Chapter 19

They managed to comb the city several times over. It wouldn't have taken so long, but Raphael couldn't contemplate going home. He needed to be out doing something, but there was really nothing they could do. The people who were possessed were ridiculously fast and strong. The only thing that slowed them down was literally freezing them in their tracks, but then what could they do with them? Michelangelo had seen her exorcize Dr. Malignus, but they weren't sure if they could actually do it. Besides they had left the swords in the Lair with Leonardo and Donatello. By the time they returned to the Lair it was nightfall.

"How did it go?" Donatello asked him as he and Michelangelo got off the bike.

"It rides like a dream, weapons work, shields work, invisibility shield works. I think the only thing it doesn't do is fly. It's chaos out there Donny. People are running around doin' some crazy stuff. But I don't see any way we can stop it. I mean they are possessed. How are we supposed to help with that? I don't know about you , but I don't know any good priests." Raphael said as he peeled his helmet off. "So how did you guys make out with the chalk mumbo jumbo?" Raphael asked.

"Well the closest thing I could come up with is that it seems to be some form of Angelic script, which I guess makes sense since you want to keep demons out. What I don't know is if they have to be in the order that she laid out for us, but I would have to assume that the order is important. There are two complete circles with the protective sigils laid out between the two circles. The writing also appears to go clockwise. We have reproduced it several times, and they appear to work although we don't have any demons to test that theory. But we can feel the current of power that shoots through the circle when we close it. If you smudge the chalk from the inside it breaks the circle."

"Okay so basically we can possibly exorcize demons with her swords and create a circle that will protect us." Raphael said looking around Donatello's workshop.

It was then that the earthquake hit. It was small, no damages and no lives lost according to the news, but the brothers looked at each other. "Why do I have the feeling that they just hit Hell?" Leonardo asked, his voice bleak.

Silently the brothers walked into the living room. Donatello got a call from April, who he had to reassure that they were fine. Donatello had to convince April to stay away, but she finally agreed.

Raphael slumped onto the couch, while Michelangelo took the seat next to him. Leonardo was standing behind the couch arms crossed in thought. Donatello joined them sitting down on the loveseat. Leonardo quietly took the chair. They sat in silence for a few minutes, each contemplating their own thoughts.

What did any of it mean? Raphael wondered to himself. He was more a turtle of action, not taken to sitting and thinking, but when she had talked to Gabriel, what she had revealed. He was trying to wrap his head around it. And he was so worried he couldn't even breathe. What if she didn't make it. What if the Fall killed her?

"Kaethryn." Leonardo whispered.

"No, Katherine. That's what she said, 'me, present me.'" Donatello said running a hand over his head. "Although she talked as if she wasn't Katherine either, but was. It's too much to even wrap my head around, although now some of what she said actually makes sense, but...I can't even imagine. "

Raphael let the conversation of his brothers drift around him. He tested her name in his head Katherine. It seemed such an ordinary name for such an amazing woman. He looked at the scars that spanned his body. He remembered when she had told him about all of her scars. It was her, who had suffered all of those wounds. But she was only a human. A human woman who had loved angels no less. How was he to ever compete with that? Her as a goddess of magic and all its creatures, he might have stood a chance, a very slim chance that she could actually love a creature such as he, but a human, there would be no way she would ever feel that way.

He stood up angrily. His brothers looked at him. "She's a human! There is no way she would choose any of us." He yelled in frustration putting into words what he had thought.

"Raphael!" Leonardo said reprovingly.

"No Leo..." He began.

Leonardo stood and walked up to him. "No Raph. What, now she's just a human to you?" He asked him angrily.

"She lied to us Leo!"

"She's not just a human Raph. She's not just anything. So what, so she used to be human thousands of years ago! Thousands Raph! Can you even grasp how long she has been around! Civilizations have risen and fallen in that length of time!"

"She's loved Angels Leo, I mean look at Gabriel, from a human perspective that guy was...perfect!" He shouted.

"You are such an ass Raph." Leonardo said as he hauled back and punched him.

Michelangelo stood up slowly. "I'm going to bed, you two can act like hotheads all you want."

"Don't you care Mikey?" Raphael asked angrily.

