Nothing is mine… you know the drill.
But, this is when things start to happen.
Hopefully you haven't given up on me.
Also, the beginning of this chapter starts out like a person looking back on a few memories. Just heads up.
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It didn't take long for most of dogtown to know Jay and I were together. This was mainly due to the fact of the news of us spending a night in jail. Most of our type would have saved our own skin, instead of sticking with whomever you were caught with. We had both bailed on many people, so it was a sign of true 'loyalty' as some put it for us to hang in there. But I knew better. We had only done it because it was our obligation; some unspoken agreement we had both come to over the many years we had spent together. It was the bond we shared from the abandonment of our fathers, the reckless drinking and drugs, and above all else, surfing and skating.
Slowly, we reached our one-month mark of being together. It came to me as a blur of happiness and peace. Whenever I was angry, or depressed, he was there. He never said the right things, but they were always real. He didn't lie to me, and I grew very trustworthy of our relationship. I had never had that with another person. It scared me. I feared the commitment or risk of getting serious. And I had the feeling he did too.
There was one conversation that remained imprinted in my mind.
It was almost a month after the run in with the law. I had stumbled into my house, wet and sore from an early surf session, only to find my mother and Ted sitting at the round table. They were speaking in hushed voices, even though my siblings didn't spare them a glance. Neither of them looked up when I entered.
I walked by them, pretending to get a drink of water, trying to pick up on what they were discussing.
"Kendall… that's all we have left. We can't do it."
"What are we supposed to do then? The only food we have is cereal, and that sure as hell won't feed seven kids!"
"Then we lose the house!"
"Or the kids starve!"
"Look… look… we just need some time. Okay? Believe me, I'll cover it."
"I don't think… but you know? Ill just look for work, I'm sure to find something…"
"What? You don't think I can do it? Huh?"
"No! I don't think you can do it on your own!"
"You-" he began to hiss back, but he noticed me, and I quickly averted my eyes. "Her… She could work… needs to start…"
"Yes, certainly…" she whispered without looking at me. Her brain appeared to be working faster, and her eyes were screwed up in concentration. "What I don't understand is how we lost so much, so quickly. Not that we ever had much, but…" She gazed upon Ted intently. He seemed not to be paying attention. But I realized what she was trying to say: she thought Ted was using it on drugs, prostitutes, or alcohol. Ted was watching me, and saw none of this.
I took this as my cue to exit and strode to my room quickly. I stripped off my large jeans and substituted them for some cutoff jeans. Just the thought of working repulsed me. My laziness was a weakness for me. I sat on my bed and decided I would stay until I wanted to go to the pool with the team. Hell, I might not even go today. A nap would be nice, maybe a party, and then some more sleep. As soon as I had come to the conclusion that this schedule was perfect, my doorknob turned. A skinny, shaggy-haired, topaz-eyed boy walked in, grinning at me.
"Let's go to the pool. We found a great one in this rich-ass neighborhood," he informed me, as he sat on the bed with me. I looked at him with a half-smile. I wasn't much in the mood. He did not seem to pick up on this. "But first…" he said quietly and he leaned in to kiss me. It was an innocent kiss, perhaps too innocent, for he broke away, looking at me confusedly.
"What's wrong?" he groaned.
"Nothing," I lied.
"Ted? Kendall? Me?" he questioned.
"Yes," I moaned, flipping myself into a fetal position, facing away from him. "We're broke, and I either get a shitty job, or leave."
"Fuck that. Sometimes you are such a pussy, you know that?" he was obviously trying to aggravate me.
"Shut up."
"You. Now come on, or am I going to have to fucking carry you?" Then, a thought coursed through my mind.
"Jay," I purred, turning slowly and sitting back up on my knees with my legs spread. I pushed on his chest and he fell into the pillow of my bed. I crawled swiftly on top of him and began to kiss him passionately and roughly. He returned the intensity and allowed me to take off his shirt. He removed mine slowly, while still caressing my neck. My aggressive side took over after that. My hands found the path toward the button on his jeans. He looked surprised at me, but I didn't stop.
"Wait… what are you doing?" he said breathlessly. I ceased fumbling with his jeans.
