Abel's Lamb

Meg && Dia – Yellow Butterfly

Grab my hand, I can't, I can't.
I can still see that face sink beneath the waves.
Baby, please breathe for me,

Give me time, I am here.
Where did you go?

A week before Josh's death, I was looking for Shuki, the chocolate labrador that we saved from a puppy mill. He's been missing for days. I never called him by his actual name. I only referred to him as 'the dog'. Where's the dog? Is Josh with the dog? The sad thing was that dad paid more attention to the dog than me. I mean favoring Josh over me was one thing, but the dog? To make things even worse, Dad was ignoring me more than usual, but he was off doing his own thing I guess. I walked into my backyard and over to the doghouse in hopes that the dog had returned home. An exasperated sigh was released when I found nothing. I didn't even understand why I had to look for the dog. I looked over to the hole that was in our backyard fence and sighed. Josh and I had made that hole so secret path could be constructed from our house to the playground. Dad probably forgot to close it off. I crawled through the man-made hole and heard my little brother's voice behind me.

"Can I come too, Alex?" He asked in hopes that he'll be permitted.

"No, because you're only going to get in the way and I'm tired of cleaning up after your stupid mistakes and getting blamed for everything. I don't know why Dad likes you and I don't know how I can still be so damn nice to you when you caused me so much hell. Sometimes, I wish you'd disappear."

But I never said that.

I bit my lip and grit my teeth to stop myself from saying those harsh words. I would never want him to disappear. No matter what, I cherished Joshua even more than I cherished my own life. He was the golden trophy in our family. Even though he was spoiled and had gotten the latest toys and clothing, he still had a pure heart of gold. His heart was too immaculate for greed to take over. Lately, however, he has been feeling alone. His best friend, Joey, had basically disappeared off the face of the earth. When Mayor Bartlett answered the door to my brother, he would say, 'Joey is still sick with the flu, he can't come out.' Last week it was the chicken pox, before that it was a sore throat. I thought something odd was going on especially because there were rumors spreading around that someone saw Mayor Bartlett dragging an unusually large bag at night, but the mayor said it was a sack of fertilizer. Mayor Bartlett and Joey had shared an odd fascination for plants, but why would Joey's father plant at night?

"So, can I look for Shuki with you?" His voice intruded on my thoughts and for once, I was thankful he did. Forgetting about my suspicions, I turned to my brother.

"Josh." I said with every muscle tensing at the irritable state that my brother was putting me in. I couldn't say no. His best friend had seemed to disappear into thin air, and now the family dog has gone missing.

"Please?"

"Okay," I said with a roll of my eyes, "Just don't get in the way." I crawled through the hole and he followed behind. The sides of the dirt path were coated with trees. Autumn had stained the leaves orange and red as the cool breeze caused the leaves to rustle. When we made it to the playground, we saw no sign of Shuki or kids swinging and sliding. My brother placed his hands around his mouth, hoping it would echo when he yelled for Shuki to respond, but the only sound we did hear were the swing's rusty chains shaking. "Let's keep going." I said, heading toward the playground's gate. I opened it and he followed without a word.

We finally decided to ask the other townspeople if they have seen a stray dog fitting the description we have given them. Most of them said that they would hear howling late at night at the lake. The sky was soon fading into a blanket of blue and purple. "We have to go to the lake." Josh begged. He ignored the growling of his stomach and continued onward. I could have sworn he was just trying to act tough, but when it came to Shuki, he was no longer the frail boy he usually was. Now, he was serious and strong. He was determined to find our pet.

Fog began to blind our sight and we were expected to be home for supper. "Josh, you know the dog wouldn't be at the lake." It was true. Shuki would yelp and bark, begging not to be walked by it. Our dog wasn't hydrophobic either so it was an odd thing to see. Josh fabricated a sigh of disappointment as he casted a gaze down at his shoes. I didn't want to be late for dinner because I would get in trouble. Josh didn't have anything to worry about. Josh knew this and for my sake, agreed. We walked home, but our heads were not low. We didn't look behind or down, just straight ahead. We had to move on and hope for tomorrow Shuki will come. I looked down at Josh and reassured him that someone in town might have found him and they're taking care of him for a bit. His eyes twinkled with certainty at my optimistic comfort.

We arrived home, and Mom smiled at us, informing us that dinner was ready. She told me to go get Dad and I nodded. I walked down to the basement, calling his name. "Hey, Dad! Dinner's ready!" I told him as I ventured deeper into the basement. I discovered a tarp over an opening. I raised a suspicious brow. I have never seen it actually loose and open, but I moved the tarp away and walked through. It lead me to another door that had a strange knob. Sound of flesh being chopped could be heard from behind the door. I pushed the door open to see my dad striking something with a large butcher knife and splashes of crimson created a mist in the air.

No. It couldn't be.

"Dad!" He turned at the sound of my voice. His brows furrowed in place as he dropped the knife on the table. He approached me as I stood frozen in place like a dog ready to be punished after destroying a piece of furniture.

"What the hell are you doing?" I stepped back as he a shot a threatening look my way. "You know this place is off limits!" He cuffed my shoulders with his hands and shook me violently, "I don't ever want to see you in here again!" He ordered. I wanted to look away from his hollow eyes that seemed to only know blood and violence. For those few seconds, I was looking into a demon. This was not Dad.

"Are we clear?" Or maybe he never was my dad.

"I'm sorry. Yes! Yes, sir!" I fell on my lower back after he released me. He shut the door and left me there. I just sat there, unable to grasp on what just happened. How can I explain what just happened to Josh and Mom? I can't just go up to them saying that Dad killed our dog for no reason. No, that would upset Josh. I can't do that to him. If I tell them, then Dad's going to punish me. But something's wrong. He killed our dog, but why? What was he preparing for? I thought hunting would be enough for him, and we all grew up with Shuki. So, why would Dad kill him? I couldn't bear these terrible thoughts. I'll just say the dog ran away and we just couldn't find him!

"Alex! Adam! Come up for dinner!"

Mom's voice had broken through my thoughts and I got up from the cold hard ground. It was time to continue pretending was alright. It was time to keep our family image clean and healthy inside-out. I was nothing, but a pawn in this game of 'family life'. Well, if we were going to make-believe, then I will for my sanity's sake.

"Coming, Mom." I said and headed up the stairs, informing Mom that Dad will be coming in a few minutes.

Were the angels that lonely?
Couldn't they suffice for anybody else?
Can't everybody just lie to me?