Title: Suffering is the Best Punishment
Author: Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer: I do not own "The Mentalist" or its characters, CBS does. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Takes Place during Season Two. Red John attacks Jane using his own twisted type of psychological warfare.
Warning: Severe spoilers for season one.

Chapter 4 – "Liz"

Author's Note: Okay, so I figured out a few of my own mistakes. Lisbon's cross is gold, not silver, though the color seems to change with the lighting. And I am spelling her first name incorrectly. It should be Teresa instead of Theresa. This is what I get for looking through photos. Anyways, I shall fix.

On another note: I was wondering if anyone knew which episode I am looking for? I feel so silly because I swear I've looked at all the sites with info on the episodes and pictures and haven't found it. Lisbon is with the mad guy and she's on the phone with Jane. She ends up using Jane on the phone

............................

"I would hurl words into this darkness and wait for an echo, and if an echo sounded, no matter how faintly, I would send other words to tell, to march, to fight, to create a sense of hunger for life that gnaws in us all." – Richard Wright

CBI Headquarters

Two weeks on top of two weeks.

Four weeks.

One month.

A month that was just filled with day after day of hell. He still wasn't sure how he'd gotten through the past two weeks. He'd stuck close to Van Pelt and Rigsby. Between trying to get them together and drinking tea while they drank coffee...somehow he'd gotten through it all.

"They found her!"

The three sweetest words he'd heard in a month. His head immediately snapped up and he stared at Grace Van Pelt. This was no joke. Her face conveyed joy. He got to his feet quickly and pulled on his jacket without a second thought.

Lisbon.

Lisbon was alive!

He hadn't even questioned it; he had been able to tell from the look on Van Pelt's face. His soul started to warm a bit. A true smile spread across his face. This was the day he'd been waiting so long for. And Jane promised himself that he'd tell her. He'd tell Teresa Lisbon he loved her.

He loved her.

"Where is she?" Jane asked next.

"San Francisco."

"We can get there in an hour," Jane said excitedly.

"My GPS said closer to an hour and a half and that doesn't include traffic."

"Don't we have lights on the vehicles?"

"Normally I would say that that would be a misuse of the lights, but," Van Pelt said. "I say we use them. The final say is up to Cho, though."

They'd have to take two vehicles anyway. It would be like a convoy. He beamed and followed her to where Cho and Rigsby were. He waited for her to bring up the lights. Of course, he'd suggest lights and sirens, but he knew that was going overboard. The lights and sirens were only reserved for extreme emergency. He was just hoping that the lights would help them get there that much faster.

"Lights only," Cho said.

"Good man!" Jane said quickly and patted his arm. "Two vehicles?"

"Two vehicles," Rigsby said. "There's no way I can be in the same vehicle with you and your glowing."

He could feel that he was glowing too. He was overjoyed and overwhelmed by this excitement. Lisbon was alive! They'd found her! He felt like he could scream it from the rooftops! Though he had a feeling that it would only get him left behind and possibly put on a psych hold in a hospital.

Van Pelt would try to lobby in his defense, but the guys (though they were good guys) would think that he'd just had a mental breakdown and had completely lost it. Maybe he had. Maybe he'd completely lost it just from the words Van Pelt had uttered, "They found her!" What sweet words. Beautiful and completely simple and meaningless to those who didn't mourn the loss of Teresa Lisbon.

We're coming, Lisbon.

............................

En Route to San Francisco

"Where exactly is she?" Jane finally asked. It had been something that he'd thought of, but he just hadn't asked it until just now.

"She's in a rehabilitation center," Van Pelt said. "That's all I know. It's some kind of non-profit."

"Well if she's in rehabilitation, then she had to have been in a hospital before," Jane reasoned. "Right?"

"Right," she responded with a nod.

"I thought Minelli said that he sent out the missing flyers to all hospitals."

"Jane, think about how many people live in the state of California. I doubt they have a person on staff just to walk around with missing persons' flyers checking each room to see if there's a match."

"They might want to invest in one," Jane commented.

She laughed. At least he wasn't the only one who's spirits had truly brightened and bloomed. It felt like nothing had happened. Like Lisbon hadn't been taken by Red John. It almost felt safe in a way.

