Hello again! If I even still have any readers, I wouldn't blame you for not coming back to read this chapter. I'm incredibly sorry it took about a YEAR to write again. Let me explain: I had this journal I wrote the next two chapters in and I had lost it. I'm so lazy I actually waited around for it to show up again, instead of rewriting the chapters. So I finally came upon the ambition to just rewrite them.
I needed a couple lines. That's all I could think about after my run in with Jay. I strode down the darkened streets alone, until I reached the house. Pausing to wipe my tears before I entered, I inhaled deeply. I wanted my mother; all I had was dope.
As I walked into the house, I tried not to think about Sid. Sid, the boy with the most sincere heart I would ever know. He didn't deserve this. Out of the group of friends, I deserved to have a deadly disease. I shut the bedroom door behind me, and crawled under the blankets of Dylan's bed.
I missed my old friends. I missed Peggy, with her soft eyes and nice smile; I missed Skip and his drunken swagger; I missed Tony's wild expressions and bouncy curls; I missed Stacy's honesty and pure heart. I missed Jay.
I could almost smell the salty air of the pier and feel the hot sand beneath my feet. I could see the blue hues of the ocean, and hear the peaceful crashing of the waves. Then I remembered that the pier had burned down. Everything I used to know had been ripped apart. I had pushed my friends away, lost my mother and brother, and the only place I had called home had burned down.
I heard the creak of the door, and shut my eyes quickly.
"Azure," Dylan's rough voice said. I felt him join me on the bed. His hand grazed my cheek. "Goodnight," he whispered, kissing my forehead and putting his arms around me.
I was revolted. I wished he wouldn't kiss me, and treat me like I mattered.
I was more revolted with myself though. Dylan had been great to me, and all I wanted was Jay.
I lay in that bed for three days following. I didn't have the energy to move. I could hear everyone in the house, and their conversations. Hazel would bring me bowls to smoke in bed, and Dylan prepared my lines. On the third afternoon I was in the bed, Dylan announced to me he was leaving for a while.
"What?" I croaked. My voice was hoarse from lack of use.
"I gotta go see someone. I'll be back soon."
"Fine," I sighed. He slid on his jacket, gave me a kiss goodbye, and was off. This didn't matter to me; I had stopped caring. I closed my eyes, and fell into a light slumber.
A week later, I was still in that same bed. Dylan hadn't returned yet, and I spent almost all of my time sleeping. There had been a lack of heroin around the house lately, due to Dylan's absence. I awoke one day to a loud knocking on our door.
Bang, Bang, Bang.
"Come in!" Opals voice chimed.
My eyes cracked open. I cursed whoever decided to knock on our door so loudly and awake me from my nap. I rolled over, trying to block out the noise.
"Um… Hi," a nervous voice said. It was a startling familiar voice. I sat up.
"Hello," Opal replied. "What's your name?"
"Uh… I'm Stacy. I was wondering if you knew if Kimber Wolffe was here?"
My heart skipped a beat. I slowly got out of the bed, and tip-toed to the door. I peeked out to watch their conversation. Opal was sitting in Alex's lap, and watching Stacy curiously, who was standing awkwardly far away.
"I'm sorry, there's no Kimber here," Alex smiled.
"Oh okay… Well, thanks anyway," Stacy responded, and turned around with a quick wave. I slowly walked out of my room, and reached the front room as he shut the door. I glided out after him. He was already out of our yard. At the sound of me closing the door he glanced back, and did a double take. He froze in the middle of the street, as we both stared at each other.
"Kimber?" he asked. I nodded. I didn't think I could open my mouth; I was clenching my jaw so I wouldn't cry.
"You look… different," he told me, while walking to me. I looked down at the ground, until he reached me. He touched my arm gently, as if he was making sure I was real. I swallowed the lump in my throat and regained myself.
"Hi," I said quietly, looking up at him. His eyes were just as blue as I remembered them. I threw my arms around his neck and he swung his around me. I'll never know how long we stood there, holding each other tightly.
"Come inside," I finally said, pulling him into the house.
I led him into my bedroom, and sat on the bed. He awkwardly hovered over the bed, and I laughed silently.
"Dude, you can sit down."
He obeyed, and then spoke, "What happened to you?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I don't know Kimber, you take off without telling anyone where you're going, you didn't even resign from the team, and we didn't know whether you were dead or alive…"
I sat in shocked silence. "Stace, I-I couldn't tell anyone. I didn't want anyone finding me."
"You shoulda known you could've came to me, or any of the team. We all love you, you know that right?"
"Look, man, it just… I had to leave. It was my time. Besides, you've all moved on. And you guys woulda moved on even if I was still there," I muttered.
He paused, and then replied, "I wouldn't have. I would've stayed with you, or gone with you, just been with you. Kimber, I-I… nevermind." His blue eyes frantically looked around the room to distract him, and landed on the mouse that scampered across the floor and under the bed. His face turned to one of disgust. I had grown used to the mice that resided with us, and forgot that they were typically unwelcome.
