The Balance of Life

Part One - Discovery

Chapter 4 - Part 15--- NewHome

"You should be getting some rest too," Gary told Norm and Ralu when they looked up at him—Norm with a look of deep sadness etched into his face, while Ralu looked quite pleased and satisfied.

"Mentally, I feel like I've been turned inside out and back again," Norm answered, keeping his voice low as Gary had done so as not to wake Neytiri. "Physically, I need to get up and move. On top of that, my stomach's starting to growl."

"There are still several hours of daylight left. Let's go outside, let Neytiri catch a few hours of sleep if she can."

"Good idea. That work for you shorty?" Norm asked Ralu when she lifted her head from his chest.

"Yes. I would like to get back outside. This is an interesting place that I would like to see more." Ralu bounced up and off the cot with all the energy of a child that had been cooped up for several long rainy days.

"We won't go far, in case Neytiri wakes and wonders where we have gone," Gary said as Norm swung his feet over the side of the cot and got slowly to his feet.

"That's probably a good idea. I'm not quite as steady as I thought I would be."

"You will feel much better after you have eaten," Ralu informed him as she waited for Norm and Gary to catch up with her at the door to the hut.

"That's probably true. This avatar body hasn't had much in the way of solid food for the past few days."

"See how pretty the sky looks." Ralu took Norm's hand in hers as soon as they emerged from the hut and stood looking down the long valley that surrounded Hell's Gate.

"It is a beautiful afternoon," Norm agreed, trying not to let the unbearable weight of Karen's death smother him in grief. Because Ralu was trying so hard to make everything easier for him, he wasn't going to let himself sink back down into the bottomless abyss he had found himself in just a short time ago.

"I'm sure you already know, but there are some really nice fruits growing just over there," Ralu added, pointing to the rows of vines just off to their right.

"Yes I know. Don't worry Ralu; you don't have to baby me. I'm not going to fall apart again." Norm flashed the best smile he could muster at the moment. Which wasn't half bad considering everything he had been through. "Now, let's both of us get something to eat."

Even though she wasn't all that hungry, Ralu helped Norm pick out several different fruits that they carried back to the steps in front of the hut. Gary had waited there in case her mother awoke and came looking for them. After setting the food they had picked between where they sat, she began to peel the skin from a banana like plant while Norm bit into a fresh, juicy purple melon.

"I guess I owe you two a lot," Norm said after taking several large bites out of the melon he was eating. "I could feel—sense is probably more accurate—both of you looking for me while I was trapped deep inside this ball of unbearable pain. It felt like I was being squeezed by enormous, invisible hands. Any movement was impossible. At some point I realized that the pressure had let up to the point where I could move. I remember seeing your face Ralu, just your face. No matter which direction I turned you were always just out of reach. I was ready to start screaming when the last of the heaviness lifted and I saw your whole body. When I reached for you, you reached out and I was finally able to grasp your hand. That's when I woke up to find you staring back at me."

"I had been holding you hand for a long time. It was as though your spirit was no longer in your body. From time to time I would fell echoes of your spirit. No matter how hard I tried I could never get those echoes to stay. When I finally felt you come back, and your eyes opened, I was so happy that I felt my heart would break."

"I could see that in your eyes," Norm answered as he looked into those same warm, compassionate eyes that were smiling back at him. He was just beginning to learn the indescribable joy of seeing a child's boundless love for you reflected in their eyes. As strange and impossible as it sounded, he felt as if his avatar had found its soul-mate. Living up to the expectations of such a person was going to take everything he had.

"How did you manage to free me from the pain?" Norm asked looking back and forth between Ralu and Gary.

"Ralu and I both have empathic abilities," Gary began. "Since I have had mine for as long as I can remember, I'm assuming I was born with them. It's probably the same for Ralu. It a nutshell, we can feel the pain someone is experiencing and take that pain from them into ourselves. As long as we don't absorb too much pain too quickly we can usually rid ourselves of that pain before if harms us physically or mentally. It takes a lot of practice to do it right. Many times when I was younger I would take more than I could handle. That would knock me down for days at a time. Finally, with the help of another impath, I learned how to control my ability. As more and more of the people around me kept slipping deeper into despair I had to shut myself off completely. That's one of the main reasons that I took the offer to come here to Pandora. A lot less people meant a lot less pain to feel."

"That is how it is with me," Ralu confirmed. "When Home tree was destroyed and my birth mother was killed I had to close off the world around me. I could feel everyone's pain. I felt like I could not breathe. For many days after my father was killed I kept myself closed off from everyone around me. I knew that I could not stay that way forever. So one night I went to bond with Eywa hoping she would take some of my pain, make it possible to be open once again. It was the same night Jake passed through her eye and returned. I saw him smiling at me while I was bonded. That is when I realized that I was mean to live with Jake and Neytiri, to be theirs and as they would be mine."

"Since you were on the floor when I awoke, I assume you must have taken quite a shot," Norm said to Gary.

