Chap Clothes Shopping -the nightmare Part II
So we've headed to an English store for no reason at all. I dunno why I let Renji drag us here. But we're here. I can't do a thing. Can't be bothered to, anyway. An English store in the middle of Japan. For some reason, I'm not surprised.
Myers, I think it's called. Sighing, I head to level 2 and am now staring at the section devoted to girls' clothes.
"Okay," I say. "What do we get?"
"Shirts, dresses, skirts, pants, underwear," Renji says, shuddering at 'underwear', "We should've dragged along Rukia."
"Glad to see you think about me all the time," says Rukia, appearing with a grin. "Byakuya-nii-sama told me to come along, said you'd need my help."
"Yeah," I say, "Get clothes for Hisana, will you?"
"Hmn," she says, thoughtfully, "Isn't she your child? Shouldn't you help with the clothes?"
I groan. And glare at her. Renji does the same.
"Fine!" she says, throwing up her hands. "Hisana!"
"Aunty Rukia!" cries Hisana. Why did we bring along Gigai's? They know who pushed over the rack.
"Mess in Aisle 2, Girls' Clothing," says a voice over the speaker system. I disregard it, roll my eyes at the surprise on the others' faces, and drag them to the middle of the section.
"Right, what should we get Hisana, Rukia?" I ask. Rukia looks thoughtful, and soon drags Hisana over to a section. I sigh, and head over to the cafe, Renji following.
After we buy two cakes and coffee for both of us, we settle down to watch Rukia drag Hisana all over the girls' section.
"This is gonna cost a lot," I remark to Renji, who's sitting next to me on the bench. Sighing, I lean back, and find Renji's arm draped over my shoulders. I don't particularly care.
"Hm, good think Yama gave us a limitless credit card, then," said Renji, waving it in front of my face. I swat his arm away, but grab the card.
"Awesome," I say, beaming. "When'd you get it?" I add, looking up at him.
"Remember when I disappeared off?" he asks. I nod, remembering that I yelled at him. "It was then, I went off to find Yama, and asked. He gave me it."
"Is he still on happy pills?"
"Yep."
"Great," I groan. Sighing again, I fall asleep. Seconds later, I feel Renji's head drop onto mine, and decide he's done the same.
--
Isshin grinned at the sight. Byakuya, standing next to him, shook his head in disbelief.
"Isn't it great?" asked Isshin eagerly, lifting his camera, and taking photos of the couple.
Byakuya nodded, and took a few photos, before heading off, to find Rukia and give her advice.
Renji shifted in his seat, so that he was leaning against the seat. Ichigo murmured, and shifted too, so that he was sitting, basically, in Renji's lap, head on Renji's shoulder, arms wrapped around Renji's neck. Renji, in reply, wrapped his arms around Ichigo's waist.
Isshin smirked, and took a dozen more photos, glad he was not in his Gigai. Byakuya was, and therefore could not take as many photos, lest some human thought he was a pedophile.
--
"Meh," I grumble. "What's happening?"
"As cute a couple as you look, right now, we need you to pay for all the clothes," said a voice, Rukia's.
Groaning, I lift my head, and yawn. Then I realize where I'm sitting.
In Renji's lap.
In his lap.
His lap.
ARGH!
Yelping, I leap away, ignoring the stares from the humans.
"What am I doing in your lap!" I ask Renji, well, scream-ask.
"The two of you fell asleep, and shifted, presumably naturally, into that position," says Byakuya. Renji, who woke at the same time as me, stares in mortification, at my former position.
"Let's pretend that never happened," he says slowly. Then, we notice the huge pile of clothing.
"That Hisana's?" I ask slowly. The three people in front of me, Hisana, Byakuya, Rukia, nod. We stare at it.
"Sure she'll need that much? Won't she grow out of it?" asks Renji.
"Firstly," says Byakuya, "Yes, as the daughter of my former Fuku-Taichou, she does. Secondly, she'll grow out of it very, very slowly. As it is, some of the clothes are slightly too large for her. She has clothes to grow into."
"And I want it!" exclaims Hisana, the puppy dog eyes coming on, "I want all of them. They're so pretty!"
"I suggest you buy them," said Byakuya. I sigh.
"Fine," says Renji. "We'll buy them. Glad Yama's paying for this."
We head to the counter, dragging the trolleys, yes, trolleys, behind us. The girl's eyes widen, and she stares speechlessly at the pile of clothing.
"Oi!" I say, waving my hand in front of her, "You gonna scan these things through, or what?"
