Chapter Morning After

OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! OW OW OW OW OW OW OW! OOOOOWWWW! OW!

Goddamned fucking stupid bloody goddamned hangover!

My head hurts too much for me to move. My back hurts. I can imagine why, though, the memories of last night has stayed firmly implanted in my head. Good thing Renji'll have the same pain.

Sadistic laugh.

I groan. Someone laughs and I crank open one eye only to shut it again.

The light! It HURTS!

"I'll dim the lights then," Renji murmurs, and the lights go away.

Groaning again, I pull myself up into a sitting position.

"My head," I whimper. Renji forces a cup of evil - looking, sadistic stuff into my hands.

"Drink," he orders.

"I won't, until you tell me who made it."

"Matsumoto and Shunsui. Joint project. It's a hangover cure," he says. I nod and gulp the foul stuff. "You drank it?" He sounds stunned.

"Well, yeah," I reply, "It was made by Shunsui and Matsumoto, so it's gotta work."

He just nods weakly, astonished. I smile and sink into the bed, reflecting briefly that I'm naked, and Renji's already dressed, and judging by the smell, showered as well.

I sigh. "We have to take Hisana to Third today, right?"

"Maybe. Probably. Don't feel like it?"

"No? Really? I feel like crap. 'Course not."

My sarcasm is clear. Renji chuckles.

He's being nice. Scary.

I shift and whimper at the pain. Renji grins.

"Ass hurts?"

"Yeah, you?"

"I need pain killers."

I roll my eyes. "Get them then."

"Unohana has them, and I don't plan on going to her any time soon," Renji replies, flopping onto the bed, and looking at me.

He's now leaning against the headboard, next to me. I turn slightly, eyeing him in case he does something interesting.

Like kissing me.

"So do you think Yama got some interesting porn last night?" he asks.

I snort. "If my dad hasn't gotten his dirty little paws on it yet, yeah."

He says nothing for a while, and then looks at me curiously. "I'm surprised, Ichi. I thought you'd be storming around, yelling at me for taking advantage of you last night."

I snort, and pull myself off the bed, wincing at the pain, and stride to the showers, ignoring that I'm naked, and Renji's watching me. "Renji. We were drunk. And when you're drunk, you do stupid things. Like...well, last night. Anyway, it's not like we love each other or anything, and our relationship's in turmoil now. I don't love you, you don't love me, we were drunk, and ended up in a one night stand. At least, that's my reasoning. So, let's ignore last night ever happened, okay?"

Renji doesn't say anything for a few moments, and when he speaks, he sounds tight and constricted, like he's trying to avoid doing something. "Right, well, I'm off...to see friends, okay?"

He doesn't wait for an answer, and just dashes out.

I've lied, though. I think I might just love the bastard. Which, really, okay. I admit, I'm kinda new to the entire gay thing. I had a crush on Rukia, but that ended after a while. And besides, how do you tell whether you love someone? Or whether it's just a crush? Or maybe I should just grab Renji, tell him I was lying to myself when I said that, that I actually love him, see what he says and go from there?

Or do nothing?

Nothing's the safe option.

I'll do nothing.

"You idiot," breathes someone suddenly, appearing in front of me. Suddenly, I'm glad I've taken a shower, and started to dress.

Heck, I don't care whether Shirosaki lives in my mind, I don't want the pervert to see me naked.

"What, Shirosaki?" I snap at him.

He slaps me. Hard. For a few seconds, I'm too in shock to react as I fall back, but then I glare at him.

"What the fuck?" I demand. "Do you want a rematch for domination?"

"Do you know what Renji said last night, just after the sex?" he asks. I stare at him.

Renji said something?

"No..." I reply slowly.

"He said he loved you. That he wanted this to be more than a one night stand. That he wasn't actually drunk, that he didn't want to take advantage of you," he takes a deep breath before grabbing my shoulders and shaking me furiously. "YOU ARE AN IDIOT! You were asleep during his fucking love confession, you completely lied to him today, and to yourself, and you ... you ... YOU JUST BROKE HIS GODDAMNED HEART, KUROSAKI ICHIGO! Does he mean nothing to you?! You...YOU...Bastard," he growls. "There's no word strong enough. You weren't just stupid. You. AGRH! There's nothing to describe the stupidity of what you've just done."

