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Thanks as ever to the fantastic, xrxdanixrx- You keep me sane!

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On with Bella…

BPOV

Ch 7

Once he's shut the door, I rest my forehead in my hands and try to calm my heart that decided to launch itself into overdrive the nanosecond he opened the door to my office.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Why couldn't I just accept his offer? He was being sincere. Well, he seemed like he was, anyway. I mean, when am I going to get an offer from someone like this again?

I get up and stare out the window, thinking perhaps that the fascinating view of the lovers walking hand and hand in the park will lead me to some sort of conclusion. There's a vision that just doesn't include someone like Edward. He's not a picnic in the park kind of a guy…at least, I think he's not.

I groan inwardly at what he said about me judging him. He's so fucking right. He totally called me out. When did I become everything I loathe? The fact that people make judgments on me before they even know the whole story is the fucking bane of my existence. And yet, here I am, assuming I know everything about him.

Still, he was a dick to Mike, and the design team bimbos were all over him, hanging on his every word. Yeah, I have a feeling that Edward gets what he wants whenever he wants it.

My mind wanders as I watch a couple making out under the big oak tree towards the center of the park. What harm could dinner really do in the grand scheme of things? I mean, he's right. I do have to eat. Which would lead to dessert, which would no doubt lead to a round of making out, which would lead to…the possibilities are endless.

I haven't had sex since the accident. Five fucking years. Yeah, I've had a lot of time to try to perfect releasing the sexual tension that's built up. Unfortunately, it's left me massively unsatisfied in the end. A sudden burst of panic hits me as I wonder if I'm destined to spend the rest of my life with the wide array of vibrators Rose and Alice continually buy me. I mean, yeah, some of them are interesting to say the least, but they're also no substitution for the real thing.

I miss the real thing…a lot. I groan that Edward fucking Cullen is the one who has brought me to this massive epiphany.

I give my head a much needed shake, and move back to the computer to try to focus on finishing the reports for the board. It's not long before Rose is bounding through the door.

"Where the fuck is Edward? We're not done back here," she barks at me.

"I don't know, Rose, I'm not his keeper." I flash my eyes to her and her face falls.

"What did he do this time?" she asks, sitting on the corner of my desk.

"Nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing, Bella."

I smile back at her. This is a sweet as Rose ever gets. "He asked me out to dinner."

"Really?" She raises her eyebrows.

"I'm not going," I say definitively.

She scowls at me. "What do you mean you're not going?" she asks.

"I don't need to waste my time with guys like Edward," I say simply.

"Guys like Edward? What does that mean exactly?"

"Pretentious, conceited, arrogant pricks. Is that a better description for you?"

"You forgot hot," she says.

"No, I didn't," I mumble. "I'm fully aware he's hot, Rose. He's also an ass."

"Hmm, and you've based this on what?"

"Did he pay you to come in here and torment me?" I ask.

She laughs and shakes her head. "I think you like him," she says knowingly.

"Shut up." I turn away from her.

"I'm right, ,aren't I?" She leans forward on the desk, and I flush crimson. "Good for you, Bella. Finally, someone's gotten under your skin. Took you long enough." She smiles and hops down from the desk, shutting the door behind her.

I know she's right…as usual. Edward has gotten under my skin. I'm not sure if I've ever been as simultaneously annoyed and turned on by the mere presence of a man as much as I am by him.

I know it's wrong. I know he's a player; all artistic and mysterious. He's probably had more girlfriends than he can count. Distractions like Edward Cullen are of little use to me. God knows, I don't need more drama in my life.

I settle back into my chair as I pour over the budgetary numbers for the board, trying desperately to not second guess myself.

A few hours later I'm more than done with my day. My head feels like it's going to explode, and I'm fairly certain my eyesight is worse having looked only at spreadsheets all day long. I pack up my laptop and make a hasty retreat for the stairwell and home.

The sound of my keys hitting the side table at the front door echoes through the house. It echoes because, there's no one here to greet me, no one waiting to decide if we should eat in, or go out. No one to ask me about my day, to sit outside and watch as the sun sets in silence.

I know I've done this to myself. I've put up these walls to keep people out. It's a decision I consciously made after it happened. I know I could be getting ready for a date with Edward right now if I wasn't so damn stubborn. I also know I'd inevitably be disappointed, so what the hell is the point?

