Suffering is the Best Punishment

by shannyfish

Takes Place during Season Two. Red John attacks Jane using his own twisted type of psychological warfare.

8. A Reminder

Title: Suffering is the Best Punishment
Author: Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer: I do not own "The Mentalist" or its characters, CBS does. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Takes Place during Season Two. Red John attacks Jane using his own twisted type of psychological warfare.
Warning: Severe spoilers for season one.

Chapter 8 – "A Reminder"

Author's Note:

............................

"In this world there is always danger for those who are afraid of it." – George Bernard Shaw

Jane's Hospital Room

"You should be excited."

Jane tilted his head as he thought about it. "Why exactly should I be excited?" Jane asked her. This was half the fun. Just talking to Lisbon.

"You have everything brought to you, even entertainment," Lisbon told him with a smile.

"I'd be more excited if they'd let me out of here," he told her. In truth, he didn't mind so much. He just didn't like to be in there and not be able to be close to Lisbon. With her sight back, he'd been hoping to spend more time with her in hopes of jogging her memory. So far, nothing.

"They're going to," Lisbon promised. "Just in several hours. Until then, you behave."

"Are you leaving me already?"

"Minnelli wants to go over some things," Lisbon explained. "Since I can see again, he wants to make sure that I can still shoot straight and that I remember procedure and such."

"Right," Jane said. "It would be nice if you could shoot straight now." He didn't miss the scoff he got from her as she smacked his arm playfully.

"You're horrible," she accused playfully. "No wonder no one else is visiting."

"Rigsby isn't coming until lunch," Jane told her.

"Well, it's good for you to have something to look forward to, but I have to go," Lisbon told him.

"You may not remember how to drive," he pointed out even though he knew that she'd driven there on her own. He was just trying to figure out a way to be able to spend more time with her. He hated her leaving. Why couldn't he be released? He'd promise to be good and lay on his couch all day if they liked.

"I'm pretty sure that's how I got here."

"You sure? I think you walked," Jane told her.

She laughed. "Pretty positive."

"Come visit me later?" Jane requested.

Lisbon walked to the door and looked back at him. "Mmmm...may-be," she told him before throwing a smile his way and leaving.

......................................

Jane Residence

It took Jane a good thirty minutes to convince Rigsby that he could walk up to his house on his own and that he didn't need any help. After all, he doubted that Rigsby would send back a positive report if he saw the reminder on his wall. The one reminder he needed to remember. Rigsby wouldn't understand why he needed it there. Why he needed the pain kept there.

No one would understand.

Red John would still pay.

He trudged up the stairs towards the bedroom. He was actually looking forward to being in his home alone. To sleep in his own bed. He swung open the door and stopped. He hadn't noticed the light as he'd walked up the steps. How could he have missed it? A flashlight had been positioned so that it shone on the reminder...the crimson smiley face drawn on his wall in blood.

He looked around and then saw it. Red John had been there. Anger filled him. This was the second time that he'd come to leave something. Jane wasn't sure if he should feel relief. At least it wasn't another body to add to the room.

On his bed was a chestnut brown leather jacket laid out and covered in what looked like dried blood. Jane recognized the jacket and sunk down a bit, crouching and staring at the piece of clothing on display. He was warning him. Jane knew it was a warning, that's the only way he could interpret it. Red John was saying that he could still get to Lisbon. Lisbon was still in danger.

His hands shook and tears fell from his eyes as his hands covered his face. Sobs shook his chest and tumbled from his lips. Jane didn't understand why she was still a target. She didn't remember. Jane didn't see how she was a threat or was Red John just using her because he still cared for her?

Anger hit him again.

He couldn't not care for Lisbon. He didn't have a switch for who he cared for. Sometimes he wished it were only that simple. To flip a switch.

Love had been hard for him to accept and now Red John was going to take it from him even if she didn't remember who he was? Jane found that to be hard to accept. He didn't want to let anything happen to Lisbon. He'd thought that with Lisbon not remembering him that she'd be safe. He was wrong.

How was he supposed to protect her if Red John wouldn't leave her alone? He wouldn't allow her to come to harm. He'd much rather die.

Reaching down, he picked up the leather jacket and folded it as neatly as he could before heading back downstairs. As much as he wanted to just toss it, he felt the need to keep it. It was something Lisbon wore often, Jane thought maybe a favorite. The blood could be removed, but for right now he just placed it into a bag. He knew that if it had gone to anyone else they would have turned it in and hoped for a fingerprint, but Jane knew Red John better. He was smarter than that. There would be no prints, fibers, hairs, or DNA. Red John was a like ghost when it came to evidence.