He rants on for a few minutes. I don't listen, but.

I can't believe... Oh God. I am an idiot. I can't believe this.

No. Fucking. Way.

Renji loves me?

He wasn't drunk?

Bastard. Took advantage last night.

HE LOVES ME!?

Oh God.

I fall back onto the floor, leaning against the shower door, staring blankly at the area in front of me, at the bed, which we have to clean.

Not we. I.

If Renji comes back to me after what I've just done, he's a fucking saint.

And he's not.

And he doesn't ... shouldn't come back to a fucking moron like me.

"Oh God," I whisper pathetically.

Shiro looks at me for a few seconds.

"It's all your own fault, Kurosaki."

I can't move. Oh God. No way.

My life sucks.

I can't put it into words. This is just so... Oh God. No way. No fucking shitty bloody hell way.

SHIT!

Renji must hate me now. Oh God. No way. I don't want Renji to hate me. I don't want to him to detest me.

I can't deal with Renji's hatred. When he did, when we first met, I barely knew him. It didn't matter whether he hated me or not, but now, oh god. I just wanna sink into a hole and die.

Because dying would be so much easier to deal with than Renji hating me.

Because Renji meant to be my partner. We see each other so often, not just because we're living together now, but because we're both captains, both of our divisions, and Third, were so badly affected by the war, and we work together so often.

And now, he hates me. He has to hate me. I'm such an idiot, and he probably didn't like how I just completely brushed him off.

Hang on.

Hisana.

Oh shit.

I've got to take care of her, and I doubt Renji took her with him, wherever he went. Because, seriously, being a parent means taking care of your kid no matter how shitty the situation is for you, right? Which means I should check on her right now.

Even though it's the last thing I want, and I'm grateful Shirosaki left, I haul my sorry ass off the floor, and go to the ground floor.

Hisana's sitting on the rumpus carpet, playing with her bears.

"Mummy!" she cries as she notices me. She leaps to her feet, bolts across the floor and glomps me.

Well, at least someone in this house likes me.

"Daddy left five minutes ago, Mummy, and he looked angry. Why Mummy? Did you and Daddy have a fight? Can you make up? Can you? I don't like it when Daddy and you are angwy," she whimpers, nuzzling into my shoulder as I carry her to the kitchen bench and place her on the granite tabletop.

I think about this. He has got to come home at some time, right? I can talk to him then, and he has a chance to work off some anger, frustration, whatever he's feeling right now, and yeah. It's a great plan.

I hope.

"Yeah sure, Hisana," I say softly, looking at her, smiling slightly. Relieved, she stands.

"I'm hungry," she declares.

I roll my eyes. Kids these days. Always thinking of their stomachs, and nothing else.

Okay, now I sound like a grandfather.

That's just...Blah.

I'm about to make some toast, when she demands something else.

"Well, what do you want to eat, then?" I ask, exasperated.

She pauses, thinking. Then, she brightens.

Why do I feel like this is not going to be good?

"Pancakes!" she declares.

Oh. God. No.

"I have a prophecy to m-"

"What's a pwophocai?"

"Prophecy, Hisana. It's like a...Um, forecast of the future."

"Oh. So, you're like, saying what's gonna happen in the future?"

"Yeah. Anyway, I think -"

"Why I think? Don't you know that it will happen?"

"It might, or it might not, Hisana. It depends on what you do. Now, to my prophecy. I think that the world will blow up -"

"What would happen if the world blow up?"

"Blew up, Hisana. Verb tenses. Get them right. Now, if the world-"

"What are verb tenses?"

"ARGH! You ask too many questions, Hisana!"

"But Demon Cat said it was good if I ask a lot of questions. She said it... Um, it er, ewxtwended my knowedge. Or somethin' like that."

"It extends your knowledge. It also annoys everyone around you."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Anyway, if the world blew up, we'd all die. Anyway, I reckon that the world will blow up -"

"Wouldn't it be easier to say that everyone would die, instead of saying that the world will blow up?"

"Um, yeah, but blow up sounds better than dying. It's more violent."

