A/N: Oh my God. I HATE WORKING FULL TIME IN A DULL OFFICE! Fucking 8 hours a day. 8AM to 5PM. Good lord.

Screw this, dude. Imma be a hobo.

Hah. Yeah, anyway.

READ THIS! IT'S VERY VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT!

Sooo, yeah, guess what? This isnt' the next chapter.

I'm sure you're all like, "Huh? What the fuck!? NO! That bitch!"

Yeah, I know.

This is a chapter, but it isn't the next chapter. It's an interlude. Or, more precisely, a "what could have happened."

So, here you go. AGAIN. It's THE CHAPTER . . . again. Just in a different way.

XD

Oh, and if you want a visual of Tank, I put his picture under my fanart section on my profile. I tweaked a pic I found on the net. XD

This Interlude is inspired by and dedicated to Ileranerak and the awesome fanart of L and Light (with NAKED!Light) It's rated PG, seriously though. Check it out! Link on my profile!

Where to place this chapter in your head.

Remember last chapter? Or, erm, that OTHER last chapter behind the last one? Okay, in this Alternate Universe of AOD, Tank didn't leave right after Light saved his life from that rampaging ice cream truck. Instead, Tank is just so god darned thankful, he's decided that he is going to treat Light out to a night on the town in London (which, remember, is only an hour out of Winchester (according to google, by any means)). So for this chapter (and only this chapter!), forget what happened after the ice cream truck incident, and instead, insert chapter below.

So, here we go. Cue scene!

The Art of Drowning

Interlude - The Naked Mile

"But I had plans to -"

"Oh no you don't, Asian guy! Can't they be put aside for a bit? I mean, come on! You just saved my life! The birds are singing, the air is sweet, and I swear colors are brighter or some shit like that! I owe you my life, man! Please?" wheedled Tank.

Light stared at the other man incredulously. Was this guy for real? Was he actually a killer for hire? This mountain of a man was practically childish in his enthusiasm to spend the evening with Light.

"Oh, come on! Come on!" exclaimed the huge man, pumping his fist.

Point made.

Light took an involuntary step back and tried to look at the situation logically. What was worse? Saying no to a killer for hire, saying no to a childish killer for hire, or just agreeing to go along for the insanity?

Well, he really didn't want to offend Tank, but at the same time, he had no desire for Tank to "treat" him out to a night on the town.

So Light tried again to get out of it once again.

"But you already gave me you card! I can call you to kill people for me, remember?" tried Light, knowing that the chances of what he just said dissuading the other man were slim at best.

"Which still stands! It's just part of what I'm going to do for you! Come on, Asian guy! I mean, look at you! You're just so - so - so Asian! I can just tell from looking at you that you need to loosen up!" exclaimed Tank, gesturing at Light.

Light frowned, looking down at what he was wearing. What was wrong with nice slacks and a button up? Hell, he'd even taken time to shine his shoes this morning. He was the picture of perfection - minus his facial injuries, of course.

What could Tank possibly see wrong with - oh.

He studied the other man's attire. Tank wore a tight, short sleeved black muscle shirt. He also wore a pair of loose camouflaged cargo pants with a slew of pockets that Light could only guess the contents of. The man's feet were adorned with thick, heavy boots that were splattered with mud, and a single gold hoop earring sat in one ear.

All in all, Tank looked like a bouncer. Or, with that outfit, maybe a soldier, but considering what the man did for a living, probably a bounty hunter.

Tank wiggled his eyebrows, interrupting Light's train of thought. "You know you want to, Asian guy. Just bend to peer pressure and say yes."

Tank made sure to end his plea with an extra enthusiastic eyebrow wiggle.

Light felt his mouth twitch, and his resolve not to smile at the ridiculous sight cracked.

"Uh oh! Was that a smile? Should I take that as a yes? Wait, don't tell me! I'm going to anyway. I'll pick you up around seven tonight! And don't worry, I know where you stay!" laughed Tank, whirling away.

"Wait -" started Light, but the man was already down the sidewalk.

"I didn't agree to anything!" called Light in exasperation.

He sighed, resigning himself. Well, staying in the man's good graces was plain common sense. Besides, Tank might prove useful to him in the future.

He shuffled his feet, kicking a rock as he turned back to his motel.

