Chapter 15

Leonardo tried tailing her when she left the lair, but he lost her a few minutes after she took to the air. It was then that he realized that she had let him tail her. If she had wanted she could have lost him whenever she wanted. But she had a usual route so he ran the roof tops looking for any sign of her. He never did find her and after two hours of searching he gave up and went home. He paused outside of the lair putting his head against cold stone. She had kissed him. It was the gentlest of kisses but it had ripped him down to his core. He pushed himself from the wall and entered the lair.

As he entered the living room the sounds of fighting and yelling reached his ears. He followed the sounds to Raphael's room. The other night had been a rough one for Raphael, but he hadn't been violent in weeks. He ran through the door was confronted by Raphael who had managed to somehow rip open all of his wounds. Blood ran down his body as he fought off his brothers. Blood spattered on the wall as he hit Donatello. Donatello flew backwards and hit Leonardo. The two tumbled out of the room. The goddess, face severe, stepped over them. Leonardo scrambled out from under Donatello, rushing back into the room. "Damn it!." She cried out as Raphael let out another roar of anger. His emotions ranged anywhere from abject terror, to absolute despair, to blistering rage. Right now Raphael was consumed by a terrified rage. He was seeing something that none of them could see or even understand. But he believed he was fighting for his life.

"Raphael can you hear me?" Leonardo questioned while he looked at the goddess. He needed to make sure she wasn't going to go into a blood lust fuelled feeding frenzy. However the goddess looked more troubled than hungry.

"He is in the middle of his nightmare, we won't be able to reach him. He is really bad, he hasn't been this bad since that first night." She said to him as Raphael backed himself into the corner of his room. "You have to tell him Leonardo, you have to let me help him. Look at him Leonardo, he is terrified." Leonardo did look and Raphael's face was a mask of terror that broke his heart to gaze upon, but to let her help, let her do what?

"What can you do, I can't let you play with his mind against his will." Leonardo asked in a quiet voice. "If you would actually let us tell him how badly he is Leo, maybe he would let her help him." Donatello said in an angry voice. Donatello rarely ever went against him, but in this Leonardo knew Donatello had absolutely opposed his decision to keep from Raphael what went on almost every night. The goddess was looking at him from over her shoulder arms held out to Raphael in a placating manner.

It was then that time slowed. "Die!" Raphael yelled as he lunged at her, sais arcing down in his clenched fists. Michelangelo moved as the goddess tried to move.

"Michelangelo no!" The goddess yelled. But it was too late. The sound of metal running through soft flesh reverberated through the room.

The goddess and Raphael were looking at each other almost frozen in a tableau. You could see the exact moment when Raphael woke up from his nightmare and entered a new one. Raphael blinked in confusion as he stared into the goddess' eyes. They were an explosion of colour, a ring of green in the centre, then bright amber, then sky blue. Leonardo watched as Raphael looked at Michelangelo whose expression of pain and surprise confused him. He looked down and followed his arms to his hands which were holding tightly to his sais. But both sais were embedded in flesh. Blood ran down one pale body and one green one. His left hand sai was embedded in Michelangelo's shoulder on the left side just above his shell, the other sai was plunged deeply through cross shaped scars into the goddess' heart. "Goddess." He choked out. He looked in horror at his hands and letting go of the sais embedded in both her body and Michelangelo's. She slumped to her knees. Raphael stumbled away from her, falling to the ground he backed up until he hit the far wall. He looked wildly around the room his gaze falling on Michelangelo who was mirroring his position on the floor.

"Mikey!" He choked out as he looked around in confused horror.

Leonardo and Donatello who had been shocked into immobility moved towards him. "Stay away from me!" He yelled as Leonardo advanced towards the goddess. Donatello knelt down examining Michelangelo. Michelangelo was staring at the world with glassy eyes. He wasn't even screaming in pain, which meant he was in shock.

Leonardo's felt his face contort with rage. He looked at Michelangelo then at the fallen goddess. "What did you do Raphael!" He yelled at him as he picked her up in his arms. Her skin was paler than usual. She closed her eyes. Then opened them, revealing bright almost luminous green eyes.