"Um, er," she tears her eyes away and eyes me, a small smile coming on, "Sir," she says, dipping her head politely, "Are you sure you can pay for all of this?" she smiles invitingly. I grin at her, and am about to nod, when...
"Yep," says Renji. "Now do ya job, already."
I'm glad Rukia, Byakuya and Hisana have headed off to the cafe.
As we wait for her to scan the items through, we note the twenty different tracksuits, the fifteen kimonos, the twenty five different obi sashes, the thirty pairs of shoes, sixteen skirts, twenty tops, and twenty one dresses. That's not even all of it... Gah!
"Jealous," I mutter to Renji.
"Am not," he scowls at me.
"Jealous," I say, jabbing him in the stomach.
"Am not."
"Jealous," another jab.
"Am not.
"Jealous."
"You're the one flirting with the shop assistant," he says. I ignore this. I don't flirt.
"Yes, you are so jealous!" I jab him again, only, this time, he grabs my hand, and grips it tightly.
"Don't jab me," he snaps.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," I say, ignoring the fact that he's holding my hand.
The shop assistant finishes scanning. Renji moves forwards and, glaring at the shop assistant, who's noticed the hands, swipes the card through, and pays. The credit card holds out, to the shop assistant's amazement.
It did total around three thousand dollars.
--
Isshin smirked as he took a dozen photos of Renji and Ichigo holding hands. This was too good.
--
I sigh, and study the number of bags we have, around thirty. Turning around, I find Byakuya, Rukia and Hisana walking towards us.
"Hey," says Rukia by way of greeting, looking between us. I follow her line of gaze, and quickly tug my hand out of Renji's, blushing madly. Renji blushes as well, and we look like nothing's happened.
I hope. I'm not too good with the innocent look.
"Drive," I say, pointing to the first trolley. Byakuya's eyes widen.
"Are you ordering my sister to ...do menial tasks?" he asks. I hurriedly shake my head.
"No, no, but who will?"
"Why don't you?" he asks. "It's your child's clothing."
"I wanna drive!" yells Hisana. She reaches up, but can't reach the handle. Laughing, Renji bends, picks her up, and lifts her. Hisana grins happily, and starts pushing the trolley. I roll my eyes, pick her, and put her in the child seat.
"Mummy!" she wails. "I wanna drive."
"You're not," is all I say. Hisana's eyes widen. ""Cause you'll only make Renji fall over and hurt something, and only I'm allowed to hurt Renji."
"In bed," mutters Rukia. I kick her.
"Okay!" says Hisana. "I won't drive then!"
"AWW!" yells a sale assistant. I spin around. "Look, girls! That guy and that guy," she points to Renji and me, "Are in love! Yaaaaaoi!"
"Huh?" I ask.
"And they even have a child! And they're really rich, cause they bought heaps of clothes for her!" cries the sale assistant who scanned our stuff. "It's so cute!" she swoons.
I stare at them. Rukia stares at them. Hisana stares at them. Even Byakuya is staring at them. Renji is not. He is smiling at them. Flirtatiously. I am not happy.
"Hey, girls," he asks. As one, they turn to him, like a pack of wolves, "Could you help my lover, my friend, and her brother, and our child, get all these clothes home?"
"SURE!" they yell. I stare at them, and watch as they grab all the trolleys, and eagerly push them, before turning. "Where'd you live?"
"I'll show you to a friend's place, we'll take it from there."
"Yep!"
"Lover?" I mutter to Renji, as we lead them to Urahara's place.
"Shut up," he mutters. "I had to get them to help, and they're Yaoi fans, so..."
"Never do that again," I mutter.
"What?" Renji turns and grins at me. "Call you my lover, or flirt with the salesgirls?"
Damn. He must've seen the anger tick I know I got when he flirted. Damn that bastard.
"Both," I snap, brushing past him indignantly and storming on.
"Aw!" yells a girl behind us. "Did you two have a fight? Work it out, please, there must be more Yaoi in the world, and less broken up Yaoi couples!"
I twitch, and am about to tell them that we aren't a couple, when Renji grabs my arm, before entwining his fingers with mine.
"No, he's just having a bad day," he says, smiling charmingly. I just get more pissed off. Renji then wraps an arm around me, and pulls me closer. This day just keeps getting worse. "C'mon, Ichi, we're almost done shopping." He smiles at me, but mutters, "Don't tell them that we aren't a couple. They're fangirls, god knows what they'd do."
"Change the 'almost' to 'over and done with shopping' and I'll be happy," I growl at him. Renji grins, and
...
Did he just kiss my forehead?
