Title: Suffering is the Best Punishment
Author: Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer: I do not own "The Mentalist" or its characters, CBS does. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Takes Place during Season Two. Red John attacks Jane using his own twisted type of psychological warfare.
Warning: Severe spoilers for season one.

Chapter 3 – "MIA"

Author's Note: none

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"It is not the end of the physical body that should worry us. Rather, our concern must be to live while we're alive - to release our inner selves from the spiritual death that comes with living behind a facade designed to conform to external definitions of who and what we are."

- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

CBI Headquarters

Week two. Day two.

He entered with a smile, brighter than the sun. He'd taken extra time on his appearance. He'd had breakfast and tea beforehand. He'd done everything to try to make himself as presentable and on the ball for the team as possible.

Jane had ensured his arrival would be ahead of the rest of the team. He'd planned on making sure there was coffee ready for them and have it waiting when they got there. Jane just hoped that they'd see it as a gesture of good faith rather than a bribe for him wanting something. The only things he wanted at the moment were Theresa Lisbon's safe return and Red John's death (preferably at his hands).

Although it seemed like Cho tried to be there early, most times it was Van Pelt who ended up being there first. He had a feeling that it was because Van Pelt was desperately trying to prove herself, partly because she was the newest member of the team and probably partly because she was somehow trying to make up for Lisbon's absence.

He noticed her quickly; her bright scarlet hair gave her away. He headed towards her with a cup of coffee in his hands for her. He put on a bright smile. "Good morning, Grace!" he greeted a bit too sugary. "How are you this morning?"

She took the offered cup from his hands, but stared at him oddly. Jane had a feeling that she was waiting for what was going on. When he didn't respond, she seemed to want to say something, but then didn't. He just waited and kept the bright smile firmly in place. It was a façade that had to be believed.

"Morning," she finally muttered. "Thanks. I'm...okay. How about you?"

"Slept really well, must have been that migraine. It just knocked me out and I feel right as rain this morning," he told her, still the over sugary tone firmly in place.

"Are you feeling alright?" Grace asked, her head slightly tilted to the side.

"Sure! Why wouldn't I?" he asked. He picked up his teacup from the counter and then headed past her.

He knew that that would confuse her, but she was going to be the one who wouldn't let it go. Grace Van Pelt was a smart woman. His simple trick wasn't going to fool her so easily. It would take a bit more to throw her off of what he was doing. Otherwise, she'd eventually figure it out.

Heels clicked behind him. Jane smiled a bit brighter; it even reached past his eyes. Around his eyes already were wrinkled. He wished that he was sincere internally, to be so happy would really feel good, but it was all a sham.

"You haven't been like this for weeks."

She was right, of course. He didn't turn to her, but knew that she was still following and she was most likely determined to figure out what was going on. Of course, he could tell her the truth. That he was only doing this in order to find Lisbon. Play nice with the team in order to keep from getting kicked off. Jane wasn't sure if Van Pelt would side with him for his reasons or if she'd keep pestering him. Even if he went insanely far, to the point of telling Grace Van Pelt that he – Patrick Jane – loved Theresa Lisbon and only wanted her safe return, he doubted that she'd still allow it. There was also the fact that she'd let it slip to at least Rigsby.

"I'm having a good day," he told her.

"What's really going on?"

She wasn't going to let it go. In that way, she was a lot like Lisbon. Jane waited until he sat down in his couch. He sipped his tea and then looked up at her. He let his façade drop. His lips went from extremely upturned to droopy. "How am I going to keep you from following me, Grace?"

"Why are you acting this way?"

It was a simple question. He had a simple answer. He just didn't want to give it. What would she say? What would she say to Rigsby and Cho? Where would it leave him? Where would it leave Lisbon? There was so much on the line.

"I thought that it might be nice for me to stop moping around, but I guess I was wrong," he said and relaxed back into the couch. He tried to act like she'd busted his bubble. "I really want to help out. I just...I guess I really miss Lisbon." Jane made sure to put on his sad tone. The one he hoped that he could guilt Grace into dropping the subject with.

"Lisbon is—well, I'm honestly not sure what to believe."

She sat next to him. Jane stared down at the floor and occasionally sipped his tea. "She's alive. I believe in that."

"How can you be so sure? The forensic people said that there was enough blood that it's possible that she's dead."

She sounded very cold, but Jane knew that she really wasn't. It was probably all Van Pelt could do in order to keep going. To think of Lisbon's case as if it were any other that they came into contact with. Jane couldn't do that.

"She's alive, Grace."

.......................................

En Route to Crime Scene

Thus far, Van Pelt had been the only one to challenge his new happier attitude. Though, outing himself in a way to her had given himself the chance to lighten up in the ride over to the crime scene. Cho had just seemed confused; Jane wasn't sure whether it was just the extreme change or if he'd been prepared to send him on vacation.

"How do you know?"

"Hmm?" Jane asked. He'd been staring out the window, pretty much zoning himself out. It helped with the miserable feeling he felt inside.

"How do you know she's still alive?" Van Pelt questioned.

His faith in what he knew about Red John apparently surprised Van Pelt. He knew Red John a bit too well. Especially since Lisbon's disappearance directly affected him. Red John wanted him to suffer. "I know she's alive because her being alive benefits Red John's continual torture of me. It's a punishment."

