So, so, so sorry about the longest wait ever. My computer had been down, so I haven't been able to upload until today! Hopefully, you don't hate me.
Also, nothing is mine, Bob Dylan or the Z-boys.
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The overwhelming sense of relief dope brought me canceled out my pain. The fact that my mother and brother had died was no longer relevant; I couldn't feel while high.
The sky was now transforming into a deep shade of purple, and in the west the sun had set, tingeing the horizon with oranges and pinks. I strolled along a sidewalk, attracting many looks, paying no attention to where I was going. It didn't matter. The dilemma of where I would sleep tonight was not important; I could crash in an alley.
I ran my fingers over the knuckles that had collided with Kathy's face and grinned slightly. It was comforting to think tomorrow I could leave everything behind and be free, with no ties or commitments. I had severed my friendships with Stacy and Jay, having slept with them, and already informed Tony I was leaving. Everyone on the team might be surprised at my departure, but overall, they would not mind. I was just another girl. The only two that may spare a few minutes to think of me were Sid and Peggy, but they would recover quickly.
As this thought passed my mind, I looked up, and noticed I was near Peggy's house. Deciding to cut off my ties to her now, I directed myself toward her front door. I slowly raised my finger, pushing lightly on the doorbell. After a minute, the sound of scuffling occurred behind the door, and Peggy's mother's shiny black hair appeared.
"Oh, hey Kimber. I haven't seen you around in a while," she smiled at me, before seeing the red rim framing my eyes. "Are you okay?"
I vaguely nodded before asking, quieter than I expected, "Is Peggs home?"
"Yes, come in," she replied, moving to the side to allow my entrance. She closed the door behind me, before yelling, "Peggy!"
"What?" came Peggy's answer, sounding annoyed.
"Kimber's here!" her mother screeched back, then turned to me and smiled one last time, before she entered her own bedroom. I stood waiting in the living room, taking in how nice and peaceful it all looked.
"Kimber, hey man, what's going on?" Peggy greeted me, motioning me to follow her. We walked down her tight hallway, and into her small red bedroom. She flung herself onto the bed with a thud.
"How's it been going?"
"Ah, same shit Kimber. So what's with you? I haven't heard from you in a while… But I heard about what happened with Jay. The piece of shit."
Something cold and hard hit me like a punch, but I swallowed, not daring to let it out.
"Oh yeah, that," I laughed nervously. "But, I just need a place to crash for the night, if that's cool."
"'Course. When isn't it dude?"
I stared down at my feet, and kicked off my shoes. I then climbed into Peggy's small bed, and buried my head into a pillow.
"If you only knew," I muttered.
"Huh?"
"Nothing."
I pushed off my jeans, and lay there in my underwear. When I set my pants on the floor, I made sure that my baggie was safe and secure in my back pocket.
"Wow, it's only one and you're off to bed?" she mocked.
"Just sleepy," I moaned, closing my eyes. I heard her grunt, before she too got under the covers. The click of her lamp and the darkness that followed told me I wasn't the only one desiring rest.
Long after Peggy's gentle snores began, I opened my eyes.
I glanced at her face, which was so calm while she slept. She appeared much younger while asleep, but maybe everyone did, because when people sleep, their wall goes down.
Then, I snuggled deep into her sheets, and forced my eyes shut.
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The sun was peeking through a window, burning the blanket I lay under, and making me throw my legs out from under it. There was a hard pulsing in the back of my head, and when I parted my eyelids they ached.
I turned onto my side and noticed Peggy was no longer asleep. I flipped myself out of the bed, and pulled on my jeans, feeling the crumple of my bag. My gaze landed upon a clock in her bedroom that read 11:32.
My heart raced, and breath got caught in my throat. I had missed the funeral. I ran out of the room, and straight into Peggy.
"Whoa, man, chill. Where are you going?"
"Peggy, I missed it, I missed it, how the fuck did I do that?" I stuttered frantically.
"Missed what?"
"The god damned funeral!"
"What are you talking about?"
"My mom, and Alex. Their funeral, the burial's in like thirty minutes though, I can make that…"
"What? You're mom and Alex?"
"Yes! We just went over that!" her face looked shocked, and disbelieving. "Just let me borrow something black at least, and then I'll be out."