"Enough Leonardo, we do not have time for this." The goddess said as she struggled to remove herself from his arms. She stood up and ripped the sai from her heart. She winced in pain as she dropped the weapon to the floor. Her blood began vanishing into a fine black mist from the pointed blade of the sai. She staggered over to Michelangelo.

Donatello shook his head. "I don't...can you help him." Donatello's voice cracked.

She fell when she reached him. "There is an artery that runs right where the sai is, don't remove it." She got up and staggered over to Raphael.

He looked at her in terror. He was breathing hard and didn't know what was going on. "I didn't mean...I don't know..."He tried to move himself into the wall as she approached him.

Her hands moved over his wounds. "It is okay Raphael. Michelangelo will be fine, and so will you." She stroked his face, but even this gesture did not calm him. "What have I done, What have I done, What have I done?" Raphael repeated over and over. She stood up and stumbled to Leonardo. "Hate me later Leonardo, but I am fixing this now, and my way." She whispered to him. Leonardo flushed in anger. She touched his chest, eyes full of pain. There was still a gaping hole where she had pulled Raphael's sai from her chest. "They are going to bleed to death, both of them." Suddenly she wasn't touching him to calm him but rather she was leaning into him as he caught her. He felt terror them, that he was about to lose Michelangelo, Raphael, and...her. His chest grew tight as she regained her footing. She pushed away from him and stumbled to Michelangelo. She looked at Leonardo, fear, pain and determination was reflected in steady moss green eyes. She was asking his permission.

Raphael looked around him and tried to stand. Donatello leapt to his feet and grabbed him. "Donny what's going on?" He asked in confusion. He looked like he was struggling to breathe.

"Leo he's going into shock!" Donatello screamed.

"What do you intend to do." Leonardo asked unable to hide the fear in his voice.

"Do you trust me?" She asked. Did he? Did he trust her enough to place his brothers lives in her hands. But he already knew the answer was yes. He nodded and looked away so she wouldn't see the tears forming in his eyes. She untied her gauntlets and pulled them from her hands. "Michelangelo this is going to be really gross for you, but you have to trust me that this is the only thing I can do for you. If I pull this sai out right now, you will die. Do you understand?" She asked him. He looked at her dazedly, but nodded.

She brought her wrist up and bit down. Blood welled up from the wound. "You need to drink this okay."

"But..." Michelangelo began as she shoved her wrist in his open mouth. He tried to pull back but she held his head firmly.

"My blood has healing powers, it will give you the ability to heal your wounds." She waited a few moments as Michelangelo drank and drank and drank. Finally Michelangelo's focus sharpened. She pulled her arm away.

Michelangelo glanced at her and said, "That was all kinds of gross" With that she grabbed the handle of the sai and pulled. Michelangelo screamed in pain. She pushed against the wound which had begun to bleed profusely. She waited a few moments then pulled her hand away revealing healed flesh. She turned her attention to Raphael.

He looked at her blurrily. "Mikey's going to be okay?" He asked in a slurred voice. "Are you...are you , I hurt you." He said voice breaking.

"He'll be fine Raphael. You're going to be fine too." She said to him. He closed his eyes.

Donatello grabbed Raphael as he fell over. "He's slipping into unconsciousness. " He looked at the goddess as she looked at Raphael grimly.

"He needs to be conscious. " She shook him and Raphael blearily opened his eyes. "Stay with me Raphael." She bit into her right wrist again. She then used her gauntlets and sliced open her left palm. She held her wrist to Raphael's mouth and got him to drink. With her palm she began spreading the blood across his wounds. He drank longer than Michelangelo, and as he drank she began to grow paler and paler

Raphael's gaze sharpened as he came back to himself. She pulled her wrist away from his mouth and he looked at her. The pain in his eyes was tangible. He opened his mouth to speak and she cut him off. She looked away and said "I am sorry Raphael." She grabbed the air above the empty scabbard that ran down the center of her back and pulled a sword from it. The glow from the sword infused the room with a brilliant white light. She brought the sword down and drove it into Raphael's heart.

"No!" Leonardo screamed, as he leapt at her. Donatello leapt up to stop him. "Let me go Donny, she just..."