Somewhere, deep down, I wonder if I've made the right decisions. Isn't feeling something better than feeling nothing at all? I move into the kitchen and pull out the jug of ice tea, pouring a tall glass and downing it quickly.

The answering machine flashes at me and I hit the button. I peer into the fridge to try to figure out something more exciting than a brick of cheese for dinner.

"Hey, Bella, it's Jake." I smile when I hear his voice. "Just making sure we're on for tomorrow morning. Call me and let me know."

I so don't feel like running tomorrow. What I feel like doing is calling in sick and spending the day on the couch with a package of Lindt dark peppermint chocolate, but I know Rose would never let me.

I pick up the phone and ring Jake. He answers immediately.

"Hi, Jake, it's Bella. How are you?"

"Good, I have a date tonight." He sounds excited and cocky as hell.

"Sounds good. With who?"

"New nurse from the hospital."

"Good for you. Where are you going?" I ask, breathing a sigh of relief. I know that Jake's been waiting around to make some sort of a move towards me, and after today's clear and definitive brush off, he's decided to abandon ship. I don't blame him. Not one bit. If I'm being honest, as much as I love Jake's friendship, that's all it's ever going to be for me.

He starts to rattle on about some restaurant he's going to, and I shut the door to the fridge. Suddenly, I'm not very hungry.

"Sounds like you're going to be having some fun tonight, Jake. You sure you're going to be up to a six thirty run tomorrow?" Please say no…fuck, please say no…

"Definitely! Nothing's keeping me from that, Bella. Same place?"

"See you there." I groan and end the call, making my way to my bedroom. I wish I could just throw myself down on the bed and wail until I fall asleep, but alas, the nightly ritual of cleaning and moisturizing my residual limb has to be done.

After removing the leg, I check for any redness or swelling, and then wash the limb, rinsing and drying methodically. I massage the scar for several minutes before wiping the prosthetic socket clean. I wash the liner and sock, and hang them on the drying stand. I think at this point, I can do my nightly ritual in my sleep.

Once I'm in my trusty cotton pajama bottoms and UBC t-shirt, I curl up into a ball and let the other nightly ritual, the flood of tears, begin.

I know I'm lucky. I have a circle of friends that I adore, a job that I love, and for the most part, I've gotten my life back. Physically, there's little I can't do. I'm not counting the things I won't do, like dancing.

Emotionally, I know I'm a wreck. I refuse to let anyone in. The fear of rejection I've always had, was amplified a thousand times over when the accident happened.

I wonder if there's ever going to be a time when this isn't how I end my day. I want to feel something again. But I also realize that it's likely going to be a long time before I do.

I know Rose would have a field day if she saw me right now. She's always been the first one kicking me in the ass when I start down this road. Right now, I don't really care. I shut my eyes and welcome the numbness.

xxxxxx

I'm waiting for Jake in the usual spot in the morning. He pulls up on his motorcycle, whipping his helmet off and stowing it before sauntering over to me.

"You got laid last night," I say, smiling at him.

"Maybe." He blushes slightly and makes his way to the grass to start stretching.

"So…" I coax him.

"So, what? Do you seriously want me to give you details?"

"Ok, maybe not all the details…" I roll my eyes.

"She's hot. That's all I'm saying." He smirks at me as we finish the stretch and start out for our run. He starts in on me about half way through the 5K.

"Bella, are you happy?"

"Of course I'm happy. What kind of a question is that?"

"You're just alone all the time," he says sympathetically. I so don't need this today, especially from Jake…somebody who knows better than to play the sympathy card with me.

"So, you equate being alone with being unhappy?" I scoff at him. "Trust me; I don't feel the need for a man in my life. I already have you."

He smiles down at me. "You know what I mean. Aren't you lonely? I mean, don't you want to find somebody?"

"I don't know, Jake. I mean, I've been by myself for so long, its hard to imagine somebody else in the mix. Especially with this."

He lets out a huff. "That's one lame excuse, Bella. You deserve to find somebody. I have a couple of buddies at the hospital and…"

"Woah, wait just a minute there, Mr. Love Connection. Has Rose been talking to you? Or Emmett? Why is everybody so obsessed with my love life all of a sudden?"

"Because, we all love you, Bella. We want you to be happy," he says sincerely.