"But I thought violence was a bad thing. Mummy, you don't support violence, do you?"

"To be a Shinigami, you have to."

"Then, I won't become a Shinigami!"

"You have two of the best Shinigami as your parents, Hisana, you're expected to be a Shinigami."

"But I don't like violence."

"Join Fourth, then."

"But I don't like blood and gore and all that. Mummy!"

"Hisana, do you want these pancakes or not?"

"Yeah! Pancakes! Pancakes rule!"

"Er, right."

I hunt around for a recipe book, and eventually find one. Flicking through the pages, I search for a pancake recipe but can't find one.

"Mummy, does this flour packet have a pancake recipe?" Hisana asks five minutes after fruitless searching on my part.

Ignore the pun. Ignore pineapples are fruit. Ignore.

I look at the packet, and groan. "Yes Hisana. It is. YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME BEFORE!"

Hisana's eyes widen, and she begins to look upset. "Mummy, don't yell, please. I didn't mean it."

"It's okay, Hisana. You could have told me before," I say tiredly, picking her up, and hugging her. She hugs me back.

"Okay," I say, reading the packet. "We need flour, which we have, milk, eggs, butter, sugar and, do you want," I groan, "strawberries."

"Strawberry!" she giggles. I scowl at her. "That's funny. I don't think we can put you in a pancake recipe, Mummy."

I keep scowling. "Mummy! You frown a lot! Is it because of Daddy?" Hisana asks innocently.

I try to look away, unperturbed, "Hisana, back to the pancakes." She looks at me with worry but she dismisses any thoughts and rushes to the cupboard and takes out the flour. She tries to picks up the bag of flour, but it's too heavy for her and the bag collapses on the floor, sending up a puff of flour.

"Ooh! Mummy! This is awesome!" She starts jumping around gleefully on the flour, making it spread on the floor. I groan.

"Kuroaski Hisana Masaki!" I snap. "Stop that."

"But Mummy!" she wails. "You're no fun!" she pauses, grins, and continues, "That's it! Yachiru will come over!"

"NO!" I yell at her. She starts biting her lips, her chin wobbling. "We have to do the pancakes now."

"OK Mummy!" She salutes me and starts jumping around. "What else?" More puffs of flour float up. Why am I reminded of those pictures of the nuclear bombs and the mushroom clouds?

Okay, the fact I'm thinking of that as I watch my daughter jump around in flour is probably just a little worrying.

"Goddammit! The flour!" I screech. I start to frantically clean the flour on the flour. I give up. There's too much, which is no surprise given the four kilo bag of flour. Sighing, I glance at the list again. Milk. I turn around to see Hisana carrying the milk towards me. I quickly take the milk off her, to avoid anymore accidents, but in my haste to take it off her, I drop the carton. And, yes, it all leaks everywhere. And it's all over me. I'll have to change now.

You know, the kitchen's kinda covered in about four kilos of flour, and a couple of litres of milk. This is gonna take a lot of cleaning. Great. Where's Yuzu when you need her?

"Uh, Hisana, I need to go change because I had an accident."

"Ooh! Mummy wet herself!" She starts cackling loudly. I sigh warily, and rub my temples.

"No, I spilt a bit of milk on me. Try not to do anything while I'm gone, OK?"

"Sure! You can count on me, Mummy!" She salutes like before.

I don't think I've ever been more worried.

I cautiously leave the room and change into new clothes. While I'm tying my obi, I can't stop thinking about Renji and what he might be doing right now. Jeez, I'm such an idiot. I keep repeating this to my self as I feel my eyes watering up. Am I crying? What's happening to me?

I come out of my room to find hell.

Yes, this is the Shinigami Replica to hell. Behind the puffs of flour, I can see Hisana pouring the pancake mix into a pan. I'm so worried about Renji that I don't take to account that Hisana has made a pancake mix and is pouring it into a pan and might even burn herself.

A few minutes later, Hisana hands me some pancakes on plate. She even remembers to drizzle maple syrup on it. I dig in, and because I'm starving, I devour the first pancake in a matter of then, I'm not that starved, so I start eating slower. And that means I can taste what I'm eating.

SHIT.