"Is trying to help him. Trust her Leo. I know you trust her.

Leonardo stopped struggling.

They were trapped in a frozen tableau. They were staring into each other's eyes unblinking, like they were in a trance. He looked over his shoulder as Michelangelo stood up. He moved his shoulder and smiled, but his smile disappeared as he looked at the pair on the floor. The goddess looked around at the room she was in. She was in Raphael's heart and mind. She needed to find his Soul Room and have a look at his soul. She should have arrived within his Soul room, but wasn't surprised when she didn't. Knowing Raphael he wasn't going to make this easy for her.

She looked around the room, it was sparse, but looked an awful lot like the lair, with Sparring dummies, a workout space, a couch, and a bed. A motorcycle was parked in the corner along with a pair of rollerblades, and a pile of comic books. She had never seen Raphael read any comic books but it was possible it was a closet hobby. A big screen TV playing a wrestling match was positioned in front of the couch.

Each person's mind was different and each person had a different mindscape, that place in your mind where you lived...not really the right word, more what makes you, happy, or reminds you of home, a comfortable space where your mind rests. At least that is what she was assuming this place was, but it could also be Raphael's Memory Room, where all of his memories were stored.

She walked around looking for the exit. She didn't want to snoop. This is the reason why she had told Raphael she was sorry. She was literally peeking into his soul and she didn't want to violate his privacy. She walked past the TV stopped and backed up, Raphael was on the TV holding up a wrestling belt. She smiled, then stilled as she felt a presence behind her. She turned to find Raphael sitting on the couch TV remote in hand, both arms were thrown over the back of the couch.

Some minds had booby traps others had guardians, but apparently Raphael's had Dark Raphael. That part of his personality that was probably responsible for his anger, his decisions to kill or destroy. He was literally the devil on Raphael's shoulder trying to get him to do the things that he shouldn't. Not every mind had a negative Super-ego, if you wanted to get all Freudian, but apparently Raphael's did. "You like that, you should see what's on Raphael's triple X channel." Dark Raphael said with a smile. He looked like Raphael, talked like Raphael, but there was something about him that was not Raphael. A confidence that Raphael didn't actually possess, a sense of belonging in the world, and a silent menace that rolled down his skin. Dark Raphael wore tattered faded black jeans and a black t-shirt was stretched over his muscular frame. His bare feet were crossed at the ankle in his lounging position. His ninja mask and belt were black. He lounged with his sais tucked into the right side of his belt. He also wore a black leather trench coat and black fedora accented with grey. "Hello Dark Raphael." She said as a fission of awareness went through her. She had always been attracted to Raphael, but Dark Raphael sat looking at her with a heat and intensity that she had never seen on Raphael's face. He smiled arrogantly as if he knew what she was thinking and turned the channel. He patted the spot on the couch next to him invitingly. She ignored him and instead turned to see what Dark Raphael had put on the TV.

And this was exactly the reason she hated going into people's minds and snooping because, sometimes, just sometimes you managed to glimpse something you really shouldn't see because it is private and personal, and sometimes, it involves you. She felt herself backing up bringing the picture into focus. Her knees hit the cushion of the couch. A hand reached up and grabbed her pulling her down beside him.

"Dark Raphael, I like that." He said as he looked back to the TV screen. "This is the centre of Raphael's fantasies, quite a few of which you have come to have a starring role." Dark Raphael said with a smile. The two figures were twined together on a bed, his body rose over hers, sweat dripping down his body as she arched against him. "Wow." She said. She tipped her head sideways, "That looked like an interesting move."

He chuckled then turned off the TV. His smile disappeared and he looked at her seriously. "I never would have thought of Raphael to be the type to not grab at what was blatantly offered, but apparently his encounter with that demon has made him very...hesitant." He reached over and touched her face, the fission of attraction raced through her again. "Darkness to darkness, Light to light. Makes you almost want to visit Dark Leonardo doesn't it? And I have no doubt that he exists. I have always wondered if he would be darker than me. That guy is so repressed it makes you wonder what goes on in his head that he would like to do but doesn't. I see the way that Donatello and Michelangelo look at you, Raphael hasn't figured it out...yet, but it is really Leonardo that Raphael has to worry about isn't it?" While he had been talking he had been leaning into her. She had begun leaning back and away from him and he followed. She was looking up at him as he looked down at her.

