Chapter Meeting the Family

When I wake up, I was laying in the middle of the bed, arms wrapped around Hisana. As corny as it sounds, I actually study her in the morning light. Her blonde hair is, seriously, permanently tied in ponytails. She will not let me tie it up any other way. Gah.

That's when I realize that Renji is hugging me to his chest. GAH!

I spin around and slam my elbow into him.

"WHAT THE F&CK!?" he yells.

"What the hell? Why were you hugging me?" I demand. We wake Hisana.

"MUMMY, DADDY! Don't argue!" she wails at us, clambering onto me, and glaring at both of us. She clambers over me, and is now between us, arms crossed over her chest, pouting magnificently. We scowl at her.

"We weren't arguing," I growl at her.

"YEAH RIGHT!" she snaps. "Why were you yelling at each other?"

Neither of have an answer.

"Nice going, Einstein," Renji snaps. "We weren't arguing. Sure."

I glower at him. "Let's get ready," I snap, choosing to ignore our little morning arguments. "We have that captains' meeting."

Renji's eyes widen, and he shudders. "Just close the curtains first. Mega, mother of all hangovers."

I slap him. "Your fault for drinking." He glowers at me. I smirk.

After we get ready, Renji and I in our usual robes, Hisana in a light blue kimono and white obi sash (which took far too long for her to pick out; I can't wait until she's a teen, GAH!) we head to the meeting hall.

Slowly.

Very slowly.

I mean, who would rush to what is really an emotional torture session no doubt devised by Soi Fon/Yoruichi for something neither Renji nor I can remember?

Anyway, so, we finally get there.

And we walk in.

Together.

Hisana toddling in front of us, Renji and me flanking either side.

And what do we hear?

Not talking.

Not chatting

THE F&CKING WEDDING MARCH SONG!

ARGH!!

I stop, and stare. Renji does the same. We're both blushing like hell, but that goddamned wedding march song is just...TORTURE!

Dun, dun, duuun, dun, dun, duuun.

"STOP IT!" I yell, drawing my Zanpakuto, looking around for the source of the hideous song. Renji does the same.

Everyone snickers.

"So what do you think?" demands Yama, rushing towards us. "Should we play that one, or do you want another song?"

"Huh?" asks Renji. "What for?"

Yama stops and stares at him. "For your wedding of course!" he exclaims. "Don't tell me you've forgotten, already!"

"Oh," said Renji slowly. Someone's, thankfully, turned off the Song. I sheath my Zanpakuto, death glaring anyone who dares laugh/smirk/chuckle/smile or in any show that they find this funny.

Which they all do.

Bastard traitors.

"Where's Hisana?" demands Yama suddenly, spinning around to search for the girl. I draw her out from behind me.

"But, Mummy, I don' wanna face that scary old guy!" wails Hisana, clinging to my leg. I sigh, bend down, and pick her up.

"As scary as he is, you can't be scared of him. Think of him like he's your...grandfather!" I reply, ignoring the smirk/chuckle/laughter from the captains/vice captains.

"MUMMY!" she wails, clinging to my shoulder, and burying her face in the nook of my neck. Yama appears beside us.

"ARGH!" she yells, staring at him.

"Don't tell me you're scared of me," says Yama, bringing out worryingly good puppy dog eyes. I'm scarred for life.

"He, he," giggles Hisana. "You're funny, old guy." She tugs on his beard. Yama falls over, well, stumbles.

"Hey!" he snaps. "Don't tug on my beard."

"DO THAT AGAIN!" screams the pink haired devil, aka, Yachiru. Hisana stares at her.

"Yay! Yachiru! I didn't know you'd be here!" she yells in delight.

"Well I am! And make old guy stumble again!" she replies. Hisana tugs on Yama's beard. Yama stumbles.

"Okay, now, you gotta meet everyone else!" says Yachiru, tugging on Hisana's arm. They're around the same height. I can imagine them growing up together.

Let's just say, not good. Not good at all.

I shudder again. Yeah, the future doesn't look too bright.

"Okay, so you met Old Man. Now meet, Soi Fon, aka, Yoruichi Obsesser," says Yachiru, indicating Soi Fon, who blushes madly.

"And then, there's Emo Guy, or Kira. And, Braidy, Unohana. And you know Orangey Berry, Ichigo. And, ByaBya, Byakuya. And, Doggy, Komamura, and Pink Cloaky, Shunsui, and you know Reddy, Renji, and Whity Shorty, Hitsugaya, and Ken-chan, Kenpachi, Clown Face, Mayuri, and Whity Tally, Ukitake."