Light would have to put off meeting his relative for another day, so he had until seven this evening before Tank would pick him up. Maybe he would spend the time watching television in the motel room? He could order pizza for lunch or something.

Light suddenly felt better. Yeah, a day spent doing nothing but lying in bed, eating pizza, and watching television. He didn't think he had ever wasted a day like that before. It sounded nice.

Maybe Tank would prove to be a blessing in disguise.

Light was convinced that Tank was the spawn of Satan.

It wasn't the old two door car that spluttered and smoked. It wasn't even the scary grin that Tank shot him upon picking him up. No, it was the man's driving that convinced Light that Tank was something wholly evil.

And he was frightened not only for his life, but for others as well.

"Watch out!" yelled Light, pointing at the road.

Too late.

KADUNK.

"Aw, fuck yeah!" crowed Tank.

"That was a cat! You purposefully swerved to hit a cat!" exclaimed Light, giving the man an incredulous look while subtly checking to make sure his seatbelt was secure.

"I know, right? Yeah! Ten points!" grinned Tank. The man suddenly reached in between Light's legs, letting the car swerve dangerously close to the opposite lane.

Light's eyes widened. "Hey! What are you -!?"

But Tank was upright before Light could finish, a notepad in his hand. It must have been on the floor.

"Take the wheel for me, would you Asian guy?" asked Tank, suddenly letting go of the wheel.

Light grabbed it before the car could run off the road. "Christ! Tank!"

"Oh, relax Asian guy. I just have to make a note of that cat. There we go! Fifth cat this month," commented Tank with a smile, throwing the notepad back onto the floor. It landed on Light's foot. He kicked it off.

"You keep a record of your road kill?" asked Light, torn between morbid amusement and disgust.

Tank laughed, taking back the wheel. "I've got a running bet with a friend of mine."

"I don't even want to know," muttered Light to himself.

Tank ignored him.

"So, Asian guy. We're almost there. Excited?" asked Tank, smirking devilishly.

"Truthfully? Not at all," said Light, his voice deadpanned.

Tank threw his head back and laughed. Light twitched nervously, ready to grab the wheel from the other man if need be.

"You've never been to Brody's, right? You'll love it," promised Tank.

Light gave the man a dubious look, but chose to keep his mouth shut.

"So, this place is a club?" asked Light.

Tank shrugged. "More like a bar, then anything, but yeah. It's kind of like a club. Buddy of mine owns the joint. Real nice fellow. He'd like you."

Light made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat. A sudden, horrid thought entered his mind, and he couldn't help but ask Tank about it.

"Hey, Tank? They don't, uh, do anything - funny - at this bar or club of yours, do they?" asked Light.

Tank glanced at him sideways. "Define 'funny.'"

Light had to think for a moment on exactly how he should phrase it.

"Well, do people urinate on one another?" asked Light, opting for the simple and direct approach. He remembered what his uncle had said not too long ago, and he dearly hoped that clubs like that didn't exist. Especially if there was a chance that Tank could be taking him someplace like that.

Tank shook his head, seemingly serious for once. "Oh, no. Not at Brody's. They do that at Golden Showers, though. Now that's a club! I've only been there a couple of times. Wasn't really my scene, but fun all the same."

Light studied Tank incredulously. He honestly didn't know whether Tank was joking or not. Frankly, he thought it would probably be best if he didn't ask.

"Oh, and Asian guy? We'll be meeting some of my buddies tonight. You're not overly attached to your pants, are you?" asked Tank with a smirk.

Light subconsciously clenched his legs tighter together, getting a real bad feeling.

"Why do you ask?" he asked warily.

Tank shrugged. "No reason. Just wondering. You know, because your pants are boring and Asian and what not."

"Right," said Light, not convinced in the least.

What had he gotten himself into?

As it turned out, no, Light wasn't overly attached to his pants.

As the patrons of Brody's soon learned, Light wasn't really attached to anything he wore.

Actual strip poker, as Light grudgingly found out, was much more fun then mental strip poker.

Frankly, strip poker would have been one of those things that reminded him of Lawli, which in turn would have made Light depressed, then angry, and then he'd finally settle on guilty before he resolved to forget the incident entirely and carry on with his life.

This should have happened to Light.

But it didn't.

Because Light was barely capable of untangling his underwear from his feet after all the alcohol that Tank had shoved down his throat.