"Are you going to tell her?"

Van Pelt's odd question caught him off guard and by surprise. He turned and stared at her for a moment before speaking up. "What are you talking about?" Jane asked.

"About how you feel about her."

She just blurted it out like it was the most matter of fact thing in the world. He didn't think it was obvious. After all, he hadn't realized it too long before. He hadn't thought he'd even been remotely obvious. He was pretty sure that he'd focused mainly on being absolutely miserable for half of it and then had put on a façade of happiness after that.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jane responded after a moment of contemplation. After all, there was no reason to really discuss it with Van Pelt. There was so much to consider. He wasn't sure that he could even be in a relationship. He could tell Lisbon that he loved her, but what would it matter if he wasn't ready to be in a romantic relationship with her? He knew that there had to be a place in his heart to love her, but he wasn't sure that he could handle coping with Lisbon. After the death of his wife and child, how could he bear anymore?

"Liar," Van Pelt challenged.

"What does it matter?"

"It matters."

Jane just stared at her before turning to look out his window. The rest of the trip was going to be a long one. He didn't think that there should be any talking about a relationship, especially when he didn't know if she even would return his feelings.

"It doesn't," Jane argued. "The only thing that matters is that Lisbon is alive and that we're taking her home."

"It does matter, Jane."

"Believe me, it doesn't."

"Why do you say that?"

"I think the best reason why it doesn't matter is because of Red John," he brought up. "Lisbon would be dead if we were in a relationship. The only reason she's alive is because she's the one I'm closest to and it's much better to let me suffer and live through all the pain rather than for Red John just to kill me himself. He's a coward."

"I hate when you talk like that."

"So does Lisbon."

................................

A Better Tomorrow Rehabilitation Center

From the outside, it just looked like every other building on the block. It looked much like the homes that surrounded it. There was a modest sign in the front yard, but nothing that brought much attention to the place. The name on the sign also didn't help. A Better Tomorrow Rehabilitation Center. A better tomorrow could refer to anything since once physical therapy is finished, Jane was sure that the patient would have a better tomorrow in being able to be more self sufficient and be able to leave the center.

The lawn and general landscape was beautifully done. There were flowers of all shapes, colors, and sizes that sprung up neatly in the planter beds. There were a few trees that had been planted not too long before. They were held up by stakes in order to keep the trees that were barely taller than an average person up straight. The trees were filled with beautiful blue-purple flowers that almost appeared to be butterflies among the green leaves.

"What kind of place is this?" Jane asked once everyone was out of their vehicle.

"A rehabilitation center," Rigsby spoke up and pointed to the sign.

"Helpful."

He noticed Rigsby's shrug and buttoned up his jacket. "Are we being expected at least?" he asked and looked to Cho this time for the answer.

"Minelli said that we're meeting a woman named Rose. She's the one who reported that Lisbon was here," Cho told him. "She's supposed to be expecting us."

"Maybe not so quickly, though," Van Pelt told them. "We did make record time getting here."

It was true, but who could really blame them? They were excited to not only find out that their friend and boss was alive. They just all wanted her back. Jane had a feeling that Cho was just tired of watching him. He knew he could be a handful, though Lisbon seemed to not mind so much or maybe she did and he just hadn't noticed.

"Well, why don't we head up the walk?" Jane suggested. "Or are we going to wait until one of the neighbors alerts the local police that people in dark SUVs are stalking the rehabilitation center?"

"Good point," Cho muttered.

Jane smirked and followed his lead. Inside he just wanted to run up to the door and be directed to Lisbon, but he'd waited this long...what were five more minutes? He could wait, even if it almost felt painful. The fact that they were on the same property as Teresa Lisbon made him feel a bit at ease.

When they got to the door, a woman was there waiting with a smile. "Hello, you must be with the CBI. I'm Rose, I've been expecting you."

The woman was a bit smaller than the average height. She smiling brightly and her pale skin glowed against her bright red hair. Her green eyes conveyed the smile as true. Jane wasn't sure what to think of her. She wasn't in medical scrubs or office attire. Her clothes were very casual. Just jeans and a t-shirt.