Hisana nodded. "Right, got all their names. Thanks, Yachiru!"

"That's not everyone! That was just the Taichou! Now, we gotta do all the Fuku-Taichou's!" exclaimed Yachiru. Hisana nodded, letting Yachiru start.

I wince as she goes onto the vice captains, with nicknames like Demon Cat (Yoruichi), Bun Girl (Hinamori), Robot Girl (Nemu), Serious Face (Chojiro) and so on.

By the time she'd finished, many were death glaring Yachiru, who was oblivious. Hisana nodded, and proceeded to recite the names.

Unfortunately, she'd only remembered the nick names.

"Hisana," I said desperately, "Don't you remember the actual names?"

"Huh?" She looked at me innocently. "They're too boring, Mummy."

I death glare Hisagi, Kira, Kenpachi, Shunsui, Mayuri, and a heap of others. Obviously, some people aren't gonna get over the 'Mummy' thing. I'm happy to help them, but Yama might not be too happy.

Actually, would Yama react at all?

Ya see, Yama-jii, while the nicknames were being delivered, decided to go to one of the corners. Now, he's skipping around.

Renji follows my stare, and gapes openly.

"Yama-soutaicho!" he cries, rushing over to the geezer. "Are you okay?!"

Everyone follows him, amazed to see our leader jumping around singing the Peanut song.

"Found a peanut, found a peanut," he mutters. Looking up, he sees us, and grins. "Hey everyone! How are you? Today's such a brilliant sunny day, ain't it?"

I look outside, with half the top order of the Gotei 13. It's raining.

Yeah, so much for the brilliant, sunny day, ne?

"Yamamoto-soutaicho," begins Byakuya, voice and face as expressionless as always, although I swear he seems a bit nervous, "Is anything wrong?"

"No, not at all Byakuya-bou, but don' call me Yamamoto-soutaicho, that makes me feel old!"

Need I point out just how old the geezer is?

That's when Chojiro comes, and drags Yama away, looking embarrassed.

All us captains and vice captains stand there, looking stunned.

"Did he get the wrong medication or something?" asks Shunsui, finally. Everyone turned to Unohana and Isane.

"Possibly," replies Unohana. "My division is overworked, after all. It's possible his medication may have been mixed up with someone else's."

"He's on medication?" asks Kira, looking surprised.

"Yes, for constipation."

"Didn't need to know that," mutters Hisagi, looking green. We death glare Kira.

"Gomen," he mutters. Suddenly, he rushes out of the room, and we can hear him vomiting. Hisagi leaves to check on him.

"With whose medication?" asks Mayuri. "It may be possible for me to undo the changes."

"No," says Unohana. "I'm not letting you anywhere near him. And besides, we don't know if the medication was mixed up, or if it's just a side-effect."

Chojiro reenters, holding a bottle of pills. Unohana takes it, and studies the contents. She looks up, looking unhappy.

"Kira's happy pills," she says.

"Kira's on happy pills!" exclaims Renji, and Hinamori.

"Yes."

"Didn't have much of an effect," Renji mutters.

"Let's head back to, 'Yama's on happy pills'," I say.

Half the captains and vice captains groan, and sink to the floor. Whether from standing up so much, or from unhappiness at 'Yama's on happy pills', I don't know.

That's when Hisana and Yachiru proceed to grab the bottle of happy pills. Both take a few each.

Can we just re insert those curses from above? The ones too vulgar to print?

"Yay!" screams Yachiru, running around. Hisana joins in, and then they proceed to run around us, dodging, weaving, I can tell Hisana's gonna be good at defense.

Hell, why am I thinking about that?!

My daughter's on happy pills!

Hang on.

...

...

My daughter?

F&ck.

I'm getting attached to her.

Renji and I race after Hisana and Yachiru, both of whom having left the room. Kira and Hisagi are laying on top of each other, both looking stunned.

"Any reason why you're on top of each other?" asks Renji, slowing down to talk to them.

"Pink blur. Blonde blur," stammers Kira, pointing in the direction of the offices. Yachiru and Hisana. Damn.

Sh&t.

"Ah, Yachiru and Hisana got their hands on happy pills," Renji explains, "So, yeah."

Automatically, Hisagi summons a Hell Butterfly, well, a swarm of them. He talks to them for a few seconds, and then, sends them on their way.

"What did ya do?" I ask.

