The thirteenth chapter is upon us! Everyone thinks the number thirteen in associated with bad luck, darkness and doom. Well, this chapter lives up to that reputation. Get ready for one of the most macabre experiences of your lives. But first, to answer animefanbren's question, all of the WoW information was gathered on the WoWWiki. And now, prepare for the horror of the Thirteenth Chapter! (Dracula appears and plays RvB intro on an organ (it can be done, trust me))

Chapter 13, Final Respects

"We are gathered here to pay our last respects to the Sandaime Hokage and Professor, Sarutobi Hiruzen..." A nameless Jounin started, but his words fell on deaf ears when it came to one blonde member of the crowd gathered for the Sandaime's funeral. He simply stared at the ground, as if it were incredibly interesting. He probably would've been crying if he had any tears left, the only remaining evidence of having any being the puddles of water collecting in his room. Neru, standing beside him, looked at his emotionless face and grabbed his hand, linking her fingers with his in a fruitless attempt to make him react to something. Naruto just stood there, staring at a solitary blade of grass poking out of the dirt. Before either of the two genin realised, the funeral ended, all of the gathered ninja leaving to perform various duties around the village. Neru tried to get the jinchuuriki to move, but it was as if he was rooted to the ground. Neither of them noticed Kakashi appearing in a cloud of smoke until he was literally right behind them.

"Hey, lovebirds. We have a mission, let's get going," Kakashi said, looking at Naruto's frozen form.

"What's the point...?" Naruto muttered, making Kakashi raise an eyebrow.

"Hmm? What do you mean?"

"What's the point of being a ninja? Peace can never be attained, people will still die, humans will still carry hate and envy in their hearts, darkness will still have control over us. And the existence of ninja isn't helping. Peace is even more unattainable when ninjas exist," Naruto replied, making a certain pervert hiding in a tree raise an eyebrow.

'Nagato...?'

"Well, that doesn't matter now, Naruto. Unless you want to go and resign your ninja career, you have no choice in the matter."

"Maybe I should..." Naruto muttered under his breath, not even Neru able to hear him. He sighed and turned to face Kakashi. "What's the mission?"

"A bandit camp has been abducting women from a nearby town. Our job is to infiltrate the camp and set the stage for a squad of Chuunin and Jounin to destroy the camp."

"We're not allowed to take out the camp ourselves?"

"Oh we're allowed, but it'd be best to wait for backup."

"Cancel the backup. I wanna have some fun."

A few hours later, Bandit Camp...

"We're here...Sensei?" Sakura asked, looking at Kakashi's deep frown. She looked in the direction of his view and found Naruto, literally shaking with unbridled rage.

"Sakura, get away from there...now. I suggest we do hold on that backup, and just send in Naruto. It might be safer."

"Finally..." Naruto whispered, before disappearing. He reappeared in the centre of the camp, walking slowly towards a crowd of bandits.

"Hey, kid. You look lost. Looking for something?" One of the bandits asked, walking up to him, but backed away when he saw his glowing yellow eyes. A cloud of Kuriru appeared, circling Naruto's enraged body. He raised a hand and flexed his fingers, several Demon Arms travelling towards the crowd faster than most could run. A couple of bandits were impaled by the flying appendages, trapped on the spike. A couple more were cut clean in half by another tentacle. A couple of bandits ran at Naruto, weapons at the ready. He simply grabbed their weapons, their blades cutting into his palm and making dark crimson liquid flow down them. Naruto twisted his wrists and pulled the swords out of the bandits' hands, sending them tumbling to the floor where the Darkness wielder nailed them down with their own swords. He continued walking forward, ripping people apart left right and centre. Anyone looking upon this camp would probably throw up just from the sight. Blood, intestines, organs, brain fluid and various grey matter splattered over the walls. They would see a fourteen year old boy ripping the hearts out of terrified bandits, their warm blood splashing onto his pale skin and dropping them to the floor. Mutilated corpses strewn over the ground, their blood collecting in small holes in the ground, their innards spilling out for all to see, no flies surrounding their bodies. Eventually, Kakashi got tired of waiting for Naruto to reappear, and took Sasuke, Sakura and Neru into the bandit camp. They walked through the giant wooden gate and were horrified by what they saw. Naruto had...remodelled the place. A large ditch had been dug on one side and filled with the bodies of the dead, making a river of red. Windows were shattered, heads were impaled on spikes lining the walls. The four ninja heard a loud slicing sound and were treated to the sight of Naruto powersliding along the ground, holding his sword like a guitar while a headless body fell behind him.