Jane didn't miss the fact that Cho, Rigsby, and Van Pelt all showed their badges and then Cho introduced them all. He didn't understand why, though. It wasn't like the woman was a suspect. Their goal should be a simple one: get Lisbon and leave. No one needed to make friends.

"Let me show you to my office," she said and gestured for them to follow her once they were inside.

The inside of the rehabilitation center was not what Jane had expected. He had expected it to be sterile and hospital-like inside, but instead it was warm and homey. It just looked like a home. He turned to look towards Cho, who hadn't argued yet. "I thought we were seeing Lisbon."

"First I'd like to speak with you about her condition," Rose told them.

"She's okay, right?" Van Pelt asked.

He'd been about to ask the same thing, but she'd beat him to it. Rehabilitation centers were there for people to improve their condition, that meant something, didn't it? Jane felt the slight weight that had lifted from him weigh back down on him. Before the woman could answer they were already in the woman's office. Jane looked around and tried to get clues.

His mind focused on books on the shelves behind her desk and along the wall to their right. He could read some of the titles from where he stood, but the books to the right had no lettering, instead they had bumps. Braille. The woman hadn't seen blind to him, though he was sure that people who had lived blind would be able to pull it off better as acting completely normal. Like the woman who knew Red John had been.

"Are you blind?" Jane said. His eyes still staring at the Braille books.

"No," Rose responded as she sat down behind her desk. "My husband was though. Those are his books. I do know how to read Braille though."

"What kind of rehabilitation center do you run here?"

"It's one for physical therapy...of sorts," Rose said and motioned for them to sit. When no one sat, she continued. "Your friend, your flyer calls her Teresa Lisbon—"

"Because it's her name."

"Jane!" Van Pelt scolded in a whisper.

"It's quite alright," Rose said. "Apparently you don't know what's happened."

"Please explain," Cho spoke up.

Rose smiled towards them. "Your friend was found walking along the side of a highway and almost into traffic. She didn't remember who she was and though the doctors don't understand what is causing it, I'm afraid that she can't see currently. She was listed as a Jane Doe in the hospital. I work with the local hospital with these types of cases, though they are somewhat rare. I help the individual assimilate into this new lifestyle and help them find a job and an apartment."

"Lisbon is blind?" Rigsby blurted out.

"She doesn't remember that she's Teresa Lisbon. She remembered Liz. So, that's what we've been calling her." Rose pulled the missing persons flyer from under a file on her desk. "I'm afraid we've had some problems with our fax machine and we just got this the other day. I haven't talked to her about this, though. She's been having a lot of problems adjusting."

"But she's okay, besides the blindness?" Jane asked. He'd been deemed temporarily blind, but he'd worked through it.

Rose frowned. "When she was found, she was covered in blood. I guess whoever slit her side open had tried to stitch her back up. It had become infected, so the hospital had her for several days before she came here. Most people adjust quicker than your Lisbon."

"She must know that she's not supposed to be blind."

"No one's supposed to be blind," Rose argued.

"Can we see her please?" Van Pelt asked after a moment of silence blanketed the room.

Rose got up from her seat. "I warn you that she's stubborn and quite difficult."

"Like we didn't already know that," Rigsby mumbled.

"Well, we'll explain things," Jane said. "Hopefully she'll believe us. That or like us better. And then we intend to take her back with us." He could tell from the woman's sudden stop and then her quick to continue to walking action that she didn't like what he was saying. "After all, that's where she belongs."

"She's not ready to be out in the world," Rose said. "Someone is going to have to assist her."

"I was temporarily blind for a while. I had people make me tea, though they didn't make it quite right," Jane told her.

"She needs to be self dependent, Mr. Jane," Rose argued.

Jane didn't agree. He didn't think that Lisbon agreed either. He had a feeling that her response would be that she needed her sight back. It would be his if he were in her situation. After all, it had to suck to not only have amnesia, but also to be blind. He thought that it would be easier to recall things and people from sight triggers. Lisbon was basically screwed for any recall except for emotional, touch, and smell recall.

"She needs to be with people who know her."

