Well like I said, almost done maybe two chapters left I think. Enjoy, please read and review!

Chapter 25

Raphael opened his eyes and watched the sword in front of him flicker and fall to the ground. Goddess' eyes opened. She got up and picked up the sword. She looked at it deep in thought. She turned to face them sadness was held within the blue of her eyes. Her sadness overwhelmed him and he felt as if the sun had gone behind a cloud taking away all of the happiness and warmth. He wanted to comfort her, to take away all of the painful memories she held within her, but he couldn't and that hurt almost worse than anything."And now you know, at least some of my story. The only ones who know who I really am are Death, Gabriel...perhaps Lucifer, and now yourselves." A riot of emotions rolled through him. Her soul was so damaged, so battered and broken. It sickened him to know that his soul was now healed and hers...hers was so much worse than his, and there was no healing her soul. If he had suffered nightmares just from what his soul suffered, how hadn't she gone insane? How hadn't her mind broken with everything that had happened to her? And they only knew a fraction of what happened to her. He wanted to go over and take her in his arms and never let go, but he didn't feel like he deserved to even stand in the same room with her, let alone even touch her. And now that he knew her heart belonged to all of them, he didn't know what to feel. He wanted to scream and shout and throw things, but he couldn't. He knew he couldn't share. He couldn't accept what she offered, and knowing this broke his heart.

Donatello stood, face pale, but eyes determined. "Where is your heart Katherine...Goddess?" He asked her.

She looked at him questioningly. "Don't. Don't even try to evade or pretend like you don't know what I am talking about. Where is your heart?"

"Donatello..." She warned.

"The heart of your soul is in that sword isn't it." He demanded.

She paused. "No." She said finally.

For a moment Donatello was stunned. As if he thought he had figured something out, but found out he hadn't.

"We don't have much time left before Hell comes knocking on your door looking for me. The sigils that were carved into my skin were the physical manifestation of the Binding. I could see the Binding but I could not see the mark of the demon who created it. By Falling the mark of the demon presented itself. Azazel is the traitor and Gabriel will tell Lucifer that it is one of his top Generals. This information should help, if not altogether prevent the Apocalypse. And now that Azazel's deceit has been revealed Hell will come looking for me sooner."

"So what do we do?" Leonardo asked.

"You need to know how to fight with my weapons. I left my weapons here when Ryn took over my body because I needed them to be safe. I never expected you would actually try to use them, although I suppose seeing Ryn in the lair was a bit of a surprise." She paused in thought. She walked over to where she had placed her weapons before she Fell. "I need you to use my weapons to fight off the demons that are going to come." She threw him the empty scabbard that housed her white blade. "It's not really a scabbard. It just looks like one. I pull my sword from it, it is where it is stored, but in actuality it is a bow. Hold it out and say Ona."

Raphael looked at the scabbard in shock. "Ona" He said. The scabbard elongated and changed shape. He held a black re-curve bow in his hands.

"This bow is unlike the swords. The swords are Named, they are in themselves magic which is why I can still use them. This bow however is a magical item that draws magic from the user. Therefore I can't use it. Now, you and your brothers will all be able to use this bow, but remember, with magic there is always a price. Draw the bow and shoot." Raphael looked at the bow in his hands. There was no string and no arrow. "Draw as if there was a string. Shoot at the wall."

Raphael had never used a bow in his life. She walked behind him. She held the line of his body straight, turned him towards the wall. She lined up her arm with his. "Draw with two fingers, pretend there is an arrow."

He pulled and there was a string beneath his fingers, it also had a very heavy draw. It took an amazing amount of strength for him to pull the string back. He could see the faint outline of a blue arrow. He sighted it and let the string go. Pain shot through his left arm which was holding the bow. The arrow, now red, struck the wall where he had aimed. There was a scorch mark on the wall where it had hit. Raphael looked at his bloody arm. There was a cut running on the inside of his forearm from elbow to wrist.

"It will always strike where you wish, unlimited arrows, and will do minimal damage to inanimate objects. However upon demons, it will destroy their mortal bodies sending them back to Hell." She bit her hand and smeared blood across his arm where the slash immediately healed. "The price is taken in blood, so even though you have unlimited arrows eventually your arm will be shredded to ribbons. Use it sparingly, pass it between yourselves." She turned from him then.

She let go of her sword and it floated above the ground. She pulled Bloody Rage and Capricious Death from their scabbards. She handed Bloody rage to Leonardo and Capricious Death to Michelangelo. Both swords blazed to life in their hands. A look of pure rage passed over Leonardo's face. Michelangelo's expression shifted, from fear and worry, to determination, and a mercilessness that Raphael had never seen on Michelangelo's face.