"I sent a warning," he answers. I shake my head in disbelief, but, still, it was a needed move.

"Oh," I add, as I prepare to shunpo away, "you might wanna get off Kira, unless ya really like it, in which case, get a room, guys."

Smirking, I ignore the insulted yells from both of them and shunpo away.

Renji has managed to round up a few people to help: Dad, Byakuya, Nemu, Unohana, Isane, Kenpachi, and Komamura. Kira and Hisagi joins us after a while, shooting me death glares.

"Okay," I say. "Last witnesses, well, the ones I know, said she was going in that direction," I point in the same way as Kira and Hisagi," So we'll go after them. In the end, I reckon, the line of destruction'll probably give them away."

"You're treating this like there's a few Hollows loose," remarks Dad. I stare at him.

"Daad, Hisana and Yachiru on happy pills equals a couple o' Hollows loose," I reply, sounding deadly. With that, I take off after them.

Renji follows me, and then there's the others. We spread out in a triangle formation, and I eye the shocked/worried/stressed/upset faces of the Shinigami surrounding us. They've seen Hisana and Yachiru, I know.

"FOUND A PEANUT, FOUND A PEANUT, FOUND A PEAAANUT TONIGHT! FOUND A PEANUT, FOUND A PEANUT, FOUND A PEANUT!" yells two voices, terribly out of sync, and out of tune.

Hisana and Yachiru. Ah, damn. I rush in the direction of the voices, and find the two standing on the execution hill, linking arms, and singing at the top of their voices - surprisingly loud for two tiny bodies.

I stare at them for a few seconds, before I realize something. Swearing, I start shunpoeing to the hill.

"Ichi! What's goin-OH MY GOD!" exclaims Renji, staring at them. They look drunk.

"They're gonna fall!" yells Kenpachi. He rushes forwards, and stands under the hill, watching the two worriedly.

I never knew he had such a soft side. It's kinda scary.

"Kurosaki Maskai Hisana! Yachiru! GET DOWN RIGHT NOW BEFORE I KILL YOU BOTH!" I yell at them, running towards the pair. They turn and face me.

"Mummy," says Hisana, slurring her words, "What's gonna happen?" She takes a drunken step back.

"HISANA!" I yell, and grab her. She'd stepped back, and I'm now dangling off the edge of the cliff, clutching Hisana's wrist. Yachiru's latched onto my back, giggling madly.

"ICHI!" yells Renji. He rushes towards me, and grabbed my middle, and yanks me back.

"ARGH!" I yell as I'm dragged back none too gently over the rock. "Renji! Try to be gentle!"

"Hisana! You okay?" he demands, grabbing Hisana and checking her over.

"Hey!" I snap. "What about me?!"

Renji gives me the once over. I have a couple of scratches and bruises. I know that. "You're fine," he says, before turning his attention back to Hisana.

I grunt grumpily, before grabbing Yachiru and sitting her on my lap. I feel so inferior. Gah.

"Ichi! Ren! Hisana! Yachiru! You okay?" asks Dad-no, he shall only be Isshin, as the others run up the cliff.

"Fine, fine," I mutter. Unohana shakes her head as she studies the bruises and the cuts I got.

"These look bad, Kurosaki. You'll have to come with me to Fourth, I'll get you some salve for the wounds," she says. I flash a triumphant smile to Renji.

"Any way to get these two off their highs," he asks, nodding to Yachiru, who's been picked up by Kenpachi, and Hisana.

Unohana shakes her head. "No, they'll just have to wear it off," she replies. I sigh.

"Let's stick them in a training dojo," I say. Everyone nods in agreement.

A/N: well, it took you two days. only two days. Soo, i shall set a limit of thiry five reviews, that's twelve reviews. You can do it. can't you?

Stupid question.

Anyway, i've realised that i haven't done a disclaimer. Sooo.

I own nothing. Except Hisana Masaki. Who's mine. hehe. Oh, and I own the fangirls. No offence to Myer, I'm sure your sales girls aren't yapi fangirls.

This chapter is dedicated to AZjanus and hanabi857 who both wrote two reviews each since i posted the last chapter. I have nothing to say on that.

Oh, and, anyone who points out any typos, mistakes, etc gets extra cookies. Reviewers get brownies, and people who point out mistakes get cookies. 'Kay?

So, twelve reviews before i update, peoples. and the next chap, which is already written, invloves Kenpachi and Hisana meeting, if that's incentive enough for you to click on that button and review.

Edit: some verb tense changes