He'd hold onto it...for now. He'd protect it, like it was evidence. Just in case.

.......................................

CBI Headquarters

Jane had been there far before everyone else.He'dwanted to stop at Lisbon's place, but had decided that something would give away the fact that it was out of the ordinary for him. With his luck, that would be the exact moment that she'd remember him and be able to sufficiently call him out. It would also be very unfortunate.

Though Jane wanted her to remember and remember him, he didn't want to further risk her life in the process. He'd waited there, lying on his couch. He'd sucked down soda like there was no tomorrow. He hadn't been able to sleep, though when he'd set out for CBI Headquarters he'd started to feel the hangover of his sleep deprivation. Lying down didn't help, but he forced his eyes to remain open and vigilant.

Lisbon was the last to arrive, which was odd, but then again Van Pelt wasn't driving her into work anymore. She'd probably taken extra time to take in what she'd been missing. The adjustment was probably hard even though she'd been able to see before. She went from relying on everyone on the team to being a sole individual. It had to be hard to make that sudden jump. She had a smile on her face nonetheless, her green eyes shone.

He was relieved.

Although he didn't think Red John would go after her, at least now right now. Jane had still worried. How could he not with her blood all over the jacket he'd seen her wear time and again. Her blood that was now stashed at his home.

Though Jane wanted to catch Red John desperately, right now his focus was on her. Teresa Lisbon. The woman that he'd somehow fallen in love with. It had never been the plan. He wanted to just kill Red John and then die himself, but somehow...it had happened. And now because of him she was in danger.

His eyes betrayed him and suddenly felt too heavy to keep open. He closed them for a moment and then opened them to find her standing over him. There was concern written all over her face. He just stared up at her. The fact that she was safe was all that he needed to know. Even if he didn't talk to her for the rest of the day, just to know she was safe was enough.

"Why are you here?"

Why was he there? Where else would he be? It was something that he didn't think she'd ask. After all, he'd been there for weeks...while she'd been missing... On top of it all, it was his couch. His designated spot in their section of the CBI building.

"What?" Jane blurted out in confusion.

"Why are you here?" Lisbon repeated.

"Where else would I be?"

She let out a sigh. "You've obviously not slept, so I'm wondering why you're here. Even if we have a case, you're not going to be any good to us sleep deprived."

"I'm fine."

"Go home."

"What?" Jane questioned as he sat up, but kept his eyes on her. He knew she was doing this out of concern for him, but he was doing the same for her. He wasn't just about to leave. He'd intended on staying for the whole day and then to try to get a little extra time with her to ensure her safety.

"Go home," Lisbon repeated, a bit slowly.

Jane just stared at her, but she turned and walked away. She was in her office with the door shut before he was on his feet. He followed after her. There was no way he was leaving CBI without her. He allowed himself into her office without knocking. He wasn't leaving. "I'm not going anywhere," he told her flat out. "The amount of sleep I did or did not receive last night is not going to impact my ability to further the investigation."

"I disagree."

"You can disagree all you want, but I'm not leaving," Jane insisted.

"Why? Why is it so important that you stay? You probably didn't even sleep last night, Jane. What could be so important?"

It was a valid question.

Teresa Lisbon was the answer.

The answer he wanted to give, but he wondered if he did if she'd laugh and tell him that he'd obviously not had any sleep and was now hallucinating or delusional. Either would be in her character.

"I can't tell you," Jane blurted out.

"Can't or won't?"

"Both."

"That doesn't make any sense," she told him as she shook her head. "It can't be both. It's impossible."

"That's why I can't tell you," Jane told her matter of factly.

"Your games aren't going to work with me," Lisbon countered quickly.

"They usually don't...at least not for long," Jane conceded.

"Go home, Jane," Lisbon told him again.

"Is that an order?" Jane asked, hoping to switch subjects if she got off topic. He'd been told his main talent was his charm, but it never really worked with Lisbon...at least not for long. She had a way of seeing through him. It was a bit unnerving, but something that helped for him to feel like someone else in the world understood him.

"Yes, it is," she told him as she leaned against her desk.

"Okay," Jane said a bit sadly. Today was not working out as planned. He backed up a bit. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Fine."

Jane turned and took another step towards the door, his hand on the handle. He paused and turned back to her. "By the way, that color works very well with your eyes," he said with a smile. Green had always made her eyes look greener than they already were. She looked beautiful. He wanted to keep her that way.