"Isn't it obvious?" I laughed.
"What, that were going to fuck, and then you're gonna leave me for some other guy?" he asked angrily. I stared down into his face.
"Wh-what?" I stuttered.
"Look, I wasn't planning on getting with you, just so you could use me. So tell me now if that's what you're planning on," he said this with a firm and monotone voice, but I saw the flecks of complete devastation in his eyes.
"Well, if it makes you feel that uncomfortable…"
"I don't like the idea of other guys on top of you!" he growled throwing me off him and into the spot he had previously occupied on the bed. At the same time he flew onto his feet and walked to the wall in my room, not facing me. I propped myself up on one arm, and started to smirk. Slowly, my smirk turned into a quiet laugh. He turned around, flabbergasted.
"What's so funny?"
"Jay, look, I haven't been with as many guys as you think."
"Really? 'Cause I've had at least twenty guys come up to me saying that they've all been with you."
"They're liars."
"Oh, so it's only five?"
I paused, and admitted, "Jay, I haven't ever been with a guy. Well, slept with one at least."
He looked at me blankly. "What?"
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Shocking," He finally laughed and joined me on the bed. Our lips met for a while, until I tore myself away.
"Let's get to the pool. I've got to show Tony that I can totally get higher than him, over the light at least."
We put on our shirts, and ran out hand in hand. We raced there on our boards in the sun, him reassured by our conversation, and me realizing that I was not the only fearful one out of us two.
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Jay led me to a perfectly pale blue empty pool. My immediate reaction was how many people were there: Sid, Stacy, Tony, Red Dog, Biniak, Blanca, Kathy, Peggy, and so many more. Many were spectators and photographing the team skating. My excitement went up a level. Our notoriety seemed to have sufficiently increased.
Half an hour later found me climbing out of the pool to sit with Peggy. We didn't talk but watched. Then, there was a ripple throughout the crowd of people. All heads seemed to turn. At first, I didn't understand why, nor did I care. But then Peggy nudged me and pointed. A tall, beautiful, long-haired brunette had glided in with her entourage. She was wearing sunglasses, purple shorts, and had her yellow shirt tied in a knot. They made their way to the end of the pool, and sat as gracefully as possible.
"I'm gonna embarrass these guys," Peggy grinned.
She jumped into the chaotic pool, pushing and shoving with them. It amused me at first to see Tony skate right up to the gorgeous girl, but the next to go was Jay. It was undeniable; he had tried to impress this new girl. Jealousy reared inside of me, and before I could register what my feet were doing, I was back in the pool. Jay had not finished his run yet, but I got in position for me to begin.
"Yo, Kimber, what the fuck are you doing?" I heard Tony ask. But he was too late; I had kicked off. I gained speed quickly and headed directly where Jay would be coming down from the curve of the pool. He turned at the top, and saw me, but it was inevitable with the speed at which we were both going. There was a loud smack, and I slid backwards, my turquoise board rolling to meet me. I sprang up and found that my hands were extremely bloody. I wiped them on my cutoffs, leaving smears of red on each side, and walked back to the stairs of the pool. Jay had moved from the ground, and was looking daggers at me. I smiled at him. This pushed him over the edge, and he practically ran up to me.
"Fuck you."
"Fuck you. What the hell were you thinking?"
"What the hell were YOU thinking?"
"Look, all I know, is that you can not pull shit like that with me around? Okay you man whore?"
"You can be such a bitch! You know that right? So what-"
But a sudden outcry interrupted our argument.
"Pigs! Pigs!" a young voice screeched. There was a roaring sound of jumping and hurried footsteps. Jay grabbed me and pulled. We all ran to the fence. But to my utter horror, there were ferocious dogs on the other side. Now my hands started to tingle, and stomach flipped. I darted the other direction, which was straight into the cop.
"Freeze! Stop right there!"
"Try and catch me bitch!" Jay screamed as he leaped onto the hood of the cop car and ran over it. There was such an outpour of kids that the cop could not decide who to follow. I saw Stacy run to the left, and pursued after the long blonde hair, which was blinding in the sunlight. Stace opened his car door in a hurry. I hurtled into the passenger seat and yelled, "Come on Stace! Start it!"