"Yeah, it was all of that, and more. I forgot to take into account the extra kick from your avatar. Knocked me down for a few minutes, but I managed to recover. The important thing is that we were able to pull you out. Now you can begin to heal, to accept. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but at least you can start."

"I'm sorry you had to suffer on my account, both of you, but I am grateful for everything that you did," Norm finished sincerely.

"All in a day's work," Gary replied trying to keep everything as light and easy as possible. Which he knew was damn near impossible considering everything that had happened.

"Ralu, I am going to have to go back to my human body for a while," Norm began, trying to prepare her for the emptiness he knew she would feel. "I can only stay linked for about half a day at the most, and then I need to return to my human body so that it can eat and get some sleep." He had almost said his 'real body', but like Jake he was beginning to blur the distinction between his two worlds. He knew for Ralu there was only one world even though he had two different bodies that occupied it. They both saw it from their own perspectives, even though it was the same.

"Not for a while?"

"No not for a while," Norm answered as there had been an unmistakable tone on distress in her voice.

"Don't worry shorty; I'll be back just as soon as I can. Now why don't I show you around our little playground?" he added, giving her a friendly smile.

For the next hour Norm showed Ralu around the avatar training area. Some things she found fascinating, other things a puzzle as to why the Sky People would build such a thing. The big hit was the makeshift basketball court. Trying to throw a ball through a hole seemed like a lot of fun especially when two or more could play at the same time.

Neytiri awoke to the sounds of Ralu's far-off laughter. Sitting up she tried to rub the sleep from her eyes and focus on where she was. Within seconds everything that had happened since day-break came flooding back to her. Her first thought was she needed to see Jake, touch him. When another squeal of delight from Ralu reached her ears she rose and walked to the door of the avatar hut. Stepping outside she found Gary seated on the top step.

"You don't look quite so exhausted. Sleep did you some good," Gary said to her as she looked around for her daughter.

"I feel more rested. What is Ralu doing with Norm?" she asked when she finally spotted them.

"Having fun mostly. Norm is showing her the fine sport of basketball. Thankfully, it's giving him some normal time as well as her."

"She sounds like she is having a good time. It has been a long time since I have heard anyone laugh."

"Humans have a saying that 'laughter is best medicine.' The fact that Norm can play with Ralu is a very good sign that he will come to accept Karen's death for the terrible tragedy that it is and move on with his life. Watching the two of them together only confirms my belief that she will be able to help him in ways that no one else will. Sometimes a child can see things that others cannot. I hope that you are not upset over this."

"No. I am not upset. I am surprised by how quickly they have taken to each other."

"Would you sit please? Looking up at you is giving me a kink in my neck." After she sat on a lower step so that their eyes were on the same level Gary continued. "Ralu has only been with you and Jake for a few days?"

"Yes. Three days. Although it seems much longer."

"You love her very much, don't you?"

"Of course. She is very special to us. The way she and Jake looked together the night Jake passed through the eye of Eywa made my heart ache. They looked so perfectly natural together. I knew that she should come to live with us. That we should be a family."

"Sounds like a 'love at first sight' kind of thing to me," Gary suggested. "I think it's the same with Ralu and Norm. I sense the normal mother daughter relationship between you and Ralu. I expect that I will feel the father daughter thing when I see Ralu and Jake together. You are a solid family, a whole made up of three individuals. Ralu and Norm have a special relationship that on one level is as simple as an adult child bonding, and on another I feel that there is something deeper, something richer. They have a common misery that they have each experienced. At times that kind of sharing can be destructive, each feeding off the despair of the other. But in their case it feels constructive, supportive as they help each other to deal with and accept the losses they have suffered. Play can be as healing for an adult as it can be for a child. The more time they spend playing together the quicker each will heal."

"I'm not sure I understood everything you just said. My knowledge of your language is not complete. But I think you are saying that just as Jake and I came to quickly love Ralu, the same is true for Norm."

"Yes, but it also goes for Ralu too. She is linked to Norm as completely as she is to you. There is something unique about her. She is definitely wise beyond her years. That sometimes happens in children who have psychic abilities. Has she ever…"

"I can see from the look on your face that Ralu has such an ability," Gary continued when he saw the shock of recognition cross Neytiri's face.

"She has told me of several visions that she has had of the future. Sometimes she gets a sense of what has happened in the past. When we went to visit a place that could be a new home for our people, Ralu sensed that something very bad had happened there a long time ago. She could not be specific, it was just a feeling. Her visions of the future are usually clearer. She told me that I would have a baby of my own. Something that has just come to be important to me. Other visions…"

"What is wrong?" Neytiri asked as a glimmer of sadness crossed Gary's face.

"Have you talked with Jake about having children of your own," Gary asked, wishing that he could have hidden his emotions from her.

"No, not yet. We have been so busy just dealing with all that has happened that we haven't had any quiet time to ourselves. Why do you ask?" That uneasy feeling that had been floating in the back of her mind surfaced to put a queasy feeling in her stomach.

