This chapter might be a bit shorter. But it covers a lot I think.

The rest of the day felt so perfect. If we all forced ourselves not to think about what would happen the next day, or what had happened in the past, it was almost like the times when we were younger. We skated in the empty pool, cracked jokes about each other, and smoked many joints that made our lame jokes seem even funnier. As the sky darkened, we slowly made our way inside of Sid's enormous house. I don't remember which one of us discovered the bottle of whiskey, but soon enough we were sitting at a table passing it around. There was only one lamp on in Sid's pristine kitchen, which cast a glow upon all our faces and made the whiskey bottle glisten with every movement.

Sid insisted upon sharing his medication with all of us, and his pure joy of the five of us being together conquered his pale and weak state. He no longer spoke quietly, or held his eyes half open. Instead, his laughs were loud, and his eyes were attentive and wide, dancing with happiness. Although he didn't drink with us, he was having a good time.

While we had been sober, we had avoided the questions we all wanted answered. We didn't acknowledge Sid's illness, or the black eye Tony had received because of his fame. There was no talk of Stacy's upcoming career plans, or what I had done in all the time we had been apart. What I most wanted to know was what Jay had gone through, and why in the hell he shaved the golden hair I loved.

With whiskey in our system, we could no longer control our curiosity and began to speak more freely.

I opened my drunken mouth first.

"So, what are you two celebrities doing drinking out of a bottle of whiskey with a bunch of degenerates?" I laughed at my own question.

"Now that you point it out, I have no fucking clue," Tony teased.

"Ah, come on, were not famous," Stacy mumbled, leaning back in his chair with a smirk.

"Oh whatever, this random guy totally knew who you guys were. It was so embarrassing," I said, talking about Eli, the man who had believed me to be a hooker.

"Some random guy?" Jay said gruffly. "God you're such a slut."

Even though I pretended to laugh at the joke, I felt a spark of anger towards Jay.

"Shut up, cue ball."

"You're so clever," he grinned. "So Kimber, what have you been doing?"

"Nothing man, nothing. Just roaming around."

"Where were you?" Sid asked.

"I drove up to San Francisco and pretty much hung out around there."

"You live outta your car?" Tony questioned. I realized Stacy had not told them anything about his visit.

"Nah, I sorta stayed with some friends."

"I can't imagine you having other friends," Tony mocked.

"Fuck you Alva. I just wanna know who inked this baldie up."

Jay paused for a moment, "What, you scared to get one?"

"Not at all."

"You would never. You'd regret it or some shit."

"You wanna bet?"

"Lets go to the shop right now," he challenged.

"Lets do it," I stated, standing from my chair.

"I'll drive," he replied, smirking at my drunken boldness.

Jay opened the door to the tattoo parlor for me as I tried not to wobble in. Tony, Stacy and Sid had stayed at the house, all saying they wanted the tattoo to be a surprise in the morning. The man at the counter of the shop glanced at us as we walked in, and then said, "How can I help you?"

"She's gonna get a tattoo," Jay told him with a nod in my direction.

"You know what you want?"

"Uh… Not really," I admitted.

"Well, you can look through that book over there for ideas," he said, pointing at a black leather book. "Man, what's your ink say?" he asked Jay.

"Menace to society," Jay said proudly.

"Badass."

I snorted. I knew whatever one I got would be much better. Flipping through the book, not paying attention to the designs, I listened to the music they were playing in the shop. I recognized it as Leonard Cohen.

"I want you to get one too," I said to Jay.

"No, idiot, it's your turn."

"I'll let you pick what I get, if I get to pick what you get," I bargained. He grinned.

"Deal."

I awoke the next morning face first in a leather couch. I cracked my eyes open, and remembered I was in Sid's house. There was a terrible aching pain on my upper back, and I cringed. I then realized I was holding Jay's hand, as he was sleeping on the floor by the couch. He grunted at the squeeze of my hand, and I immediately released. I didn't remember us falling asleep like that.

I arched my back slightly, and a bolt of pain shot down my ribcage. I then realized it wasn't only my upper back in pain, but the entire right side of my back.

"Fuck," I whispered.

The image of the tattoo parlor burst into my head. I leaped off the couch and ignored the spins of the room. It felt like I was sprinting to the bathroom, but I was only stumbling around, running into furniture. One of the family's maids glared at me, but I couldn't think about that. I hit the bathroom door, and lifted my shirt immediately. Jay had made me get a long black passage down the right side of my ribcage. It was swollen and red, but I tried to make out what it said. It was in small black cursive, and had many loopy letters.

"For now, I need your hidden love.

I'm cold as a new razor blade.

You left when I told you I was curious,

I never said that I was brave.

So long, Marianne, it's time that we began,

To laugh and cry,

And cry and laugh, about it all again.

Oh, you are really such a pretty woman,

I see you've gone and changed your names again.

And just when I climbed this whole mountainside,

To wash my eyelids in the rain."

I was shocked at the largeness of the tattoo, but not as much as I was confused by the lyrics it possessed.

That was the song playing in the parlor last night, and Jay had made it my tattoo. It was extremely noticeable, for it took up a good part of the back of my ribcage.

I exited the bathroom, and headed to the kitchen, where Jay was sitting drinking orange juice.

"What do you think?" he asked, not meeting my eyes. In truth, I was confused. Had he simply picked that verse because it was playing in the shop, or did he feel that way about me? There was also the possibility that he didn't remember what he had made me get. I didn't like not knowing, but I didn't have the nerve to ask exactly what it meant.

"I like it, good job asshole. So we both decided on lyrics for each other. How do you like yours?"

"It's badass, you know I love Hendrix."

His was much smaller, in tiny black print on his upper left forearm.

"Must there be all these colors without names, without sounds?

