Chapter 12: Memories

Lelouch woke with a gasp his body drenched in sweat. He felt exhausted, terrified and didn't know why. He looked at the grey walls of his cell. Cold and hard they reeked of sweat; the sense of anxiety suffocated him. He had been lying of the stiff bunk for 12 hours straight not saying a word. Once or twice someone had tried to talk to him but it all seemed too distant, like some dream to be forgotten upon awakening. Then forsaken prince did hear something that broke him out if his state of obliviousness; it was the sound of a cart rolling towards him.

When the sound stopped in front of his cell Lelouch raised his head to see who had disturbed him. It was Bernard Leeman, one of the few guards who didn't harass the prisoners. On the rickety cart Bernard was pushing there was an old typewriter and a stack of papers. Bernard's eyes met the Lelouch's as the older man spoke, "You are to write down your memoirs for the Imperial Institute for the Documentation of War Criminals. You have three weeks to complete your memoirs before you trial begins. Do you have any questions?"

Lelouch gave a mirthless laugh, "Yes, will this 'trial' begin with jury selection or a bullet in my head?"

Bernard grunted, "I'm no Politian but I'd say most likely the latter."

Lelouch nodded his head despairingly, "So why the hell should I write my memoirs?"

Bernard leaned in closer to Lelouch's cell, "What is the most resilient resistance? Is it one of Knightmares and soliders? No, it's an idea. A single idea from the human mind can build cities or destroy them. An idea can change the entire world and rewrite all the rules. It's almost impossible to eliminate once it has spread and can reappear anytime anywhere. There is truth in the saying 'the pen is mightier then the sword'."

Leouch looked at Bernard suspiciously No regular solider talks like that, "You're not a Jarhead, are you? Why do you work for these monsters?"

"By monsters do you mean Britannia in general or were you thinking of your uncle."

"How do know about him?" Lelouch had gotten up and was know face to face with Bernard's rugged, unflinching visage. Bernard didn't respond. "That bastard insulted my mother."

"Really, and what did he say."

"That her love for Nunnally and I was a charade. That she was some sort of cold-hearted monster. How does he even know her?" Lelouch was more thinking aloud, venting really. Not expecting the older guard to actually have any answers.

After a moment of silence Bernard spoke, "No. She wasn't a monster and she did love you in a way – But she but she could be 'cold-hearted' killer."

Lelouch was stunned, "You knew my mother," and then his thoughts turned to anger, "What do you mean she was a killer."

Bernard chuckled looking at Lelouch with bemusement, "Oh and suppose you thought she became a Knight of the Rounds by being a pacifist." Lelouch's face flushed with embarrassment at his own naivety. Bernard continued, "Yes she was a killer, and that was in the days before fancy Knightmares. She was Special Forces; she got in close and personal."

"How did you know her too?"

"I was special forces as well. Your uncle 'VV' was our commanding officer; he'd never go into battle himself of course… Tell me Lelouch did your mother ever tell you how she became a Knight of the Round, what convinced the Emperor so thoroughly of her commitment? "

Lelouch thought back. His mother had never told him of anything she did in the military, "No."

Bernard hesitated, "Well since your probably going to be killed soon perhaps you have the right to know who your mother really was," Bernard took a deep breath and his eyes unfocused. His mind traveled back to memories long suppressed, "First off, it's impossible to for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know horror means. Horror… horror has a face and you must make a friend horror… Horror and moral terror are your friends and if their not then they are enemies to be feared; they are truly enemies…"

Lelouch looked at the grizzled man like he was mad, What is this guy talking about? He should be the one behind bars… Before Lelouch could finish his thoughts Bernard began his recollection.

"I remember when I was in Special Forces; it seems a thousand centuries ago. We were conquering Indonesia, today's Area 10. The local resistance had inoculated the children against the smallpox we had been spraying. I'd noticed this but didn't stop them, after all the children weren't our targets. After we had left a village undisturbed this old man came running after us, he was crying, he couldn't say it… We went back there and your mother's unit had come hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile… a pile of little arms. And I remember I cried… I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out; I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember; I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized… like I was shot… like I was shot with a diamond… a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought 'my god the genius of that'… the genius… the will to do that. Perfect, genuine, complete crystalline, pure. Then I realized that she was stronger than I. Because she could stand it, she was no monster, she was a trained solider, she had a family, she fought with her heart, she had a family she had children she was filled with love but she has the strength, the strength, to do that. It was then why I knew why she was elevated to a Knight of the Round and I was not." Lelouch felt sick to his stomach. He staggered back and collapsed on his bunk.