They taste too... salty. "Uh, Hisana, what sugar did you put in the pancakes?" I question, only to make her broadly grin at me. She shoves me a bag of...

Salt. I should have guessed. I try to keep eating. But is that?!

Eggshells.

"Hisana, how did you put in the eggs?" I say to her, sterner than before. She innocently smiles at me.

"I just put them in. They're so cool! You don't have to open them or anything!"

"So you just dropped them in?"

"Yeah!" Hisana says brightly. I cough.

"I think I have to go to the bathroom now." I excuse myself from the table and make my way to the bathroom. I then vomit everything.

Note to self: NEVER allow Hisana ANYWHERE where she can cook ANYTHING!

Because then we'd all get food poisoning. Even Orihime can cook better than her.

Yes. I know. Orhime? Cook? Better than a person?

Well at least Orihime actually breaks the eggs open BEFORE she puts them in the mix.

That's elementary cooking.

...

PLAN!

I have a plan!

...

Don't look at me like that. I can think up plans, people. God.

Respect, people? I am a taicho.

Anyway.

I go back into the kitchen, where Hisana's staring at my meal.

"Didn't you like it Mummy?" she asks, voice quivering.

I sigh, mentally.

"Hisana, you just made some mistakes. Now, let's cook these properly."

"Okay!"

I stare at the kitchen floor.

Eggs, milk, flour, salt, chocolate?

"Er, Hisana, why is there chocolate?"

"I ate some!"

Oh. God.

"YAY! I FEEL SO HAPPY!" she screams.

Oh. Hell. God.

"Anyway, let's make pancakes!" she says. "Okay, so flour." She pours flour into a bowl. "Milk." Milk goes in. "Eggs, and, um, choccy!"

She grins, looking at the stuff in the bowl. "Right, then into the pan!" Using a spoon, she pours some into a pan.

"Hisana. That's not how you make pancakes."

"It isn't?" she looks sad.

"No, Hisana. It's not."

I then teach her to make pancakes.

And, shock horror gasp, they come out vaguely okay.

Edible, at least.

"Okay, now, let's clean this mess up!" I declare. My arm falls to my side when I regard the room around me.

Let's just say...

Flour

Milk

Eggs

Blueberries

Chocolate

Salt

Sugar

Are all on the floor.

At least four kilos of flour, a couple of litres of milk, two dozen eggs, a kilo of blueberries, and several packets of chocolate.

It's a waste of ingredients, and POOR CHOCCY!

"How are we gonna clean this up?" I ask.

"Let's eat it!" Hisana declares. She picks up some flour with egg and milk on it, and puts it in her mouth before I can stop her. "EWWWW! YUCKY!"

"That's why you shouldn't eat it, Hisana."

"But then, what do we do?"

"Um, let's see."

I stare at it, reflecting that Renji would have some idea of what to do, before I notice the garbage bin outside.

The commercial sized bin.

Smirking, I turn to Hisana.

"Right, got a garbage bag?"

"Er... What's a garbage bag?"

I sigh, and hit my head. "A garbage bag, Hisana. A large black bag. Very hard to miss. Usually in a roll."

"Mummy's not angry with me, are you? I don't like it when you're angry," Hisana whimpers. I sigh, and look at her.

"No, Hisana. I'm not angry with you."

With that, I pull open a drawer, and Kami-sama must've decided that I've had enough punishment so far, because I find garbage bags.

"Okay," I tell her, "Just put everything in this, and we can take it outside, and put it in the garbage bin."

"But will everything fit in there? This house is too big."

"Not. The. House. Hisana. The Mess. On the floor. Hard to miss."

"Mummy's angry with me!" she wails loudly.

"Hisana, I'm not. I'm just cranky."

"Why? Did I make you cranky? What did I do, Mummy!? I'm sorry!"

"You did nothing wrong, Hisana," I say placating, kneeling and hugging her warmly. "Renji made me cranky, okay?"

"Okay," she sniffs, head on my shoulder. "Now, let's clean!"

She will not have this love of cleaning when she's older, I think unhappily. Damn.

Hisana picks up handful after handful of stuff and dumps them in the bag. Soon, the floor's half clean. As in, the amount of stuff is halved.