Leonardo burned with rage. He began panting hard. "Fight it Leonardo. If you let the rage consume you, you will kill either Michelangelo or Raphael, or both. Harness that rage, use it to kill those who threaten your family, protect them." Leonardo struggled. He struggled against the rage that was consuming him. He fell to his knees and screamed. He slammed the sword into the floor where it penetrated into the stone. He shakily stood. Hands still on the grip of the sword. An angry malicious aura emanated from the sword, the room began to grow cold. "Very good Leonardo. Pull the sword from the floor, get comfortable with it."

"This sword." Leonardo managed to choke out. "It rips and claws at your mind, it screams and rages."

"Yes it does, but you can control it. I know you can Leonardo."

"How do you even? I have seen you with this sword and it doesn't even bother you?" Leonardo said pulling the sword from the floor.

She looked at Leonardo with amber eyes as an all consuming rage poured forth. Within her eyes was a bottomless never-ending fury that was as ruthless as it was pitiless. Leonardo took a step back from her. Raphael had been angry, he was known for his temper, but he had never seen an anger, a fury, as ferocious and as overwhelming as he now did. "I have more anger within me than even the sword can bear. I control the sword, it can never give me any more rage than I already possess." She blinked and her eyes were green, as if nothing had happened.

Raphael felt like he could breathe again. To have that sort of control, to turn your emotions on and off like a switch, it was frightening to realize what boiled beneath the surface of the calm outward appearance of the lovely Goddess.

She turned then and looked at Michelangelo. Who had walked up behind her. "You want Leonardo's death, I can see it in your eyes. He is your brother, your enemy are the demons who will destroy your family if you don't kill them." She repeated the same thing to Michelangelo as she had said to Leonardo.

"He took something I wanted." Michelangelo said to her. Michelangelo's cold gaze shifted to her. He reached out and grabbed her around the waist. "I can see it. I can see your life force. It is flickering like a candle flame, sputtering as it fights to stay lit." He raised the sword to her throat. "It would be so easy to end your struggle."

Raphael froze. That wasn't Michelangelo who spoke. The sword pressed into her neck. She looked at Michelangelo steadily. "Yes it would." Was all she said.

He brought her closer and he kissed her, sword against her throat, a trickle of blood made its way down her neck. He pulled away and looked down at her. "Kiss you or kill you." He whispered. "I can hear the sword whispering in my head. Horrible things. "Michelangelo said frightened.

"You have already beaten it Michelangelo. I would be dead if you hadn't. I told you both do not let the power consume you, use the power."

"I was so close, I almost..." He said in horror.

"But you didn't." She said to him softly.

She then turned to Donatello who had been silent since they had returned from her soul room. "Donatello, you are the only one who can draw a protective circle. I know you have been studying the symbols. I also know that Leonardo could draw one if it is necessary. Protect them." She said touching his face.

She walked over to Leonardo and took Bloody Rage, Michelangelo gave her Capricious Death. "Give the bow to Leonardo, you all must know the feel of the bow." Raphael gave the bow to Leonardo but did not take the out held sword. She tipped her head then looked at Donatello. She held out Capricious Death. Donatello reluctantly took it.

Coldness seeped into Donatello's eyes. His eyes found Raphael. "The sword calls for his death." Donatello said emotionlessly pointing to Raphael. He looked at him with the eyes of a killer.

"The light always wants the destruction of darkness." She said to him. He looked at her.

"Yes, but not always. I can see the darkness within you, and I want to know it better." He whispered. Stepping closer to her. He pulled her close and kissed her. The sword gripped in his hand. He broke away from the kiss and looked at Raphael. "If I kill him, you will be mine." He stepped towards Raphael menacingly, then stopped. He closed his eyes

"Very good Donatello." Donatello blinked, looking at the sword. He looked at Raphael. "It has always been he and I, hasn't it?" He questioned.

"As it has always been Leonardo and Michelangelo. Two opposites, one light, one dark." He gave her the sword back. He wrapped both arms around her.

"I don't like feeling that way. The thought of taking a life shouldn't feel that easy." He said fear in his voice.

"To a sword it is. There is no moral dilemma of right or wrong, death is a sword's only purpose."

"I don't think I can use that sword." He said shaking his head.

