Chapter You're Worst Enemies
I wake up, snuggled up to a very comfortable pillow. It's a nice one, I think, as I hug it tighter.
"Oi, Ichi, don't hug me like that," mutters the pillow.
Wait.
Pillows don't mutter.
"Argh!" I yell as I leap away from Renji. His chest is bare, that's where I've been sleeping.
"What now?" he grumbles. "Get back here, Ichi, you were comfortable."
"Shut up you bloody pervert!" I yell. Grumbling, I get out of bed and head to the bathroom. I can hear Renji sigh and turn over, obviously going back to sleep.
Ten minutes later, I grab an energy bar and munch on it as I head to Eleventh. Soon, Renji joins me, and together we head to the battle ground, slash training ground specially designed for Eleventh. Yeah, they need their own training ground. Pathetic, ne?
"OHMYGAWD!" yells a very, sadly, familiar group of voices. Renji and I turn.
The Yaoi fangirls are there.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
WHY ME!?
"OHMYGOD! You're the Kurosaki-sama! And you're Abarai-sama! You're the heroes of the Winter War! And you're in love, hoooow cuuuuute!" exclaims the fangirls, remaining in a freaky sync.
"What the hell are you doing here!?" yells Renji, pointing and staring at them, with nothing but pure shock on his face.
"We died, obviously, and ended up in the Academy. OHMYGOD! We so wanted to meet you!" they yell, again together.
I'm getting more and more unnerved.
"Well, go," I say. "I'm gonna be fighting Kenpachi, so, you might wanna leave..." I suggest hopefully.
"You're gonna be fighting Kenpachi! But he's ...like! The strongest guy ever! Aren't you worried, Abarai-sama?"
Huh? Why are they asking him about being worried? I'm the one fighting...Oh. Right. They're asking if he's worried about me.
Do not say that I am slow. I'm just...My brain's not working normally. I'm shocked. Okay?
Wipe that grin off your face Rukia.
"Well, um, yeah," he says weakly. "And drop the 'sama', girls."
"But you're soo awesome that you gotta be called Abarai-sama, Abarai-sama!" exclaimed a few of the girls, again in sync.
"Aww, that's soo cute! He's worried about you, Kurosaki-sama! That's sooo cute!" yell the others.
"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" they suddenly chant.
WTF?
I stare at them.
"NO WAY AM I KISSING RENJI IN PUBLIC!" I yell at them. They stare at me in sad silence. I cross my arms over my chest and glare at them. Renji is still in shock.
"No way am I kissing the Strawberry in public," he says finally.
"In public?" says the leader of the fangirls, grinning suddenly. "Aww! Do you kiss in private?!"
"NO!" we both yell. Some of the Shinigami stare at us, and then notice that we're talking to fangirls. At that point, we get a nice large clear area around us. No Shinigami likes fangirls, except for the most insane ones. Ya know. Shunsui. Mayuri (he likes freaking 'em out).
"Hey, students," says Ukitake, appearing with his usual gentle smile, "I hear that the fan store near the Academy has new figurines."
"OHMYGAWD!" yell the fangirls, "NEW FIGURINES! SWEET!" With that, they all dash off.
"Oh God," I groan, falling to the ground, "All the fangirls are here. Tell me that new rule's in place."
Yama introduced this law which says that any fangirl who becomes a Shinigami can't become a seated officer without passing a huge pile of tests, mainly psychological tests. Let's say that that law is probably my favorite.
"Don't worry, Ichigo-kun, I doubt they'll pass."
"Good."
"The first time anyway."
"NOO!"
"Take anger, frustration, fear out on Kenpachi," remarks Renji. I nod, sniffing slightly, and head into the circle, grinning at Hinamori, who's managing the kido barriers.
"Right," says Kenpachi, grinning, "Thought ya wouldn' come, Ichigo. You mighta chickened out."
"I don't chicken out," I reply calmly, lifting my Zanpakuto.
We circle each other warily, and then Kenpachi swipes at me. I block the blow to my head, and then block a rather fast follow up, which was aiming for my other side.
I grin, knowing this is gonna be a great fight.
Kenpachi swipes at me, but I throw my reiatsu up and block the blow. Grinning sadistically, I release my hollow, and smile at him.
"Let's fight at full power, Zaraki," I say. Kenpachi grins, and rips off his eye patch. I feel sorry for the Kido Corps.
"Hope your lover boy doesn't mind you bein' ripped up," he says.
"Lover boy? Renji? No, he's not my lover," I say.
"Oooh, don't break the Pineapple's heart," he replies, continuing to throw blows at me which I dodge, well, most o' 'em. I get cuts to my stomach and both arms so I restore the worst of the damage, not too bothered about blood loss or any of that.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever Ken-chan," I reply, hoping he'll get riled up by the use of his nickname.
Predictably, Kenpachi growls at me and slams his Zanpakuto down on my head, but I dodge away before any damage is done.
Grinning, I ask, "Losing ya touch, Ken-chan?"
"Shut up Strawberry," he growls. Smirking, I fire two quick ceros at him. Kenpachi dodges the worst of them but gets a few burns.
"Oh....You are so going to pay for that," he growls.
We have a nice fight in the middle, me using shunpo to get to and from him, and we land a couple of blows on each other. I'm gonna wake up tomorrow black 'n' blue.
About half an hour passes with us just landing, or trying to land, blows on each other. By the time we pause, panting, Zanpakuto's pointing to the ground, we're grinning.
"Told ya you should have a rematch," grins Kenpachi. I snort.
"Why'd I wanna do that? Too much time 'n' bother."
"Eh, c'mon, Kurosaki. You're doin' this, ain't ya?"
"To let of some steam," I reply. Then, I shunpo forwards and raise my Zanpakuto. After delivering a withering number of quick fast blows, most of which he dodges, I pause, grinning.
"Yeah, this is good," I say, grinning like mad. Kenpachi laughs.
"See why I like ta fight?" he asks, with a huge stupid grin plastered all over his face.
He rains blows onto me, which I either dodge or parry, but, he suddenly knocks me down onto the ground, pressing his Zanpakuto at my throat.
"Ya dead, Ichi," he says triumphantly. I raise an eyebrow, and, grabbing his hand on the hilt, yank the Zanpakuto away and pull myself up. He groans "Cheater," with a grumpy but amused sigh.
"Am not," I say, swinging my Zanpakuto. Kenpachi dodges the blow, but let's go of his Zanpakuto.
It hits me on the head.
"Oooh," I groan, swaying. My hand goes flying with my Zanpakuto in it, and I dully hear it thwacking Kenpachi. Then, I fall onto the ground; the last thing I hear is Renji screaming my name.
A/N: I updated for two reasons…a) Your reviews made me soo happy! And B) Sob I become really utterly busy for the next few months, and I won't update regularly, not that I already do.
So here's what I'm gonna do. I'll try to keep to a regular once a week update. If I don't, it's a two chapter update to make you guys happy. Okay?
Here's the thing. Reviews make me remember to update. So…review and you get your weekly hit of SGTP crackness. 'Kay? Review peoples.
But huge thanks to everyone who reviews. YOU GUYS ARE THE EPITOMES OF AWESOMENESS!
And yes, the yaoi fangirls are BACK! mad laugh