"Fine…fine," she said tonelessly, going into her room. She emerged seconds later, carrying a long, strapless black dress. I accepted it, and entered the bathroom, across the hall. The dress fell to my feet, and it was satin, hugging my curves perfectly. There was a tiny black bow right below my breasts, but otherwise it was just a normal dress. I slid on my dirty shoes, and stared at my reflection. I shook my hair in front of my face, and picked up my jeans. Taking out the heroin, I arranged a small line, and rolled a piece of paper into a cylinder. When I had finished, my eyes were glassy, but I no longer felt the pain. I gathered up my previous clothes, and exited the bathroom.
She was still there, looking at the floor. I passed her in the hallway, but she didn't look up, so I kept moving.
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The weather was mocking the mood of the burial. It was somber, and there were tears pouring from almost every eye. The sun shone brightly, and there was not a cloud in the bright blue sky.
I surveyed the proceedings from a safe distance at first, tossing my jeans and shirt into a dried patch of grass. Ted was there, not showing any expression. Nicole was sobbing, along with the rest of the siblings. Surprisingly, Tony, Jay, and Stacy were all present, which intimidated me. Others in the crowd did not mean anything to me. As I began to approach, the heads turned towards me. Some glared at my interruption, others looked on sadly, and still more didn't take in my presence. Tony grinned mournfully at me, dressed in a clean shirt and jeans; Stacy motioned for me to stand with them, his blond hair shining; and Jay stared at me apologetically, his eyes communicating the sorrow he felt for me. Phalaine was nearby, and she shook her head in my direction, as though saying she couldn't believe it. Despite all of these reactions, one face I hadn't seen for years stood out to me.
His brown hair was as dirty as it used to be, and his eyes still had a glow to them. I strode straight to his side, admiring my older brother.
The little man who was speaking above the two coffins did not matter to me; all of the things he said were meaningless, and I already knew what good people they were.
Nick shuffled his feet, and stared ahead, past the man and into the deep blue ocean, which the cemetery overlooked. Suddenly, the short man halted in his speech, and stepped down. The sea of black all began whispering, and comforting each other.
"Nice to see you, sis."
He hugged me, and I inhaled the old scent of Egyptian musk. "Look at you, you look great in a dress," he sighed, wiping a tear from his cheek. Then, he chuckled, "You just had to keep the shoes though, huh?"
"How are you?"
He tossed his head from side to side, and grunted slightly. "I can't believe the last time I saw mom, I was screaming at her."
A hard twist occurred in my stomach, and I averted my eyes. "Wait… Why are your eyes all fucked up? You sick? What the fuck are you on?" he growled angrily, shaking my face. I ripped myself away, and put on my abused face.
"That's from crying, you asshole," I lied easily. At that moment, Tony came up to us.
"Kimber, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Mmhmm…" I made a noise in my throat, not daring to give a true answer, for I wasn't even sure why I didn't tell him. Nick was still speculating me, and I knew I had to change the subject.
"Tony, you remember Nick, right?"
"'Course. Hey man, I'm real sorry about this," Tony said, shaking Nick's hand. The topic had once again turned to the deaths, and I couldn't think about it.
"I'm gonna take a walk," I stated, departing from the burial, and down the barren sidewalk, which lead to the pier.
As I walked, I watched the black satin flash back and forth, contrasting my black and white filthy shoes. I admired the ocean, running my hands through my hair, and thinking of all the memories I had in the water: the salty taste and sting of the salt, and the rhythm of the crashing of waves. My first wave was in that ocean, when I was only six. It was Nick who taught me.
I hadn't thought about Nick in such a long time, it frightened me to realize he helped form the person I was becoming. I was following in his footsteps, and abandoning my life in Venice.
The only comfort I could find in these facts was that I had reasons. I had lost everyone who mattered to me, while Nick still had people who loved him when he left.
I gently sat myself down on a patch of grass by the sidewalk, lay down, and gaped at the sky. My mind was blank, and completely at peace. I could only thank Red Dog.
"Hey," a gruff voice said. I positioned my head so that I could see who was interrupting my time alone, only to have my eyes connect with topaz ones that I had been avoiding. I didn't say anything, allowing him to continue. Instead he plopped himself beside me, and watched the sky also.
Finally, when I could bare it no more, I accused, "What do you want?"