He noticed the look in her eyes. She suddenly looked very confused. His smile dropped and his hand moved from the door handle. "Lisbon? Are you okay?" he asked and took a step towards her, watching as her hand went up to her head.

"You've—you've said something like that before," she whispered.

"What?" Jane asked as he reached her and stared at her, studying her.

Lisbon's head raised and stared into his eyes. "You've said that to me before."

"You remember?" Jane questioned. There was hope at the very least.

"Sortive..."

Jane beamed. "So, you didn't just erase me from in there," Jane teased as his hands came to either side of her face. He laughed a bit; it felt good to know that he hadn't been erased from her memory.

"Obviously you're just that annoying," Lisbon told him, a slight smile breaking through. She raised her hands and placed them over his.

He could feel that she wanted him to move them, but he wasn't quite ready. "Obviously," he repeated. "You should let someone stay with you," Jane told her. His eyes staying with hers. He was hoping to convey just how important it was.

"I can take care of myself—"

"Not against Red John," Jane told her. He hadn't meant to bring it up. He didn't want to bring any of it up, but if she wasn't going to take him seriously, then he'd scare the hell out of her. Then he hoped she'd give in and listen to reason.

"What are you talking about?" she asked and moved her hands to pry his away from her face. She stepped back, but found that her desk was there.

"I'm talking about the fact that he isn't done coming after you," Jane told her. "You're the closest person in the world to me and he's using that against me. He's going to come after you again. He's told me so."

"How?" Lisbon asked, stepped towards him again. "How? And why haven't I heard anything about this before?"

"Your necklace...that was the first warning...he gave it to me before we even found you," Jane told her. "You always wear it. You were wearing it the night that he took you."

"From what I know, Red John doesn't leave people alive. He kills everyone. You know that. Why would he leave me alive? That doesn't make any sense! You're not making any sense! Now, go home...get some sleep."

He just stared at her. "He cut you open, took your sight for a while, and took your memories...and then he just dumped you. Doesn't it sound like he killed you?"

"Please leave," Lisbon said quietly.

"What do you remember?" he pushed.

"I want you gone now," Lisbon told him, her voice raising.

"What do you remember? Do you remember sounds or smells or anything before you were sent to that place?"

"You mean A Better Tomorrow Rehabilitation Center?" Lisbon questioned.

"Yes, that place...or before the hospital?" Jane asked.

Lisbon frowned. "I don't want to talk about it," she said quietly. She turned to walk to the other side of her desk.

Jane grabbed her arm before she could get very far. He turned her around. "Please. It's important. What do you remember?"

"I remember walking along a road...I could hear the cars zipping past me...the crunch of the dirt and rocks under my bare feet," Lisbon recounted.

Jane hadn't heard this. He wanted to hold her at just the few details she was giving, they made him all the sudden feel guilty for asking her about it. It sounded unbelievably scary. When he'd been temporarily blinded, he'd never gone through such a thing. Not even when he'd tried to drive Van Pelt's jeep had it been like that. He watched her face; her eyes were closed as if trying to remember it exactly for his benefit alone.

"My side hurt and I could feel my shirt clinging to it," Lisbon continued. "I slipped and tripped a few times. I don't know...if you want to know where I was, the closest you could probably come to a location is from the police reports taken from the people who picked me up from the side of the highway."

Jane didn't know what to say. He just stared at her. Images flashed through his head as he unintentionally found himself picturing her on the side of a freeway...lost and confused and injured and mussed and dirty...

"Look," Jane finally spoke up again. This time quiet and calm. "Let me stay. I'm just concerned about you. I'll sleep on my couch," he said and motioned towards her office door. "Please," he pleaded and stared at her. Eventually her eyes met his. There was silence between them both for a long time.

"Fine," Lisbon answered quietly. Her eyes flickered down and she walked around her desk and finally sat in her chair. She looked up from her desk. "Is there anything else?"

"No," he responded and frowned a bit. He wasn't sure if she was acting this way, cold and quiet, because she was upset or because he'd brought up the memories. Jane wanted to think it was the latter and he was sorry for it. The last thing that he wanted was to cause her any pain in all of this. He just wanted to be there to look out for her.

"For what it's worth," Jane said as he opened her door. His head down as he stared at ground as he put one foot out the door. "I hope you prove me wrong..." He wanted to be proved wrong in so many ways when it came to Lisbon.

Maybe she'd been right, maybe it hadn't been Red John...but deep down, Jane knew the truth. Red John was out there and he'd be coming after Teresa Lisbon again. She was not safe.

.........................

TBC...