...
...
...
...
...
...
No way in hell.
--
Isshin's eyes widened with absolute glee. He pulled his camera up and took several quick photos. Renji kissed Ichigo's forehead. That was better than could have been expected. Sweet. Fantastic.
Flicking through his photos, Isshin soon found three of Renji's lips pressed against Ichigo's forehead.
The Shinigami Women's Association would pay millions for that.
--
My mouth is about to drop open, and I'm about to assault Renji and beat him into next century. He did not kiss my forehead.
Judging by the screams of the salesgirls, he did.
I WILL KILL THAT BASTARD!
I'm about to torture him to death, when Renji mutters in my ear.
"Sorry, had to do that."
"I will kill you later," I growl back at him quietly. Pulling away, I scowl at the fangirls, who are swooning with delight. Death glaring them all, I grab Renji's wrist, and turn to face him. The bastard grins happily, and wraps his free arm around my waist, drawing me closer.
"We'll continue that when we got home, ne?"
The fangirls scream with delight.
"Sure," I growl, knowing he actually means the killing.
"OHMYGAWD!" screams one of the girls. "YAOI LOVE!" I death glare her. She softens her voice. "Of, course! Gomen! You don't want to do anything in public, ne?"
"No, and not in front of Hisana, too," I growl. I'm doing a lot of growling. Understandably, of course.
During this exchange, Renji has, thankfully, let go of my waist. Unfortunately, I've lessened my hold on his wrist, so he's twisted free.
And wraps that arm around my waist.
"Ne, Ichi, let's get going. The sooner we get home, the sooner the fun begins."
I interpret this, hopefully correctly, as 'let's have a fight'. The fangirls...They interpret it...With that disgusting mind of theirs.
"OHMYGAWD! Bedroom, here they come!"
I yell, and grab Hisana, covering her ears, scowling at the fangirls. Hisana's already heard too much, I can tell.
"Eh, Mummy, what do they mean?"
"Are you the uke? Funny, I never," The fangirl stops speaking when I slam a foot into her stomach.
"Shut up!" I yell. "My poor daughter!" I wail pathetically. Yeah, this day really has gotten to me.
Renji is kind of shocked by my outburst, and wisely decides to rush us all to Urahara's place.
Urahara answers with a sly beam. I'm instantly worried. The fangirls/shop assistants deposit all the stuff and leave, and I'm definitely not sad at their leaving.
"So it is true! Renji-kun and Ichigo-kun have had a child!" he says delightedly, raising an eyebrow. I elbow him roughly as I enter.
"Shut up, you perverted shop keeper," I snap.
"Oh, Renji-kun! Have you been denying him a little something in the bedroom? Is that why Ichigo-kun is son angry?"
Renji and I glance at each other, and then we reach a silent truce.
Five minutes later, Urahara is desperately in need of Tessai's help.
We've beaten him up pretty badly. It was good.
Gah. I think I'm turning into Kenpachi.
...
I hope not. One is bad enough for the world.
Anyway, Byakuya took Hisana to another room, I think to the underground cavern thing. The shopping has gone with them.
Renji and I leave our Gigai's where Byakuya, Rukia and Hisana's were left, and we go down as well.
Anyway, after avoiding a heap of Hisana's innocent but still horrible questions about Urahara's questions, and the fangirl's comments, (for which I swear to murder the fangirls for later) we get through the portal, and back to Seireitei.
And so, about ten minutes later, I've put Hisana to bed, and am accepting a cup of tea from Renji. Then, I flop into a couch, wondering if I've become over protective of Hisana.
I think I have.
Damn.
Sh&t
F&ck.
Insert a heap of curses too vulgar to actually print here.
Ah. F&ck.
Q. Who cares?
A. Everyone who's gonna tease me about this.
Which translates into... nearly everyone.
Reinsert those curses, thanks.
"What are we going to do tomorrow?" asks Renji. I glance at him. He's sitting next to me.
"What about tomorrow?
"Captains' meeting. With vices. And Yama's asked us to bring Hisana."
"WHAT?!" I explode, throwing my cup of tea into the air. It somehow ends up in my hair.
Renji, of course, being the bastard that he is, cracks up.
"OHMYGOD!" he yells, pointing at me and laughing. "You look so funny!"
"Shut up!" I yell back. "You'll wake Hisana!"
"Won't you?" he asks, pointing out that I yelled too. I scowl at him and march of to the spare bathroom to wash my hair. He follows me.
"Want help?" he asks. I'm having trouble getting the cup off, it seems to have glued onto my hair.