"To talk."
"Then talk. I'm not listening to your shit."
"I've never seen you in a dress like that," he said, disregarding my previous statement.
"It's not mine, dillhole."
"I'm really sorry about Alex and your mom."
"Everyone's saying that. I don't think anyone fucking gets that it does nothing."
"You're just pissed off right now," he snarled.
"I have so many rights to be." He then propped himself up on his elbows and bore down at me. I concentrated on not looking him in the eye.
"You were late," he declared.
"No way," I said sarcastically.
"You know what? I don't care anymore," he bellowed at me, jumping up roughly.
Facing his retreating back, I moaned slowly, "I beat you to that."
Sitting up, I toyed with the ends of Peggy's dress, which had acquired dirt upon it. I swung myself onto my feet, and gazed down at the ocean, one last time.
"Kimber," Tony's voice called, followed by a tight embrace. My arms remained at my side, and I allowed Tony to squeeze me, although I felt no wave of compassion towards him.
"I'm surprised by you," he said. "I thought you'd be taking it harder."
I nodded, unconcerned.
"I'll see you tonight, right? Because, you can't leave, I've thought about it. Without you, fuck, where would we be?"
Despite the kindness in his words, it merely inspired me to push him further away.
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Knock, knock, knock.
Stacy's front door swung open, with him staring at me puzzled.
"I saw you were at the funeral," I stated, gliding over the threshold.
"I called Jay and Tony to tell them. Then I broke up with Kathy. You really fucked her nose up."
"Yeah."
"Look, Kimber, you can talk to me about this. You know that right?" he asked sincerely.
"There's nothing to talk about," I said, stepping back. He groaned.
"Look, I'm just here to grab my stuff. Then I'll leave," I informed him, striding in the direction of his room.
"Tony told me you were thinking about doing something like that," Stacy sighed, following me into his room.
"What else has he been telling you?" I questioned vaguely, my eyes roving over his bed, where only two nights ago, things had seemed as though they could get no more complicated.
"It's not like he's talking about you or anything. I think he's just… worried. I am too. You have to stay, especially after what just happened. I'd never forgive myself if you did something, and I didn't stop it."
It was then, that I snapped.
"Why is it, Stace, that whenever something happens to me, you think I'll go crazy? Huh? Can you ever stop fucking freaking out that I'm gonna end up in jail, or whoring it up? Or robbing some place? God, the way you talk about me, you'd think I was some psychopath!"
His eyes widened, and his hands shot up, waving my statements away hurriedly.
"No, no, no, it's not like that at all, I just care about you-"
"Oh!" I cut him off. "You care about me," I mocked. "You just want me to stay, that way you can show me off to Jay and Kathy!"
He looked utterly confused. "Wh-what? Kimber, what the fuck are you talking about?"
My mouth gaped open in frustration. Even I did not know what I was talking about. Sometimes, I could work myself up so violently, I forgot what I was saying, and just began screaming. Instead of answering, I spun around, searching for my bag, which I had left there.
It was sitting in a corner of his room, and I raced to it, throwing it over my shoulder, and storming past Stacy.
He chased me to the door, which had been left open, and caught my arm.
"Kimber, you're not serious?" he hoped.
I shook my head, tearing my arm from his grip, and once again, shoving away a person who cared about me.
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I was still carrying my bag, when I approached Zephyr. The music was loud enough to hear for miles, and the tiny shop seemed to contain about fifty more people than it's capacity. They were spilling outside, dancing drunkenly, without a care.
I had not noticed the darkness that had pressed down upon the town, and gazing at the surf shop, dreaded entering. The only motive I had was that Red Dog was in there, and I had finished my supply after my fight with Stacy.
I strode into the sea of people, once again clad in my spider web designed shirt Ted had yelled at me for. That seemed like an eternity ago.
I spotted Skip, staggering around, yelling about the magazine, which I had lost interest in. He was dancing, and giving Montoya a copy. But as quickly as I found him, he disappeared.
I weaved through many people, eventually lounging against an open space of wall.
"Jayboy!" a girl voice shrieked. I turned my head to see Tony, Jay, and Stacy running in, basking in the glory. Jay and Stacy admired the magazine, and Tony's arms had found his way around two girls.
