4. Sweet Dreams, Bella
I swore to myself that I would leave her alone after that. Any kind of relationship with her would only put her in danger. I was a monster, after all. Yet, I couldn't resist visiting her that night to be certain she was truly all right.
I climbed through her window with ease, cautious not to wake her or Chief Swan. She might scream if she found me in her room in the middle of the night and, despite my invincibility, I didn't care to test her father's determination.
I had only intended to stay a few moments as she slept. Turning to leave, I heard her whisper my name. Afraid that I'd awoken her, I turned. She slept on, twisting in her bed as though trying to escape something. My throat clenched. Was she dreaming of me hunting her? Sucking every last drop of blood from her veins? Did she know?
"No, Edward," she pleaded. "Come back."
I stared, astonished. She was trying to catch me. Against my better judgment, I dropped to my knees beside her bed and swept the hair away from her sweat-soaked forehead. I fought against the soothing endearments on the tip of my tongue, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead. She stilled and I knew she sensed my presence. I was out the window before her eyes could open.
I'd come so close to being discovered that I almost feared for a moment that she had seen me. I relaxed when I watched her collapse against the bed, her eyes sliding shut.
Despite my close call, the visits continued. Rosalie openly voiced her opinion of my behavior, each vile word testing my patience. Though the rest of them weren't as vocal about their disappointment, I felt it nonetheless. And damn them if they weren't right. But I couldn't seem to stay away from her.
The fantasies slowly took over my every thought. No matter how many times I tried to relieve the ache, the desire would return ten-fold. Such was my fate tonight. I might have been able to rein myself in tonight had Bella not twisted just so, the sheet falling away to reveal her milky thighs connected to that perfect ass—
Safe on the lounge sofa in my room, my mind went into overdrive as I imagined her sultry lips on mine, our tongues intertwined. She whispered my name against my lips in that reverent way and I felt the ache return. I almost shouted in relief as I stroked my hand up and down my arousal.
Golden brown eyes met mine, her skin sparkling in the moonlight. Her caresses became more violent as I turned her onto her back and slammed into her, letting go of my control as we fucked like two animals in heat. She dug her fingernails into my skin and I hissed as she scrapped my back.
"Fuck me, Edward," she commanded.
I grunted as I watched her eyes darken in arousal. "Oh, Bella," I moaned. "God, yes."
I was suddenly aware of her lips at my throat and I felt a sharp pain as she bit me. My arousal throbbed painfully and I hissed in pleasure. I fumbled for her clit, rubbing furiously. I felt her walls clench around me and an animalistic growl rumbled in my chest when she arched her back, keening in response.
I increased my pace, fucking her with all of the strength and speed I could muster. Within three strokes, she came unraveled beneath me and my vision went white as I came inside of her shortly after, screaming her name.
My vision cleared and I found myself staring at the familiar ceiling of my room. The embarrassment set in as I realized where my fantasies had led me. My siblings would never let me live this down. What was even more humiliating was the dominant, ungentlemanly nature of my thoughts. Before my change, I'd had hormone-driven daydreams just like any 17-year-old boy, even some not-so-tender ones; but never anything this brutal.
And her eyes...Had I really just fantasized about Bella as one of us? I realized now how much I wanted for Alice's vision to be right. While everything in me fought against that possibility, deep down I wanted it so that I wouldn't have to fear hurting her when we made love. I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anything in my life. I would gladly give up blood if it meant spending my last moments inside of her, coaxing the pleasure from her beautiful body.
The next day was torture. I avoided her gaze, afraid that she would see through the carefully-erected mask and witness exactly what I thought of her. It was crucial that she think I disliked her. Otherwise, I might break the promise I'd made to myself about leaving her alone.
"Hello, Edward."
I froze. Her matter-of-fact greeting threatened to break my resolve. My gaze flickered to her briefly, but I quickly glanced away. Damn her.
I was at her side every night as her dreams continued. My ears strained for my name, longing in her voice as she called for me. It tested my resolve and several times, I nearly pressed my mouth to hers to give her what she sought. She grew more and more difficult to resist. I stroked myself through my jeans as I watched her, careful to keep silent.