"It's been two weeks, Jane."

He knew what she was thinking. Law enforcement had a mindset that the sooner you found someone, the more likely they were still alive. Anything that went past seventy-two hours, it was normally most likely that the person was dead. Lisbon had been gone for two weeks and two days. They'd gone far over that limit.

"I don't know if he's holding her or what, but I know she's alive and Red John is doing this to punish me."

"Why Lisbon?" Van Pelt asked.

"Lisbon is probably the person I've become closest to here," Jane admitted. It was true after all; Grace didn't need to know that he also realized that he loved her. "No offense," he told her with a smile. He was close to Grace as well, but still he was closer to Lisbon. She knew things about him and he knew things about her. Grace Van Pelt was still very much a mystery to him.

"Well, I hope you're right."

"I am," he told her. His voice wasn't confident and almost arrogant, it was just calm and truthful.

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CBI Headquarters

"Want to get a bite to eat?" Rigsby asked.

"Not today," Jane responded. "Tired. I should go home and sleep."

"You have to eat."

"Grace," Jane said. Grace Van Pelt had remained quiet during the conversation. He had a feeling that she was waiting to see if he'd go. If he went, then she would. Then Van Pelt and Rigsby couldn't have it defined as a "date" in any way. "You go on without me, okay? Let me know if this place that Rigsby's been talking about all week."

"Oh-Al-right," Grace said.

He could tell that he'd caught her off guard, but it was good for her. Good for her and Rigsby. He smiled, this time part of it was a true smile. Maybe his meddling between the two of them would keep him distracted for the time being. It would also be a good deed, getting them together was something that was overdue.

"Great, then it's settled," Jane announced.

"Before you leave—"

The voice caught Jane off guard. He turned and saw Lisbon's boss, Minelli standing there with Cho. His heart dropped, it felt like it had fallen into one of his ankles and was weighting him down. He tried to keep the smile in place. This was bad. Something was wrong. Minelli continued to talk.

"As you know, there have been no further leads on Agent Lisbon."

They were giving up.

"With so much time that has passed, it will be nearly impossible for us to locate her until a clue of some kind arises. We've decided to classify her as MIA for the time being"

MIA: Missing In Action.

It felt like he'd been hit by a truck. The air had been knocked from his chest. His smile melted away. Lisbon. He had stayed with the team in order to locate her. Did this mean that they weren't going to even continue to look for her?

"But if she's still out there—" Jane said, but was cut off.

"I understand your concern, Mr. Jane," Minelli said.

"I don't think you do."

"We've done everything we can at this time."

He wanted to tell him that he hadn't, but he had a feeling that it wouldn't help him in any way. He needed to stay with CBI in order to find Lisbon. "What if she's hurt?" he asked.

The idea had come to him. If Lisbon had lost that much blood, then it was possible that she was in a hospital somewhere...that she'd undergone surgery and possible fallen into a coma. It would explain not finding her and Lisbon not contacting them. He doubted that Red John was just keeping her in a room, which would take too much up keep for him to see to personally.

"We've distributed missing person flyers to all hospitals in the state along with the surrounding states. We've also distributed them to other medical facilities in case Red John used a doctor from a clinic or other medical practice." Minelli looked suddenly like he felt. "We've also ensured delivery to all law enforcement agencies and morgues. Just in case."

Just in case.

They were giving up. No matter what Minelli said, Jane knew that he was giving up. Minelli and the CBI were giving up on Agent Theresa Lisbon. He thought that not only was it sad, but it was pathetic. One of their own had been taken and they were just standing around doing nothing in order to recover her. The CBI needed to invent in more skilled agents, Jane knew that one of their best was missing right now.

.................................

Jane Residence

Missing...

Jane thought that they only added the "in action" part at the end in order to make her seem like more of a hero. Lisbon was a hero, but she wasn't a hero by way of dying by the hands of Red John. She was missing because they weren't looking hard enough for her.

Missing...

It was just a word to use because obviously they hadn't the heart to just declare her dead. It was fancy and political. Jane was sure that Minelli would be informing Lisbon's brothers, though he wasn't sure how he felt about that. Missing in action was such a limbo-like term rather than just saying "dead," at least people could come back from the dead. People would be overjoyed with someone returning. But their limbo term just left people in a state of limbo.

He was tempted to break from CBI and try to track down Red John on his own, but he didn't think that he'd get far. Red John had survived this long without being caught. He was sure that he would continue and without the resources of the CBI, he wouldn't get as far as he would sticking with the team.

Jane made his way up the steps in his house and towards his bedroom. He let his hand rest in the pocket where he'd stashed Lisbon's cross. He hadn't mentioned it at work. He hadn't wanted his house to become a crime scene...again. After all, he doubted anyone would understand why Red John's trademark had been left in his bedroom above his bed for so long.

Lisbon.

This was a way to keep a piece of her with him. There was also the fact that they would confiscate it. It would be bagged, tagged, and locked up somewhere. He wanted to have it, so that when they finally found her he could return it.

Making his way to the bed on the floor, he dropped down and raised a hand to his head; the other remained in the pocket with the cross. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to keep up the farce he'd been putting on all day for another day, another week, another month, another year... He hated to think that Lisbon would be missing another day, but he was sure that Red John would take full advantage of Lisbon's connection to him.

He just had to hold on.

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TBC...