Whoa. Now I definitely wish she keeps this cleaning ability.

"Mummy, are you going to help?" she demands, pouting. I stare at her.

Okay, yeah, I kinda haven't been doing much for the past however long she's been cleaning. More like...Leaning against the wall, grinning.

"Er, yeah. Er, sorry?" I say weakly.

"Bad Mummy," she reprimands, before returning the cleaning. I shake my head slowly, and join her in cleaning the mess up.

Smiling weakly, I smile at her. Sure, I'd been leaning against the bench doing nothing while she did all the work, but hey.

"Yes, madam. I'll get to work right away, madam," I joke, making Hisana roll her eyes but grin all the same.

After issuing a fake salute, I start to pick up the flour/egg/milk/I -really-don't-want to-know-what other-crap-there-is mess and dump it into the bag.

It feels disgusting.

Okay, there's no surprise there, and you really need to know what it feels like to have a raw egg with flour mixed with milk feels like when you hold it in your hand, but still.

Anyway, so we finally finish cleaning that up. I, somehow, have managed to heave the bags filled with some four odd kilos of flour, a couple of litres of milk, a few dozen eggs and a several packets of perfectly good chocolate out into the commercial sized garbage bin.

I hate Yama. It's not like we need a commercial sized garbage bin. That's a bit overdoing it.

Then again, looking at this mess, we probably do need it.

I feel pathetic.

Oh well. It's not like that's a new thing for me.

Let me indulge in some self-pity for a few minutes.

Right, now that that's over, let's get to the present situation.

"BUTTERFLY!" screams Hisana delightedly, rushing to see a Hell Butterfly hover nervously above her head. "It's so...BLACK!"

Talk about stating the obvious.

"That's a Hell Butterfly, Hisana," I tell her. The Butterfly lets out something that sounds suspiciously like a whimper when Hisana attempts to capture it with her hands.

Hisana then spends the next few minutes chasing the Butterfly around the ground floor while it flies around. I sit down on a stool at the kitchen bench to watch. Or rather, point and laugh. Cruel, I know.

The Butterfly flies to the top of the room, near the ceiling, in an attempt to escape Hisana's grasp. Laughing, Hisana dumps herself on the floor, outside the kitchen (the kitchen is not quite safe to sit on its floor yet) while I watch with a raised eyebrow.

"Mummy! Can you catch the Buttwafly for me!? Please?! Pleasey weasey?"

I haven't heard that before. Pleasey weasey? ... Okay...

Moving on.

"Why, Hisana?"

"Can I keep it as a pet?!"

"Um, no. They're Yama's."

"WHAT!? How come Old Man can keep them!? That's not fair!" she wails.

"Well, he uses them to send messages around. And when you're a Shinigami, you can use them to move between the worlds."

"Messages? So, what's he saying? How come I can't hear it!?"

I gesture to the Hell Butterfly and it obediently flies down and perches on my outstretched arm. I listen to it, and grin.

"Can I hear him? How come I can't? That's not fair!" she wails once more.

"It speaks fairy language," I say dryly.

"Ooh? Really? That's so cool!"

Oh my god. Does she not understand sarcasm when she hears it?

...

Then again, she's about four.

"I was joking, Hisana. To hear them, you have to -"

"MEANIE!"

I am very sorely tempted to bang my head against a table. Or wall. Or anything one might bang their head against.

Children.

They're so annoying.

Ignore my age here. I'm about seventeen.

Now that I think about it, I'm too young to raise a child. Probably single-handedly, too, seeing as Renji probably hates my guts now. I can add him to the list. Yes, List. As in, the 'Ichigo's list of people who hate his guts' list. Let me indulge in another few moments of self-pity again.

Ignore all the teen pregnancies out there while you're at it.

Getting back to reality.

Hisana has managed to coax a petrified Hell Butterfly to her hand, and is listening to the message.

"There was a party last night?" she asks me, confusedly.

"Yeah, you were asleep during it." Thank god, I add mentally. I know Matsumoto was strip dancing by the time Renji and I were...Yeah. Moving on.

