Chap How to have a breakdown.

"Hisana! Do not suck on Ikkaku's head!" Renji snaps, striding across the room, and tugging the girl off Ikkaku's head. "Sorry, Ikkaku. Won't happen again, right Hisana?" Renji death glares Hisana.

"But Yachiru does! And Pachinko tasted funny!" she giggles madly.

I sigh. Letting Yachiru befriend Hisana had not been a good idea. "Yachiru can because...she's a special case," I say finally. I then notice Ikkaku sitting on the ground, shivering uncontrollably. "Err, Ikkaku, you okay?"

"Do...I ...look...okay?! That girl is a danger to Shinigami everywhere!" he screams. I twitch, feeling an anger mark beginning on my head.

"Oi! Don't call her a danger to Shinigami everywhere! She's perfectly fine!" I snap, tugging her out of Renji's grasp and hugging her to me, scowling at Ikkaku.

...

"Did I just say that?" I ask finally, after a dramatic pause, in which the two male Shinigami in front of me stare at me, looking shocked. Renji nods, very slowly. I stare at him, mortified, and slowly let go of Hisana, who slides down to the ground safely.

"NO!" I wail pathetically, beating the nearest wall with my fists. "WHY!? WHY ME!?" I fall against the wall, sobbing manically. Finally, after five minutes, I stop sobbing, and, wrapping my arms around my legs and burying my face in my knees, I start to rock back and forth.

--

Isshin stared at his son having a mental break down. Grinning, he took a couple of pictures, and waited for a) Renji to be coerced into helping Ichigo, and b) for someone to realize he was standing in the room.

--

"Hm, Renji?" ask Ikkaku, staring at me. I continue to rock back and forth.

"Yeah?"

"What's he saying?"

"Dunno."

"Why me? Whyme? Whme? Wme? Whye? Why does everything havta happen ta me?" I mutter.

"What's he saying?" ask Ikkaku.

"GODAMNIT!" I yell, leaping to my feet, and throttling him. "I'm saying, Why me? WHY ME!?" I wail. Sobbing, I fall down onto the floor again.

"He's cracked," says Ikkaku matter-of-factly. Renji nods, agreeing.

I glare at them.

"I have NOT cracked; I am merely releasing my emotion."

"Huh?" asks Ikkaku.

"Dude, he's cracked, nothing he's gonna say is gonna make sense," says Renji. I scowl at him before returning to my rocking.

"Kurosaki?" asks Byakuya. "Kurosaki?"

"You said my name twice -WTF? Dad-Isshin!?" I yell, pointing my finger at Isshin, who smiles happily. "NO! HE'S SMILING HAPPILY! THE WORLD SHALL END! RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

I fall back to the floor, and crawl to the corner. There I take up my patented rocking position and continue to rock.

"Oh, er, Kuchiki. Yeah, Ichigo cracked. Badly."

"Shall he call his fight with Kenpachi off?"

"NO WAY!" I yell. "I need that fight! How else am I gonna forget that I being married off to that bastard," I point at Renji, who looks offended, "Already have a kid, who's befriended Yachiru, of all people, and that my life is pretty much ARGH! I can't take it anymore!" I continue to sob pathetically, while Byakuya raises one delicate eyebrow, and turns to Renji.

"Comfort him, Abarai."

"Hai, hai, Kuchiki," stammers Renji, already moving to me. "Er, um, Ichigo? Wanna go back to the apartment." Sniveling, I look up at him, and sigh.

"Yeah, yeah. Just... JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" I wail. Renji stares at me, before scooping me up, and hugging me to him.

"Shut up already," he mutters. I pout, before continuing to sob. Hisana rushes into the room then. I never saw her leave...

"Daddy! Why's Mummy crying?!" she exclaims, jumping onto his shoulder, and looking at me concernedly.

"I don't know, Hisana. He's just crying," says Renji, before grinning evilly. I sweat drop as I'm placed in Ikkaku's chair, and Renji turns to Hisana.

