Chapter... Talking

"What about this morning?" he asks. "I have a feeling you meant what you said, so why bother? Just going to drill it into me, are you?"

"That's not...No, that's not ... Oh. For god's sake. Renji, I didn't mean a word of what I said this morning."

"Right. So, that thing about you butt hurting wasn't true?"

"Stop being difficult, and actually listen to me properly, Renji."

"Oh no, see, my job is to be difficult."

I sigh. "Renji, what I meant was that I didn't mean that I, well, see, I just," I groan, and sink to the stairs, sitting on the steps.

"What's so difficult to say that you're stumbling over it? It can't be more difficult than what I said last night."

"What did you say last night?" I ask softly, wanting to hear it from his own lips.

"I think you know, Kurosaki, because you can't've been asleep all through it."

"Repeat it?"

"No, seeing as it doesn't mean anything now. If I did say it, I'd be lying."

Oh. God. He can't've... He cannot not love me anymore. He has to love me. He has to.

I ... Oh God.

"You don't mean that," I insist softly.

"I do."

"Renji," I say his name slowly, and blunder on. "I was lying to myself and to you this morning. You mean a lot more to me than that."

Renji snorts. "Shut it, Kurosaki. It seems everyone wants to lie to me when they just want me in their bed."

"I don't just want you in my bed." I pause, and gulp. "I want you in my life. I don't want to not see you for an entire day."

"Liar."

"I'm not lying."

"Yes you are. Have you stopped to consider what I want? Maybe I don't want you in my life anymore, Kurosaki, because maybe I don't want to see you."

"Renji, please, I don't, you don't mean that ... do you?"

"Maybe I do," he snarls.

"God, Renji, why are you so upset?"

"Because I can see what you want, and you just want someone in your bed. Did you plant Hisana just to get me in your bed? That's low, Kurosaki."

"Look, I didn't ask for Hisana in my life, and that's kinda obvious from the way I've been acting -"

"Oh, I don't know, you're a pretty good actor."

"I'm not. Seriously."

"Yeah, you are. You see, I thought you might actually care for me, and you so obviously don't."

I reel back, feeling like I've been stung.

"Renji, I do care."

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do, Renji, god, what's happened to make you so pissed off?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe someone I used to love revealed that they didn't love me, and in a rather heartless way."

Renji's eloquent when pissed off. I never noticed that before.

Hell, there's a lot of things I never knew about him.

"Renji, I said, I didn't mean what I said this morning."

"Then what did you mean?"

"I was ...babbling. I didn't mean it-"

"Will you just quit saying that you didn't mean it, and tell me what you fucking meant?" he roars at me.

I stare at him for a few minutes. Renji's finally spun around and he's glaring at me, glass held tightly. His eyes are bloodshot, and he's breathing deeply.

"What I meant to say," I say slowly, "is that I really do ...really do ... love you, and I wanted us to be closer, or...even...lovers, after last night."

I stop, staring at my hands.

"Not very eloquent, Kurosaki. I expected better."

"What?"

"I said I expected better. A hesitant speech doesn't convince me to shag you, you know."

'This isn't about you shagging me, or anything like that, Renji."

"Then what is it about?"

"Will you... Can we... I just want you with me again. I hated having to spend today without you, you know."

"I don't know about that. Seems like you had plenty of fun, taking Hisana around so she could use those face paints."

"It wasn't the same. If you'd been there, I'd have enjoyed it a whole lot more."

"I doubt it. Seems like you'd had fun."

"It wasn't the same."

He snorts. "So what? You want me to be your friend, and then I'll bet you'll end up as my boyfriend, and we end up shagging. Seems like your mind is one tracked."

"It's not. I don't just want sex, Renji. If you just stay as my friend, I'll be happy. Just...Just don't argue with me like this again."

"I don't know. I like the idea of not being your friend. It means I don't have to put up with you on a regular basis. Don't know how your friends dealt with you."

I whimper softly, his words absolutely stinging now, much worse than any fight wounds I've got.

"Renji, please, you don't mean this. Can we talk, calmly?"

"I thought that was what we were doing."