"You can concentrate on their protection Donatello. There are also the guns on the bike. But remember you won't be using the swords on people, you will be using them on demons and even then you aren't actually killing them." She pulled herself from his embrace. She looked at Raphael and held out Bloody Rage. He was the last to be tested, and it was a test. A test of resolve, of will, and he knew he would fail.

"I can't." He said shaking his head. "I can't control my own anger let alone the fury that rages within that sword. Everyone has always told me to control my temper, but, I can't, and I never thought that it would be so important for me to...I have tried!" He said anger warring with fear.

She looked at him. There was no judgement in those eyes. She did not think any less of him, did not reproach him, nothing. "Have you?"

"Yes!"He shouted. "I have tried every technique Master Splinter has ever tried and I can't!"

"I see." She said walking over to Leonardo. "Leonardo's anger is like water. It ebbs and it flows." She said placing a hand on his chest. Leonardo used his free hand to cover it with his own. He felt his rage begin to burn."It can be diverted, held back and even dissipated. But you Raphael, your anger burns like an eternal flame. It has never been extinguished, and so it burns out of control within you. It cannot be diverted, it is almost impossible to contain and even when extinguished, the embers still smoulder. " She took off Leonardo's trench coat and gave it to Leonardo who reluctantly took it. She strode towards him. "It is time for your rage to consume you Raphael." She threw the sword at him. On pure instinct he grabbed it out of the air.

He vaguely heard Leonardo shout "No!" But he couldn't hear anything but the blood rushing through his ears. His body was burning with anger, betrayal, wrath and resentment. Someone needed to die, blood needed to be spilt to take away the pain and agony that roared through him. He screamed his rage and focused on the woman who had betrayed him, had betrayed him with his own brothers. They would be the next to die, but first her and her alone would feed the hunger of the blade. His body glowed with markings as he swung the sword at her.

Strike after strike he hit the sword she held, and with each frenzied strike he pushed her back. He could hear yelling, but the words made no sense. "Why are you so angry Raphael?" She asked him as their faces got close swords pressed against one another.

"You betrayed me, with my own brothers!" He screamed at her. She dodged as he tried to skewer her.

"Now we know that is not true. You were angry before I ever arrived. What makes your fury burn like an everlasting sun?" He caught her arm with a wild swing, blood splattered on the ground. The sword hummed with joy. He needed more blood to spill, needed to taste more, and then and then death, the taste of death was what he craved most.

"We are the only ones of our kind. We are freaks of nature! We have saved this damn world so many times, and do you think anyone of them even knows!" He screamed bitterly. "NO! They run and they scream every time they see us and I can't stand it! We hide underground in a filthy sewer like , like vermin!" Slash. Another arc of blood made it to the floor. "The fighting will never stop!" Slash. "We are going to die in some horrible way!" Slash. "And no one will even care!" Slash. "We will never be able to just stop, to just be." Slash."No one will ever be able to love freaks like us, ever! We will never have families of our own! We will fight alone and die utterly alone!" The last word was choked out. "Why couldn't you have chosen me, and only me?" He asked desperately. "Wasn't I enough for you, couldn't I be enough for you?"

He fell to his knees as emptiness washed over him. He looked at her in anguish. Blood from a dozen slashes ran down her body. He was covered in her blood and all he felt was empty. He looked at the sword that was at his throat and he decided there was one way to make the pain stop. It called to him. There was nothing of him left. It was all gone, nothing but a dull hollow ache somewhere in the vicinity of his heart.

"Motre Morossus calls her gift back Raphael. What she gave, she will gladly take away." She whispered. She was kneeling in front of him knees touching.

He grabbed the blade of the sword pushed against his neck. He felt the blade bite into his hand, then he pushed it away. The blades clattered to the floor as she took his face in both hands and forced him to look at her. "Death is the only road we must always travel alone Raphael. I will not tell you things you already know about your friends and family, and you already know the answer to your last question. You are loved Raphael. I love you more than anything."

"You can never have one without the other, darkness and light." Raphael whispered.

"One piece of magic divided into four parts, two pieces of light two pieces of dark, one whole."

"So it was never really about us, just our magic." Raphael said, voice empty.

"I am a goddess of magic Raphael, surrounded by creatures of magic. I have never loved them as I love you." She said gently touching his face. "I would have loved you even if there was not a scrap of magic within you."

He took the comfort of her touch, as the realization of the violence that he again inflicted upon her hit him. "I'm a monster." He whispered. "I've managed to...look what I've done to you. You are right. I am darkness, but Leo, you're wrong, Leo isn't a monster like me, he...he's a good guy, a good brother, he always looks out for us." He said looking at him.