Rose didn't speak again, but led them to the room that was labeled "Liz" on the outside. It didn't seem right, though Jane told himself that it was something that she remembered something. After all, Liz was close enough to Lisbon.

"Please," Rose said. "Try not to upset her."

"We'll try," Rigsby told her with a smile.

Jane, however, knew that it was going to be pretty impossible to do so. Lisbon was not a stupid person and she wasn't going to just trust them because they said who they were. She wouldn't just fall for their story like that. She needed to remember something. She needed to remember them.

Rose opened the door for them. Inside, Lisbon was sitting at the window just staring. Jane thought that she was trying to do what he had been when he'd removed his bandages. Willing herself to see the world that she knew she would see. He found himself unable to move as he wanted to. He wanted to push past the woman and hurry in, to hug Lisbon, to drag her out, and to throw her in the vehicle waiting outside. He couldn't move.

"Liz, I have some visitors," Rose announced. "They're here to talk to you about who you are. If you need anything. You call. I mean anything."

Lisbon turned towards them with a frown. "I don't see how learning about my identity could cause the need for me to call you. I doubt that they're going to tie me up and drag me off."

"We hadn't planned on it," Cho spoke up.

"We were sort of hoping you'd come of your own free will," Van Pelt spoke up.

"Come in," Lisbon said.

Jane noticed that there was a cane in the room, but that she kept it far away. He had a feeling that she was stubborn enough to not want to use it. She sat there. Staring. Waiting. "Hello," Jane spoke up and stepped inside. He waited until everyone was inside before closing the door. He didn't need Rose eavesdropping.

"Don't want her to overhear our conversation?"

"She's nosey."

"I think she thinks that's her job here," Lisbon responded.

Jane smiled in response. "She probably does."

"Rose said that you think your name is Liz," Van Pelt spoke up.

Lisbon tilted her head slightly to the side. "It's the only thing I could remember. I figured if I was wrong, it was still better than being called "Jane Doe." That just sounds utterly pathetic."

"Your name is Teresa Lisbon," Van Pelt said. "You're a CBI agent."

"California Bureau of Investigation," Lisbon said.

"That's right," Rigsby said. "You're our boss, actually."

"Miss me?" she teased.

Jane knew that she was in there. She looked like Lisbon, except for the vacant look in her eyes. She sounded like Lisbon. She was in there. She was slowly remembering. "I did," Jane admitted.

"Do I get to know your names?"

"Cho."

"Cho?" Lisbon questioned. "Is that like Cher?"

"Kimball Cho," he corrected.

"Wayne Rigsby."

Lisbon nodded in acknowledgement.

"Grace Van Pelt."

Lisbon nodded again.

"Patrick Jane."

Lisbon didn't nod this time, but frown.

"Is there a problem?" Jane asked.

"The other names were familiar. I remember...Rigsby kissed Van Pelt, though I don't know why..."

"They love each other," Jane said and then shrugged. He ignored the glares that were sent his way. He didn't care. It didn't matter right now. Plus, he had been telling the truth. What harm was it in telling the truth?

"Have we worked together long?" Lisbon questioned.

Jane frowned. "I've worked with you longer than Grace has."

"Maybe you're just not that memorable?"

"Please tell me that you're just pulling his chain, Boss," Rigsby said.

Maybe Rigsby was right, maybe Lisbon remembered and she was just messing with them. It would make sense. Pay them back for not showing up sooner. Plus, messing with them had to be fun especially in her current position.

"I'm not," Lisbon admitted.

"Jane is always doing things," Cho spoke up. "Going against your orders. Sometimes getting us to help him with it as well. Though, of course it's only in pursuit of justice in order to catch killers."

"Of course."

"You're always upset with me and telling me how I'm making your life difficult," Jane added. "You're supposed to be keeping me in line. You're supposed to keep me from killing Red John when we finally find him. You want to bring him to justice, well your way. I saved you from getting shot not too long ago." He hoped that something would bring up a memory, even if it was just familiarity.

"I'm sorry," Lisbon responded. "I just don't remember."

A short knock came at the door before it was opened. A man opened the door. "Liz, I've been waiting for you. We're supposed to work on your reading."