I groan when I remember that Rukia had a camera. Knowing her, she's probably printing off hundreds of pictures of me and Renji kissing and sticking them up all over the place.

Whoop de doo.

Oh. Right. I never did tell you what the Butterfly said, did I?

"So we get a day off! Yay!" Hisana yells. I smile.

Yep. Yama has given everyone a day off. Something about hangovers, party cleanup, you get the general idea. Now, if Yama gets dragged along to Shunsui's drinking parties, I reckon we could get a helluva lot more days off... I'll have to speak to Shunsui about that.

Yep. Anyway.

...

I have to ask. Do all the captains of fifth division become cunning/clever (not that I was already clever before I became fifth captain (anyone who snorts at that can die painfully))/devious/a basic replica of Urahara minus the green hat/clogs/cloak/basic ridiculousness?

Just a suspicion.

Anyway.

I'm overusing the word 'anyway', aren't I?

Any-oh for god's sake, where's a thesaurus?

I smile at her and then frown.

"What are we going to do?" I ask.

Hisana beams.

"Demon Cat left me a present!" Oh shit. "Face paints!"

Remind me to kill 'Demon Cat'.

"Face paints," I say unenthusiastically, despite my best attempts to be enthusiastic. "Yay."

Hisana has apparently failed to notice my lack of delight.

"I'll get them, then!"

I can only watch with growing dread as she dashes off.

She returns a few minutes later, proudly bearing the paints and paper, looking like the world was not about to blow up, which was what I was sure would happen.

What Other People Would Say:

Rukia: Can't be that bad! (says this while sniggering quietly as she rushes to the nearest Gate to flee to the real world.)

Renji: (sniggers) Well, I got... Er...BYAKUYA WANTS ME! (To which I would say: He's not your captain. To which Renji would have already disappeared a relatively safe distance away (e.g. Real World).)

Byakuya: (stares) Unlike you, Kurosaki, I have a division to run. Farewell. (Shunpos away, to Real World)

Yep. Most people realise that putting Hisana, face paints and me in the same room means devastation, destruction and demolition.

And Yoruichi still gave her face paints. Idiot.

Hisana sits down at the kitchen bench and eagerly opens all the bottles of paints. I swivel around to face her and eye the opened bottles of paints.

They all have sadistic appearances.

Okay, yeah, that might be more my imagination than anything else, but you get the idea.

Karin and Yuzu often used face paints. Somehow, I always ended up with half the paint on me. Somehow. Just somehow.

Hopefully this will all change.

That's my optimistic side speaking. Yep, I have an optimistic side. Shock. Horror. Gasp.

To kick you all out of shock, I listen to my pessimistic side more.

And that's telling me that, if I value my life, I should flee. Now.

I should be brave, though. Stay here. Weather the storm.

I mean, I defeated Aizen. Dealing with Hisana and face paints should be easy! A piece of cake!

Yeah, I don't believe that.

For one thing, Hisana had chocolate before.

"MUMMY! Can I paint your face?"

"No!" I yell instinctively.

"Mummy?" she whimpers, puppy dog eyes coming out.

Oh god. This girl inherited... she ain't my child, she just happens to have qualities like mine. Like my cunning.

Anyone who says I don't have cunning can hand themselves over to Soi Fon and tell them Yoruichi sent them because they abused Yoruichi's cat ability. That way, you get a hands on experience of how the torture machines work.

Sighing, I mutter, "Fine. But nothing stupid, 'kay?" I add, glaring at her.

"Okay!" she agrees, far too readily for my liking. Sighing, I glare at her. "Okay, mummy, what should I do?" she asks as she frowns at the paints.

"Look, do you want me to do one on you, and then you can do one for me?"

"Okay!"

I pick up the pots of paint, and I swear these will be the death of me.

"What do you want?"

"Um, a fairy!"

I begin to paint a fairy onto her cheek.

"That tickles!" she giggles, moving away. I scowl.

"I can't paint a fairy onto your face if you move away."

"But it's cold!"

"Deal with it."

"Mummy's a meanie!"

"Yes, Hisana, I am. Now do you want a fairy, or not?"

"Fine."

She sits down again, scowling, and I finally finish the fairy off.