Bernard didn't seem to notice lost in his monologue speaking slowly and methodically, "If Britannia had ten divisions of those soldiers then its troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have soldiers you are moral and yet at the same time are able to utilize their promotable to kill without feeling or passion without judgment, without judgment. Because its judgment that defeats us…"

Bernard shook himself, the mental jungle of his flashback fading. Soon he was back in front of Lelouch's cell, "Sorry for ranting, here's what you'll be using for your memoir. I know a computer would be much more convenient but the Viceroy was paranoid about giving them to terrorists, thought one of you do some sort of cyber-terrorism or something with it." Bernard unlocked the cell door and pushed the cart in. A stool was on the bottom shelf.

Bernard left without Lelouch saying a word; no retort, no angry accusations of slandering his mother's character. Somehow Lelouch knew he was telling the truth. Filled with confusion, one thing became clear. He must write down his memoir and his life values. If he were to die then maybe there was a chance however small that his ideals would live on, that somebody would finally understand him.

Lelouch sat down next the antiquated writing machine and began perhaps his final work, "I Lelouch vi Britannia am a Britannian by birth, a terrorist by reputation and nationless person my inclination. I am awaiting a 'fair' trail for my war crimes by the Empire of Britannia…"

Hearing the sound of typing behind him Bernard smiled and deactivated his geass. Lord VV should be glad with my work here.

An agent's voice could be heard through the static of VV's phone, "Yes sir we have a lead to the target's location. A blind girl in a wheel chair wasn't hard to find. We're on our way to 'Mandarin Oriental Hotel' as we speak."

"Excellent! Let me know what you find once your there," VV said with genuine excitement

"Yes sir."

VV hung up the phone and looked at Catharine, "Well done girl, your powers have once again aided your country." He smiled at her. Catharine tensed, she knew he wouldn't take her, that after she'd grown into a woman he'd lost interest for her in that way, but just standing in his presence terrified her and brought back memories she so desperately tried not to think about.

I'm too old for him, She felt relieved and strangely rejected at the same time by this thought.

"Lord VV, we have a Chinese man in Interview Room 32C. He approached and identified you by name." The voice came from the speaker on VV's desk.

"He knows me, who is he?" VV asked.

"He didn't say… But…"

"But what agent?" VV said his previous jubilation giving way to irritation.

"But… Sir he's made many claims."

"Such as?"

"He claims that that you tried to kill Her Majesty Marianne, but that she was still alive and that the emperor was hiding her from you. He claims that she's currently in Area 11, in this very building as a matter of fact."

VV saw the room spinning around him. His voice became faint, at times almost wavering, "I see. I'll be down there right away."

VV took Catharine's hand and led her to his destination.

Mao sat in the cold, dark room, an arrogant smile on his face. These fools get so flustered when I'm inside their head, I wonder if they even know I can read their minds? Moa knew he'd gotten lucky when he had sensed the Knight of Six. At first Mao was puzzled, never before had he come across something like that, one body two minds. It wasn't split personality disorder as he detected no mental illness. In his curiosity he dug deeper into the women's minds. He found what he was looking for, the memory that scarred one of their minds. Of a boy killing the Empress and of her soul entering the terrified girl who had ran and escaped. Even more curiously were the frequent memory changes forced on the girl, by the emperor. Mao wasn't able to detect them in Anya's mind, but they were easily found in Marianne's untampered memories.

Mao heard footsteps one of a woman named Catharine and another of someone Mao couldn't mind read. He's like CC, Mao realized. Even the agents he'd mind read didn't know the true nature of VV but Catharine did. The door swung open and a VV stepped in.

"Out." VV commanded. The agents left the room quietly and quickly the relief evident on their faces.

After the agents had left but before VV said anything more Mao spoke, "Well that's convenient. Now that Catharine is here she'll be able to verify everything I say."

The odd pair, a boy and a grown handsome woman, remained silent. "Geass," Catharine said simply.

"Indeed Geass, mindreading to more specific. That's how I was able to track down Empress Marianne."

VV looked at Catharine. She nodded an affirmation that this Chinese man was indeed telling the truth. Mao continued, "I'll tell you everything. Your brother is not the ally you thought he was."

A/N: Maybe I should name the next chapter "Mindfuck". Oh and don't forget about Nunnally. Feedback appreciated. Thanks to Worker72 for all your reviews and feedback.