Chapter Education…Problems.

"Sorry?" asks Renji. "Did ya say… education?"

"Yeah!" cheers Yama. "See, we decided that… All the kids should be taught together!" he draws the last word into a dozen or so syllables. "Just so we can encourage Espada/Shinigami relationships!"

"Does this mean that I get to see Hel-kun and Vanya-kun more often?" asks Hisana, tugging on my robes. I look at her.

"Yeah, sadly."

"YAY!" she cheers. Hel, Vanya and her all hug.

Oh god. The cheesiness. Plus, hello?! My child is hugging the children of ESPADA! Does that mean nothing!? They're supposed to HATE EACH OTHER!

What has the world come to?

Insert dramatic sniff.

"This is wonderful!" cheers Vanya, wrapping an arm around poor Hisana, and smiling a charming, disgusting smile. She blushes as he says, "I can see you more often, Hisana-san. What a wonderful opportunity."

"Yeah," she mumbles.

He beams, and whipping her hand up, kisses it.

Okay. A major mystery of life has been unveiled. The mystery of what I feel about Vanya.

I.

Hate.

The.

Damned.

Bastard.

Course, everyone else is sniffing in delight at the 'puppy love' scene. Renji is scowling, and Grimm and Ulqui just glare and roll their eyes.

"He did that to Hel, as well," explains Ulqui, looking at me. I frown.

"Cheesy, flirty, two-timing bastard," mutters Renji.

I pat his head. "Deep breaths, Renji. I'll kill him, you don't have to."

"Oi!" he snaps. "I'm gonna kill him, not you!"

"No! Me!"

"Nah! ME!"

"Me!"

"What are you arguing about?" asks Syazel.

"Who'll kill Vanya," Renji replies, ignoring me, seeing as I'm furiously shaking my head.

Syazel's eyes narrow. "You want to kill Vanya, my son?"

"Yeah," replies Renji, before he realises what's he just said. "I mean, no!"

Not again...Really. This is getting old.

"DIE!" yells Syazel, raising his zanpuktou and swinging it at Renji, who shunpos away. I follow.

"Oh dear," says Aizen, off handedly. "Syazel-kun wants to kill Renj-kun."

"Hmn, it appears so. Let's see how this fight turns out, ne?" replies Yama.

"Yes, why don't we?"

Evil bastards.

Some one should protect my dear Renji…

Okay. Did not just say that.

I sigh. I pull them apart.

"Leave the fight 'till later, guys."

"NO!" yells Syazel. "The bastard can die now!"

"I'm not gonna be the one who dies, it'll be you, you sick bastard!"

"You're the one who wants to kill my poor, innocent, lovely boy!"

"Hey! Your son is a cheesy, two-timing, flirty bastard!"

"He's none of that!"

"He is so!"

"As if! He flirted with Hel AND Hisana!" I interject.

"Hel…Hisana… Ooh," says Yama, eyes glazing over. Then, he brightens. "THEY'D LOOK SO CUTE TOGETHER!"

Everyone stares at him.

"What…The…Hell?" asks Grimm.

"I think," I say slowly, "That Yama is saying that Hel, and Hisana should…Get together," I bite out the last bit, groaning slightly, "As in…Date."

There's more silence.

"Die BASTARD!" Renji, Grimm, Ulqui and I scream, rushing towards our seriously mental Commander.

"ARGH!" he yells, shunpoing away.

Firing ceros, and any other long range attacks we have, the four of us, united in one aim, to kill our screwed up Commander, hunt down Yama, finally cornering him in some random point in the centre.

"No! Don't kill me! I'm too … Important to die!"

"That's debatable," I mutter.

"Oi! Just for that. ..I'm gonna…Burn you alive! Oh! THE HUMANITY!"

"Idiot. It's four against one."

"Really?" grins Yama. The facial expression shall scar me forever.

Immediately, Aizen and Gin appear next to him.

"Muahwahaha! It's three of the most powerful people in the world against four lesser beings! WE SHALL RULE THE WORLD!" cackles Aizen.

"TOGETHER!" says Yama. They all start laughing…Well…Gin just grins in that freaky way of his, while the other two laugh their heads off.

"YAY! AIZEN-KUN! You're so awesome!"

"I know, Yama-chan! You're just even more awesome!"

"Oh no, you're too kind," mumbles Yama, blushing, and looking away, twisting his hands together.

"Oh, so cute!" laughs Aizen, pinching Yama's cheeks.

"Oh…My…God," whispers Grimm. "Are they bloody flirting!?"

