Title: Suffering is the Best Punishment
Author: Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer: I do not own "The Mentalist" or its characters, CBS does. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Takes Place during Season Two. Red John attacks Jane using his own twisted type of psychological warfare.
Warning: Severe spoilers for season one.

Chapter 13 – "Regrets"

Author's Note: My computer has lovingly crashed and will be gone for like two weeks (they so need a "I'm addicted to my laptop" loan service for stuff like that…) Anyways, I am borrowing one, but it doesn't have the updated Word on it, so I'll see how much I can update. I'm getting excited about the new season! I still don't like Sam Bosco.

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"I have always done my duty. I am ready to die. My only regret is for the friends I leave behind me." – Zachary Taylor

Unknown Location

The night had passed and the sun had risen. It was a new day, but Jane didn't feel any better to see the sun rise. He had hoped that Red John would have contacted him…possibly killed him… That all those he cared about were now safe. That the nightmare was over.

The nightmare continued.

This was stupid, he suddenly decided. He'd driven to the middle of nowhere and had expected Red John to show. He hadn't. No one was safe yet. Maybe he'd given Red John too much credit…thought he was too smart…maybe he wasn't. Maybe everything else had been chance…

He couldn't give up quite yet, though.

This was what he needed to do. He'd helped the CBI on cases for some time now, solved murders and saved people. He'd desperately tried to atone for the deaths of his wife and child. And now…he was ready to die. He'd lived his life…until Red John had taken it away and then he'd tried to make up for the fact that it was his fault that they'd been killed… He thought he'd atoned…at least for the time given. He'd tried to straighten his life out.

Yes, there was hatred, anger, pain, and plain revenge that had coated his reasons to join and help the CBI. So, that one day he could come face to face with Red John and kill him with his bear hands.

That was done.

More people were in danger…because of him. People he cared deeply for. He didn't think that they all realized how quite loved they were by him. He held each of them dear. They were a family that he'd never expected to be part of.

And now he was ready to leave them behind, though the sorrow in his heart made it difficult for him to truly admit this. He'd happily be the sacrificial lamb if it would save them all. If it would save her.

Teresa Lisbon.

He'd never expected to love again. He'd never thought it was possible…not emotionally. He'd lost that part of his life and heart and soul he'd thought. He was wrong. His head and heart had conspired against him and had loved her.

Jane just found a spot and sat there. He didn't care about the dirt or any of the plants or bugs. He planned on just sitting there, either Red John would arrive or he'd die. At the moment he didn't care as long as Lisbon was kept safe. He was keeping her safe.

The California sun shone down upon him, and Jane sighed as he just stared at the landscape that surrounded him. It was quiet; somehow it was peaceful even though he was happily there to face death.

He was sure that others would think that he should be committed for such an act, but Jane knew that what he was doing was the only logical thing that could be done. Jane didn't care if he had to sit there all day and endure the harsh California sun and heat before Red John finally showed up.

And so he sat.

And sat.

The sun set high in the sky and then descended down, but the temperature didn't drop much. It was quite comfortable as soon as the sun had finally set and darkness had crept truly in. The sweat that had accumulated was now cooling and he was feeling a bit more relaxed. Jane felt like taking a nap…but he didn't want to. He didn't want to have Red John creep up on him and kill him without any confrontation.

……………….

"Jane?"

"Is he okay?"

"He's breathing…"

"Maybe he's had a breakdown."

The voices made him frown and then cringe. He knew the voices and yet he felt a bit insulted. Jane's eyes opened and then closed immediately at the glaring white lights that shone into his eyes. After a moment, he attempted it again, this time putting his hand up to shade his vision.

They'd found him.

They weren't supposed to.

"Jane?"

It was her voice again, laced with concern. He could see her clearer now. He wanted to yell at her and shake her. She had to have seen his note, why had she come looking for him? He'd wanted her to stay safe. This wasn't safe.

"Jane? Are you okay?" Lisbon asked with concern.

He stared at her, her emerald eyes were quite concerned with him. "No," he said, just so she could hear. Her face was a relief, though. She was alive, though he was afraid that Red John could easily take them all down if he wanted…Jane was sure of that.

"Are you hurt?" she asked.

Her hands were suddenly all over him, searching him. Jane pulled it breath. He just continued to stare at her until he got out the words. "I'm not hurt," he whispered to her.

"Boss, we should get out of here," Cho spoke up.

"I agree," Rigsby said as he walked over to Jane and offered his hand.

Jane took Rigsby's offered hand and got up into a straightened form. "It's not safe," Jane told Lisbon as he continued to stare at her. He was afraid if he took his eyes off of her that she'd be gone.

"I still agree."

Lisbon's arm snaked around him and he was lead back towards the bright lights where the dark SUV was still running. She still looked worried. "Are you okay?" Jane asked her. He wanted to tell her to leave him there, to keep her safe.

"I'm fine," she told him as she stopped to look at him curiously. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Red John."

"I was going to save the lecture for the ride home, but I can start now," Lisbon told him. "What the hell is your problem?!" she asked, her arms jutting out to her sides. "You come out here to confront Red John…and for what? To get yourself killed?"

"That was the general idea," Jane told her matter of factly.

Jane swore that everyone let out a frustrated sigh in unison at his comment.

"You're childish, you know that? And stupid and selfish!" Lisbon yelled at him. "You could have gotten yourself killed!"

Jane just smiled at her. She was angry with him, her green eyes were lighting up with her emotions. He smiled wider when she looked even more frustrated at his amusement in her anger.

"What?" Lisbon demanded.

"You're back!"

"I didn't go anywhere."