Light would be angry at himself - and at Tank - later. He had specifically asked the bartender that any and all drinks that Tank insisted on buying for him would be of the virgin variety. Obviously, the bartender hadn't taken his polite request to heart, and Light was a poor judge of a virgin beverage.

Sober, Light was a good poker player. Drunk, Light lost within the first three rounds.

And then came the stupidest stunt that Light had ever pulled in his entire life.

He wasn't exactly sure how it happened. All he could remember was the intense desire to find a fast food restaurant, and then he was running down the street in the dead of night in search of french fries.

Trouble was, he'd forgotten his clothes.

In his haze of alcohol induced mania, Light had taken a midnight run down the streets of London naked as the day he was born. Those few who had been out and about at such a late hour had steered clear of him, many even crossing the street to avoid being on the same sidewalk.

Eventually, the buildings got smaller and smaller, and then disappeared altogether.

Light hadn't a clue as to how long he had been running. He had forgotten the reason he was running ages ago, and he only acted on the feeling that if he stopped, he'd be caught. He didn't know who would catch him, but irrational fear pushed him on. That, and a lingering yearning for fried food.

Then he stumbled and fell onto rocky pavement.

It was the pain, the cold, and the inevitable vomiting that cleared Light's head enough for him to realize that he was lost in the middle of no where without any clothes on.

It was at that moment that he deemed himself a failure at life. What kind of idiot ran out of a bar without a stitch of clothing on? Especially when it was so cold? The drunk kind, obviously, and Light was ashamed and disgusted to admit that he had been (and probably still was) that drunk idiot.

Light lay where he fell, too tired to move.

Although he wasn't wearing any clothes, he still had his wristwatch. It took him a moment to figure out the time in the dark, but he found that it was nearing four o'clock in the morning.

He let his arm fall limply to the ground, and he looked around him. Trees. Lots of trees, but there was the tell tale orange glow in the sky, indicative of a city in the distance. London. The bar that Tank had taken him too had been right on the outskirts of the city. Otherwise, Light probably wouldn't have made it as far as he had without being reported or picked up.

Well damn. His life was turning into a bad college movie. Light groaned. If he wanted his clothes back, he'd have to run back to Brody's. God, he hoped Tank was still there. The man was his ride back to the motel.

Light shook his head, wincing at the jarring pain. He vaguely remembered hitting his when he fell. Memories of the past few hours were blurry, and all he wanted to do was sleep, but Light was sober enough to realize that passing out naked by the side of the road was an all around bad idea.

A questionably sober Light hesitantly picked himself up off the ground.

Man, was he screwed. It was going to be a long run back, but hopefully if he stayed in a straight line, he'd run into that godforsaken bar. Surely he hadn't taken any turns? He didn't remember.

With a resigned sigh and a dreadful feeling churning in his stomach, Light turned back towards London. Maybe nobody would see him. It wasn't quite four in the morning yet, after all. Not many people would be out. And those that weren't probably wouldn't care - hopefully.

Light was angry and irritable, exhausted and a bit hungry, and not to mention, completely and utterly disgusted with himself. Never in his right mind would he do something like this. Light had never been one to have the dreaded 'naked at school' dream, but now he felt fairly confident that he knew why that dream was so hated.

He was never touching alcohol again - 'virgin' or not.

Light took off down the road at a slow jog, stumbling a bit as he did so. Walking wasn't an option if he wanted to get back to the bar quickly. The last thing he wanted to do was prolong his time outdoors. He shivered. Apparently, drunk people didn't notice the cold as much. Now, however, the cold bit at his exposed skin.

His life was just one miserable affair after the other, and Light indulged in feeling sorry for himself until a sudden life crested a hill. Then he just felt ill.

It was a car.

Now Light really felt sorry for himself.

The bottom of his stomach dropped when the headlights appeared in the distance, heading in the opposite direction that he was running. Light steadfastly kept his eyes on the road, picking up the pace a bit. Maybe if he just ignored it? Maybe it would keep on driving? Maybe -

The car slowed and stopped.

Light diligently kept his eyes glued in front of him, determined to pretend that the car wasn't even there. That was until a voice called out from the rolled down window.

"Are you in need of assistance?" yelled the voice.