Lisbon was silent.

"I don't think she's going to need your help," Jane spoke up when she didn't. "She's going home."

"I am?" Lisbon asked.

"Well, you could stay here if you like," Rigsby said. "We just assumed you'd want to come home."

"We have missed you," Van Pelt added.

"You keep Jane in line better than I do," Cho admitted.

"I don't even remember," Lisbon responded.

Jane frowned. He didn't want to leave her there. They'd just found her and now they'd lost her again. He didn't have any doubts on her memory and sight both returning, though he still wasn't pleased with the fact that she thought the others were familiar, but not him. Jane would have thought that he would have made a lasting impression on her.

"Andrew, I think I am going to go with them," Lisbon responded. Carefully, she got to her feet and felt around to get her bearings.

It was then that Jane noticed that the man she called Andrew was also blind. He'd been standing quietly at the door, just listening. But now he seemed frustrated and almost confused. He also noticed that there was some anger in his presence.

"You don't even know them and you're going with them?" Andrew asked.

The anger was even more apparent now. Jane studied him. There was something curious about the man. He almost seemed protective of Lisbon.

Lisbon shrugged. "Better than being here."

"You just need more time," Andrew told her.

"I need to be somewhere where I'm not treated like I'm never going to see again."

"You may not."

"The doctors said that it was temporary as far as they could tell."

"It's been a month, Liz."

"That's not my name," Lisbon told him.

"You said it was."

"My name is Teresa Lisbon," she told him and started to walk towards Cho and Rigsby.

Jane wanted to guide her but stayed in place. He watched as Rigsby reached out for her and took her arm. He was jealous. He wanted to be the one helping Lisbon. He wanted that simple contact with her. Jane knew that there would be time. She'd remember him. It wasn't like she'd decided to stay behind there. Lisbon was coming with them, but he was still jealous.

"You remembered?" Andrew questioned.

"No, they told me."

"And you just believe them? That's a lot of trust."

"They're with the CBI, Andrew. Rose brought them here. I highly doubt they're lying," Lisbon said as she took Rigsby's arm. "Plus, they're familiar...almost all."

Almost all.

Not him.

He'd been desperately trying to keep himself together for the last month because of her disappearance and she didn't remember him. He wanted to blame Red John for some kind of brainwashing, though he didn't think that he was that advanced in his skill set. He had a feeling that it was just an after affect of her kidnapping. Something that she'd sustained during transport.

"Familiar doesn't mean anything," Andrew challenged. "You shouldn't just up and go with them. They could be lying. They may not even be CBI."

"So, go ask Rose if she saw their badges," Lisbon told him.

Andrew left and Jane looked towards Rigsby. "Let's go before he comes back."

"He'll be at the front door before we can make it through," Lisbon informed them.

"You want to go, right, Boss?" Cho asked.

Jane was sure that Cho felt some kind of chivalrous intention come over him along with just not wanting to flat out kidnap her. She'd said she'd wanted to go with them, but asking again wouldn't hurt...unless she said no. Jane wouldn't leave her there. He didn't care. She was going with them.

"As much fun as three meals a day is with all the amenities and being instructed on how to live with blindness is...I think I'll pass," Lisbon told him. "At the very least, I'm hoping to remember a bit more."

That was his Lisbon.

Rigsby started to escort her out of the room and Van Pelt and Cho followed. Jane stared around at the room she'd been in. It was simple and Jane was suddenly thankful that she'd been lucky enough to be taken in here. He didn't know if they would have ever found her if she'd just been released. Would she be on the streets? Would she be alive? San Francisco could be a dangerous place, especially for a blind woman with no memory.

He was the last one; it was something for him to keep distance from Lisbon. He felt the need. He didn't want to spook her. He's push her once they were in the car, if she was driving with him and Van Pelt or when they got her back to CBI. No here. There was a chance she'd stay if he did it there. Jane wouldn't risk it.

Lisbon had been right; Andrew and Rose were both waiting by the time they got to the front door. He wanted to take Andrew by his shoulders and shake him. Obviously something was wrong with him; they were there to help Lisbon. They were there to take her home, to take care of her. He'd think that anyone would appreciate it. He hoped Lisbon appreciated it.