She looked at him in confusion as if she wasn't sure what he was talking about. Then understanding filled her eyes. She smiled at him gently. "The darkness did not pick you and Leonardo because you have evil in your soul Raphael. It picked you because you are both conflicted in your dealings with situations. Sometimes doing the right thing isn't always the good thing. Sometimes, people have to pay for what they have done, and sometimes they pay for it with their lives. You are not a monster Raphael. The sword inflicted the wounds, not you."

"But I wielded the sword."

"No the sword wielded you, until there was no rage or anger left to feed on. You will now be able to wield Cuthach Fuilteach, without it wielding you." She helped him shakily to his feet. He still felt empty and raw, and overwhelmed by everything he had seen, everything he had experienced both in the Soul and Memory Rooms of the goddess as well as with the emotions caused by the wielding of the sword.

"Why isn't your blood disappearing?" He asked her still feeling disconnected somehow. Her blood was dripping off him and it was still running down her body.

"I was cut by an Immortal weapon. To me the swords are as real as your weapons are to you. They are able to kill me, so the wounds they inflict heal more slowly, whereas the wounds inflicted by your weapons would never be able to kill me." Her wounds began to heal, but they were both still covered in her blood. She helped him to his feet and grabbed the swords and sheathed them. She gave Bloody Rage to him, and Capricious Death to Michelangelo. She looked at her sword which was still floating in the air. Raphael watched as it seemed to flicker. He blinked and shook his head. She grabbed hold of the sword and walked a few steps away.

He opened his mouth. "I'm going for a shower." She said. They heard a door slam and the sound of running water.

He looked at his brothers and felt ashamed. He had cut her up, again, and now his brothers knew his deepest darkest fears and desires.

Leonardo walked over to him. "Shut up Raphael." He said to him just as he was going to open his mouth. He snapped his mouth shut and stared at him.

"Don't you think we haven't had the same thoughts, the same fears, the same wants. Raphael we know. We have just tried to do the best we can, with what we know, and with what we have." Leonardo said to him laying a hand on his shoulder.

"But it doesn't feel good enough Leo. Haven't you ever wanted more?" He whispered.

Leonardo looked in the direction of the bathroom. "Yes." Was all he said.

He took Bloody Rage from him and took it out of the scabbard. It glowed but no rage appeared on his face. "C'mon Mikey, let's put these swords through their paces."

The sound of metal upon metal rang out through Donatello's workroom. The goddess returned and watched them fight, throwing in a suggestion here and there. Donatello took up the bow and shot it a few times, as did Michelangelo and Leonardo. Goddess healed the wounds on each of them. Raphael was wielding Bloody Rage against Donatello who had reluctantly picked up Capricious Death when he stopped. His face went pale.

"Donny what's wrong, is the sword..." Leonardo asked with concern.

"Where is she?" He managed to choke out.

Raphael looked around the room and realized that Goddess was no longer there.

"Donny, what's wrong?" Raphael said with worry.

"She said there were two reasons that she could never choose. Not choose only one, but to choose in general. She only told us one reason, and then there was something she said when we were watching the sunrise this morning she said I didn't actually know why she wouldn't choose. It has been bothering me and then I wondered where her heart was, she said it wasn't in the sword, and I was an idiot because I didn't think about it, and I should have figured it out sooner especially with her marking Raph like she did. Her heart isn't in the sword, her heart is the sword, and that sword...We have to find her, now." Donatello said his voice rising in panic. They began searching the lair for her, but it was Leonardo who found her in Master Splinter's meditation room.

She didn't move as they entered the room. She was leaning against the wall, eyes closed, flickering sword laying on the ground her hand resting on the grip. It flickered one last time and then dimmed. It was the only way to describe it. It was as if the light was going out.

Leonardo knelt down. "Goddess." She didn't move. He grabbed her face and forced her to look at him. "Goddess what's wrong. When Raph...is it because...do you need more blood?" He asked.

She opened her eyes. The sword dimmed a little more. She winced in pain and with one hand she reached up and looked to be trying to pull something from her neck.

"Donny!" Raphael screamed.

"It's why she wouldn't choose Raph, why she didn't want to get as close to us as she did." He whispered. Donatello knelt down and looked at the sword. "She's dying Raph." He managed to choke out. "That sword is the heart of her soul. She ripped out her own heart and created a sword with it, hid it outside her body, but it is still part of her soul, and her soul is dying."

Raphael felt his heart stop, his body grow cold, his whole world collapsed. He knew he had already lost her, knew he couldn't share with his brothers, but...He couldn't lose her, not like this!

