Title: Suffering is the Best Punishment
Author: Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer: I do not own "The Mentalist" or its characters, CBS does. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Takes Place during Season Two. Red John attacks Jane using his own twisted type of psychological warfare.
Warning: Severe spoilers for season one.

Chapter 10 – "Puzzle Pieces"

Author's Note: Okay, off to Comic Con – July 22nd until July 27th...will be back shortly and then I am going to Wyoming...yay... There shall be inet access, though mostly just for e-mail, not sure how much writing for fanfic I shall get to! I sort of need to make sure that my novel is finished soon, so maybe I can have it edited pretty well by the end of the year...this is my goal. Of course, getting said novel published would be even better...

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"Confusion is a word we have invented for an order which is not yet understood"- Henry Miller

Teresa Lisbon's Residence

He wasn't sure when he'd fallen asleep, but he had. As his eyes opened he took in Lisbon's ceiling. He sucked in breath and then rolled over on his side. He stared back at the eyes staring at him. On the floor just a few feet away from him was Teresa Lisbon sitting on the floor staring at him. Not that he didn't mind the company, but he hadn't expected her right there when he woke up. "Morn-ning..." he said slowly.

"I don't know what to think about you," Lisbon told him.

"Oh-kay," Jane replied and started to sit up.

"I couldn't sleep much," Lisbon said honestly. "My head's been hurting, but I have been remembering more, though none of it really makes sense. Nothing connects. It's like someone took pieces of a bunch of puzzles and throw it in a box with a completely different picture."

"So, you decided to sit here," Jane said as he sat up straight and faced her. "For how long exactly? And how does it help with your headache and general confusion?"

Lisbon shrugged. "I don't know. I just...I get glimpses of you...and I want to remember, but I just can't. I thought that maybe if I stared at you long enough that something would connect and I could remember something."

"You look disappointed..."

"There's still just pieces...nothing connects," she explained.

Jane nodded. "Well, it sounds like your brain is trying... That's something."

"I feel like...like I should know you...even though I really think that I'm going to be pissed off at you when I do remember," Lisbon told him honestly.

Jane cracked a smile. He liked the fact that she had mixed feelings. He thought that it was good. It meant that she was thinking about it. Jane just hoped that she continued with her confused thoughts until she remembered. It really did help her, at least he thought so.

"You're not helping, you know."

"What would you like me to do?"

"I don't know," Lisbon admitted honestly.

Jane got up from the couch and held out his hand to her. She took it and he pulled her up. "How about we start with breakfast?"

"You know how to cook and you're psychic?" Lisbon teased with a small smile.

Jane just smiled. "I think I can remember." He started towards the kitchen. He turned and grinned at her. He was having fun. "What would you like for breakfast?"

"My memory back would be nice."

"Agreed," Jane said and continued on to the kitchen. He wasn't sure how to whip something up that would do that, but Jane still thought it was a good idea. He opened the fridge and started to rummage through it. He was seeing food, but he wasn't sure what to make of it all. He also made sure to check expiration dates, but he thought that Van Pelt would have checked that and replaced any expired food with fresh.

"Jane, do you honestly think we'll ever find Red John?"

"I have to think we will," Jane told her. He turned to her and found her staring at him. "I don't think I can live with him coming after you."

"He killed your wife and your daughter."

"Yes," Jane said and swallowed thickly. A memory of finding them flashed in his head followed by the smiley face that hung as a reminder on his bedroom wall still. "I thought he had killed you, too."

"I don't remember why he did it though..."

"He did it because of me," Jane told her. "Because of what I did then. Now he's coming after you because of what I do now."

"Or maybe," Lisbon said as she took a step towards him. "Maybe he's doing it because we've gotten too close."

"It doesn't feel like we're close," Jane told her. "We don't know anything knew that we didn't know six months ago."

"The blind woman," Lisbon offered.

"It doesn't make sense why he'd wait so long to act on us visiting her."

"You could have known his identity," Lisbon said.

Jane remembered. The memory burned in his mind. It weighed heavily on him. At the time, it hadn't been the knowledge of Red John that he'd been concerned with. It had been the officer's life or Lisbon's. He'd chosen Lisbon. After, he'd realized what he'd done. But even knowing who Red John was wasn't enough for him to forfeit Lisbon's life. The choice had been right.

"If—"

"Don't say it," Jane told her and went to pull items from the fridge.

"It's my fault you don't know who Red John is right now," Lisbon said. "You saved me..."

"And I would do it again," he said quietly before setting the items on the counter.

"So, why would Red John do this?" she questioned. "Why would he play with us like this? If he wanted to kill me, he could have."