The engine roared to life and he floured it. The car jolted forward and we sped down the street.
"Hey, hey, take a left," I said, making sure we were not being followed. We kept winding down different roads, until we reached familiar territory. I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Thank god," he said.
"Yeah, I know."
"God, it's like I haven't talked to you, you know, alone, in forever."
"Kathy hates me. So, I don't think she'd like it much," he chuckled.
"She doesn't hate you, she's just a little…" he paused searching for the right word.
"Bitchy?"
"I was going to say uptight… but whatever. You just have to get to know her."
"I don't really want to. Besides, she's keeping you all to herself! That's why we haven't spoken in a while."
"Jay's doing that to you," he smiled.
"Shut up."
"So, you guys are pretty serious, huh?"
"Nah, well, sorta, I don't know."
"Uh-huh," he said with a skeptical glance. "Because if you two break up… or go up in flames…"
"What are you trying to say? Just spit it out."
"It's gonna make it weird, okay?" he said quickly.
"Fuck man, it won't. It'll just be weird for you and Tony."
"Exactly."
I groaned. "I don't care. All I know is I have to try and get a job, keep up with the team, and my hands won't stop bleeding. You and Tony didn't make the list."
"Oh, well, sorry," he said sarcastically.
"Look just take me to my place, okay?"
"Fine. You going to the party at Red Dogs tonight? Huge party, and he scored three kegs."
"Fuck yeah."
We drove speaking casually until we arrived at my small house.
"Come on," I told him.
We walked in the hot sun up the cement stairs and through my front door. I threw my board down on the steps; it landed with a dull clunk. Immediately, Ted walked up to me.
"Kimber, Kendall and I need to talk to you," Stacy looked at me apprehensively.
"Guys, go outside," my mother said to some of my siblings on the couch.
"But mom, its so hot-"
"Didn't you hear her? Outside!" Ted yelled. They all scurried out the backdoor, but turned to watch through the screen of our one window.
"I would leave if I were you, and maybe get a haircut," Ted snapped to Stacy, who had done nothing but stand there.
"No, he stays. You can't tell him that, you don't have any control over him," I growled.
"It's my house," he glared.
"Not for much longer."
"You are such an ungrateful bitch!"
"Ted! You better not talk to my daughter like that!" my mom interrupted.
There was silence.
"Look mom, it's fine. I'll leave."
"To hell you will."
"What's that mean?"
"You're staying. And working."
"No I'm not."
"If you want to live here you will."
"You're in luck. I'm out," I said while jogging away into my room, Ted in pursuit. I attempted to slam my door, but he caught it with one hand. I gave up and went to the corner where I left my duffel bag. I threw it onto my bed.
"You aren't going anywhere," he whispered. I pretended as though he was not speaking and bent over, scooping up all of the clothes on my ground. I was in the process of viciously shoving them into my duffel, when Ted grabbed my arm and swung me around. My clothes flew up into the air and fluttered down to the floor once again.
"I don't give a damn if you leave. Hell, it would make this easier. But you aren't taking your shit," he growled looking me in the eye. My mother darted into my room at that moment, and Ted let go of my arm roughly.
"Why? So you can pawn it? Your such a douche-bag," I said quietly with a nervous laugh. Then many things happened at once, his fist jabbed and hit me directly in the nose and I heard a crack; immediately I felt warm blood tricking out of my nostrils. The force of his punch threw me to the floor as my mouth filled with the blood from my nose. I looked up at him, my eyes welling up with water from the sting of the punch. Ted was shouting viciously at my mother, who was shrieking back at him. Stacy scurried over to my side, but I could only see his mouth moving; his words could not be heard over the screaming match in my doorway. Behind my parents were some of my younger siblings, tears falling down their cheeks. I looked at Stacy and he appeared blurry. I stuttered out,
"Stace, grab some shit and run. I'll meet you in the car," more blood seeped through my lips as I spoke, filling my mouth with its salty and appalling taste.