"I think so," I whimper, latching onto Renji's sleeve, and hiding behind it. "Scarred for like. Horrible…Horrible…Horrible mental images! WAH!"

Renji hugs me tightly, looking pale. Grimm's buried his face into Ulqui's chest, and, for once, the emo Espada isn't looking bothered… Actually, he looks pale.

Well… Paler than normal.

"Okay," says Renji, trying to sound authoritative, but the horrified tone in his voice destroys that. "Let's just retreat slowly, and hope they don't notice."

Nodding, we follow his example, slowly edging away from the horrifying sight in front of us.

"You two are both so cute!" declares Gin suddenly. I feel a rapid hatred for the fricking ex captain, because he now has both of them pinching his face, and laughing, and looking every bit the flirty threesome.

Oh.

God.

BAD MENTAL IMAGES! BAD MENTAL IMAGES!

Renji: Yep, it's me again…Ichigo's just convulsed and collapsed (read: fainted) when the three … Yeah. Um. Grimm collapsed (yep, fainted) as well … Ulqui and I vomited.

We're assuming that Ichigo just hasn't dealt with Shinigami long enough to pretty much build up immunity against that sort of thing (okay, yeah, I am scarred for life, but not as badly as him, I reckon) and Ulqui's just so unemotional, it's probably not too bad for him either.

Ichigo:

I COLLAPSED! Not fainted like a fricking girl!

Bloody Pineapple.

Okay, yeah, so we got away (thank god for sonido/shunpo) and then… I COLLAPSED! (Not fainted)…

And now I've just woken up. And I did not scream at the sight of Renji hovering over me. I yelled, and stumbled back. It was a manly shout… not a high pitched girly scream.

Renji: Dream on, my little strawberry.

Me:

Right. The Pineapple dies now!

When I've recovered from the sight of Aizen/Gin/Yama flirting.

Okay… I'll never recover. But that doesn't mean I can't try.

We stumble back to everyone else. Unohana rushes over to us.

"Dears, you look pale."

"Aizen…Gin…Yama," I mumble.

"Sorry?"

"They were flirting," Grimm chokes out.

Instantly, everyone groans. Rukia hugs Renji and me, looking sick, Byakuya bites his lip and swallows, even Hitsugaya looks horrified.

"Oh god…Do you want counselling?" asks Unohana, digging in a pouch she has on her uniform. She eventually draws out four bottles of potion and hands it to us.

"What's this?" asks Ulqui.

"A blend of camomile tea. You need it."

We all gulp it down.

"Are you okay, Mummy, Daddy?" asks Hisana, peering at us. "You look howwible."

"Horrible sight…" Renji mutters. "Horrible."

"You should sleep," she says. Immediately, Unohana smiles appreciatively.

"Yes, they should. Hisana-chan, you have an apitiude for healing."

I sigh. I've seen this all before.

Okay… So Eighth and Second both want Hisana, I want Hisana in my or Renji's division… So Fifth or Ninth, and now Unohana as well…And every division wants someone who can do a bit of healing, so…Yippee.

"Thank you, Braidy!"

It's a sign of how much Unohana probably wants Hisana in her division that she doesn't really care about the nick name … or at least doesn't grumble about it.

"Okay," says Chojiro, taking charge again, "Until Aizen, Gin and taicho come back from whatever they're doing—"

Bad Mental Images. Or. BMI for short. Okay...Too many Three Letter Acronmys. (TLA's). Almost everyone groans at what Chojiro said.

"Sorry," he mumbles, groaning as he holds his hand to his head, "Movin' on." He takes a deep breath. "I reckon, we're all dismissed until we know what they want… Espada … and children … You'll have to stay behind until Aizen and Gin…Yeah. You know."

We all nod weakly. Grimm turns to me.

"Reckon Ulqui, Hel and me can hang out at your place until," he waves his hand in the air, "They come back."

"Yeah."

We all head back to our place. Grimm and Ulqui stare at the house.

"How come you get a normal-looking house with no stupid features attached?!" yells Grimm, banging his zanpuktou on the doorstep.

Syazel and Stark (with Vanya, thank the lord) are over at Mayuri's labs. I snigger. Hopefully, he'll experiment with Vanya and kill him.

My hopes are probably going to be dashed. Damn. Oh well…One can always hope.

"Don't damage the poor doorstep," Renji says, placating.

Grimm growls. "WE got –"

"Hel, Hisana, why don't you go play?" I ask, despite how much I hate the fact she's playing with an evil child of the Espada…

Okay, I may not know for sure whether he's evil, but c'mon! He's the son of fricking ESPADAS! 'Course he's evil!