"You did," Jane insisted.

"He's right," Rigsby agreed.

Lisbon's features turned to portray even more frustration and she turned to Van Pelt. "Forget it, let's leave him here."

"Hey!" Jane shouted, but was excited to have Lisbon back.

The ride back was quiet. He rode back in the SUV with Cho and Lisbon. He rode in the back and found himself regretting going back with them. Van Pelt and Rigsby were following behind them. He just didn't like it. There was something very wrong; he just couldn't put his finger on it.

"You're being too quiet," Lisbon pointed out.

"Enjoy it while it lasts," Cho whispered.

"I heard that," Jane told him.

"I figured."

Jane beamed, but something deep inside of him told him that something was horribly wrong. His face fell again and he couldn't help but stare towards Lisbon. Her eyes were straight ahead on the road even though she was riding in the passenger seat. Habit, he figured. He still worried for her. For all of them, but especially for her.

"Stop the car," he found himself saying.

The car didn't stop.

"What?" Lisbon asked as she turned in her seat to look back at him. Their eyes locked.

"Stop."

"We're not stopping," Lisbon told him simply.

"Please stop," Jane pleaded.

Her head turned back to him again and he could see her eyes softening. Her mouth opened, but before the words could emerge, the car spoke first. Screeching and glass breaking. Metal bending and compacting. The actions that came after seemed to happen in slow motion. Their car hit the car in front of them, the one with Van Pelt and Rigsby. Then the windshield cracked and he could see both Cho and Lisbon's heads forced forward and blood. Blood. He was thrashed about next and blackness soon enveloped him.

………………………….

Unknown Location

"His vital are good."

"He was belted in."

The voices were unfamiliar and swam around him.

"There's another ambulance on its way. The other two were more seriously injured."

It felt like a dream except he couldn't see any of it, he could only hear. It was frustrating. Why would he dream blind? Jane sucked in breath and concentrated for a moment. He hurt…

Why did he hurt?

"Jane! Jane!"

The voice. He knew that voice. Lisbon's voice. Panicked and worried.

"You have to stay back, Ma'am. The medic needs you to stay seated until the next bus gets here."

"Jane!" she called again. "Is he okay?"

Why did she need to sit? Jane fought with consciousness. He remembered now. They'd been in a car accident. Both cars had collided. What had they hit?...

He didn't remember them slowing or speeding up. Just the crashing.

Red John.

Trap.

Red John.

His eyes snapped open and Jane sat up straight from where he'd been laid out. He searched frantically for Lisbon as he was restrained. "Get your hands off of me!" he shouted to the medic. "Lisbon!" he called. She'd called for him; he knew she couldn't be far away. "Lisbon!"

"Jane!" she called back.

He heard her but he didn't see her. The damned medic was making sure that he stay still and he'd be damned if he remained like that. Police lights were everywhere. He turned his head to see the wrecks. The front SUV was crumpled front and back while the one he'd been traveling in was only crumpled in the front. He didn't miss the blood he could see in the front seat. Panic stemmed through him and he forced the medic to let him sit up and he searched for Lisbon. Uniforms had swarmed the scene as he sought her out.

"Lisbon!" he called again.

"Please, Sir, you need to stay still," the medic informed him.

"I need to find my friends," Jane informed him; he was trying to be reasonable. He figured that it may help him to get what he wanted that way.

"They're at the fire truck. The medic there is looking after them. Two others were already taken to the hospital," the medic informed him. "You weren't awake, we weren't sure of your injuries."

"I'm fine," Jane lied. He hurt like hell, but nothing seemed broken or bleeding.

Someone was definitely bleeding though.

"I'm fine!"

The medic helped him up and guided him towards where one of the fire trucks was parked. He noticed Cho and Lisbon immediately and then realized that Van Pelt and Rigsby had to have been the ones who had already been transported. "Lisbon!" he shouted. He was now even more frantic seeing them. Cho's head was wrapped in gauze and blood was seeping through. One of his arms was also immobilized in a sling. Lisbon was being treated as he was brought forward.

"He wouldn't sit still," the medic explained to the other medic.

"That usually means he's feeling fine," Cho spoke up.

"Sounds like you're okay, too," Jane spoke before moving from the medic's grip and towards Lisbon. He tilted his head, so that his eyes met with hers. "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

It was a lie. Her face had several little cuts along with a gash on the right hand side and that was only what he could see. She didn't sound one hundred percent.

"Rigsby? Van Pelt?" he moved on.

"They're pretty bad," Lisbon said calmly at first. "They weren't conscious…"

He didn't miss how her voice broke. Tears couldn't be hidden as they cascaded down her cheeks. "They're fighters. They're going to be fine," he found himself saying. It was true. He wanted to calm her, though.

"Jane's right."

"I know," Lisbon said and tried to fight past the medic's busy hands to wipe her face.

"You okay?"

"They're only taking us to the hospital as a precaution. Minelli's orders."

"I actually need it," Cho spoke up. "My arm may be broken."

Jane frowned as he looked between them. "What did we hit?"

"The other vehicle," Cho said and then pointed to the scene. "We're not sure who the other vehicle hit."

"They're not here?" Jane asked and turned and suddenly noticed that there was no other car in sight.

"No."

"It was Red John."

There was silence for a moment as Jane stared at the scene.

"I know," was whispered.

He looked back at Lisbon, who the response had come from.

"We can't be sure, Boss," Cho argued.

"I heard something," Lisbon whispered.

"You hit your head pretty hard," the medic supplied.

"He said Dumar," Lisbon argued.

Dumar.

Jane just stared at her.

………………………………………..

TBC…