Put on the spot Gary had to quickly decide what to tell her. Lying wasn't going to work. She would see through that easily enough. It was too late to bemoan that fact of 'why him'. Hoping that she would listen to everything he had to say, and not hear just the parts that were painful he began to explain something that was going to be difficult for her to hear, or fully understand.

"All females, along with their avatars, on Pandora cannot have children. Both males and females have a device implanted in them that prevents women from becoming pregnant. For humans this device is implanted before we leave Earth. Avatars have this device implanted after they arrive on Pandora. The device insures that no children are born here."

"Before she was killed, Karen told me about something called stereli'za'on—"

"Sterilization," Gary supplied.

"Yes, that is it. I had asked her if she wanted to have children and she told me about this steril'ization. She told me that this was true for all Sky People but did not say that it was the same for avatars."

"It might not have occurred to her to mention avatars when you asked if she wanted to have children," Gary began. "Sterilizing the avatars was done for two reasons. First the RDA didn't want their multi-million dollar female avatars getting pregnant. That would defeat the whole purpose of them being here in the first place. Secondly, and possibly more important, was that fact that if an avatar male impregnated a Na'vi female or a Na'vi male impregnated a female avatar the pregnancy could result in a defective child, one that was stillborn—born dead, Gary clarified— or complications might end in the death of the female before or during childbirth. I know I just said a whole lot that is going to take some time to explain. Just remember this was done to prevent harm and heartache."

"Did Jake know that he could not father a child?" Neytiri asked, feeling suddenly denied something she had come to want. Something that Ralu had said that she was going to have.

"From what I understand, Jake did not know that he was sterile until after Hometree had been destroyed. Apparently Grace told him when Quaritch had them locked up. Jake did not go through the avatar program like the rest of the avatar drivers. His twin brother Tom did. When Tom was killed just before he was to be sent here, Jake took his place. Jake knew next to nothing about the program, or avatars when he got here. Being sterile was something that no one would have thought to mention with so many more important things going on. As you said a moment ago, you and Jake have not had any quiet time to discuss many of the things mates do over the years. It is possible he didn't know that you wanted children or how to tell you that you wouldn't be able to with him. This is something for the two of you to talk about."

"This device that is placed inside his body, can it be removed?"

"I'm sure Max could do that. I'm not sure it would be a good idea for the reasons I just mentioned."

"Ralu said she had a vision of me with a baby. If that is true then the only way for it to happen is for Jake to give me the 'gift of life'. If I understand correctly this cannot happen unless the device is removed from his body."

"That is correct. What I am worried about, and I'm sure Jake would be too, is if something was to go wrong and the baby was born deformed or seriously handicapped, or you died from complications during childbirth, Jake would not be able to live with himself. That is a hard thing for a man to bear."

"You cannot be sure these bad things that you mention will happen. Is this not true?" Neytiri asked feeling overwhelmed by ideas that she couldn't see in her mind.

"I am only mentioning possible things that could go wrong," Gary answered, feeling her confusion and pain. "It is possible that nothing bad would happen and you would have a perfectly normal baby. It's also a possibility that even if the sterilization device was removed you would not get pregnant."

"I don't understand. I thought the device was the reason Jake and I cannot have a baby."

"Avatar's were created by combining human and Na'vi DNA—I'll explain that in a bit. It was very, very difficult to do. Only one in ten thousand humans DNA would combine with Na'vi DNA to create a baby. It is possible that the resulting avatar's DNA is different enough that it wouldn't combine with either human or Na'vi to produce a child. The simple fact is we just don't know what will happen if you and Jake try to have a child as it has never been done before."

"If Ralu's vision is true, and I believe it will be, then Jake and I should be able to make a child together."

"No matter how you look at this, it's going to come down to faith and taking a risk. Only you and Jake can decide if you want to take that risk. I wish I could be more helpful. Since you value Ralu's visions I would place my faith in that."

"Yes, I think you are right. Would it be alright to see Jake again?"

"You can see him any time you want now that he's out of surgery. He might be sleeping, but you can be with him as much as you want."

"The sun will be setting soon," Gary added when Neytiri looked over to where Norm and Ralu were still playing. "Norm will need to leave his avatar for the night. That might be a good time to take Ralu to see Jake. Help keep her from worrying about Norm. While she's seeing Jake she could meet Norm in his human body, if you think that would help her."

"Yes, I think it would. I will tell her on my way back to see Jake."

Author's Note:

I know that a lot of readers want more of a love story between Jake and Neytiri. That will be a major part of Book 2 which will center on the Omatikaya moving to the trees Jake and Neytiri visited in an earlier chapter. Also Ralu's premonition of something bad happening before will continue to play a part, but won't be resolved until a future book. As to the rest of Book 2, we'll see when we get there.

For those of you who have reviewed, Thanks. As always I enjoy hearing from you, so please review when you can.

Enjoy.