"Now, mirror," I mutter, as I take her to the bathroom. She laughs happily, and almost touches it, before I slap her hand away. "No touching the paint until it's dry."

"But how can I check if it's dry if I can't touch it?"

"I don't know; just don't touch it for a while."

"That's stupid," she mutters, but drags me to the kitchen, and forces me onto the chair.

"Now I can do you!" she says happily. "REVENGE!"

I. Am. Gonna. Die. I bet you, Aizen planted those face paints as revenge. Yeah... He did. I could leave a note, and we could get revenge ourselves. REVENGE!

I'd believe myself, if a) I didn't sound like a maniac, and b) if Aizen hadn't gone insane after the war.

Though, I am told that I sound like a maniac most of the time, and Aizen was always insane, so... A hah! Aizen is behind this!

And you can take away that strait jacket you pulled out, Rukia.

"There!" declares Hisana. I stare at her, before dashing to the bathroom, and groaning.

"A goblin? A goblin, Hisana? Was that completely necessary?"

"Well you've been so mean all day, and goblins are meanies, so..."

I knew being grumpy would kick me in the ass.

"You're mean," I grumble at her.

She grins. And then her eyes widen.

"Can I paint everyone's faces!?"

I think about it.

Hell, why not?

"Sure," I say.

"YAY!" she screams. Loudly.

This is either gonna kick me in the ass, and badly, or it's gonna be as funny as hell.

I sincerely hope for the latter.

She drags me out of the house after putting all the paints in a little satchel she got somewhere. Somehow, I'm not interested in where. As long as she didn't steal it, I'd rather not know. We head first for Second.

"DEMON CAT! YORUICHI OBSESSOR! I WANNA PAINT YOUR FACES!"

They stare at her for a few seconds, before staring at her and shrugging.

Hisana bounces up and sits on Yoruichi's lap, staring at her thoughtfully. And then she grins, and pulls out the black paint pot.

"What did she paint on your face, Ichi-berry?" Yourichi asks, peering at my face, as Hisana starts.

"Where did you get that nick name?"

"Why, little Hisana here -"

"I'm not little!"

"Sorry, dear. Now, Hisana-chan said that Renji liked to call you that."

"You're not allowed to use that nickname."

"Why, is 'Ichi-berry' Renji's pet name for you? That's so cute!"

"No," I huff indignantly, looking away.

"Right, anyway, a goblin?"

"Mummy was being a meanie, and goblins are meanies."

Yoruichi snickers.

"THERE!" Hisana declares. Yoruichi pulls a portable mirror from Hisana's satchel.

"A black cat?"

"Only appropriate," I snicker.

Soi Fon glares at me.

"Why does it look like it's smirking, like it's just seen a plate of cream?"

"It matches your personality," I add, struggling not to laugh.

Soi Fon smacks me. I scowl at her.

"Heard of respecting your fellow captains?"

"Technically, you're lower than me in rank. You are a relatively new captain, and I have been captain for nearly a hundred years."

I hate reason/logic/stuff that makes sense. "Yet I am stronger than you," I point out.

"That does not matter," she huffs.

I roll my eyes. Hisana yanks Soi Fon onto a chair, bounces onto her lap and starts painting. While she's painting, Hisana keeps looking at Yoruichi.

I begin to worry.

"There!" Hisana declares. I look at her, and can't but laugh.

Yoruichi stares, and looks torn between laughter and fear for Hisana's life.

Hisana has, after all, painted a picture of Yoruichi onto Soi Fon's face.

"Okay, how about we move on?" I suggest weakly.

"Okay! Now, um, how about...Let's go to Eighth!"

"One minute," Soi Fon snarls. She looks at her face in the mirror. First, she looks shocked, and then embarrassed, and then furious.

"Kurosaki. Masaki. Hisana. DIE!" she yells.

"Don't you dare yell death threats at my daughter!" I yell back, drawing my Zanpakuto as she draws her.

We both death glare each other before she lunges for Hisana. I intercept the blow, and overpower her, before bringing my Zanpakuto down in a furious slash, that she manages to parry in time.

For a few minutes, we trade blows, and insults, and she yells a couple of death threats at Hisana, but neither of us actually manage to get through each other's shield.