He looked as though he would rather not, but obeyed me. I stood slowly and swaggered on the spot; my parents took no notice of Stacy as he darted out of my doorway, carrying my duffel, freshly loaded with anything he found. I grabbed my surfboard fiercely and made to leave the room.
"Kimberly, stop," my mother said firmly. I looked at her, her stunning brown eyes and beautiful light brown hair, the woman who had always been my support and given me love, and in that moment in time, I hated every ounce of her. If my face had not been drenched in blood, the dirtiest look I could have mustered would have been engraved upon it.
"No, no, you let him do this to me," my voice was quiet, and yet everyone else's halted to listen. "What the fuck were you thinking?" it grew stronger, and before I knew it, I was yelling. "Your husband, your fucking asshole of a husband, hit me and you did nothing! God, I have been waiting so long to leave, and you know what? I'm out, you bitch! Now I get why Nick ran out!" I knew I had touched a nerve bringing Nick up. Her eyes filled with tears and her voice shook.
"I'm so sorry honey-"
"Don't be sorry Kendall," Ted cut her off. "She deserves it. Leave. Now," I walked through the gap between them, not daring to make eye contact with my mother. I hauled my board through my siblings until I reached the front door. But the one person I was hoping not to see was waiting for me there.
"Where are you going?" he asked, eyes full of sympathy.
"Get out of the way, Alex," I growled.
"No, I won't. Don't you remember telling me I'd always get off easy 'cause you'd be here? You can't fucking leave me, Kimber!" A knot formed in my throat and I had to clench my jaw shut to keep myself from breaking down. I could feel a tingling sting in my eyes, which were again filling with water.
"Please," he pleaded, sounding weak.
It took all my strength to utter, "Move," I vaguely saw him sidestep so that I could push the door open. As I flung myself against the door sunlight flooded in, and I looked sideways, chancing a glance at Alex. What I saw etched upon his face haunted me the rest of my life. He looked abandoned, forlorn, betrayed. There was sadness in his eyes, as though he was losing something vital to him. I realized I was letting him down, tearing away his stronghold and leaving him on his own. I could not bear it anymore; I whipped my head forward and grabbed my skateboard that was lying on the cement steps. With both boards in hand I rushed to Stacy's car and loaded them.
I opened the front door of his car, and sprung in, glancing back one more time. Alex was standing in the doorway, with my mother sobbing at his side. The sight wrenched at something deep inside of me, and I turned away saying,
"Get me the hell out of here."
The second he stepped on the pedal, I went to pieces. Hot tears gushed freely, intermingling with the blood still dripping from my nose. I had thought the look on Alex's face appeared as though he was losing something, but I was pathetic. I would never be vital to anyone, and it was ludicrous to think so. I felt my whole body shaking uncontrollably, and wished for nothing more than it to stop. The whole ordeal was incredibly embarrassing. But when I squinted up at Stacy, he was driving calmly. This made me cry harder, concluding I had just ruined his day.
The drive continued in silence, besides my sobs. The sunlight seemed to be mocking me; my nose now felt bruised and sore. I desired to only feel this pain, and to rid myself of whatever was occurring inside of me.
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I had long since ceased my sobbing and closed my eyes when the car screeched to a halt.
"Kimber, come on, you need to wash up," Stacy's soothing voice said quietly.
I heard the shuffle of his clothes against the vinyl seat as he grabbed my bag from the back. I opened my eyes groggily and they stung from loss of wetness. The sunlight burned into my corneas and retinas. It was as though someone else had taken over my body and commanded it to go through the motions of departing from the car and walking up to Stacy's front door. He swung it open before me and strode in; I followed his gleaming hair.
"Dad?" he yelled. I heard a quieter shout from somewhere beyond the walls of his house. It was a one-story house with a lived-in look. But at the moment I couldn't appreciate it. Stacy closed the door behind me, because I appeared to be unable to do anything on my own, and beckoned me to follow him.
"Dad?" he said again, as he turned down his hall and into an adjoining room, where his father sat, watching television and sipping on whiskey. His face morphed into a look of shock when he saw me enter.
"My God, what happened to you sweetie?" he asked, concerned. I shrugged, not wanting to open my mouth.
