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Many thanks to my wonderfully talented beta, xrxdanixrx.
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This isn't going to be all roses and sunshine. These two have a lot to figure out...let's see if they do it together.
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BPOV
As I wake and sit up in bed, the sheets are already soaked through to the mattress. My heart races towards the inevitable panic attack. I haven't had one in a few weeks, and for that, I'm grateful.
This one is bad. My heart is beating so fast, it could burst out of my chest. The sweat rolls off me as I try to regain control of my breathing. It feels as if the whole world is spinning and I'm stuck in the middle, watching it go out of control around me.
The attacks vary in intensity; some lasting only a few minutes, some for almost
twenty. But they do pass and I resume what's left of my life.
Today, it's ten minutes before I'm able to actually stand, on my good leg, and begin the process of getting ready for the day.
I'm not bitter about what's happened. I've learned to adjust. I've had to. What pisses me off are people's reactions. For the most part, you'd never even know I have a prosthetic. In fact, most people don't know when they first meet me.
When they do find out, it's a mixture of emotions; pity, sympathy, shock, overcompensation. "Can we help you do this? Do you want to take the elevator instead of the stairs? "
I choose the stairs every single time. And hopefully, during the process, some of them learn if there is a challenge thrown at you in your life, there is always a way to overcome it.
Recently, I've been trying to find a way to overcome the challenge of men, and it's proven to be futile to date. They either can't accept that this is, and will always be a part of my life, or they try to smother me, change me, try to make everything better when all I want, is just to be normal.
They are shocked that I still run at least 5K every day. "Isn't that dangerous? Should you really be doing that?" That's the typical reaction.
So I've stopped trying. I lived this long and come this far without a man. Still, there are things I miss, especially when I spend time with the gang. I see how Jazz worships Ali, and what a passionate relationship Em has with Rose and I miss it. But I've resigned myself to being alone and quite frankly, last night's disaster just serves to reinforce my choice.
He couldn't even speak when he saw the cane. How would he feel seeing the leg? I shake my head and put on my swim leg before taking a much needed shower.
Rose is already immersed in the latest mock-ups for the Boreal Forest campaign when I arrive at the office.
She's angry when she looks up from her desk, waving a stack of glossies at me.
"These, are fucking brutal. How hard is it to come up with a graphic for fuck's sake? I've got a bear and a tree? Seriously? That's the best they can come up with?" Oh, Rose in a bad mood…not a good way to start the day.
I laugh at her and produce her morning double latte. "Will this help?"
"Oh, thank the Lord." She grabs it and takes a sip. "How was the rest of your night?" She looks at me with concern.
"It was fine. Went straight to bed. You know, the usual," I say, sitting down in her overstuffed leather chair in the corner.
"What did he say to you last night? I went to try to find you, but you were already gone."
"Nothing. He didn't say anything. He didn't have to Rose. And why didn't you warn me Emmett was up to no good?"
"Don't be mad at Em. He's just trying to help," she says sincerely. I know she's right, that doesn't mean I have to like it.
"I know he is, but come on, Rose. Someone like Edward is not going to be interested in me."
"Do I need to get out the violins now? Are we having a full on pity party?" She cocks her head to the side and stares at me.
"You know what I mean."
"And you know what I mean Bella. You deserve to be with someone. You're alone too much."
"No, I'm not. I have you guys to keep me company. That's more than enough…trust me." I smirk at her before getting up and making my way back to my office and immerse myself in another riveting round of funding budgets for The Foundation.
Rose and I started our own company about year after the accident. The Foundation raises money for a range of environmental causes. We usually have a few massive events every year that draw a crowd, and a lot of money, thanks to Alice and her uncanny ability to always attract the whose who of Vancouver to our various missions.
It's just after twelve when Rose comes to collect me for lunch.
"Let's go, Bella, you know how Alice hates to wait." She taps her foot while she lingers at the door.
Alice is already seated with bread at the table and wine glasses full when we get to Vibe. Apparently, it's the in place to be according to her and so, we must eat here once a week for lunch to see and be seen.
I stow the cane against the booth and slide in beside Rose.
"So, what did you think of Edward?" Alice asks, clapping her hands together.
"Do I get to have a drink first?" I raise an eyebrow at her and she chuckles at me.
"He's really hot, Bella. I mean, not as hot at Jazz, I don't think anyone could be." She gets a dreamy look on her face and plays with her spiked hair.
"Please, spare us." Rose rolls her eyes and takes a sip of her wine.
"So?" She stares at me waiting impatiently.
"He's cute, but not my type," I say.
"What the fuck exactly is your type Bella? We've tried to set you up with tall guys, short guys, athletic guys, bald guys, hot guys, even geeks. You don't seem interested in any of them." Rose glares at me.
"I think you mean they're not interested in me, Rose."
"Are we going to start this again? Bella, you're hot. Who gives a fuck about this?" She taps my cane and narrows his eyes at me.
"People care. Trust me. You know this by now."
She waves her hand at me dismissively and lets out a huff.
"Anyway, he saw me leave. Trust me when I tell you, he's not interested," I say.
"What if he was?" Alice asks, raising her eyebrows.
"This conversation is pointless, Alice. Why are you guys so intent on hooking me up with somebody anyway? I'm perfectly fine on my own."
"We want you to be happy. That's all." She smiles and reaches across the table squeezing my hand.
"I know, and I love you guys for it. But if something's going to happen, it just will happen. Can we talk about something else?"
"You need a date for the charity auction." Rose stares back at me.
"That's not for a month, Rose."
"Hence the reason we need to start looking now." She scans the restaurant, eyeing every man in sight while I shake my head.