Goddamn it.
I want to throw the cup into the deepest regions of hell. I need to get it off first.
So I let him help.
He tugs on the cup.
It won't budge.
He tugs harder.
No result.
He tugs even harder.
It budges.
And I go with it.
I fall backwards, letting go of the sink, and land on top of Renji, who's fallen under my weight. Groaning, I turn over. Slowly, I realize what position we're in.
--
Isshin watched them, smirking happily, camera going.
Their lips were pressed against each other. He took a couple of photos before the camera beeped.
Isshin looked at the camera and swore. Memory Card Full. Damn. All 231 photos? Taken? Damn it.
--
I stare at Renji; his eyes staring back at me. Slowly, his arms wrap around me, and I close my eyes.
His lips are surprisingly soft, and supple. Not like what I expected, but hell? Who cares?
I wrap my arms around his neck, and raise one hand to the back of his head, pressing him against me.
Then I realize what we're doing.
So does he.
HELL?!
WHY THE F&CK ARE WE KISSING?!
DAMN THAT BLOODY TEA CUP! I BET ISSHIN PLANTED IT!
I leap away, freeing myself from his grasp. Note use of 'freeing'. We're both on our feet, staring at each other. With mortification.
Renji gulps, and says, "I'm going out. I need a couple of drinks."
I nod, gripping the sink so hard my knuckles are white. "I'll stay here with Hisana. Make sure...she sleeps." I give the excuse weakly. It's pathetic, I know, but f&ck that.
He leaves, fists curled, neck really tense. I stare at his back, and retreat to my room... Actually, it's more like our room. Damn it.
Why the hell did I kiss Renji?
WHY!?
Okay, it was an accident.
"Sure," says Shirosaki. I scowl at him. He's just materialized.
We go to the lounge. I thank Kami-sama for making me sound proof all the rooms. Hm. That means Renji can't wake up Hisana by shouting in the lounge room. I won't tell him that.
"What?" I snap at him.
"Aw, c'mon. Can't a hollow chat to his master? Especially when his master is about ta get married? To a guy?"
"Shiro," I tell him, "If you have nothing of value to say, go. Now."
"Just that Zanny and I wanna congratulate you on gettin' married to such a nice guy," grins Shiro. I'm horribly reminded of Gin. Gah.
Shiro sits and studies me. I'm unnerved. So, I go to get tea, only, I remember what happened last time I drank tea. So I ignore the tea, and make myself hot chocolate.
"Ya enjoyed that kiss, didn' ya?" asks Shiro. I stare at him.
"Why would I enjoy that kiss?" I growl.
"Evidence in that you responded," says Shiro. I stare at him.
"Please," I snap, "What would you have done?"
"If I enjoyed it, I'd've responded. Like what you did," says Shiro, "Or, if I hated it, then, I'd've kicked him away, and call him a pervert."
"Really?" I snort. I'm trying to ignore the obvious but unsaid thing. I apparently enjoyed the kiss. Gross.
"Admit it Ichi. You liked the kiss."
"Did not." I'm adamant on this. I'm gonna put my whole famous stubbornness behind this.
'Cause I really do not want to admit that, deep, deep, deep down, I liked that kiss.
That's gonna stay in the very deepest part of my mind. It shall not see the light of day.
Because, if I admit that I liked this kiss, then ... I don't want to go there.
Shiro grins at me, and disappears again.
I sigh, and go to bed. Damn hollow. He knows what I think.
--
Isshin grinned at the three photos of Renji and Ichigo kissing.
A/N: Whoa. Long chapter, eh? Cruel one, too. I keep thinking, what if Ichigo and Renji read this fanfic...I'd be dead.
Seeing as it took just a day for you guys to get past my limit, I'm setting a higher one! Especially since I need to stay ahead of you guys!! Soooo. TWENTY FOUR REVIEWS! Before I update! Cruel, ain't I? So yes. 24 reviews, I update. Hm? That's... TEN Reviews. Not that hard, eh? (I changed the limit three times, guys. I figured I was being mean with some of the others).
Anyway, thank you to everyone who reviewed! I grin whenever I see the reviews, and my mum probably thinks I'm going mad!! But, I love you guys!! SO HAPPY!
Oh, and I need help. First: What's Yachiru's last name? I used it in the last chapter, and I know i got it wrong. Gah. So, please, tell me. Next: Yachiru's nicknames for Isane, Chojiro, Iba, and Rukia. What are they? I need them for this story. Make 'em up if you want. I have no imagination. :P
Edit: Grammar, typos. usual.