Secrets Unknown
Chapter Ten: "It's been so long since I have heard your voice "
George sat at his window watching Angelina walk just over 300 meters away, turn, and suddenly make her way back to The Burrow. She walked more slowly than she had when she was storming away from the house. Now, she took her time as though she was still making up her mind whether or not she really did want to go back.
George began to panic. He hadn't meant to show Angelina the diary; she didn't need to go through the disturbing journey into Fred's mind that he had. And yet, George also felt a little jealous that she had seen it. He knew it was stupid. Angelina had loved Fred just as much as George did. But George was Fred's twin and somehow that seemed to be a deeper bond than just the relationship between Fred and Angelina. He felt terrible for thinking such a thing, but that didn't make him think it any less.
Angelina dawdled on her way back to the house, not wanting to get there and yet wishing that it wasn't taking so long. Her eyes dry now, she could face the Weasley family in the kitchen without too much effort to make it look as though nothing were wrong.
Angelina had become accustomed to putting on a brave face for the different members of the Weasley family. She felt almost uncomfortable showing her grief to them, when she knew that each of them were looking at her expecting her to break down into hysterical fits of anguish at any time. She didn't need that kind of attention, so she tried her best to smile and keep her mouth shut whenever a pitiful glance was thrown her way. After stepping through the door leading into the kitchen, she had to smile and keep her mouth shut to Ginny and Bill in the kitchen, Hermione on the stairs and even Harry was coming out of the bathroom on the first floor. When he had arrived Angelina had no idea, but she was glad of his company for Ron at least. She was slightly envious of Ron. He had his best friend and his lover with him to help him through such a hard time. She had lost both.
Despite the fact that he knew she was coming, George jumped when Angelina knocked on the door.
"I want to read it," she told him boldly after he had let her into the room.
George nodded slightly and invited her to sit down on his bed. He sat down next to her, picking up the diary from its place on the desk before doing so.
"Are you sure about this?" he asked her.
She nodded, tentatively at first but then, seeming surer of herself, her head bobbed up and down more vigorously.
George sighed, placed the little black diary on his lap and turned to the page he was reading last. He hesitated, stole a glance at Angelina and upon finding her watching him intently, began to read out loud.
"March fifth, two thousand and four.
Angelina has moved into her flat with Katie, Alicia, and a girl from Katie's year. She now lives in a little muggle village near Hogsmeade. She got a job in Hogsmeade working in the market. She stays with me a lot more now that she lives closer. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Obviously I love her more than anything. Of course it makes me happy when she is around. But at the same time, when I am happy around her, I feel traitorous to my own feelings of self-loathing and sadness. The guilt that consumes me when I am happy is almost too much to bear. It's almost as if-"
"Stop," whispered Angelina.
George stopped reading from the diary, bookmarked the page and lay the book down on the bed. Angelina was staring at her hands as they lay limply in her lap, a tear running down each cheek.
George lay a hand on hers, "it wasn't you, Angie."
Angelina nodded, more tears spilling from her brown eyes.
"I know that," she choked, "I just can't believe that he…that he felt like that and I didn't even realize it."
George sighed, remembering his reaction when he first read the diary. Becoming numb to its effects was the best solution but he didn't want to suggest that to Angelina at that very moment.
"I know," he said heavily, "he seems like a whole other person."
Angelina stood up and went over to the window, arms wrapped around herself as though it had suddenly turned cold. George let her go, not daring to tell her that the next words of Fred's were "It's almost as if it hurts too much to be with her". He knew she had suffered enough.
George stayed seated on the bed while Angelina stared out of the window. After a few minutes, without turning around Angelina spoke.
"I can almost hear him saying all that," she said softly, "all that stuff in the diary," she waved her hand vaguely at where George was sitting to punctuate her point.
"Is it a comfort?" George asked unexpectedly. He wasn't even aware that he had said anything until the last word left his lips. He cringed, worried about the reaction he was going to get. He expected Angelina not to answer him but to his surprise she shrugged.
"Yes and no," she answered.
George knew what she meant. Hearing Fred's voice was a comfort in itself. After talking to the same person almost every day for the entirety of your life, it is a shock to the system when you realize you were never going to hear their voice again. But the words were the disturbing part. And both Angelina and George would have rather never heard Fred's voice again if he were going to speak such words of self-loathing.
A knock at the door jarred both of them from their thoughts. Angelina turned around and stared at George who got up from the bed and opened the door. Hermione looked apologetic.
"Sorry if I am interrupting anything," she said, realizing from their faces that she had done just that, "but Bill asked me to get you down into the kitchen for dinner. He made lamb chops," she added.
George nodded and told her that they would be down in a few minutes. Hermione nodded in turn and made her way back to the staircase at the end of the landing. They could hear her clattering down the stairs and as the sound subsided he turned to Angelina once more.
"Will you want to-" he tried to ask her if she would want to try reading the diary again later and Angelina shrugged again.
"I don't know," she said sadly, "I really don't know."
DONE! Another chapter up! Please review! Angelface04 that means you too!