My heart burns with feeling, but my mind is cold and reeling.

Is this love baby,

Or is it confusion?"

A couple weeks passed and I never discovered what the tattoo meant, but I cherished it. I hung around Venice long enough to visit the remains of the pier, and ran into Skip there.

"Heard you were back," he growled. I smiled, hugging him.

"So it's really gone," I muttered, staring at the wood, ashes and sand that were strewn across the beach.

"Left with you, kid."

We were quiet for a while, simply watching the water.

"Why'd you go?" he finally asked.

I sighed. "I couldn't… I didn't know how to handle what was going on here."

"That doesn't mean you leave. That doesn't fix shit," he slurred.

I now knew that. Ignoring his statement, I changed the subject, "Can I have a job Skip?"

He looked at me puzzled. "Yeah, sure maggot. Why do you need it?"

"Oh you know, living outta my car. Some cash would be nice."

"Makes sense. But if you fuck up, I'm not scared to fire you. You can do what Sid used to do."

"Yeah, guess he's not working anymore," I replied.

"It's minimum wage kid. No more."

I didn't know what made me ask for a job, but I think I wanted to be able to try and make this visit more than a visit. I wanted to be able to pay for an apartment to live in, and more dope to shoot.

I had been working about a month when I found a tiny apartment I could afford to rent with Jay as my roommate.

I had resisted a roommate for the longest time, trying to save enough money for my own place; but the amount I used for dope was draining the amount I could use for rent. After caving in to the idea of a roommate, I had to figure out who would live with me. I personally considered Tony the best choice, but he seemed to push for Jay and I living together.

The day after I had seen the apartment two people could afford, Jay and Tony walked into Skip's shop during my shift.

"Hey fuckers," I greeted, lounging on the counter.

"How's the house hunt?" Tony asked. I sighed. I hadn't told anyone except Tony and Skip I was looking for a place to live.

"House hunt?" Jay questioned.

"I found this little apartment, but I'd need a roommate to pay for it," I informed them.

"Well, you know I can't, I'm famous," Tony smirked. He used the cover that he needed to travel for work instead of actually saying he wanted to force Jay and I together again.

"Yeah right, shithead."

"Why are you looking for a place to stay?" Jay said.

"Because I'll probably be here for a while," I replied, and Jay cocked an eyebrow. "Don't flatter yourself, it's for Sid."

"Right," he muttered.

"Where are you living Jay?" I asked.

"I crash at my mom's sometimes," he told me, setting his left hand on the counter. I stared at the tattoo I had made him get, and finally spat out what Tony wanted me to say.

"Then help me pay the rent."

"What, live together?"

"Yeah. I need a roommate, you need your own place."

Jay looked at me, puzzled. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, why not."

Jay and I were not classified as anything. We had avoided any physical contact since the kiss. We didn't talk about it, and tried not to think about it.

Despite this, we moved into the apartment relatively quickly. Neither of us had much to move in, so it was quite a quick process. There was one huge problem though: the apartment had only one bedroom.

We didn't address this until it actually came time to move in Jay's bed. Both of us sat down on the mattress, and looked at each other.

"We only have one bed," he stated.

"I know," I sighed, and that was the end of that discussion.

Luckily, we did not have to spend much time alone. The apartment became a place where our friends floated in and out. In our first month, we never had a night alone. The chaos also provided a cover for my heroin addiction. With the constant movement of the bodies, I could quietly slip into the bathroom for a couple of minutes to shoot up. I could see the looks Jay gave me though, as though he knew something was wrong. I knew I must have looked a little crazy around that time, but had been avoiding all mirrors. I didn't want to see myself.

The first night we were completely alone was a terrible night. It began around four o'clock in the afternoon. I had just returned from work, and Jay was just rolling out of the bed when we heard the knock at the door. I opened it to reveal a frantic looking Stacy.

"Come on, we're going to the hospital," he rushed, grabbing my arm roughly and pulling me across the threshold.

Jay, Stacy and I sped to the hospital in silence. Stacy did not have to explain to us what was happening. It felt like we were in the car forever, and finally pulled up to the hospital. The boys jumped out of the car, and were practically sprinting to the front doors. On the other hand, I was moving in slow motion. I slowly put once foot in front of the other, and was mesmerized by the many windows lining the hospital. I thought about the possibility that people were actually slipping away, meeting death, behind several of the windows I looked at. I reached the doors, and leaned into one to open it. I stared at the patients in the waiting room, some actually injured or sick, and some just as frightened as us. Jay and Stacy were harassing the middle-aged woman at the front desk, but she would not let them see Sid. I turned my attention away from them, and my eyes fell upon Tony and Skip sitting quietly in a corner. Next to them was an aging couple holding hands, and tears running down their faces. I assumed they were Sid's family.

I was standing in the middle of all the chaos, not moving. I knew that Sid would not make it. It was the end. There was no point in trying to see him, or even asking what was going on. There was no point in moving either, so I stayed there, completely still, in the middle of the waiting room, gazing down the hospital hallway. No one asked me to move, no one bothered me, and no one seemed to notice me. Everyone understood.

I stumbled into our small apartment, and immediately went to lie down on the bed. Jay followed behind me, not speaking. He got into bed with me, neither of us bothering to take off our clothes. We didn't have to talk, or even look at each other. There was nothing we could say to change anything. I gathered the energy to go prepare myself some dope. When I returned to the bed, he didn't acknowledge my entrance. I got under the covers, and turned on my side away from him. I didn't cry, I didn't move, but his arm found its way around my waist, and he buried his face in my hair.

He wasn't sobbing or shaking, but the back of my neck did become damp as he shed silent tears. We laid there, in the dark, finally drifting off to sleep in the early hours of the morning.

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