"Hey, Skipper, when are we doin' that spread for People magazine? Tuesday?" he called.
"Yeah, and Stacy's gonna be on Charlie's Angels," Skip slurred, as he suddenly appeared. This was new information to me, and I wondered why he had not mentioned it. Stacy blushed, as I watched in awe.
Chino was yelling, trying to prove to onlookers that he made the Z-boys who they had become. Jay, who was wearing a black bandana, glared. Then, Chino's beautiful girlfriend said something, obviously angering him. I could not hear over the music, but Chino grabbed her arm roughly, dragging her outside.
"Look who showed," Tony greeted from beside me.
"Well, you asked me to," I replied, still searching for Red Dog.
"It makes you not wanna leave, huh?" he grinned.
"Look, I already told you what's happening. Okay?"
His face contorted into one of exasperation, before he spun away from me, and straight into girls desiring autographs.
"Are you Kimber? Kimber Wolffe?" a green eyed boy asked. I nodded.
"Wow, I just wanted to say you look absolutely gorgeous in these pictures," he complimented, holding them out for me to see. In one, I was sitting on the edge of the pool, with my hands behind me, and face turned upward. It was a profile shot, and the sun was shining behind me, making my hair glow. Another, I was halfway bent, smirking at the camera, while simultaneously flipping it off. There were more, but they simply confused me. How could I have been so happy?
"Thanks," I sighed, breathlessly. He appeared bored with me, and waved goodbye, leaving me standing alone once again.
Then, Kathy, Blanca, and Thunder Monkey pranced in, wearing Indian costumes and holding a cake. They began chanting,
"Halfbreed! That's all we ever heard. Halfbreed! How I learned to hate the word. Z-boys on the cover of Skateboard Magazine!" They finished, whipping out fake guns and shooting them. The cake was a replica of the cover shot on the magazine, and Kathy was wearing several layers of makeup to hide the bruising I had inflicted. The sight sickened me. A hand reached out, snatching part of the cake and shoving it in his mouth. It was Red Dog.
I maneuvered myself to him, tapping him on the back.
"Red Dog! I gotta talk to you!" I screamed.
He climbed down off of the table he was perched on, and I led him to a back room with less people.
"I need some more," I stated, not caring to make small talk.
"Already?" he questioned, amazed.
"Yes, do you have any on you?" I rushed.
"Oh, yeah, yeah," he mumbled, searching in his back pocket. Before he pulled his hand back out of his pocket, he glanced around our surroundings, making sure no one was watching. He passed me the baggie, and mouthed, "Pay me later, kay?"
I nodded vigorously, though I knew I was scamming him. He wobbly went back into the open area of Zephyr, as I stuffed the bag into my duffel. My mission completed, I walked through the store, and out into the back, where many were smoking, drinking, and dancing. It was no less crowded.
Somehow, my eyes managed to find Kathy's braided hair, and Jay nuzzling her neck. Suddenly, my breath was caught in my throat, and I halted. That was almost exactly the way he had been with me, although there was something different, something I couldn't place. I stood there, staring with my mouth wide open, when I noticed Stacy watching from right beside them at the drinks table. He had paused halfway through grabbing a cup, and his eyes flickered from hurt, to anger.
It was then I weaved closer, so that I could eavesdrop on the conversation about to ensue. They broke apart, Kathy looking nervous, and Jay bored.
"Hey Stacy," she said shyly. An awkward silence passed, before Kathy left the two. She passed me, and we locked eyes briefly, while she whispered,
"Why would you even bother to show?"
"To see the look on your face when you saw the bitch who fucked your face," I snapped. She raised her eyebrows, but continued moving.
I returned my attention back to the two blonds, who were eyeing each other up, as though they had never been like brothers to one another.
"What's up bro?" Jay asked, purposefully trying to annoy Stacy.
"You couldn't even tell me?" Stacy snarled, taking the bait.
"Dude, I was gonna tell you," Jay brushed it off.
"When? You're my friend," he said sincerely.
"Dude I know and, I love you bro, but… you couldn't handle her."
"And you can?"
"Apparently so," he replied, leaving Stacy alone by the table. For some reason I couldn't explain, I approached Stacy. His back was toward me, so I spoke first.
"Stacy, look, I know I'm not the person you want to see, bu-"
Before I could finish, he whipped around, and for the first time, I witnessed Stacy truly angry.