He stopped and looked at them with disgust. "Look at you two fighting over her like she is nothing but a piece of meat. She is literally going to Hell, all because she has no other thought but to make sure we stay safe. Didn't you hear what Gabriel said, they tortured her in Hell, and yet she went back for us, for Gabriel because that is the type of person...goddess that she is. She is too good for any of us, don't you two get that?

Leonardo looked away. "He's right." He said as he sat back down on the couch studying his hands. "She was what each one of us needed her to be. She spent night after night with Donatello working on the new shell cycle, or helping him with whatever he was fixing. Her and Mikey poured over those damn comics, fighting over the best super heroes. She watched all of those wrestling shows and movies with Raph. Helped him when he couldn't fight. Fought with him anyway because he needed it, both verbally and physically. And she fought with me as well. Constantly pushing me, being patient with me. Even though I was so distrustful of her, distrustful of myself. She went out and bought me a book, because she knew I liked to read. Even though I was following her around, trying to prove to myself that she couldn't be what she was, couldn't be as good as she was. But what did any of us ever do for her?" He stood up angrily. "We all claim to love her but do any of us really know what she likes? Stopped to ask what things she would enjoy? I know her favourite book and I lied to her about reading it. I threw her gift back in her face, and she knew, knew I had lied about reading it, but she didn't say anything, didn't call me on my lie." His face contorted with regret. "All I know is that she is the most caring woman I have ever met and we have been selfish. She has given us everything, hell she even gave Raphael his life back, at a cost we don't even know, and she has asked for nothing in return. And right now she is still giving. But has any of us been to her what she needed? Probably not and here were are fighting over her asking her to choose one of us. Michelangelo is right, we don't deserve her." Leonardo's voice broke with regret.

"You forgot one important thing Leo." Donatello said looking at them all seriously. "We have three days, or less before all of Hell comes looking for her to either kill her or conscript her. And there is nothing we can do to help her."

They looked at each other in a painful silence. Slowly each one walked to their rooms in silence. Donatello stopped at his door and looked at them. "She's hiding something. She cut Gabriel off twice when he was going to say something."

Donatello gently closed the door to his room.

Raphael entered his room, closed the door and leaned against it. He was terrified. That was the only way he could describe what he was feeling. He was terrified he was going to lose her. He knew he shouldn't be so selfish. Knew he wasn't good enough for her, knew his brothers loved her as much as he did, and yet he still coveted her, heart, body and soul. He wanted them all, and he had a feeling that she may not be around long enough for him to win her. He slid down his door and sat on the cold floor. It was the thought of her leaving that terrified him. Today seemed too much like a goodbye. Precautions in case...in case what, she's not there to protect them, in case what? In case she's killed? He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He didn't think sleep would come but it did.

Raphael opened his eyes and looked around. He was standing in a room. At least he got the impression that it was a room, but he couldn't see any walls or ceiling. He turned in a circle. Where was he?

"You're in your own mind, dumb-ass." A voice behind him said. He spun around and encountered himself. It looked like him, but the other him wore a black mask, battered black jeans, and a black t-shirt. His hands were plunged deep into the pockets of a black trench coat, a stylish black fedora accented with grey pulled down low over his eyes. The other him walked quickly forward and punched him in the jaw. Raphael was knocked to the ground.

He rubbed his jaw in shock. That had hurt, really hurt. He was surprised because he had figured he was dreaming.

"Nice deduction Sherlock." He said to himself. "I have been wanting to do that for years!" His other self said with a malicious grin. "Please get up again so I can knock you back down."

"What is your problem!" Raphael yelled at himself.

The fedora was blocking a view of his eyes, but the other him seemed angry.

"You!" he said angrily. "I have wanted to kick your ass for years, but not as much as in the last two months. I have had to deal with you moping around feeling sorry for yourself, and then to top it off the way you have been acting towards Goddess, rrrggghh, just pisses me off even more!"

"I haven't done anything to her!" He shouted back.

"And that would be the problem. If you don't do something about that soon, Leonardo is going to steal the march on you. Hell, even Donatello might steal her."

"You can't take away what you haven't got. She's not mine to claim. And how can you even be going there, she is in Hell right now and I am so worried that she is not coming back that I can't even think straight. And just who do you think you are anyway?"

"I am you, you idiot."

"What do you mean you are me?"

"I am you, I am the darker half of your personality, which means I am the fun one. When Goddess was here she did something, probably accidentally, but I'll take it. Now I am able to actually talk with you while you are sleeping, neat huh?"