Jane turned to her and walked towards her. Her death was forced into his head. He knew what the victims looked like. He knew what she would have looked like if he'd found her in that tent. Teresa Lisbon was a body and a case he never wanted to be alive for. "Right now, all I care about is keeping you alive. I'm not going to let him kill you too. I've seen enough death," he said as he reached out to put his hands on either side of her shoulders. He stared into her green eyes and tried to silently convey the same thing as well.

"We still have to do our jobs, Jane. That's not going to make Red John happy," Lisbon told him.

"So quit."

He watched her face. Her eyes widened, but she stayed silent. He knew it was stupid to say, but he felt the need to say it anyways. But if they quit, then what about Cho, Rigsby, and Van Pelt? He doubted he could get them all to quit too. After all, what would they all do if they weren't doing what they were doing now?

"I can't quit," Lisbon said after several minutes of silence. "I don't even remember if you can be trusted."

"I think normally you would answer yourself by saying that it depended on the day of the week and how you felt," Jane teased with a smile.

"Sounds about right," she mumbled.

Lisbon's eyes diverted down and Jane couldn't help, but run a hand through her hair. Her hair was soft and still held some curls. He just stared at her. It was a moment that felt truly perfect. He felt peaceful. He noticed her eyes pop back up towards him. Jane loved her green eyes.

"So, are you going to make me breakfast?" she asked.

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CBI Headquarters

"You brought the boss in today," Rigsby stated to Jane.

They'd been making their respective hot beverages and looking for snacks in the small kitchen area in the office. Jane hadn't thought that it was a big deal; after all, Van Pelt had been bringing in Lisbon this whole time before. Apparently it was a big deal as far as the others were concerned. There was something where it was okay if a girl did it because it meant that she was just concerned and "mothering," but if a man came in with his woman boss then it meant there was something gossip-worthy going on.

"I was concerned about her driving home last night," Jane told him before he could make anything more of it.

"So, you just picked her up from her house this morning?"

Jane turned to Rigsby. He usually seemed like a pretty level and fair guy. "Why do I think that no matter how I answer your question that it's going to make it back to Van Pelt and Cho and that it's going to end badly for me?"

"Because it is," Rigsby told him.

"If I tell you the truth, though, are you going to believe me? Or are you just going to make something up? If I don't tell you, then you're going to make something up just the same," Jane told him.

"I guess you have to figure out which one is worse," Rigsby told him.

Jane tilted his head back and forth and thought it over. He was tempted to just tell the truth, but either way he felt like he was betraying Lisbon. He would hate for rumors to fly, he didn't care so much about himself, but he did care about Lisbon.

"Hey Van Pelt!" Jane called and waved her over. He turned and smiled at Rigsby. Grace Van Pelt was the best defense against Wayne Rigsby. He was going to use his love for her for his own benefit.

"What are you doing?" Rigsby asked in a whisper.

Van Pelt made her way over. "Yeah?"

"He's up to something."

Jane just smiled. "No, I'm not. Rigsby is just scared to ask you to dinner." He took in Rigsby's shocked face and then quickly proceeded on to the next part. "Please say yes, for all of our benefit." Jane smiled at both of them before quickly hurrying away.

"Why didn't you just ask?" Van Pelt asked.

"I didn't—I mean," Rigsby said as he tripped over his own words.

Jane listened from the safety of his couch and pretended to be napping. He figured that if he was napping then he couldn't be bothered, at least not as easily. Also, there was the plus side of being able to hear everything they were saying. At the moment he was just trying to get through the day and to protect Lisbon's rep.

"What?" Van Pelt asked.

"Jane purposely called you over and said that so he could escape without giving me an answer," Rigsby finally said. "Though, I wouldn't mind going out to dinner...if you'd like."

"I don't know," Van Pelt said.

"Come on, just dinner. No one else has to know."

"Separate cars?"

"Sure."

Jane smiled as he continued pretending to sleep. This was definitely a good position to listen to the world around him. It was also a sanctuary that had yet to fail him.

"Where's Jane?" Lisbon's voice spoke up.

"On the couch," Cho said.

"Jane!"

"He's sleeping," Cho told her.

"No he's not," Lisbon argued.

Silence.

"I know well enough to know that you aren't sleeping," Lisbon whispered into his ear.

Jane smiled wider. "Are you remembering me?" Jane asked quietly as he opened his eyes. "Putting those pieces together?"

"Something like that."

He watched as Lisbon straightened up and he sat up in turn. He noticed that Cho was watching him from the desk and that Rigsby and Van Pelt had walked out and where watching as well. Oh well, maybe there was nothing you could do about rumors flying through CBI. All he knew was that he'd tried to stop it from happening.

"You should know then that it's my daily naptime," Jane lied.

"Liar," she murmured.

"You seem awfully confidant."

"Because I know you," Lisbon argued.

"Do you?"

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TBC...