"I'm not going to stop you," Rose announced. "I just needed to hear it from Li—Teresa that she was leaving."

"I'm going with them," Lisbon confirmed. "I do appreciate all you've done for me, though. Really, I do."

Rose stepped forward and hugged Lisbon briefly. Jane felt that Rose truly cared for all the members of the home that she helped. When Andrew stepped forward, he wrapped his arms around Lisbon, though she didn't seem too thrilled. He lingered too long. When Andrew did pull back, his hand slid down her arm and he stayed there for a while.

"I'm going to miss you, Liz," he told her.

"Teresa," Lisbon corrected.

"I'll always remember you as Liz."

"Oh-kay," she said slowly and then turned back to Rigsby.

He loved her. Andrew loved Lisbon. Jealousy. It wasn't logical though. Lisbon obviously didn't return Andrew's feelings, but it still coursed through Jane. He wished he could just deck Andrew right there and then, but he thought that if Lisbon didn't say it, Van Pelt would. It would be inappropriate. Jane didn't know why he hadn't seen it earlier. Perhaps it was because without the eye contact, it was harder to gage unless there was physical contact made.

They started out the door and Jane followed. He stopped at Rose and reached out to shake her hand. "I really appreciate all you've done for Lisbon," Jane told her sincerely.

"I'm glad you found her. Take good care of her."

"I will," he promised. He looked over at Andrew before following the others out. He had Lisbon and he wasn't going to let her out of his sight now. No one would touch her. She'd be safe.

...................................

En Route to CBI

Though at first, Cho had said that Lisbon was riding back with him and Rigsby, Van Pelt had convinced them to let Lisbon drive back with them. Jane had been a bit surprised; after all, he hadn't even requested it. Van Pelt had asked on her on accord. He hadn't argued with the idea of it, though.

She'd asked to sit in the back; Lisbon had said she was tired. Before they'd even reached the halfway point, she'd fallen asleep. Jane felt bad; she was tethered in the seat belt in an awkward upright position.

"Stop, Grace," Jane said.

"Why?" she asked looking over at him.

"I'm just going to move Lisbon, so she doesn't wake up with her neck all stuck in that position," he told her.

Van Pelt sighed. The vehicle was pulled off to the side of the freeway and she sat there. Jane gave her a smile and then got out. He walked around to the back. He could hear Van Pelt calling out to him, probably wanting to know what he was doing.

"I'm getting the blanket and pillow from back here!" he called.

The blanket and pillow had been put back there by him. He pulled it from the trunk space and then headed around to the driver's side. He opened the door behind where Van Pelt sat and pressed the first seat belt bucket so that it was between the two seat pieces, hiding it a bit. He adjusted the middle one, so that the seat belt was a bit longer and then carefully unbuckled Lisbon.

He moved her, so that her head was on the pillow placed on the seat behind Van Pelt. He buckled her using the middle seat buckle, just in case. Jane closed the door and then walked back to the passenger side. He opened the back door there and covered her with the blanket. He hoped that at least she was sleeping well.

Once he was done, he got back into his seat and pulled the door shut. "Thank you," he said and then looked over at Van Pelt.

"You should tell her, Jane."

"She doesn't even remember me, Van Pelt," Jane told her. "I'm not even familiar."

"Maybe you're not being annoying enough yet," she commented.

"Maybe."

Van Pelt pulled the vehicle back onto the freeway and headed towards CBI. Jane sighed and looked out the window. All this time Lisbon had been only an hour away. The important thing, though, was that she was okay.

"She'll remember you, Jane," Van Pelt told him. "It's just going to take some time."

"We may want to take her to the hospital to have her checked over," Jane suggested.

"They already had her at the hospital there," Van Pelt reminded him. "They said that her blindness and amnesia were both temporary."

"It's been a month."

"So, we'll take her tomorrow."

"Okay."

"You going to be okay?"

"Yeah."

"You're reverting into Jane depression mode," she told him with concern.

"It's just been a long day."

She didn't remember him. He wasn't familiar. But Lisbon was going home.

...............................

TBC....