Despite himself, Light paused, stopping to stare into the darkened car.

"I can help you get where you're trying to go, young man," called the voice, and Light noted that it sounded like an elderly man.

Hmm. Decisions, decisions. Light hesitated, his mind in turmoil. He would love to be under the cover of a car. He felt extraordinarily exposed running down the streets without clothes on. But what if this old man was some sort of psycho that wanted to kill him?

Or worse. A pervert?

"It's supposed to rain sometime in the very early morning," added the man.

Rain? That sounded cold. He'd heard that hypothermia wasn't pleasant. Light rolled his eyes to himself. Well, fine then. If the old man tried anything, Light wasn't completely defenseless. Besides, Light was on a role when it came to doing incredibly stupid things. A little more certainly wouldn't hurt - especially if there was a chance that the old man genuinely wanted to help Light get back to the bar.

He jogged across the road to the car, opening the backdoor and throwing himself in quickly.

"You have no idea how much I appreciate -"

Light froze.

If the driver was looking at him in shock, then the passenger was looking at him in abject horror.

"Oh, fuck," said Light, starring at the two in numb shock.

Watari's mouth was hanging open, clearly at a loss for words. L looked frightened out of his wits, and Light would bet that the detective was either about to attack him or jump out of the car. Either way, it didn't look too good for him.

Light subtly tried the door handle, only to find it locked.

Well then.

He was fucked.

Light shifted uncomfortably, keenly aware at how naked he really was. L was sitting in the backseat with him, but had pushed himself to the far corner of the car as far away from Light as possible.

"You're dead," whispered L in disbelief. Light was slightly concerned to hear it bordering on hysteria.

Light laughed uncomfortably, trying in vain to lighten the situation. Good God. He must have still been a little drunk.

"Uh, I got better?" he tried.

"You see him too, right Watari? It's not just me?" continued L, ignoring Light's answer.

"Y-Yes, L. I see him, but I don't know how it's possible," confirmed Watari shakily.

"Are you real?" asked L, his eyes wide and disbelieving.

Light nodded slowly. He actually had to think about that one for a moment. "Probably."

"Why are you alive? The only thing we found of you was a kidney. The rest of you should be scattered to the four corners of the globe by now," questioned L, jamming his thumb between his teeth.

Light could tell that this whole situation really hadn't sunk in for the detective. Truthfully, Light felt a little surreal himself, but he answered L all the same, perhaps a bit more bluntly than he would have done completely sober.

"Um, well, I didn't really die. My father faked my death and got me out of the country. Apparently, an old family friend is trying to kill me, and I've been trying to find out who the man is and why he wants me dead. It was all a sham concocted by my father - my death and everything. I had no idea what was going on until you had already had the funeral and I was on my way to the airport," explained Light, only slightly slurring his words.

L blinked slowly. "You're drunk."

Light frowned. "Yeah, probably.

L looked at Watari, obviously at a loss. Watari only shrugged, still staring at Light in shock.

Light bit his own lip nervously and stared at the detective. God, how he'd missed Lawli. Everything about the man was beautiful. Light loved to just look at him. His face, his eyes, his hair - everything about the man was perfect. How could Light have ever thought that he would be able to live without the man in his life? Preposterous.

Light's eyes were drawn to L's lips. Beautiful lips. He wondered what it would be like to -

A foot came up and smashed him in the face.

"OW! FUCK! YOU BASTARD!" yelled Light, grabbing his eye.

"L! Was that really necessary?" exclaimed Watari.

"That was for making me think you were dead," said L, his voice fierce.

Light blinked away tears of pain to glare at the other man, sobriety quickly making itself known. Maybe he did deserve that one, but damn, it hurt!

He squinted at L, who met his glare coldly.

Light's mind flashed to night of his escape. He had asked his father how L had taken Light's death. "Bad." That was all his father would say. Something in L's eyes told Light that the man really had taken it badly. L's face was haggard, gaunt, the bags more pronounced. Hell, he even looked skinnier if that was possible.

Light felt a twinge of guilt.

But still, his face had been through enough these past few days. Damn it, Lawli!

"Watari, please drive us to the nearest hotel. I believe we are going to have to postpone our plans," said L, his voice once again monotone.

Even though a part of Light felt that he deserved the kick in the face, he still found himself wanting to punch L. Stupid Lawli. He'd almost forgotten how hard the other man could kick.