"Yeah, they like it here," I said, changing the subject.
"I'm surprised you let them," he responded, smirking.
"Is it true about Sid?" I asked quickly.
"Yeah…" he sighed. "I can't believe it." His eyes appeared to be welling up, but he swallowed and pressed on. "I thought you would've come back for Sid, if not for anyone else. He needs us. All of us." Stacy's blue eyes locked with mine, and immediately I felt guilty. "You know how I found you?" he continued, smiling. "Jay told me where you were. The bastard won't have a real conversation with me, but he'll find the time to drop a hint about where you are, just so I'll come see you and try to talk you into coming back. Manipulative son of a bitch," he chuckled.
"Always has been," I whispered.
"He came looking for you. I think he always knew that you went north. It was just a matter of time before he found you." When I didn't speak, Stacy sighed again.
"Kimber, you gotta listen to me. Jay's gone… insane. I don't know how to explain this."
"What are you talking about Stacy?"
"I mean… he's different, darker. You need to come back, if only for a visit."
I discarded that piece of information. "Tony? How's Tony?"
"Kimber, I can't describe to you what's happened. Everyone's changed. And I know that's unstoppable, but the people they've become are so hard to recognize."
"I need a minute," I said, getting up and heading to a bathroom. Shutting the door behind me, I began to hyperventilate. The room was spinning so incredibly fast I had to sit down. I closed my eyes tightly, and tried to concentrate on breathing. It seemed as though every time I felt as though I was calming down, a violent image of a funeral like my mother and Alex's would fly across my mind. The funeral in my head was for Sid.
I gave up trying to breathe slowly, and started rummaging through my jeans for some dope. When my pockets came back empty, I lost it. My breathing became rough and ragged, and I began sweating violently. I was thrashing around on the floor, crying out for heroin. It was as though my insides were being stabbed repeatedly, and I felt something begin to rise in my throat. Crawling to the toilet, I threw up the little bit of nourishment in my system.
I was experiencing withdrawal, and I didn't like it. Suddenly the bathroom door opened, and revealed a terrified Stacy.
"Fuck, Kimber, what the fuck is wrong?"
"Get someone," I stuttered. He nodded vigorously, and sprinted out. Seconds later, he returned with Alex.
Alex knelt down beside me, and I grabbed the collar of his shirt. As quietly as possible, I directed him to go into Dylan's room, and check under the mattress.
Stacy knew that something was going on, but he didn't know exactly what. I didn't let him see the dope, and when he asked if I was okay, I told him I hadn't eaten in a while. He looked at me, concerned.
"Fine, whatever," he said.
When everything had calmed down, Stacy told me he had to go.
"Why? Stay a little longer?" I pleaded.
"No I gotta go, I have to get home and pack."
"Pack?" I asked.
"Yeah, I've gotta go to Florida," he informed me, with a sad smirk. "The Kona Bowl," he laughed.
"So, you're leaving."
"Yeah, just for a little while though."
"What about Sid?" I questioned. He pretended to take interest in the wreath that still hung on our front door. He finally answered,
"Kimber, look, you have to go see Sid. Promise me?" I stared at Stacy's sad eyes.
"I'll try. I can't promise anything," I stated. "So, in case I don't make it out there, you need to swear to me that you'll visit."
He looked at me exasperatedly. "I can't promise anything," he mocked, turning and walking out of the yard. I watched his retreating back, when suddenly it spun around.
"That night? That night me and you… I just thought you should know, it wasn't meaningless for me," he said. I silently stared at the ground, as he waited for a response. When he realized none was coming, he continued his walk to his car.
I zipped my duffel bag, and glanced around the room.
It didn't look much different. I was surprised by how little was actually mine. Hazel had given me some of her dresses and skirts, while Dylan had let me have many of his shirts. Despite these additions, it all still fit in my bag comfortably. I walked out of the room, and into the front room, where they were smoking a bowl.
"Hey, guys, I'm gonna be gone for a little while," I told them. All of them grinned and nodded, except for Dylan. He stood up and walked me to the front door.
"How long are you gonna be gone?" he asked gruffly.
"I don't know Dylan. I have to figure some shit out." I looked him in the eyes. "You know, until I get everything together, it's not fair for you to be in this relationship."
He was quiet.
"Look, this has nothing to do with you. It's me okay?"
"So we're over."
"Yes," I sighed.
"Here," he thrust a baggie into my hand. "I love you Azure. I'll see you around," he said, giving me a soft kiss. I tried to speak, but my throat was dry. Instead I looked up into his icy eyes one last time, and turned and walked out the door.
In the bright sunlight, I made my way into the beautiful yard of Sid's. I passed a white metal table, and was approaching a gardener.