"Just let me worry about it, alright? If I need your help, I'll ask for it."

He sulks beside me as we slow to a walk. "Made good time today," he remarks, eyeing my leg.

"Thanks, it feels good."

"It looks good." He smirks at me and makes his way to his motorcycle, flashing me his signature smile before taking off.

xxxxxx

Rose is pacing in front of my office when I arrive. She yanks her latte out of my hand and pushes me through the door, closing it behind her.

"We have a fucking massive problem," she says seriously.

"We do?" I raise an eyebrow because a massive problem for Rose could be the fact that it's been over twelve hours since her and Emmett have last had sex.

"The airline just backed out of the auction," she says, sinking into the chair.

"What?" I stare back at her. Oh, so Rose isn't actually over-reacting this time. The airline had agreed to donate two five star vacations to Hawaii to the auction. They were two of the major silent auction prizes. I had estimated we'd see over ten thousand dollars for pair of them. "Why? What happened?"

"They've got restructuring or some shit going on over there, and until the dust settles, there's no donations, no giveaways, nothing."

"Rose, where are we going to find something to replace that? The auction's only a month away."

"I told you… massive fucking problem," she says, sighing.

"Ok, what about Emmett?"

"You want me to auction off Em? I don't fucking think so, Bella."

"Not him, crazy. His services. You know, personal training sessions or something."

She furrows her eyebrows. "That's not going to bring in ten grand, Bella, no matter how good he is."

"Oh, what about Mike's restaurant? VIP tickets to the opening? He's getting some band to play."

"Keep going. We're going to need more than that," she says.

I scowl at her, and suddenly her expression changes. "What about Edward?" she asks, raising her eyebrows to me.

"What about him?" I ask, warily.

"He's an artist. A good one. He's sold a ton of stuff. Maybe we could get him to donate something."

"Some little logo is going to bring in ten grand?" I look at her skeptically.

"Bella, I know you live essentially under a rock, but a painting by Edward Cullen is a very hot commodity. The guy's made himself a millionaire multiple times over from his work for God's sake."

"From some stupid paintings?"

"Look him up if you don't believe me." She raises an eyebrow. I fish my laptop out of my bag and fire it up as I see the wheels turning in her head. "This could be really good. Very hip and edgy. It'll attract some different people than we're used to that's for sure." Rose's mind is working overtime with this brainwave.

"And by different you mean…"

"Sophisticated, artsy, indulgent people. People with a lot of money who aren't afraid to throw it around at something like this, because it would make them look good," she says.

I nod my head and login to the network as she waits impatiently. I type his name into the search engine reluctantly, and gasp at the first news result:

Edward Cullen Original Sells for 1.5 Million at Dealer Auction. I click on the link and up pops his incredibly sexy face looking like the cat that ate the canary, standing beside some skinny red head who has got her arm draped across his shoulder.

"Holy fuck. I had no idea. Why is he doing boring logos for next to nothing if he's a millionaire artist?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask. I'm just glad we got him to help us," she says.

"Would he donate something to us? I mean that's a lot to ask, and quite frankly, he doesn't seem the giving type."

She smirks at me. "I think he might…if you asked him nicely." She flashes me a wicked smile.

"Oh, no you don't. Do not fucking even go there, Rose. I am not fucking Edward Cullen so we can get a donation."

"Who said anything about fucking him? I just suggested asking him, although if you feel like taking it further than that, I won't hold it against you." She grins at me.

I bury my face in my hands and feel her staring me down.

"Bella, I know you've got your issues with the guy, even though I don't fully understand them, but he clearly likes you. He asked you out yesterday, for God's sake. This could make a real difference to The Foundation. Think about what we could do with this kind of money. All the programs we could fund, all the…"

"Alright, alright! I'll ask him," I bark at her. "But don't hold your breath. You better come up with a plan B."

"He's coming in today to finish up with the design team. Talk to him. We don't have a lot of time here," she says sternly.

"Yeah, yeah." I wave her off and she smiles at me before leaving me sitting, shaking my head.

I so don't want to have to ask this arrogant prick for anything, but Rose is right. This could do a lot for The Foundation. I look back to the computer screen at his perfect, smug face, and hope to hell I'm wrong about him…for more reasons then I care to admit.

Chapter End Notes:

Hmmm, will he or won't he give them a donation?

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