Despite his cool appearance, Light caught L shooting him wide eyed glances throughout the silent ride back into London. However, every time Light would turn to look at L dead on, the man would be staring steadfastly away.

Light sighed, rubbing at his eye.

"Yagami-san faked you death? How?" asked L, still not looking at Light.

It was then that Light realized that the reason L might not be looking at him was because Light was still naked.

Light angrily fought down the blush that threatened to make itself known. How utterly embarrassing.

"Pentalinium oroxide," gritted Light, crossing his legs.

Light glanced at L long enough to see the detective's eyes widen slightly.

"Ah," said L in realization.

Light tried not to roll his eyes. L suddenly sat up straighter.

"It wasn't a grave robber. It was Yagami-san. The policeman said that one of the grave robbers was wearing a suit. It was you, wasn't it?" asked L, his penetrating stare never leaving Light's face - thankfully.

Light shot him a look. "Suit wearing grave robbers?"

"That's what the policeman reported. Your father headed the investigation. Two men are currently in jail under charges of robbing your grave and trafficking your organs. They found your kidney, and it was reburied," commented L, a haunted look ghosting across his face.

Light choked. "They found my kidney? And you buried it? In a coffin? Just a kidney?"

"Yes," answered L, glaring at something unknown.

"Who's kidney was it then?" asked Light incredulously.

L shrugged. "I suspect that your father knows. Or maybe not."

Light bit his lip.

"And someone is trying to kill you. That's why your father went to such lengths to stage your death and smuggle you out of the country," continued L, once again looking at Light, but only in the face.

Light sighed. How could he answer that question without giving too much away? "Yeah, well, that's what he told me."

L frowned at Light's vague answer. "I find your story hard to believe. I can accept that your father helped you escape from me, but only because he somehow found out that I had you in solitary confinement once again. No doubt he was trying to save you. He never believed that you could be Kira."

Wait . . . what?

Light opened his mouth, but L cut him off.

"Therefore, seeing as you are still alive and that I have received confirmations from certain, knowledgeable sources, I can only conclude that your confession was true. You are Kira, and you have outwitted me with the aid of your oblivious father. You successfully escaped, leaving me to believe you were dead. However, you made a mistake, Kira."

Light snapped. "Now wait just a minute here -"

"You should have stayed away from the alcohol, Kira. It has proven to be your downfall," continued L, his eyes roving up and down Light's body.

Light flushed, but in anger instead of embarrassment. "That's not it! I'm telling the truth when I said that a man was -"

"Telling the truth? Really? Tell me, Kira. Was there ever a time, since you were born, that you have ever told the truth?" asked L, his voice raising in anger.

Light growled, his own voice raising. "Is now good enough for you?"

L kicked his foot at Light's head, but Light was ready this time. He dodged the kick and aimed a punch at L's head. Considering they were in the backseat of a car, Light's punch easily landed with a satisfying thump.

L growled, crouching on the seat and ready to resume his attack.

Both Light and L flew forward as Watari slammed on the brakes.

"Don't make me stop this car again! I won't allow you two to fight like children while I'm driving!" exclaimed Watari, before slowly starting the car forward once more.

Light and L shared a look, before looking away quickly, both glaring.

Light silently fumed, knowing that there was only one way for L to believe that he wasn't lying about psycho fucker trying to kill him.

He'd have to tell Lawli the truth.

He felt something jab him in the shoulder, turning to see that it was L's pointy elbow.

Oh, he'd tell L alright, but first . . .

"Oof," grunted L, grabbing his ribs.

Light smirked.

EDITED: 7-4-09

A/N: Hahaha, there you go! The naked scene! Man, I'm so glad I got a chance to write that, but just remember, IT'S NOT ACTUALLY PART OF THE STORY!

Thank you all for your fabulous reviews! I'm well over one thousand now! XD And thank you for bearing with me. I know my updating schedule is going to be hectic for a bit!

But really, I hope y'all enjoyed this little Interlude. I really had fun writing it, and it seriously almost became part of the actual story, but just remember, this was an AU stuck in the middle, just an interlude.

Next chapter will be THAT OTHER chapter you're all looking forward to. Finally, some well kept secrets are revealed! WOOT!

SAY SOMETHING!