"We're not. I've never seen you so angry."

"Shows how little you know about me."

We're silent for a while; Renji slowly drinking the coffee he made for himself, while I reflect on his words.

"Oh," he adds, casually, setting the half finished cup of coffee on the table, "I'm gonna arrange for a divorce, or separation, or whatever. Basically, I'm gonna call off this marriage."

I stare at him, feeling like my heart's being stamped on by a herd of elephants and Espada and Menos Grandes, and everyone I've fought over the years. He cannot be serious. No way. No way in hell. I mean, I might not have wanted to get married, but now, I don't really care, and Renji's being so cruel, vindictive, oh god.

"No, you can't," I whimper. "What about-What about," I'm about to say 'me' but then I remember that he hates me now, so I say, "What about Hisana?"

"I'll take care of her, or you can, or we can share it, just as long as I don't have to wake up to your sorry face every day."

I swallow. "You don't have to break off the wedding if you just don't want to see me."

"I think it'd be a strange marriage otherwise. Anyway, I'll see Yama in the morning, and break it off."

He's so...Casual about it. So goddamned casual. He shouldn't be. Not if he's gonna just end this marriage, our friendship, everything we ever had together.

"No!" I yell at him, leaping to my feet, and striding across to him. "You can't just end everything like that! And there's no reason for you to be so goddamned casual about it!"

"You can't just tell me what to do, Damnit Kurosaki! If I want to do something, let me!"

"Come off it! Since when did I stop you from doing something you wanted to do?!"

"HYPOCRITE! What did you just do? You tried to stop me from ending this bloody wedding!"

"Because I don't think it's what you honestly want!"

"How can you be so sure of that, Kurosaki? It's not like you know me all that well."

My voice drops until it's soft. "Then give me the chance to get to know you."

"No. You had your chance, and you blew it."

"A second chance, then?"

"No!" he yells at me. "I don't want to ever see your stupid face, again, Kurosaki!"

"You still have captains' meetings," I point out. "And what about our divisions? They train together. We can't just stop that."

He glares at me, but I stare back defiantly, though I wouldn't mind just sinking into a hole and dying.

"Screw you," he snarls. "Why are you so determined to shag me?"

"WHO SAID THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH SHAGGING YOU?!"

"Oh, I don't know, the way I see it is that you just want sex."

"Goddamnit Renji! I don't want that!"

"YEAH RIGHT! THAT'S ALL PEOPLE WANT FROM ME, AND I GUESS I WAS AN IDIOT FOR THINKING YOU WERE DIFFERENT!"

Renji chucks his cup of coffee at me. It's glass, so the glass hits me, as well as the coffee. Luckily, I suppose, the coffee's grown cold, so it doesn't burn. The glass, but, well, I dodged most of it. A pretty sharp piece still manages to hit my face, cutting my cheek deeply.

I stumble back and fall to the ground, barely hearing as Renji storms to our bedroom.

It's not even that, now. It's his. I'm not welcome, in either his room, or his life.

I just want to die.

TIME CHANGE - MIDNIGHT. PoV CHANGE - RENJI.

You lot probably hate me right now. Because, you're all fans of Ichigo, and reckon I'm a bastard for even thinking of throwing a glass cup at him.

Fuck you.

Let me get one thing straight. Normally, I don't care what people think of me. They can hate me or love me, and I couldn't care less.

But, if I ever worry about my reputation, then I hate what I've done before.

I suppose the thing is that, when I was younger, I went to a heap of parties, and drank myself into oblivion, and, well, I suppose I'm -- I was -- notorious for one night stands.

It's what I hate most about my reputation.

I promised myself, when I became a vice captain, that I'd stop it with the one night stands.

Because, well, I want sleeping with someone, well, it's supposed to mean a whole lot more than just something you do when you're pissed off your face, right?

Look, why am I even explaining this to you lot?

Okay, I'm probably trying to explain it to myself...

I know what I've done says anything but this, but I do feel kinda guilty, for, well, hurting Ichigo? I didn't quite mean to throw a glass cup at him... That's heartless, even for me.

Okay.

This doesn't make sense, even to me.