Would she smell my arousal? I could smell hers. When her dreams had taken a sexual turn, I couldn't determine. Each night, I'd been so absorbed with my own musings. It drove me mad with want hearing my name on her lips...smelling her excitement...knowing it was me she was dreaming about.
Curiosity drove my thoughts in a very inappropriate direction. How did she like to be touched? Did she like strong kisses and heavy petting? Was she the temptress that filled my fantasies? Did she like dirty talk?
As usual, I left the moment that I saw that she was returning to consciousness. I hissed softly as my arousal pushed at the zipper of my jeans. This Human girl would be the death of me.
I heard him ask her and, as selfish as it was, I prayed she would say no. Stupid of me. I didn't want her for fear of what I would do to her and yet, I didn't want anyone else to have her either. A rueful smile slid across my lips.
As I had hoped, she turned him down. I saw his gaze flicker briefly to me and his thoughts were clear. I resisted the urge to chuckle. He was afraid that my "stunt" had impressed her. He thought that I was competition.
I stared at her, fascinated. The words she'd spoken as she slept revealed the attraction she was deliberately fighting to conceal from me. If not for that, I would have gone mad from not knowing her thoughts. I still couldn't get a read on her and that frustrated me to no end. Our gazes locked and neither of us looked away.
As though far away, I heard Mr. Banner's question. "The Krebs Cycle," I replied as though bored. His interruption gave me the excuse I needed to tear my gaze away.
When I glanced at her again, she was hidden behind the familiar curtain of hair. I did my best to ignore her for the rest of the period, though I was ultimately unsuccessful. I couldn't help but watch her.
The bell rang and I took a step to leave, but was instead compelled to stay as I watched her gather her things.
"Bella?" I whispered and winced internally at how distraught I sounded.
She turned, her eyes narrowed. "What? Are you speaking to me again?" she shot, her voice petulant.
I fought back a smile. "No, not really."
A laugh nearly escaped at her frustrated expression. Perhaps now she understood a bit of what I was going through.
"Then what do you want, Edward?"
A lump formed in my throat as I realized that I was breaking my promise to myself. "I'm sorry. I'm being very rude, I know. But it's better this way."
"I don't know what you mean." So she hadn't figured it out yet. A part of me prayed she never would. I couldn't stand to see the fear in her eyes when she looked at me. I'd seen enough of that to last me a few eternities.
"It's better if we're not friends. Trust me."
Her frustration returned and her eyes narrowed. "It's too bad you didn't figure that out earlier. You could have saved yourself all of this regret."
I stared at her, baffled. "Regret? Regret for what?"
"For not just letting that stupid van squish me."
She thought I regretted saving her life. I'd suspected it, but hearing it said aloud surprised me. I couldn't believe she thought I would regret saving her life.
"You think I regret saving your life?"
Her lips tightened. "I know you do."
"You don't know anything," I spat.
Of all the things for her to take away from my avoidance of her, this one agitated me the most. But I was getting what I wanted. She thought I hated her and seemed determined to hate me in return. Then why did I suddenly feel like a cruel, selfish idiot?
From the fire in her eyes, she had a few choice rejoinders, but she instead turned and made to storm from the room. The exit would have been well done had she not tripped on her way out the door, sending her books flying.
Despite my earlier agitation, I rushed to be sure she was all right, then picking up her books and offering them to her, careful to keep my expression emotionless.
"Thank you."
Though she spoke the words bitterly, I couldn't help but feel that she truly meant them. Her gaze challenged me and my eyes narrowed.
"You're welcome."
Without another word, she stormed away.
I couldn't get our encounter in Biology out of my head for the rest of the day. I replayed it over and over again in my mind, torturing myself for hurting her this way. She'd done nothing to deserve it and my confidence in my plan was beginning to waver.
The long day had at last ended and I was heading toward the parking lot when I saw Bella already at her truck talking to a boy. From what he could ascertain, he was asking Bella to the spring dance. I chuckled as I watched her shoot him down with the false story she'd concocted to escape Mike's invitation.
I passed the front of her truck, careful to avoid her gaze as I made my way toward my Volvo. The door to the old monster slammed behind me and she revved the engine. It was at that moment that I spotted Tyler in his new Sentra. I smile slid across my lips at the direction of his thoughts. Before she could back out, I'd blocked her escape route. My siblings came into view at that moment and I laughed at the timing.