I may be biased, but still!

Hisana and Hel beam and rush into the backyard while I lead the others into the house.

"So what did you guys get from Yama?"

"This house," Renji answers vaguely. Grimm raises one eyebrow.

"One level for Hisana, actually, it has two bedrooms…. Why, I leave to you. A third level for Renji and me, and a basement."

"A basement?"

"Yeah…For Renji and me."

"I'm not gonna ask … Have you used it?" asks Ulqui.

"I refuse to answer that question," Renji says eventually. Ulqui snickers.

"Yes," sings Grimm. "Yes. Yes you have!"

I scowl. "Shut up, Neko."

"What. Did. You. Call. Me?!" Grimm yells

"Neko! Neko!" I sing.

"Shut the hell up, BERRY!"

"Neko!'

"Berry!"

"Neko!"

"DIE!" yells Grimm. I parry the blow he delivers.

Soon, we're fighting.

Renji's turn...

Well…I knew this would happen sooner or later.

I turn back to Ulqui. "So what did you guys get?"

"Our rooms were renovated… That's all I'm gonna say. So…When did you last use that basement?"

I feel myself blush. "Um, well, ah, yeah." I laugh nervously. "Um, well, Yama threw this party for us. That's all I'm gonna say."

"Line stealer."

"Shuddup, Emo."

"Please. Our wives might be fighting, but let's not."

I snicker. "Wives. I'm never gonna let my dear wife forget that."

Ulqui sniggers as well. "Wife. My dear wife, Grimmjow. Oh…That's hilarious."

I nod. Then, there's a loud crash from the garden. When we peer outside, we see

…

Okay…

Grimmjow and Ichi are fighting furiously across the garden, whilst yelling insults at each other.

"You freaky ol' bastard!" – Grimm to Ichi.

"Pig!"

"Wagtail!"

"Measle!"

"Currish shard-borne vassal!"

"Poisonous bunch-back'd toad!"

"Wimpled swag-bellied maggot-pie!"

"What the hell?!" I yell.

Grimm and Ichi look at me. "What?!" they snap.

"What are you yelling at each other?" asks Ulqui.

"Insults. Derr!"

"But! They sound! Ancient!"

"They're Shakespearean," says Ichi, as though that explains everything.

I stare at them. Ulqui stares at them.

Then, in a voice filled with wonder, Ulqui stammers, "But...But...You two are sophisticated enough to read Shakespeare, much less memorise his insults?!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" growls Grimm.

"YOU! AND KUROSAKI! READING SHAKESPEARE! IT'S. NOT. NATURAL!" Ulqui explodes.

"OI!

"He's right, you know," I mutter, though not low enough for Grimm and Ichi to miss.

"Don't you go and side with him, now," Grimm snaps.

"You're meant to be on my side," Ichi adds. I scowl at him.

"I know you like Shakespeare, and all, but you memorise his stuff!?"

"So?" grumbles Ichi, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.

"It's...Shakespeare!"

"He's good. Don't diss Shakespeare."

"He wrote ROMANCE!"

"And tragedies."

"Shakespeare, Ichi. Shakespeare!"

"Shuddup."

Meanwhile...Grimm and Ulqui are arguing.

"Wanker!" Grimm declares finally.

"Wanker? What does that mean?" asks two young voices.

We turn. We stare. Hel and Hisana are staring at us.

"What does 'wanker' mean?"

A/N: hehehe.... Yeah. "TLA's'" belongs to my friend's dad, who made it up, or one of his friends, or whoever. Um, Bleach - Tite Kubo. The idea behind this story is from Espada Guide to Parenting, from which Hel and Vanya come ...Hisana Masaki is MINE! YAY! the shakespearean insults are from a website... i think it was www . shakespeareaninsulter . com or something. type shakespeare insults in google and it's the first one, i think. (yes, i went to the trouble of researching the stuff for you guys! feel important!)

Neko means cat in Japanese. I call Grimm 'Grimm-neko' cause his zanpuktou is Pantera, a panter. (shock horror gasp).

Yeah..So...I've just seen the new layout for the user account...Okay...Different, much? But...It has a nice, handy button at the end of each chapter to review, ne? Just click on it... and type something. like 'update soon' or 'this is funny' (heck, you can copy and paste if you're lazy! like me....XD). You don't even need an account... C'mon, it's nice and easy..... just click on the nice button.... c'mon! click on the button.... click on the button!