Alice launches into every possible detail about the vintage shop she's recently found while I listen intently. Alice writes the famed Out and About column for Vancouver Magazine and has become known for recommending up and coming clothing stores, restaurants, and clubs. Apparently, a shopping trip in search of the perfect vintage dress is in our future plans this weekend.
"I thought we could meet up at around 9:00 and get there before the crowds. They get a new shipment on Saturdays, and the owner told me there are a bunch of dresses coming in," she says with a gleam in her eye.
It's hard to imagine anyone being this excited about shopping at a vintage store, but if I'm being honest, her enthusiasm is contagious.
"Sounds good to me." Rose nods in agreement as our meals arrive. Of course, Alice has already ordered for us; a spring mix salad for me, Rose with her usual Club Sandwich and Alice with a massive burger and fries. She must have the metabolism of a race horse to stay as tiny as she is.
We're half way through our meals, when two attractive men skulk by the table, ogling at Rose. She tends to garner attention everywhere we go, and today is no different.
"We were wondering if you'd like to join us for a drink?" the blonde with the Armani suit, leers at her. Oh, this ought to be good. She's in no mood today.
"Do I have 'pick me up' written on my forehead?" She raises an unimpressed eyebrow to the guy who is staring at her chest. "Hey, genius! My face is up here." He flushes red and looks nervously at his partner in crime. "Move along, gentlemen. This ship has sailed and you're not welcome on board," she says, not skipping a beat as she continues eating her sandwich.
They slink away as Alice and I burst out laughing.
"Never a dull moment," Rose mutters.
"Oh, I need to go." I say, looking at my watch. "I have my follow-up." I reach into my wallet and hand Rose cash to cover lunch.
"Ah, an appointment with the ever attentive Mr. Black?" Rose raises an eyebrow.
"Stop it, Rose."
"There's a man I'd eat crackers in bed with," she marvels.
"Rose! What about Emmett?" Alice says, throwing her napkin at her.
"Oh, you know what I mean. He's one hot man, Bella. And you know he likes you. Maybe you should ask him to the auction." Rose suggests.
"Yeah, I don't think so. I mean, I don't want to cross that line with Jake. He's been a really good friend and he understands me…this." I reflect, standing up from the booth.
"And your point is?" Rose pushes.
"Let's just not go there right now, ok?" I gather my bag as she hands me the cane. "I'll see you back at the office later."
"I'll talk to you tomorrow, Bella," Alice waves as I make my way out the door.
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I sit on the edge of the examination table, both of my legs dangling as Jake completes his weekly once over.
Jake has been my physiotherapist from the beginning and we've grown very close. Actually, recently, I think Rose is right. Jake has developed some deeper feelings for me as our usual banter has started to go down a more precarious road. I know I'm blurring the lines of our relationship, but I feel drawn to Jake. He knows me so well and we've been through so much together. It's hard to imagine him not being in my life.
Today, we've gone through the usual physio session and gait training as he monitors my progress with the new leg intently.
He's sitting on a short stool, his large, strong hands rubbing a continuous pattern over both of my thighs as he stares up at me with the now familiar look of longing.
"Well, everything looks good." He smirks at me and I shake my head at him.
"I'd say you can start running again. You know, probably loose the cane." He lifts his head towards my cane that's sitting perched beside the exam table.
This is why I love Jake so much. He's the first one to call me out on stuff like this. He knows I don't need the cane anymore and so do I.
"Do I hear a challenge in there, Mr. Black?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.
Honestly, I'm not sure you're up for it, Bella." He slides the chair back and gets up, moving to the sink to wash his hands.
"Tomorrow at 6:30 work for you?" I cock my head to the side and stare him down.
"6:30 in the morning?" He looks a little worried.
"Is that too early for you? Aren't you up and pumping iron or something at that time?" He laughs and dries his hands before stalking back over and resting his forearms on the table.
"6:30 is perfect. Same place?" he asks, leaning towards me.
"Sounds good." I smirk and hop down from the table. "Thank you." I smile at him and nod towards the cane.
"You're welcome. He returns the smile and holds the cane out to me. "Don't use this anymore."
"Ok." I roll my eyes at him and open the door.
"See you tomorrow." He nods back at me and watches as I exit the office, a smug smile plastered on his face.
There's a flurry of activity at reception when I arrive back at the foundation as Rose and Lauren, our ever eager receptionist, fawn over some massive arrangement of purple Hyacinths stuffed into a clear glass vase.
"Hey, who's the lucky lady?" I ask leaning in to breathe the flowers in.
Rose turns her head slowly to me and hands me the card. "You."
"What? No." I take the card from her. "There's got to be some mistake." I stare back at her before reading the card.
To new experiences…
"Who sent these? The card isn't signed."
"I have no idea," she marvels, staring back at Lauren.
"Don't ask me, it was just a delivery guy who brought them," Lauren says, staring at me wide eyed.
"Oh, no. These are from Jake." My heart starts beating faster. "We're going for a run together tomorrow. No. No. No. He's going to ruin everything."
Rose shakes her head at me. "It's just some flowers Bella. Relax. And you're going running tomorrow?"
"Yeah, why?" I narrow my eyes at her.
"About time," she says, before turning on her heel and heading back into her office.
I smile and start to make my way to another afternoon of charts and pivot tables.
"Hey, don't you want to take these?" Lauren asks, holding the flowers out to me.
"No, they look much better out here." I smile at her and close my door, launching into the exciting world of Excel, and wondering how the hell I'm going to deal with Jake tomorrow.
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Chapter End Notes:
Up next, EPOV- what is our struggling artist up to?
Update should be early next week.
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