"Look dad, can she hang here a while?"
"Sure, sure, honey, why don't you go clean that up?" I knew he was asking for two reasons: he wanted to ask Stacy what really happened, and to inquire how long I would be staying.
I made my way back into the hall and through the doorway on my left. The sight in the mirror shocked me. The blood had dried and was now caked onto my skin, covering half my nose and all of my jaw, the rest of the blood had fallen into my hair, matting it. The other half of my nose was swollen to twice its normal size and was a dark purple shade. My skin looked deathly white, further enhancing the deep red color of blood. My white shirt had also been drenched down the front. And my cutoffs were still stained from my scraped hands earlier that day. I looked like a victim from Shouldn't Play with Dead Things.
But none of this compared to how frightening my eyes looked. Because of my pale skin, my dark eye appeared darker, drawing out that my eye were two different shades of brown. There was a strangely hollow look accompanying them.
I turned on the faucets, letting the water first fall over the palms of my hands, stinging. I watched as the white sink turned a pale pink color from the dry blood. I continued to wash my face with the bar of soap sitting by the sink, rubbing gently on my nose and the area surrounding it; I cupped water a few times and rinsed out my mouth to rid it of the horrible taste. When I threw my head back up, I saw all of the black and blue upon my nose. I dried myself tenderly with the towel, threw up my bloodstained hair, and decided it wasn't pretty, but the best I could do.
I exited the bathroom, and found Stacy waiting for me outside.
"Jesus, it's fucking huge," he sighed, examining my nose.
"Yeah," I replied, forcing my mouth into a grin. I noticed he was holding my duffel and desired for him to hand it to me, but he appeared wrapped up in gazing at my swelled nose.
"Um, Stace? Can I have my shit? Just to change."
"What? Oh, yeah, and here, you'll be using my room," he gestured to the doorway directly behind us.
"No, man, I'll sleep on the couch. But I will use your room to change quickly," I snatched the bag out of his hands, and slammed myself in his bright yellow room. The walls were covered in surf posters, and a bed was placed directly in the center of his wooden floor. I stripped off my shirt and shirts, digging through the bag. I found my large Zeppelin shirt, and, to my utter joy, baggy black sweatpants. My mood slightly elated that Stacy took these items from my room, I left to join him and his dad in the television room.
"You will be taking my room," Stacy said, without looking up at me when I entered.
"No, I'm not. If anything I'll only be here a couple nights, and then I'll leave."
"And where are you gonna go?" I fell silent. "Exactly."
"You'll stay as long as you need," his father chimed in. "And here, you'll need these,"
He handed me four blue pills and a bottle of water. "They'll knock you out, and you could do with a little sleep anyway." I smiled and thanked him.
Stacy walked me back into his bedroom, watched me swallow the pills, then finish the water, before he spoke.
"You need anything else?"
"No, believe me, ya'll have done so much. Sorry for trashing your day man," I sat gingerly on his bed, not daring to move quickly because of the throbbing in my forehead.
"You didn't do anything to it. I wasn't planning anything," he said, and then went on in a rushed voice, "By the way I called Jay and told him what happened, so get to sleep, and I'll see you later."
"Stacy! What did he say?" I pleaded, suddenly anxious. He glanced at the door, back to me, and repeated the process one more time before sitting beside me.
"You know, the usual, at least for him," he moaned. "He's gonna come check on you later. That's all he said, then he hung up on me," I gazed at his bright blue eyes and was suddenly too drowsy to argue. I accepted this lie as truth, and nodded off right then.
I jolted back awake seconds later in Stacy's arms.
"Yeah you'd better sleep," he laughed. "My dad gave you four, and that's what he gives me, so you probably only needed two."
"What were they?" I slurred. "I need some of that shit on a daily basis."
"Yeah, makes all the pain go away," Stacy said, proceeding to place me underneath his comforter. "But sleep, or your gonna hurt yourself even worse."
He vanished through his doorway and I fell into a deep sleep soon after, my mouth hanging agape.
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Sorry it took me forever! You know how finals are.
Nest chapter will be up soon.
Review!
-lette.