Then, Yoruichi decides to intervene, and pulls us apart.

"As much as your protectiveness of your daughter is endearing, Ichi, I suggest you don't attack my captain," she says dryly. "And that wasn't the best of examples to set to your daughter."

I huff indignantly, and storm outside, yelling over my shoulder, "well perhaps you should teach your captain not to threaten little girls," as I drag Hisana with me.

"Did I do something wrong?" she whimpers.

"No, just don't draw pictures of who people like on them next time."

"But that means I can't draw a picture of Pink Coat on Book Lady and Book Lady on Pink Coat!"

I hope my daughter does not grow up to be a matchmaker.

Though she'd be damn good at it.

As scary as the thought is, it's probably true.

We head over to Eighth, me reminding Hisana not to do any of the portraits just before we go through the doors.

"HISANA-CHAN!"

"Hi Pink Coat! Book Lady!" she greets them. "Now, can I paint your faces?!"

"OF COURSE, MY DEAR HISANA-CHAN!"

"You're just trying to get out of work again," Book -er, Nanao, growls.

"Why would I do that?!"

"Must I answer the question?"

"My dear Nanao-chan-"

"She's not yours," Hisana points out.

"Very true," snarls Nanao, smiling at Hisana.

"Oh, if only you would smile at me more often!"

"She probably would if you did more work," Hisana remarks, surprisingly correct.

Yeah, I see a worryingly good matchmaker here.

"She is absolutely correct. Now tell me, Taichou, why a four year old realizes that after a mere few minutes in my presence, and you have not realized that despite being centuries older than her?"

"Realized what?" asks Pink - Shunsui. Do not call him by his nick name. Should not.

"That I would be happier if you did more work," snarls Nanao.

"Why did you not tell me before, my dear Nanao-chan!?" exclaims Shunsui, immediately sitting at his desk, and pulling a stack of paperwork towards himself. Nanao stares in open mouthed shock as he starts to work. "I would do anything for you, even work!"

"Hehe," giggles Hisana as she finishes the face painting a few minutes later.

On his cheek is now a cup of sake wrapped in a pink haori, similar to the one Shunsui wears.

Nanao's eyes widen, and she smiles appreciatively.

"Good work, Hisana," she says.

Shunsui grabs at the mirror Hisana offers him, and studies his reflection. "Whoa! That's amazing! My dear Hisana-chan, you shall be a great artist one day!"

Hisana grins and thanks him. Then, Shunsui drags me outside, announcing 'captains' business'.

"She will come to Eighth division, right?"

I sigh. "Second also wants her, and I'd like to see her in either Renji's or my division."

"But she would be a fantastic addition to Eighth. I've never seen Nanao smile so much!"

"That's probably because she's angry at you most of the time."

"True...Where's Renji, anyway?"

"He's...at friends."

"Lovers' quarrel? Nanao and I have them all the time. Just talk to him." I resist the urge to point out that he's not actually lovers with Nanao... Yet, anyway. She's gotta break down to him at some point.

"I will," I say softly, eyeing Hisana nervously, hoping she's remembering my instruction not to paint portraits of other people.

We head back inside, and find that Hisana's painted an open book with a stack of paperwork on its pages.

At least it wasn't a cup of sake. That would've been a hint.

TIME CHANGE - THAT NIGHT

I've just put Hisana to bed, when I walk down to the kitchen, having heard the door open and close.

In the kitchen, Renji stands at the cupboards, back to me.

"Renji?" I ask softly. He stiffens, but doesn't turn around. I continue, nevertheless. "I need to talk to you... About this morning."

A/N: LONG! And don't kill for everything that I've done to poor Ichi and Renji.

Anyway...Thans to all my reviewers! The annoying doctor has left! -dances- Though, with a threat that she'll come back.

Has anyone seen Monochrome Factor?! AWESOME ANIME! The anime has shounen-ai themes, but the manga doesn't, which means I watch the anime! But, I LOVE IT!!

Anyway, I was going to cut this chapter in half, because it's just that tad bit too long, but couldn't find a good part to cut it at. -sigh-

AND, now there's a CLIFFHAGER!! Review for an update! And Brownies!