My flawless memory pulled me back to the day I had first sought out Carlisle's advice. It had been somewhat inadvertent, actually. I'd gone into his study to borrow a book, and he'd entered to find me clutching the medical text with a guilty expression upon my face. I had been so intent on locating the proper text that I hadn't heard him come in.
"Edward?" he asked, his quick eyes noting what I held against my chest. The cover was toward me, and I had my hand spread over the back. "Borrowing a book, I see." His sharp gaze shot to the rows of bookshelves, and he immediately noted that I had taken one of his medical texts. "Help yourself to anything you want. A good many of those were yours originally, anyway."
"Thanks," I murmured, trying to slip past him.
But he must have seen something in my face, because he grasped my arm gently as I passed him. "Is there something I might be able to help you with?" he asked kindly. His gaze flicked down to the book. He could still read a few lines toward the bottom. He knew precisely which text I had chosen.
He waited while I tried to decide what to do. I knew he wouldn't say anything if I simply left and retreated to my room to study the book. However, there was a part of me that needed to share my fears with someone, and he was really the only person with the knowledge to possibly be able to advise me.
"I just wanted to…" My voice trailed off. I turned the book around, clearly revealing the cover to him: Essentials of Emergency Medicine.
He gave me a gentle smile. "Come and sit with me for a few moments."
I followed him across the room to the two leather wing chairs near the fireplace. I sank down slowly as he moved the other chair around to sit before me. He glanced at the book still gripped tightly in my hands.
"Was there a specific question you had?" he asked, his voice as warm and calm as ever.
"No, not really… I just wanted to review, I suppose."
He nodded. "It has been a few years since you last graduated from medical school," he agreed amiably.
We both knew that he was trying to appease me. I could remember every word had ever read, every lecture I had heard, every image I had seen, with perfect clarity. Yet I had still felt a need to study the text and illustrations in the book.
He rested his hand lightly over my knee but did not speak again, waiting with quiet, accepting patience until I spoke once more.
"I'm so afraid I'll hurt her," I finally blurted out. "She wants me to make love to her. But Carlisle, she's so fragile, so delicate and small and… breakable."
"She is," he agreed honestly. "You will need to exercise considerable caution and control with her."
"Do you think it's possible that I can? From what Emmett and Jasper have told me—and from what I've heard and seen in the thoughts of others over the years—I don't know if I'll be able to restrain myself."
"I believe that you can." There was no hint of pacification in his voice or thoughts. His words were entirely honest.
"But I might not be able to," I retorted. "And what will happen if I do hurt her?"
Instead of answering my question, he posed one of his own. "What did you want to find out from the book?"
This caught me slightly off-guard. "Excuse me?"
He touched the cover lightly. "What, specifically, did you intend to study?"
I swallowed and ran a hand through my hair, keeping the other pressed over the text. "I thought I should review some procedures in case I need to…" I drew a breath. "Help her afterwards."
"I see." He was quiet for a few moments, his thoughts silent to me as well. "That's probably a wise idea, Edward. I don't believe she will be hurt, but I suppose it's best to be prepared."
He stood fluidly, one hand coming to land upon my shoulder. He offered me an encouraging smile then added, "Take any other books you'd like. We can speak again later if you wish."
"Thanks, Carlisle," I said, but he had already vanished from the room.
The next evening, he asked me to join him in his office again. I could read little from his thoughts, aside from a few snippets about his activities at the hospital earlier in the day. I followed him into the study, and he gestured toward the chairs by the fireplace again. I sat, wondering what he planned to say to me. Often Carlisle liked to take some time to consider a particularly thorny issue or problem, preferring to wait until he had organized his thoughts fully to discuss it again.
However, instead of sitting down with me, as I had anticipated, he moved toward the desk and reached for something behind it. He retrieved a large duffle bag and set it on the floor before me.
"What is this?" I asked.
"I've gathered together some supplies for you to take to the Isle. I don't believe you will need them, but perhaps you'll feel less anxious knowing they're available." He gave me a small, thin grin. "Better safe than sorry."
He unzipped the duffel and removed a packet. "Steri-strips," he informed me, adding silently, for immediate closure of wounds. "Morphine," he continued, holding up the vial, for pain relief. Reaching for another vial, he said,"Lidocaine," for a local anesthetic if you should need to do sutures… "Suture kits—general and specific…"
As he took out each item, he gave me a brief explanation about its use, knowing full well that his instruction was extraneous. But the straight-forward, systematic information showed me that he took my concerns seriously.
When he had finished, and all of contents were displayed upon the low table (rivaling a basic ER's supplies), he asked if there was anything I wished to review or practice. Images of various suture techniques and methods for setting bones flashed through his mind.
This was my opportunity to ensure Bella's safety to a higher degree. I had worried that if I did injure her, it would difficult to seek immediate care. The island was several hours from the mainland, so getting her to a hospital would require time. At least with the supplies I could manage any pain I might cause her, as well as treat her wounds if they were not severe. This knowledge comforted me.
"Carlisle," I said, my voice husky with emotion, "thank you."
"You're welcome, son," he replied.
His thoughts contained only the highest regard for me. He honestly believed that I would not harm Bella in any way. Yet he understood my need for caution, on both the mental and physical levels, and he was glad to provide whatever assistance he could. He assuaged my fears—not entirely, but enough so that I could give Bella what she truly desired from me.
Yet now, after more than a week on the island, it seemed I had disappointed her again.
To be concluded…