Disclaimer: All rights for this chapter go to the_mischievous_pixie for ideas and starting off the beginning – this is only a reworked version
Chapter 6: Their Wildest Fantasies...
"Ow...ow...ow..."
Allana finally snapped out of it and pulled herself upright. "Izzy, you shouldn't have helped carry me," She said sternly. "You might've made your arm even worse."
Izzy sniffed. "Me? Na, I'm kickass! And Amy's a weakling."
Amy looked round. "Am not!"
"Am too!"
"Am not – "
"For fuck's sake, this isn't the time!" Ricky rounded on them. They looked shocked and he calmed down. "Look, these games are getting more and more serious each time we go through. I think Jigsaw wants us to think about how we respond to each situation as we go through."
"You mean...he thinks we're immature?" Amy asked slowly.
"Yes."
"So that's why my trap was easiest – because I'm the most immature?"
"Pretty much."
"Meh, I always knew I had the youngest mental age of all of you."
Before Ricky could respond to this, lights overhead buzzed into life and as the group blinked a TV screen on the far side of the wall crackled into life.
"Oi! Crack us a smile!" Allana called sarcastically as the familiar leer of Billy the puppet filled the screen.
"Hello everyone. Hopefully you should have all completed your individual tests by now, so now these are for two or more of you to participate on. I call on Allana and Amy to take part in this test."
The two girls looked at each other. "What do we have in common?"
Allana gulped. "I think I already know..."
"At the beginning you were both informed that I knew of your fantasies – what I didn't tell you was that I knew who was at the centre of them."
"WOOP WOOP HOFFMAN!"
"Shut up Amy!"
"...Sorry..."
"This greatly concerns me, as you seem to obsess more with the fictional world than the real one. I deem this unhealthy. Your task is simple: in a second a five-minute film will be shown to you, and behind that door will be the object of your desires. If you try to enter that door within the next five minutes the weight-sensor on the trapdoors in front of you will unlock and you will be plunged into a pit of glass, and the doors will lock forever sealing all of you within them. However, if you wait the whole five minutes the weight sensor will be deactivated and you will go free – but your desire will be long gone. I wonder, can you leave your hormones at the doorstep? Live or die, make your choice."
"So, this doesn't concern us why?" Izzy asked Ricky.
"I think I can reason why." Ricky said grimly as a familiar face flashed onto the screen.
"Oh...my...God..." Allana's eyes widened. Amy said nothing, but her eyes bulged a fraction.
Mark Hoffman smirked knowingly as if he were actually there, before winking and pressing play on a CD player just out of view of the camera.
As the music started, Allana's eyes widened when she recognized the song. "Oh no no no no this is not going to end well!" she gabbled, grabbing the arms of the chair in a death grip.
"What song is it?" Amy asked.
"Sex Bomb, by Tom Jones. Last time I heard this song…well the night ended with me in a compromising situation."
"Ahh, what could be so bad about – " Amy broke off and her eyes were in danger of popping out of her head as Hoffman started – very slowly, teasingly – to strip.
Spy on me baby use satellite
Infrared to see me move through the night
Aim gonna fire shoot me right
I'm gonna like the way you fight
As Tom Jones' voice filled the air, Hoffman started to slowly remove his jacket and the two of them practically started drooling.
"Is…is he stripping?" Ricky asked, not really wanting to know the answer.
"I believe he is, should've brought some singles with me." Erin said.
"No offence, but your talking is distracting me from the glorious sight in front of me, please desist." Amy said, eyes glued to the screen.
"What she said." Allana commented, also with eyes set on the screen. Izzy and Ricky looked at each other and rolled their eyes in unison.
Now you found the secret code I use
to wash away my lonely blues
So I can't deny or lie cause you're
the only one to make me fly.
Not – technically – breaking eye contact with either Allana or Amy, Hoffman removed his tie, then started to unbutton his shirt, all the while moving back and forth in time with the music.
"Think of something unsexy," Amy said to herself over and over, while Allana had her eyes closed biting her lip. Neither of these things worked or even helped a little bit. Especially since Hoffman was now singing along to the song.
Sexbomb Sexbomb you're a Sexbomb
You can give it to me, when I need to come along
Sexbomb Sexbomb you're my Sexbomb
And baby you can turn me on.
Erin and Ricky at this point were falling over each other laughing at not only what Hoffman was doing, but how close Amy seemed to be to snapping. She was fidgeting endlessly and trying to do an Amy Shuffle on the spot to keep her mind off the images, but Hoffman's show carried on and she could do nothing about it. Moving towards his belt now, he continued to sing along.
No don't get me wrong ain't gonna do you no harm (no)
This bomb's for lovin' and you can shoot it far
I'm your main target come and help me ignite
Love struck holding you tight –
Allana couldn't control herself anymore; she bolted up from her chair and ran to the door and – hopefully – a half-naked detective. She was about to pounce on him when the floor fell out from beneath her, dropping her into a pit of broken glass shards. She screamed as she felt them cutting and digging into her skin.
"NO!" Ricky yelled as both doors slammed shut. They ran forwards to at least try to help Allana out, but it was impossible.
"She's too heavy for me!" Amy cried.
"WEAKLING! I TOLD YOU!"
"Shut up Izzy!"
Ricky threw his hands up in despair, and then the door at the far end opened and someone pushed him firmly backwards. "Let me handle this," Mark Hoffman said gruffly as he reached down and effortlessly pulled Allana out of the pit. "Fuck, the mental one wasn't lying about your weight." He grunted as he set her down, ignoring her squeal of protest at this remark. He examined her. "Well I don't think any glass got stuck in your skin, just rest for a bit until the bleeding stops and you'll be fine." He looked up and realised everyone was staring at him. "What?"
Ricky glared at him. "We want out. Now."
Hoffman looked guilty. "Umm...I'm not authorised to do that."
Ricky exploded. "Listen, I'm sick and tired of playing these so-called games: you fucking help out with them, surely you can let us go!"
He winced. "Yeah I know, but John said if I interfered..." He groaned. "Shit, this counts as interfering doesn't it?"
"What is he going to do to you?" Izzy interrupted.
"...He's going to make me wear high heels." They cracked up, even Allana on the floor. "It's not funny!"
"I can understand that," Snorted Ricky. They stared at him. "What? High heels hurt...not that I've worn them. Ever."
"Sure." Hoffman looked round. "Anything else?" Amy stepped forwards. "Oh, yeah. What?"
"Just one thing..." Before Hoffman could so much as take a step backwards Amy had jumped on him and planted her lips directly over his mouth. Curling her legs around his waist like a koala, he teetered on the brink of the pool of glass and had to hug her back in order to stay standing. As Allana watched jealously he broke the kiss. "That was...oddly good." He said dazedly, before putting a beaming Amy down. "I guess I'll see you later – wait two minutes before trying to go through that door." He quickly made his way to it and closed it behind him with a click.
"You...you..." Allana floundered, getting to her feet; most bleeding had stopped now.
"You can certainly keep my muffin plushie now," Amy winked. "Especially since...I stole his belt!" She waved the leather strap victoriously in the air.
"Not faiiirr!" Allana snatched for it. "Ok, you can have your muffin plushie plus cologne de la Hoffman!"
"Non! Is mine now!" Izzy and Ricky watched as Allana chased Amy round the pit, whilst Amy outstripped her with the Michael McIntyre way of walking.
This was going to be the longest two minutes of their lives.