"It took you longer to figure it out than I thought it would Donatello." She said with a small smile. "At least I think I may still be able to keep my promise to you Leonardo" She managed to force out. "I have some little time left." She said through blood clenched teeth.

"Don't you dare!" He screamed at her. "Do not go gentle into that good night/Rage rage against the dying of the light."

"Dylan Thomas." She said with the hint of a smile. "That one isn't in your collection." Her eyes grew serious. "Sometimes the darkness has the softest embrace, the light, the harshest. That one is my own."

Raphael thought furiously kneeling down in front of her. "Would having a Consort help? I don't care who, pick me, pick Donny, pick Leo, pick Mikey I don't care, but if you made one of us your Consort would it save you?" He asked desperately.

"The Binding is bound around my soul. If you became my Consort Raphael, all it would do is bind you to a dying goddess, you would become a god Raphael, and I would not wish that for you. A god without his goddess would be a very long and lonley existance. Because you are mortal, I do not know if my death would strip away your godhede dragging you into death with me, or if you would be returned to your mortal state, or if you would simply remain a god." She looked at him through pain filled eyes.

"That is why you..." Donatello began.

"Yes, I knew I didn't have long left, butI couldn't take the chance that having you make love to me would kill you Donatello. All of you I just couldn't risk it." Raphael felt pain rip through his heart as betrayal washed over him. He shook his head he didn't have time for those feelings, hell he didn't even care at the moment. He had been telling the truth, if she wanted one of his brothers and if it would have kept her alive, he would back off, he would step away because then at least he would have known that she was still aive, somewhere and maybe happy. There had to be something he could do, some way to save her! His mind screamed at him.

She had always said that there was a price to pay for everything. He would pay any price, he would give her up, he would give up his very soul if she just survived. Hell, he would make a deal with Lucifer himself if it would save her.

She looked at him as if she knew what he was thinking. "Only the demon who placed the Binding can remove it, or a god or goddess of magic." She said with a self depreciating smile. "I suppose I could have looked for Isis, she is still on Earth, but I don't think she is powerful enough to have broken the Binding." She closed her eyes.

"Gabriel said you had time!" Donatello yelled.

She opened her eyes and looked at him. "I Fell Donatello, it nearly killed me, it should have killed me." She winced in pain again. "I got lucky Donatello. No god has ever been stripped of their godhede and lived. I thought maybe, I would be immune to losing my godhede since my soul was mortal, but I am the goddess of magic. I lasted two months and fell in love with all of you. You wanted to know what I wanted Leonardo, I wanted what everyone wants, happiness. And I found it for a short while." She said smiling at him. She doubled over. "Not yet." She whispered. "Not yet. I need more time." The blade faded to near nothingness. "I will have more time." She said with determination.

Raphael paled."That was your price wasn't it! My Life for yours. Wasn't it!"

She looked at Raphael reached out and touched his cheek. "No Raphael, your price was not my life, your price was what it always was, power." She said to him. Raphael placed his hand over hers. "No,no,no please Goddess no. You can't leave me, you can't leave us." Raphael begged.

She pulled her hand away pulling her sword up. She rested her head on the pommel. "Always remember this, nothing is ever really destroyed. Not really. Sometimes it is just different. Anything created cannot be wholly destroyed, even if the only place it remains is in ones memory, or ones heart." She said gently touching Leonardo and Raphael's chest, right over their hearts. Raphael felt it then, whatever link she had with him he could feel her, and he could feel her fading. She closed her eyes.

"Goddess no, please, please no." Michelangelo said as he fell to his knees touching her face.

Her eyes wearily opened. "It's time." She said with determination as she struggled to rise. "We have company, and it's not Lucifer." Leonardo tried to stop her. "They are here Leonardo, and if I don't go out there and meet them, they are going to huff and puff and blow your house down."

"You can't even stand." Raphael said desperately.

"I am keeping my promise Raphael." She looked at him seriously. "Even I cannot outrun my Fate. Give me Cuthach Fuilteach." She said to him.

"How do you expect to fight!" He said heatedly

"Who said anything about fighting?" She asked as she pulled the blade a little from the sheath. A red ball floated out from the blade.

"No!" Donatello shouted. "You said the last time you consumed one of those you lost yourself to the dark goddess within you!" She plucked it out of the air and it disappeared. She clutched her head and closed her eyes. She stilled then opened them. They blazed green. She gave him back Bloody Rage, tucked her faded soul into her belt and said, "All of you, stay here, stay armed, close the protective circle in Donatello's workroom."

Then she was gone.