This Chapter's a little different.
Fang's POV
You know something is wrong with you when you agree to go on a date with Lissa Whatever-Her-Last-Name-Is. I mean what's wrong with me? I think I got some weird terminal illness or some shit. How did I get myself into this? Well...
My family had been doing some...spring cleaning of the sort. We left the basement and Attic windows open through the night so we can get the stench aired out. Turns out Me and Iggs left some pretty nasty stuff up here when we were younger, damn we were worse than the Gas Man! Lissa took this "once in a life time opp", and broke in to my house and decided it would be romantic, to come into my room and ask me out then and there. I don't do romance. For me that stuff does not exist, not yet anyways. And me being the idiot that i -only sometimes- am, I had unconsciously agreed while in my dazed wake. I'm pretty sure i said something like "Mmm?...Kaaaaaaay" the "Kaaay" part was a yawn just FYI. To say I'm disappointed in myself is an understatement. I'm not even sure what else went on, I can hardly remember. But the really fucked up part was when i woke up the next morning to find Lissa on the floor by my bed staring up at me like a high creeper! And then...she smiled. Don't even get me started on her smile! It's pretty eerie. It made me all itchy! Then I realized I had no shirt on. And in attempt to hide my torso from this drooling girl, I caught my black duvet and brought it up all the way to my ears. I stared at her hard while thinking what the hell are you still doing here! Get outta my house lady! Sadly she had just sat there like a retard as clueless and air-headed as ever.
Later after she left I called Iggy and told him the whole dilemma, and I bribed him into coming on the date as a sort of look out. After that was figured out Iggy started to rave about his cousin coming to visit for the summer.
"Dude, Uncle Jeb said his daughter was coming for the summer! Do you know what this means?" He paused -probably waiting for me to reply, pshhh yeah right- "Uh-Hello, Fang I asked a question!"
"Yeah-No I mean, I don't know..."
"It means I have a cousin to hang out with! Perfect ass timing too. You were getting boring."
"Thanks so much, man"
"I'll have Max baby-sit for us. Yeah know, all the jackanapes." What's jackanapes?
"...What's wrong with you."
"What's wrong with you?You're scared of girls!"
"The hell I am! And about the sitting. You haven't even met this Max and you think she'll babysit for you?"
"Well no shit, Fang. I'm gonna make my famous choco pancakes."
"Yeah, alright."
That was two days ago...And today I actually met Max... Well not really. I kinda just stood there, while Nudge talked her ear off. Nudge...my super cool sister, who was gonna scare Max off before I actually got to talk to her. But then I did...Well Max bumped in to me, and when I looked down at her to to say sorry I saw how damn pretty she was... Again, this is unacceptable! I don't do good with the romance. Damn that word! It makes me almost as itchy as when *Shudders*...Lissa smiles.
Now I'm front of the movie theater with Iggs. And I'm as ready as i'll ever be. Last night I came up with this bad ass plan for how I'm gonna ditch Lissa. I was just finishing up explaining the whole plan to Iggy.
"So...Let me get this straight you want me to inconspicuously hide this book under my shirt and once we get in the theater you want me to inconspicuously throw it at Lissa's left boob and say 'oh it seems I have misplaced my book! But it's okay, i didn't pay for it anyways'?"
"I never said anything about a left boob, but yeah pretty much."
"Fang! This is genius!" Of course it is! He who doubts the Nickolas will perish.
"I know!" I scoffed
"Your modesty is heart warming and all, and sorry to burst your bubble, but I see Lissa so I better go..." He trailed off as he went to hide himself from Lissa's view.
"Hey Nicky!"
"Yeah lets get going." I started walking up to the ticket booth when she was within 10 feet of me. I paid for my ticket and acted all oblivious when Lissa looked at me like I was crazy for not paying for her ticket. And finally after a minute she let out a gross nasally sigh. It made me itch so bad! And to my horror Lissa grabbed for my hand and dragged me to theater number 7 with a half-ass apology when she stabbed me with her freaky fake nails. She found some seats, and I took note of Iggy sitting in the row behind us. Iggy really was a good friend, he went all out wearing all black-my thing by the way- and sunglasses. I noticed the rectangular lump coming from his shirt. This was gonna work. It better work. If it doesn't I. Will. Die. No worries though 'cause it will. I heard some shuffling behind us, and figured Iggy probably moved to be sat directly behind us.
The previews rolled by, and the movie finally started. I was half watching, half easing away from Lissa's wandering hands... I heard a thump and laughed when I realized what was happening.
"Oopsies. Sorry Missy!" Iggy shrieked in attempt to disguise his voice.
"Ah! Whatever. Just don't do it again! Or I'll sue you"
"Ohhhh No no! I sorry!" I can't believe Lissa was just that dense...Not ten minutes after that first stunt of his, he started on the big plan.
"Ouch! My boob!"
She got some "Shhhh!''s and even a "hee hee...bobbies." I had to bite down on my lip in order to not laugh.
"Oh! Where is that book of mine! Aww, He's Just Not That Into You was one of my favorites! Damn-Aw-well i have 4 more copies at home!" Lissa stared hard at the book cover. And I hoped with all that was in me that she'd finally take a hint.
"Nicky?"Don't fricken call me that!
"Uh...yeah?"
"How do you pronounce this word?" Oh for all that is holy to my moly!
"You know what Lissa. Sorry, but I gotta go."
"Wait, what about my good bye kiss?"
"You don't get one from me." I grabbed onto Iggy's collar as I passed him
"That's right Lissa! Because Fang's gay for me! Ain't that right 'Nicky'-" He never got to finish because his giant feet got tangled up with air and he face planted straight with the popcorn covered carpet. I laughed. really hard might I add.
"Oh that hurt like a bitch- Mmm popcorn" I kicked him arm as he started to grab for some scattered shit.
"Iggs! Don't be such a fat ass. The popcorn's all brown and shit!" He proceeded by giving me a look of disbelief as he picked him self off the floor... I turned my back on him as I made my way out of the theater. I heard some crunching sounds from behind me. Only Iggy...
"Eww...this shit's gross! Fang you bastard. Why'd you give me this rancid poppin' corn?"
"Iggy, sorry to disappoint, but I didn't give you nothin'"
"Whatever I fuckin' hate you! Everyone does!"
"Hey! I am immensely offended!"
"Just keep walking." He ignored my complaints... I really hope he falls again. He did, but this time over some straying toddler. The soccer mom -whom which the kid belonged to- started to hit Iggy with her purse. Iggy was wailing the whole time. When she was finished I made a point of literally walking over him, heading back to Jeb's to pick up my sister. Maybe I'll see Max...
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