"So then why are you here?" he growled.
"Um, well, I was gonna s-say," I stuttered, taken off guard. In one swift movement, he grabbed the back of my head, locking our lips in a passionate kiss. He broke off unexpectedly, my mouth still tingling from the contact.
"You don't care about me, Kimber. You're here to show me off to Jay and Kathy," he barked, racing away from me, while I stayed there, stunned.
My brain finally sent messages to my legs, and I set off, and out of Zephyr. I realized that was it; my run in Venice had ended, and Stacy was just alerting me.
To my dismay, I wandered straight to the bench Jay was sitting on. Both of us gazed deeply into each other's eyes, relishing the few seconds we had alone. I noticed the specks of regret in the topaz of his eyes. Chino's girlfriend came striding up to Jay, and I slithered into the shadows, his eyes still watching my every movement, until the moment she leaned down upon him. She set herself on his lap, but I didn't care enough to listen to her words. I continued to gape at Jay before the second came, and I knew I had to leave. With one last look at the sparkling topaz, I slinked away.
I didn't know he glanced up, only to receive a sharp pain in his heart, understanding I was really gone.
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I was never a good driver. At the age of fourteen, when I was only learning how to drive, I totaled a car, ramming it into a basketball pole. Ever since then, my confidence was severely damaged, and my driving suffered, causing me to quit, for fear of hurting anyone.
As I stared at the orange Chevy Blazer in the driveway, I wondered if it would be safer to walk. I had returned, one last time, to my house to steal the truck. Now, standing there, I didn't think I would be able to follow through.
In the back of my mind, it registered that my mother and Alex must have been driving the shabby Toyota when they had died. Not wanting to dwell on that, I clicked open the driver's side door, and threw my bag into the backseat.
Slamming the door, and praying that Ted would not wake, I put the truck in reverse. Nicole always left the key in the ignition, and never locked the door. Her carelessness had finally helped me. I backed away from my home, and slowly drove down the street. Attempting to calm my nerves, I rummaged around for music. Upon seeing my favorite Dylan album, I popped it in.
It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe.
Even if you don't know by now.
And it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe.
It'll never do, somehow.
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn,
Look out your window and, I'll be gone,
You're the reason I'm a travelin' on.
But don't think twice, it's all right.
A lump formed in my throat, and a burning sensation crept into my eyes as I rumbled down the hill by P.O.P. The memories there were too plentiful, and I vividly recalled Jay and I dancing to Elton John. It was peculiar, because I couldn't remember the day after, but at that moment, the minutes on the beach fell into place.
It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe,
The light I never knowed.
And it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe,
I'm on the dark side of the road.
But I wish there was something you would do or say,
To try and make me change my mind and stay,
But we never did too much talkin' anyway.
But don't think twice, it's all right.
I was shocked by how quickly I approached the city limits, and a damage old sign that read, 'Come back soon!'
It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal.
Like you never done before.
And it ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal,
I can't hear you anymore.
I'm a-thinkin' and a-wonderin', walkin' down the road,
I once loved a woman, a child I am told,
I give her my heart, but she wanted my soul,
But don't think twice, it's all right.
The instant I exited the town, I felt something leave me. I almost broke down, but took a deep breath and told myself I couldn't cry. There was no purpose, for no one cared. I vowed to find Hazel, whom couldn't have gotten far, and start a new life; maybe even start going by Azure. I would create a new person, and leave behind this broken girl I had become.
So long, honeybee.
Where I'm bound, I can't tell.
Goodbye is too good a word, babe.
So I'll just say, fare thee well.
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind,
You could have done better but I don't mind.
You just kinda wasted my precious time.
But don't think twice, it's all right.
I kept driving long past midnight, until I felt I had gotten far enough. I pulled into an empty parking lot, and carefully parked the Blazer. Killing the engine, I locked the doors and climbed into the back. I prepared a small line for myself, and after I had snorted it, I sprawled out in the back, using my duffel for a pillow.
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It doesn't end like that or anything, I've still got a lot to go! Thanks to my three faithful readers, or the three that continually review, xxkpxx, Dawnie-7, and madelineex3!
Next chapter will hopefully not take forever, because I was just stressed, and my dumbass computer sucks!