...

Morticia: Are we even talking about the same time and place?

Gomez: You won't escape me that easily! -goes to jump out window, but Spidey stops him-

Spidey: -shakes head- Technically, you won the duel by default, since he forgot the rest of the spacesuit when he grabbed that helmet and i have no idea how he's going to survive in space with just a helmet. Or would have, if that window had actually lead outside the ship; that window just goes into the women's showers; though how he knew there was a window hidden behind the portait, I have no idea.... ah oh, Sidney, Hinata and clarice should be showering about now....and after they've killed Skullblade, they won't be happy to discover there's a window leading into the showers....

SD (Shioshi's dad): -jumps out of the shadows at Ed- JOIN ME IN THE SPIRAL! -sticks out his freakishly long tounge and twists it into a spiral shape-

Spidey: Do what? -farts out an explosion large enough to blow a hole in the wall- Sorry, dynamite gives me gas... and now i need new pants, since there's a hole in these ones...damn it, that was a new pair too...

Wednsday: Because I killed him...just kidding....but seriously, you should consider running for your life about now....

Fester: Bye! -waves, as Wednsday runs past him- You two have fun...

Spidey: -took away Wednsday's chainsaw before she reached Enaku, but doesn't tell him that- Try soiling yourself! That should scare her off! -revvs chainsaw near him- Next Question...

DtecnoKira
Speaking of reviews and questions...I forgot to leave one, great chapter ^^
Hey, ever hear of the show Freakazoid, Spidey..just wondering.

Spidey: Heard of it? It was one of my favorite shows! And don't worry, I'll post the rest of your questions right about....now!

Dtecno's Questions/Comments (posted over multiple reviews...and no Dtecno, I'm not posting all of them):

1) uke=yaoi term
other than that, great chapter!

Spidey: OBJECTION! It means "One who recieves", so the use of it in yaoi is out of context; thus, I'll use it out of context however you want! Also, even if that use was in context, it would also be a yuri term! But yes, it was a great chapter.

2)Oh, I know...to all characters...what would sex ed be like if you were the teacher?

Spidey:....you did NOT just say 'all the characters'! Do you seriously hate me, or do you just like to force me wrack my brain till i remember everyone in this fic? -insane ranting-

Pugsley: I don't know what sex is, but if i was teaching it, I'd probably do it with a girl so I could show the class how to do it, instead of playing some boring video that put everyone to sleep....

Jason:...what the hell is sex? And who's this Ed person?

Hannibal: Oh, it would be very informative, all the information would be factual, and the children that didn't shut up and let me teach would be forced to stay after class, to help teach my cooking class.

Clarice: I'd encourage abstinence...speaking of sex, Hannibal, it's 4:00.

Hannibal: -picks up Clarice, and runs into the closet-

Freddy: It would take place at night, while the students were sleeping, and depending on the age group I'm teaching, it might have hands on experience for the girls. -perverted grin-

Dracula: Well, I figure they're teenagers, smart enough to figure out how to use...what was it called? Counterception or something like that -has never used it-.... so, instead of teaching them all that non-sense about STDs, and abstinence, I'd teach them the art of seduction; the fine art of getting two girls to agree to a threesome without biting them and making them do it; and maybe I'd also bring in my wives to demonstrate how two females should go about the art of seduction and such, threesomes....oh, and maybe hands on experience for the males, while I educate the females...on second thought, the females in the class had best spend some quality time with my wives too, just in case they end up in a threesome, or so they'll know what to do when they eventually get to college and start experimenting... and maybe after the class, I'd turn the females who managed to ace the course into vampires and add them to my harem of wives.... You know what, I'm going to go apply for a job as sex ed teacher; my teachings could do the youth of this country some good! -runs to go apply for a job-

Spidey: Why do I get the feeling that 'the youth of this country' are going to multiply by quite alot if I let him near a sex ed class.... Anyway, sorry Dtecno, but as long as it took to answer that one, I'm not bothering going to find the rest of your reviews. maybe next chapter. NEXT QUESTION!

*apears in a fiery vortex of black flame*greating from the being previously
known as shaderoth
spidey:im back oh is that war still going on im to lazy to check on my own
issac:yes dead bodies there are more now needless to say i can now say that i
wipped out an entire world of life
well im off to destroy more planets *vanishes in planet destroying explosion*

Spidey: No, we made peace with them... negotiations were easy once I killed the ones that didn't want to compromise...

Issac: -b1tch slaps Shade- You should have left survivors so they could be sacrificed to He-Who-Walks-Behind-The-Rows!

Spidey: Unless it was a skrull world; then I would advise that you fly through the debris and shoot anything that looks like a whole dead body to make sure there are no survivors... Next Question!

diamondkat12
Sasuke:When was the last time you got harrased by a rabid fangirl? -snaps
finger and an army of a thousand fangirls appear behind her- If you can easily
defeat an army of a thousand ninjas, can you defeat an army of a thousand
rabid fangirls.-rabid fangirls strugle with the barrier preventing them from
jumping Sasuke-
Orochimaru:What is your opinion of Kabuto's plan to control and harness the
part of you he fused with himself? Also, I just finished reading the Harry
Potter series and I noticed some similarities between you and Lord Voldemort.
Are you related to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named(Lord Voldemort)?
Wishmaster:I wish that you had no choice but to grant people's wishes as they
truly desire. Let's see you find a way out of that.
Spidey:I'm impressed at the way you've managed to keep this Ask fic going. It
must be a lot of work. Great job

Sasuke: -sees fangirls, gulps, and turns back to Kat- Why Kat, you're looking lovely today; is that a new haircut?

Orochimaru: I like anything that will inevitably result in my ressurection. And I don't like to talk about my relatives...

Wishmaster: It's against the rules for you to force me to do something besides grant the wish. As your wish would force me to grant wishes in a way other than I normally do, I won't grant it. DENIED! -slams gavel on desk-

Spidey: Thank you. It can be alot of work at times, but I enjoy writing it. The biggest pain is getting to center the entire fricking review after I post the chapter; but wrapping up a chapter can be difficult too. Speaking of which, that wraps up this chapter. Sidney, the threat of the day...what? I needed come up with some kind of gimmik I could end chapters with, and alot of chapters have ended with threats to the audience anyway...

Sidney: -sighs- Review, or we'll send Shuichi's father to your house...

Shuichi's father: Join me in the spiral...-spins eyes-