"Yeah great." Raphael said rubbing his jaw as he stood up. "Besides did you see Gabriel? I can't compete with that! I am not good enough for her!" He said to him.

"Yes you can, and yes you are. Besides I will clue you in on a little something that seems to have escaped you attention. She is no more human than you are. Not like that little bit of information mattered to you anyway. In fact it made her more real, more relatable to you, so quit complaining. Now listen up because I am only going to say this once. A woman does not look at a man, or in our case turtle, like she has looked at you and felt nothing but purely platonic feelings. And for those of us who need a dictionary that means she does not view you as just a friend. Unfortunately she has not put any of our brothers into that category either. As for her being in Hell. I am you, I know how you are feeling right now and I think if someone just ripped out my heart right now I would feel better than I feel right now. I was not created for this." He said rubbing his forehead, knocking his fedora slightly askew. "Whatever she did that makes me able to talk to you, made me...more. And its driving me nuts." He looked down at his hands and clenched them. He looked back at Raphael. "Can't you feel her Raphael? Maybe its best that you can't right now, but I'll tell you this much, she's coming back." He said with absolute conviction. "You can't let us feel like this anymore. We both want her. Want her more than anything and you can try to hide and pretend that she will never choose us, but...we need to have her in our arms again. We love her so much." He whispered. "She wants us, you have no idea how badly."

"No she doesn't."

"No?" His darker self asked. "Her and I had a nice little chat while she was here. She called me Dark Raphael. I like the moniker, so I'll keep it. I think she didn't think you would remember any of this so she indulged a little. Of course under normal circumstances you wouldn't remember any of it, but now you have me." He said with a smile.

Raphael waited impatiently. "Any day now."

"Well, she popped into your Memory Room. Caught a glimpse of your flat screen that was playing bits of your 'best of' fantasy reel. Thought I would pop in and introduce myself."

"What Memory Room, and what do you mean by a fantasy reel?"

Dark Raphael rolled his eyes. "Every memory you have ever had is stored in your Memory Room which you can't access so don't bother. Anyway, your fantasy reel is all of those wishes, dreams...desires, that you have always wanted. Like winning the WWE championship belt, winning the title of Battle Nexus champion from Mikey, becoming leader, things like that. But that is just the mundane everyday stuff." He smiled evilly. "You have a triple X channel where our lovely Goddess has gained a starring role." Raphael felt the blood rush to his face. "You know exactly what I am talking about. Well I just had to show her since she was here."

"You didn't."He felt himself pale.

"She was most interested, even sat and watched a little bit."

"She did what!" He asked.

"I think she was rather impressed by your...imagination." If Raphael could sink into the floor he would do it. Now he was never going to be able to face her again...ever!

"Oh I wouldn't think that. Here." He said tossing him a pillow that looked like it was from the couch in their living room.

He shifted, that's the only way he could describe what happened. Suddenly he was looking at her lying down on the couch, eyes wide with shock, then she was pulling him close, body arching to meet his. It was a flurry of touches, caresses, lips and tongues working together to drive them both mad with desire. She pulled off his trench coat, and it landed heavily on the floor. Next his weapons were pulled out and discarded on top of the trench coat. Oddly enough she left the fedora on. His shirt was the next to go followed by his pants and underwear. Then she was touching him again. Her clothing made its way on the floor to join his. She was soft and warm and willing. He could feel her desire humming through her whole body. She wanted him. Wanted him in the way a woman wants a man. And he was a man, sure he was a turtle, but she didn't care, all that mattered was him and her.

Suddenly the image was ripped away. He felt as if the breath had been knocked from his body. "She...you..." He tried to think through his lust. "You bastard!" He yelled at his dark half. "You..."he began.

"Slow down there Raphael. It would be stupid to be jealous of yourself for one, and for two that's it, that's all, unfortunately she transported to your Soul Room right after that. But I have wondered if she would have let us go to third base." He said with a lust filled smile. His smile disappeared and he looked at him angrily. "That is why you have to find out what is stopping her from actually doing that with you while you are awake. There is a reason, find it out, do that thing couples do, it is called talking to each other. Try it. You will have to get her away from our brothers, and I can't believe I am actually going to say this since I am usually the one that feeds your rage, but for once try not to lose your temper. Or if you do, channel it into something a little bit more...pleasurable."