"I..." She said, but he silenced any protests by kissing her. The kiss was warm, full of desire, passion, and love. He broke away from the kiss. "You have been the only thing that has kept him sane. Kept me sane." He pulled back but she grabbed his shoulders pulling him closer. She closed her eyes. He smelled like Raphael, felt like Raphael, he was Raphael, Dark Raphael was part of Raphael's soul. "Why isn't Raphael more like you?" She said feeling his body pushed against hers. "You got Raphael the scaredy cat. The one that jumps when there is the scrape of a chair on the floor, the one who cannot sleep through the night because his mind is wracked by visions of a demon, and the woman he loves being cut down because of him. He blames himself for your being powerless. And now..." He shook his head. "Now he is convinced he has given you a death blow."

She revelled in his touch, the feel of his body pressed against hers. It had been so long since she had been touched. She had touched all of the brothers, indulged her need for the simple contact of touching another person. The need to touch had been overwhelming, but she should have known that with simple touches, embraces, caresses, comes the inevitable need for more. She could indulge what she wished here because Raphael would never remember this. She brought a leg up twining it through his, then she kissed him. All of her frustration, all of her desire all of the need she put into that kiss because she couldn't get that close to any of them, because they would never understand, and she could never ask it of them. "I can feel your bindings Raphael." She whispered, and she could. She opened her eyes and look at Raphael's soul. His Soul Room was a dirty Manhattan alley. Raphael's soul was bound with rope and suspended spread eagle between the walls of the alley. One sai was plunged through his heart in a facsimile of the injuries she suffered because of him. The other impaled his wrist, she knew this was because of his inability to fight. He felt crippled, and debilitated, and helpless. But the worst was the miniature Syna that coiled itself around his entire body. "Oh gods." She whispered. Raphael's soul was in bad condition, granted it wasn't the worst she had ever seen, but it was a mess. Dark Raphael stood behind her, trench coat flapping in the wind. His Soul Room flickered and she fell to her knees. She looked at Raphael with grim determination. She was having problems maintaining the link, which meant there was something wrong with her body. She was tough and hard to kill even by godly standards, but the binding may be effecting her more than she thought. She stood up and looked at Raphael. "Wake up Raphael!" She yelled at him. She couldn't break the chains or slay the Syna, only he could do that. His eyes opened slightly. "Look at me Raphael." His head moved a little bit. "You don't get to lay down on my watch, you hear me! So what you lost, so what it killed you, who cares, I know I don't. You can't ever learn if you don't lose. You can't ever fight to live if Death has never thrown his shadow over you." His eyes focused on her. "You are letting a stupid lower than pond sludge demon rule your life!" She said to him. He didn't move. "You are letting a demon stand in the way of everything." She whispered. "If you don't defeat that Syna, you will never be able to move forward, in anything." She pleaded. "I stabbed you, I stabbed Mikey" He whispered. "I'm hard to kill Raphael, Michelangelo is fine. It wasn't your fault. It is that thing you've got wrapped around you, it's his fault, not yours. Are you going to let that thing rule your life forever Raphael? Fight Raphael, fight like you have never fought before. You are a fighter Raphael, it is in your blood. Fight for your brothers, fight for yourself...fight for me." She whispered the last because she could never promise him anything.

He looked at her and two Sais flew through the air striking the ropes that bound his wrists. She looked over her shoulder at Dark Raphael who walked up behind her. He took his hands out of his pockets. She looked up into his face which was in the shadow of his grey accented black fedora and pulled her in close. Raphael pulled the sai from his wrist, pulled the other from his heart. He looked at the Syna who rose up and above him. He growled and yelled as he charged it. Leaping at the Syna's throat he used his sais and took its head. He fell to the ground panting. He walked over to her, but she had begun to fade. He reached out to touch her, and she reached out to him as he grabbed her and kissed her. She kissed him back with all the love for him that she felt. She was torn away and thrown back into her own body.