"Um, hi," I said to him. He glanced at me and nodded. "Uh, do you know where Sid is?" I asked him. He pointed in the direction of the pool without saying anything. "Thanks."
I slowly walked down the stone pathway, and I began to hear the sound of wheels against concrete. I picked my head up, and only saw the pool. I moved forward, and tried to see into the pool without getting too close. It was then I heard their voices. It sounded like they were laughing. I forgot about not wanting to be seen. My feet were moving, and my brain made no effort to stop them.
There they were. They were inside Sid's dried out pool. Sid sat in a wheelchair, while the other three skated around him. Sid was smiling, but he looked weak. He was pale, and even from a distance I could see his scar. Tony was grinning; it was one of those notorious Alva grins I hadn't seen in so long. Stacy seemed to be himself. He was laughing, and it seemed sincere. Jay had shaved his hair, and in place of it was a tattoo of a zipper.
I inched nearer, until I was standing on the edge of the pool. Tony noticed me first. He did a double take, paused, and then yelled,
"Kimber?"
Stacy and Jay stopped moving as well. Sid's head snapped around to see me. They all stared blankly, wondering how to react to my return.
"Welcome back, stranger," Sid smiled, gesturing for me to come in. I stumbled down the steps and into the pool. I immediately went to Sid and hugged him. Hot tears were forming in my eyes as I gripped him tightly.
"Sid," I whispered. I released him from my hold, and spun around to face Stacy.
"Good to see you here," he said.
"Nice to see you too," I grinned, embracing him.
"Look who's back!" Tony exclaimed, hugging me next. When he let me go, I turned to Jay.
"Hey," I greeted him, shoving my hands in my pockets.
"Hey," he responded.
"Nice head."
"Right," he said quietly.
"Can I talk to you?" I asked. His topaz eyes widened.
"Fine," he replied, leading me out of the pool. I could feel the other's eyes watching us, but followed in Jay's wake anyway. He led me to a swing hanging from a huge oak tree, which was out of earshot. He plopped himself down, and I sat next to him, careful not to touch him with my hands.
"You came back."
"Yep."
"I didn't know if you would," he muttered, staring at the ground. I began kicking the swing back and forth. In the background, I could hear a radio playing. It sounded like the Rolling Stones.
"What did you need to talk to me about?"
"I wanted to clear things up between us. I want to be friends again."
"I wish we could be Kimber. I really do," he said quickly, looking me in the eye. "But there are some things that happened between us… We'll never be the same, and you know it," he finished, turning back to the ground. Once again, I felt a lump rise in my throat. Trying to distract myself, I watched a squirrel dart across the yard.
"Why'd you shave your head?" I wondered.
"I don't know," he trailed off, as his back stiffened. He clenched his jaw, and shut his eyes tightly. I then heard it.
Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, Seamstress for the band…
I pushed myself off of the swing, and took his hand in mine.
Pretty eyed, Pirate smile, You'll marry a music man
I pulled him off of the swing, and wrapped his arms around my neck.
Ballerina, you must have seen her, dancing in the sand
He stared at me, completely bewildered. "Ah come on man, this is our song and you know it," I laughed sadly, letting a tear fall down my cheek.
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand
He pulled me close, and we rocked back and forth to the song.
Jesus freaks, out in the street
Handing tickets out for God
Turning back, she just laughs,
The boulevard is not that bad
Suddenly, I was crying into Jay's neck. I could smell the sandalwood, and it was the most comforting scent I had ever smelled.
Piano man, he makes his stand
In the auditorium
Looking on, she sings the songs
The words she knows, the tune she hums
When Jay held me it was the most natural feeling in the world. I felt safe in his arms.
But, oh, how it feels so real
Lying here, with no one near
Only you, and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly
He ran his hands through my hair. I remembered frolicking in the ocean with him while listening to this song, and it made my heart ache. I wondered if he was thinking of that night as well.
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
You had a busy day today
As the chorus repeated, I looked up at him. We were glowing orange in the setting sun, and his eyes met mine. I raised my hand, and stroked the back of his neck. Then I lost all control: I pulled his head gently down to mine, and met his lips.
Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, Seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, Pirate smile, You'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her, dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand
His grip around my waist tightened as the kiss grew more passionate.
But, oh, how it feels so real
Lying here, no one near
Only you, and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly
We separated, both transfixed on the other's face. He took his thumb and wiped away the tears from my cheeks.
"What do we do?" he asked.
"I don't know," I admitted. He pulled me in, and kissed my forehead.
"I missed you," he whispered.
"I missed you too."
At that moment, we both held each other until the music faded out, and we returned to the pool. Before the music ended, nothing else mattered. There was only Jay and I. All of the unresolved problems were forgotten, and we swayed to the piano.
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
You had a busy day today
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
You had a busy day today…
What did you think? Sorry it took 7 fucking months to get it! Please review! The nest chapter will be up soon, I swear.