I watched the scenario unfold. As I'd expected, Tyler moved toward her truck and the moment the window was down, he asked her to ask him to the spring dance. Again, as I'd predicted, she offered him the same story as she had to Mike and Eric. I chuckled at her irritated response.
A moment later, Tyler sulked away, defeat plain in his features. Alice and the others slid into the car, but I didn't allow that to distract me. Her gaze locked with mine and I laughed whole-heartedly as I saw the anger flare in her eyes. I took off quickly, fearing that she might intend to ram my car.
That was hilarious, bro!
I turned to find Emmett grinning from ear to ear.
I haven't lost my touch, it seems, I joked. It was fair to give him his chance.
Alice was irritated at my cruelty, but Rose seemed as pleased as Emmett. Jasper kept silent, though I knew he found the joke as amusing as Emmett and Rose. This seemed to irritate Alice further and not even Jasper's special abilities could calm her.
The four of us endured the rest of the ride home in silence and the moment we returned, I ascended the stairs to my room. My delight at the successful joke I'd played on Bella was beginning to fade. It was replaced by shame and anger. I'd deliberately put her in a situation that made her uncomfortable and had caused her pain in the process.
My memories of what had happened that day in Biology kept me away from her that night—the first that I'd spent away from her in a month and a half. The hours seemed to pass even slower than before without the study of her body in sleep and the fantasies to occupy me. I quickly found myself bored with my usual pursuits.
A melody began winding its way through my thoughts, accompanied by Bella's face, and wouldn't leave me in peace. I allowed it to lead me to my piano. The keys had a light layer of dust on them from the neglect of the last six months and I cleared it away with my sleeve. My hands sought out the keys like the embrace of an old friend and the notes sung in the quiet of the night as they weaved Bella's lullaby into existence.
There was no need to record the notes on paper. I would forever remember them by their sweet ringing tone as they told the world of my growing love for her. The melody embodied everything she stirred in me. It brought to mind an image of her dressed in the clothes women of the early 1900s wore with me on her arm as we strolled through the park. The blush in her cheeks was unmistakable as I told her how lovely she looked and how much I wished to make her my wife. By the time the last note rang in the night, my throat was tight with the tears I couldn't shed.
That was beautiful, Edward.
I turned to find Esme smiling lovingly at me. Instinctively, I removed my hands from the piano and made to stand. She laid a hand on my shoulder.
Play it again, darling.
A grin spread across my lips and I nodded, returning my hands to the keys. I began again, my strokes even more confident as the tender notes pierced the air. As the final note resonated for the second time, I paused.
You really love her, don't you? came Esme's voice.
Yes. More than my own life. I sighed. But she's Human and I'm too dangerous. I can barely control my thirst in her presence.
But you can control it. I nodded. And she loves you?
I don't know. I can't read her thoughts.
Esme beamed. Sounds like a good match to me. It gives her a bit of mystery and makes you work for it. As much as Carlisle and I love one another, we have no secrets and that can be difficult.
It frustrates me to no end that I'm forced to guess what she's thinking and, often times, I get it completely and utterly wrong. She responds with the most extreme possibility and it catches me off guard.
You've fought this from the beginning, Edward. Maybe it's time that you stop fighting it and just let it be.
Esme's words stayed with me as I pulled into the school parking lot that morning. My siblings exited quickly, making their way to their first classes. They still didn't approve of my intention to court Bella, but I didn't need their consent.
More than my own life.
The truth of it astonished me. I was truly, irrevocably in love with Bella Swan. I'd never really believed in fate until I'd looked into her eyes. The connection was so immediate and so pure that nothing but fate could have entwined our destinies so meticulously. It was as though I'd known her all of my life—as though the entire course of our lives was written in the stars.
I heard the familiar rumble of her pick-up engine switching off and I looked up to see her parked on the far end of the lot. My decision made, I hurried toward her. She fumbled with her keys, but she lost her grip on them and they fell into the puddle. I reached down to grab them just as she bent over to retrieve them.
She stood quickly upright, her expression surprised. I leaned casually against her truck as thought I'd been there the whole time. From the look on her face, she wasn't buying it.