"DECAPITATIOOOOOOOON!"

"Naruto...what happened here?"

"I did, of course. All of the bandits are dead. The women are in that building," He said, pointing towards a building that looked out of place, being that it was in no way destroyed. "You go ahead back to the village, I'm gonna finish cleaning up." Kakashi nodded and turned to leave. Sasuke and Sakura followed him, but Neru stayed behind, looking into Naruto's near-black eyes.

"Naruto-kun...Shikamaru told me something."

'Oh shit...' "Did he now?"

"Yeah, he said you actually did want to go out with me."

"Uhh...yeah...about that..."

"gOoD lUCk, kId."

'Wha...Darkness? Where the hell were you?'

"slEePInG."

'Fair enough.'

"So you do you want to go out with me!" Neru said with an excited squeal, while Naruto just hung his head in resignation. He looked up at her, and saw that she was genuinely happy about it and, being the gentleman that he is, Naruto didn't want to deny her of her happiness. He simply sighed and looked into her own dark eyes.

"Fine, I'll go out with you." He said, before being knocked off of his feet by his new girlfriend.

One Week Later...

Uzumaki Namikaze Estacado Naruto was irritated. Not the kind of irritated you experience when you stub a toe, or when a sibling is bugging you. No, this is the kind of irritation you get when your new girlfriend goes round telling the entire village the news. Then they drag you around said village by your wrist, using their freakish strength, to do whatever they want. At that moment he was sitting on a bench outside a row of ninja stores while Neru sped between them, picking up supplies, weapons, ninja gear and various other items you probably wouldn't see most Konoha genin kunoichi buying. Except for possibly Tenten. He could almost feel the ryou disappearing from the wallet in his pocket. Finally, the blur that made up Neru's speeding form stopped moving, and Naruto found himself buried under a mass of bags, boxes and containers of all kinds.

"Get thiff ftuff off of me," His muffled voice said from under the pile. Neru decided to just jump into the pile, wrapping her arms around Naruto's disembodied waist. "I mean it! Help me out of here!" Neru rolled her eyes and threw a couple of boxes to the side, revealing Naruto's even more irritated face. "Do you really need this much stuff?"

"Nope."

"Then why did you buy it?"

"You don't know how girls work, do you?"

"Not a clue." Naruto said, before spinning around a firing a shot from Pestilence into a nearby tree. An evil smirk grew on his face as he heard a pained shout and a large mass of white falling from a branch hanging over the hot springs. Climbing out of the shopping pile, he jumped over to the fence bordering the hot springs just as he heard several screams and the sound of a harsh beating. Looking at the altercation, Naruto found several towel-clad women surrounding the old man he had trained with over the month training period. He grinned, seeing the many injuries the old sage was sporting from his perverseness. He walked over to the white hairball on the floor and kicked it, earning a groan.

"Hey, Ero-sennin. Get up, you old pervert."

"Wha...Naruto? Just the person I was looking for. We have a mission."

"Right now?"

"Yes, right now."

"Perfect. So what are we doing?"

"We have to find my old team-mate, Tsunade, so she can be the Godaime Hokage."

"Kay then, let me get my stuff ready and I'll meet you at the gate." Naruto said, disappearing a cloud of smoke. Jiraiya stood up and started hobbling towards the village gate.

A Few Minutes Later...

"You ready to go?" Jiraiya asked, seeing his blonde student approaching the gate.

"Yeah, I'm ready. So, I know where we're going, but in return for my services I require payment."

"I'll train you in the ways of your father's jutsu, the Rasengan."

"Deal. Let's move." Naruto said, walking straight through the gate as fast as he could. He was stopped, however, by a sickeningly sweet voice from behind him.

"Oh Naruto-kun, you wouldn't be about to leave without saying goodbye to me, would you?"