"Can you make him stop crying?" he asks.

"THAT'S MY CHAIR!" yells Ikkaku indignantly. Everyone ignores him.

"Mummy," says Hisana slowly, crawling onto my lap and looking at me sadly, bringing out the puppy dog eyes. I scowl at Renji's growing smirk. "Please stop crying Mummy. It makes me sad. I love you. Don't cry."

She hugs me. Sighing, I straighten and hug her back.

--

Isshin grinned as he silently took pictures of when Renji hugged Ichigo to his chest, when Ichigo was laying in Renji's arms, and as Ichigo hugged Hisana. Isshin was very thankful he'd a) gotten a larger memory card and b) he'd got all the pictures taken off the old one, which was laying in his pocket, as back up.

--

I let go of Hisana and smile at her.

"Are you okay?" she asks, nestling against my chest. I leave an arm around her waist.

"Yeah," I reply, leaning back in my chair.

"Oh, that's," someone sniffs, "Very beautiful. I had no idea you were capable of that sort of lovely beauty," says someone entering the room. It can only be Yumichika.

"Yumi! Get him outta my chair!" exclaims Ikkaku, striding to Yumichika. Who, for simplicity, I'm just gonna refer to as Yumi.

"But why, Ikkaku? He looks adorable in that chair with that gorgeous little girl, Hisana. Who bought that wonderful light red kimono for you, Hisana-chan? It goes so very well with that pink obi sash."

"Hey Feather Facey! Yeah, Aunty Rukia picked the dress out for me! With Uncle ByaBya's help!"

"I always knew the Kuchiki family had excellent taste! Very well chosen, Kuchiki-Taichou."

"Thank you," he replies. I scowl at them all, and grab Hisana from Yumi, and march to the door.

"I'm going home to get some sleep before my fight tonight." With that, I let Hisana go, and leave.

Renji follows me, and, together, in absolute silence, we get to my apartment, though it's really our apartment now, and go in.

"I'm gonna shower," he says. I don't bother pointing out that he had a shower that morning.

I probably should start summing up why I had a breakdown, ne?

Okay,

1. I have a child. A daughter. Who's not actually mine. I'm supposed to care for her. WHY!? WHY ME!? Cue pathetic wail.

2. I'll have to guide her through life, growing up, etc. And...Oh God. Puberty. NOOOOO! Cue a shudder. I'll get...Rukia, or Inoue, or someone to deal with that.

3. And give her THE TALK. The ... birds and the bees...NOOO!

4. I'm also gonna get married to a guy. A person of my own gender. WTF?

5. That person happens to be Abarai Renji. ABARAI RENJI! Why him of all people?!

6. I mean, he had Byakuya as his former Taichou, and Bya doesn't stop dropping in on us.

7. There's my dad too. Bloody Isshin. Bloody Goat Face.

8. And it's not fair Renji has to look constantly offensively cute, and adorable, and completely jumpable.

9. Wait.

10. I so did not say that.

11. That can be crossed out, double, triple crossed out, with a ton of white out on it.

12. I did not say Renji was offensively cute, and completely adorable. He's not. No way in hell.

13. He's definitely not jumpable. No way in hell. Definitely not Renji...Yeah. Nuh uh. Nope. Negative. Wrong. Incorrect.

Groaning, I flip around so I'm laying on my stomach in the middle of the bed, legs and arms splayed across the bed.

"Oi, shove," says Renji walking in from the bathroom. I scowl at him, but move to one side.

"Wake me at five thirty," I say. "That's in two and a half hours, Renji." He sets the alarm clock, as he flops onto the bed. "And don't sleep on me," I add as an after thought. He scowls at me as he falls back.

"I'll try not to," he snaps. I smirk and fall asleep.

A/N: giggles madly

yeah, I'm mad... get over it... hehehehe... i love the list..

So... um...45 reviews? That okay?

Wait, why i'm asking you?

Definetely 45 reviews.

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