"How do you do that?" she asked, sounding irritated.
"Do what?" I dropped her keys into her extended hand.
"Appear out of thin air," she continued.
I fought back a smile. "Bella, it's not my fault you're exceptionally unobservant.
She scowled at me and our gazes locked for a moment. Before I could say anything further, her gaze dropped from mine. "Why the traffic jam last night? I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don't exist, not annoying me to death."
"That was for Tyler's sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance."
Despite having decided last night that the trick wasn't all that funny, I chuckled at the memory. I regretted my laughter instantly the moment I noted her gob-smacked expression.
"You..."
She was obviously angry, but her difficulty expressing that rage only made me laugh more.
"And I'm not pretending you don't exist," I added.
It was true. I hadn't been attempting to deny her existence, only the extent of my feelings for her.
"So you are trying to irritate me to death? Since Tyler's van didn't do the job?"
My lips tightened. That was the second time she'd suggested that I regretted saving her life and it was starting to really irritate me. I opened my mouth to explain why I'd saved her; but instead, I replied, "Bella, you are utterly absurd."
When she turned and began to walk away, I realized what I'd said and called after her, "Wait." She continued walking so I hurried to catch up with her. "I'm sorry that was rude." When she ignored me, I continued, "I'm not saying that it isn't true, but it was rude to say it anyway."
What was it about this Human that made me so completely tactless? If it was anyone else, I wouldn't have been so blunt and thoughtless. But then, Bella's extreme notions could irritate me more than anyone or anything else.
"Why won't you leave me alone?" she complained.
The comment stung, but I knew it was only because she was angry at me. I couldn't blame her after everything that I'd put her through only to reach the conclusion that I loved her and wanted more than anything to be with her.
"I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me," I replied with a chuckle.
During the drive to school this morning, I'd run through scenarios of how to ask Bella on a date without making it seem like a date. I was certain that if she thought that was my intention, she'd say no immediately. So I'd settled on offering her a ride to Seattle. There was every possibility that it had been a lie to dissuade her trio of admirers and spare their feelings; but most likely, she would indeed go to Seattle all the better to solidify her alibi.
"Do you have multiple personality disorder?"
"You're doing it again," I chided.
With a sigh, she gave in. "Fine. What do you want to ask?"
"I was wondering if, a week from Saturday—you know, the day of the spring dance—"
Before I could finish, her lips tightened and she interrupted, "Are you trying to be funny?" She had turned to face me and the rain droplets slid down her neck. My gaze snapped back to hers and smirked. She thought that I was asking her to the dance. "Will you please allow me to finish?"
She bit her lip and I fought back a chuckle. "I heard that you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering if you wanted a ride."
A puzzled expression slid across her features. Clearly that wasn't what she'd been expecting.
"What?"
"Do you want a ride to Seattle?" I repeated.
"With who?" she demanded.
Had she really misunderstood? "Myself, obviously."
"Why?"
I suppose so. "Well, I was planning to go to Seattle in the next few weeks and, to be honest, I'm not sure if your truck can make it."
My explanation was weak, even in my mind.
"My truck works just fine, thank you very much for your concern."
Apparently, she hadn't bought it either. She continued walking, but I caught up with her easily. "But can your truck make it on one tank of gas?" I asked, searching for a stronger argument.
"I don't see how that's any of your business."
I grimaced. I used to be so much better at this, but it seems that after ninety years of celibacy I'd lost my touch.
"The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business."
And the weak excuses continue.
"Honestly, Edward. I can't keep up with you. I thought that you didn't want to be my friend."
"I said that it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be."
"Oh thanks, now that's all cleared up."
She had every right to be angry. My indecisiveness had caused her a great deal of anguish and I regretted that.
"It would be more prudent...for you not to be my friend," I continued. "But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella."
It was the truth. I was pleased that I'd finally been able to say what I meant. Now that I realized how I felt about her, I wouldn't be able to stay away.
"Will you go to Seattle with me?" I asked for the third time. She nodded mutely. For a brief moment, my joy that she'd said yes overtook the thirst. "You really should stay away from me," I reinforced. "I'll see you in class."
I hurried away before the thirst could overwhelm my senses.