I mean.

Yes, I'm angry with Ichigo. Why? Because I trusted him. I thought, hey, this guy, whom I love, won't just have a drunken night of sex and then say it was a one night stand. I can trust him.

And in the end, I couldn't.

I suppose the obvious thing is, why is it so important to me, not to have one night stands?

I don't know, really. It's just that, I suppose, well.

Out of all the captains, I'm, well, not the youngest, but I'm probably regarded as the least mature. Most of the Shinigami under me, well, they know me, I suppose. They've fought alongside me, and...

Ninth is sort of made up of the younger Shinigami. The ones likely to party, apart from Eleventh. It's sort of, well...I suppose you could say that they're the teenagers/young adults of all the Shinigami.

And they've seen me at parties, before, when I was in Eleventh. They've seen me start those stands off, and all that.

Out of all the captains, I'm kinda regarded as the most...well, slutty. Not like Shunsui, just ...You know. Like the one you can most easily drag into bed.

And I really, really want to change that perspective.

It's not exactly the most wonderful of reputations.

So, it's not just that I hate Ichigo for breaking my heart, he also betrayed my trust at the same time. And...I suppose yelling at him, and all that won't help, but I'm just so furious, and I feel like I have to start all over again, and I'm disappointed in myself, so I'm taking it out on him.

Look. If this doesn't make sense to you, don't worry. It doesn't exactly make sense to me, either.

But, I don't care.

I'm still pissed with Ichigo, and that ain't gonna change soon.

Even if I can't exactly hate him.

Nor can I sleep.

It's cold. I tug the covers around me, but I can't sleep.

Funny that I can get to sleep much more easily if Ichigo's with me.

I'm thirsty.

Sighing, I pull myself off the bed, and head downstairs, first checking that Hisana's asleep, and she is.

After turning on the kitchen light, I get a drink, and turn around, absently looking at the house.

That's when I see Ichigo.

He's slumped against the wall next the stair case, head dropping onto his chest. His clothes are bloodstained, and I can see faint tear marks across his face.

"Baka," I mutter. "There's a spare bedroom, and you could've bandaged the cut."

It's probably gonna scar now. Great. I'm the only person who's ever managed to scar Ichigo on his face. Just ruddy brilliant.

I scowl at Ichigo a bit more, and then replace the cup, having finished my drink. As I step onto the stairs, Ichigo says my name.

I head back down, and stare at him.

"Renji," he murmurs, smiling as he tilts his face up, exposing a neck. His hand flicks up to it a moment later, as his smile widens. "Yeah, I love you too."

I stare at him.

"If this is some prank," I mutter angrily, taking a step forwards, "I swear I will-"

He snores.

I never knew Ichigo sleep-talked.

Heck, there's a lot of things I don't know about him.

Though, the thing is...

He's having a dream about me. Apparently, one where I tell him I love him. That's...Weird.

I wonder why.

I snort.

Obvious.

He just wants to shag me. He knows I'm here, he saw the lights, and decides 'Hey! I'm gonna look like I love Renji. When I don't'.

Idiot.

Not gonna work.

...

Or maybe... I just told him I hated him. Maybe his mind's trying to make up for that.

Maybe.

Just maybe.

And, to be honest, I don't really want to break up with him...

I'm a risk taker.

I'm gonna talk to him in the morning. Calmly. Rationally. Sort out this entire screwed up mess.

Because I can. And I will.

Carefully, I lift up Ichigo, and carry him to the bedroom, and lay him on the bed. Then, I heal the cut, with some simple kido I (somehow) mastered. As I predicted, it scars. Then, I fall asleep next to him, absently resting my arm around his waist.

I fall asleep instantly this time.

A/N: I. Am. Evil. But oh well. You already knew that. Did you like it? Did you not like it? Just in case you're wondering, this is Monday Night. And...Renji's being mean, Ichigo's trying to solve everything, and getting his heart broken, and I'm sitting here, grinning like a maniac. :D Okay.. Um. 105 reviews before I update... WHOA! THAT'D TAKE ME OVER 100 REVIEWS!! THANK YOU PEOPLES!!