"O-Of course not, Neru-chan..." Naruto said, sweating heavily as he turned around. Once he was once again facing the village, he saw his girlfriend staring back at him with an evil smile. He walked forwards, as Neru simply stood there, hands on her hips. He stood in front of her, scratching the back of his head as he continued to sweat. He closed his eyes, waiting to feel some kind of incredibly painful torture. He was confused then, as you can imagine, when he felt something soft touch his mouth. He opened his eyes to see if she was putting a snake in his mouth or something, but he found Neru standing there with her lips on his. He just stood there, frozen as he knew not what to do. Eventually, Neru pulled back and grinned at him.

"Have a nice trip, Naruto-kun!" She said, running back into the village. Naruto just stood still for a few seconds, before turning around and continuing to walk away from the village, while Jiraiya stood a few feet away with a smile on his face.

'So, the kid freezes up even when he gets kissed? Oh, we'll have to change that. I will model this kid in my perverted image!' As the two nin walked, Jiraiya formulated a plan for perversifying (if that's a word) his blonde student, which included several hot springs, clothes stores and, of course, 'gentlemen's establishments'.

"Ero-sennin, if you're trying to perversify me, it won't work, so stop now." Naruto said with an eye twitching, as tears cascaded down Jiraiya's face. "So, where are we headed?"

"First, we go to a small settlement near here. I have an informant who may have knowledge of Tsunade's whereabouts."

"It's strange..."

"Hmm?"

"How you go from pervy and weird all serious in half a second." Naruto finished, a sweat drop forming on his forehead.

"This is just one of the many things I will teach you, my young Padawan."

"Wrong show."

A few hours later...

"We're here!" Jiraiya exclaimed, looking around the town.

"We would have made it here a lot quicker if you hadn't felt the need to stop at every hot spring resort along the way. There is a limit to how pervy a man can be without seeming creepy and desperate."

"Whatever. Why don't you go get us a hotel room, while I try to find our informant?"

"Would our informant be a woman, perhaps?"

"What would give you that idea?"

"Oh, just a wild guess." Naruto said, walking towards the nearest hotel. He entered said hotel, and turned to the sleeping owner. He rang the small bell on the desk, but nothing happened. After a few more rings, Naruto was beginning to get a little annoyed. Leaning down to put his mouth near the sleeping man's ear, Naruto grinned.

"Hey asshole...WAKE UP!" He shouted, the old man jumping straight into the air and landing back in his seat.

"Yes sir, how can I help you?" He said, as if nothing happened.

"I'd like a room, please."

"Very well," the man said, reaching behind the desk for a small silver key, "You'll be in room 218, o can pay when you leave. Have a pleasant stay!"

"I'm sure I will." Naruto said before walking away. As he headed towards the stairs, he noticed out of the corner of his eye the man laying his head back down on the desk and returning to his slumber. 'Lazy bastard...' A few moments later, Naruto was inside his hotel room, and crossing his fingers in his signature hand seal.

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

A cloud of smoke enveloped the room, quickly disappearing to reveal 10 clones standing in front of the original.

"Okay, me's. While Ero-Sennin is gone, we're gonna be training. Chakra control exercises, the lot of you. Grab a leaf and get levitating." Naruto said, each of the clones grabbing a leaf from an overhanging branch outside the window. One of the clones noticed something strange outside, and called the original over to take a look.

"Hmmm...two weirdos in black cloaks with red clouds on them. One's really tall with blue skin and a massive sword, the other's average, and looks a little like...oh, fuck me sideways."

And now you may laugh at my pitiful attempt at romance. One of the main reasons I suck at stories. I hope some of you liked that part, and I'm guessing quite a few you liked the fight scene in the bandit camp, with its awesome Brütal Legend decapitation. I just got the game last week, played it, completed it, loved it, played it again, read fanfics about it, researched sequels. My routine for games.

Next Time, on Naruto Estacado, A Fox in the Shadows:
Our lovable blonde hero comes face to face with the anime's main antagonist, Akatsuki. How does our hero know the prodigy of the Uchiha clan, Itachi Uchiha? How will he fare against Itachi's partner, Kisame? Will they ever find Tsunade? Will Jiraiya ever stop being so perverted? (answer: no. Just no.) Tune in next time, for more of your favourite storyline! (Rolls credits, with Deadly Sinners by 3 Inches of Blood playing in the background)