Woz
"Okay, first of all, what kind of name is Woz? It sounds like, a feminine hygiene product or something!
"Second, Willow is a little nerd with no fashion sense at all. The last time I fought with her (did I ever fight with her?) she was wearing this hideous dress; and when I asked her what the hell she was wearing, she was like, "Oh-oh, u-u-um sorry!" Well, guess what, little rhymes-with-witch? YOU SHOULD BE SORRY! So I don't see what a werewolf could possibly want with her.
"On the other hand, I don't see what a little nerd would want with a werewolf. Don't werewolves kill people? And they kinda smell too. And wouldn't falling in love with a werewolf be zoophilia? (Ooooooh, big word). Like in that trashy novel about sparkly vampires. God, that was a nightmare.
"So to summarise (Ooooooh, another big word), Willow is not good enough for Oz, and Oz is not good enough for Willow, and all Woz fans name their shipping something tampon company-worthy. Wait, does that make sense? Why am I talking to you again?"