I've decided to skip Chuck versus The Alma Mater . I didn't really see any Charah moments in there, so I'm not doing it. It's not something I'm going to do a lot but I'm looking forward to writing about the kiss in the next episode but for now..

Chuck versus The Truth

Sarah had to push him out of her mind. She had lied to him, even with truth serum. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs ,"yes, Chuck, I like you." But she forced herself to do the opposite, everything in her body told her not to do it, not to hurt him, but she had no choice.

At least she knew he liked her now but, actually, the feeling was mutual. She hated the way his eyes glistened with sadness when she told him that there was nothing underneath the undercover thing. Some part of her wanted him to see through her lies and see how desperate she was to let him know. Part of her should have been proud of herself because she fought the urge to give into him, but she felt guilty and ashamed.

Sighing, she swirled the dishcloth around the table and made her arm work in concentric circles. She tried to focus her mind on something else and just focus on work. Though, cleaning a table wasn't the best antidote to a guilty conscience.

Then the door swung open and who else but Chuck walked in. He looked flustered and on edge.

Before she could even open her mouth, Chuck had already started talking. "Sarah, you know when you think your going to die? And your whole life is supposed to flash in front of you?"

Sarah nodded and kept her face calm. Where on earth was he going with this?

"Well that didn't exactly happen for me yesterday, mostly, it was just a list, that I saw, a list that I haven't done and things that I haven't had a chance to say. And today, I want to start crossing things off of my list."

He paused and looked and Sarah meaningfully. She felt her heart thumping beneath her chest, her skin prickled with hope and anticipation. She gazed into his eyes and finally hoped that he would actually kiss her, how she longed to feel his lips of hers. That's it, she was going to do it, she would let temptation win for once.

"This is the first thing I promised myself that I would do." He said softly as he moved closer to her. He watched her face, it was still but totally focused on what he was saying. Her eyes told him everything he needed to know. Was she wondering what was going on, was she thinking he was going to kiss her? Was she already planning how to push him away and let him down gently?

No, I'm not going to put myself through that humiliation. Chuck told himself firmly. He had to do this, no matter how much he didn't want to and how much he thought over it in his mind. She didn't want him the way he wanted her, so he should just stop and see things for what they really were. It was all a lie on her part, no matter how much he hoped the feeling was mutual, it wasn't.

He took a breath. "We need to break up."

What? NO! She thought angrily, you can't do this to me. Our cover is the only thing that keeps me going, you can't just drop me. I want to be with you - it's just that I can't. But I live for the moments when you touch my hand and butterflies swirl in my stomach, when I rest my head on your chest and I feel like the world around me has stopped and I finally feel at peace.

She tried to keep herself calm and composed, but couldn't stop herself from reacting. "What?" She said sharply, desperately trying to push all the emotion out of her voice.

"You know, like fake break up our pretend relationship." He said as Sarah swore someone was plunging a knife into her heart. "You know, the longer we go, the longer we keep trying to fool people that we're a real couple-" Sarah looked down at the floor sadly. "But the person I keep on fooling the most, is me."

And that was the last thing he said. She watched him leave. In that whole conversation, was the only word she could utter 'what'? Why didn't she say something? No, Sarah your not going to cry. She felt a lump rise in her throat and she forcefully fort to push it back downwards. Suddenly, her phone rang, startling her back to reality, it was Casey.

"Yeah?" She said, clutching the phone to her ear.

"I meant to ask you," Casey grunted down the phone. "When you were infected, did you do anything to compromise yourself? "

Lie Sarah, lie. "Uh.. No. But if I hadn't been trained to withstand Pentothal I might have." She cut off the call and went to cool down outside. She found herself staring over at Lou's place, the bitch. Fair enough, she was nice and everything, but she was a man stealing whore. Maybe Chuck wouldn't make a move on Lou, maybe he just broke up with her because he had had enough?

No! Tell me that isn't him over there already! She saw a tall, dark haired figure walk into the sandwich shop and approach Lou. It definitely was Chuck, Lou sat opposite him and they started talking and laughing as Sarah watched in awe.

She clenched her fists and she felt her eyes beginning to water. She turned and walked inside the shop hurriedly, she locked the shop door and hunched up behind the counter. She would only let herself cry once, and that would be it. It would be the end of wanting to be with Chuck, she wouldn't waste her time pining over someone in her own privacy when there was absolutely no point whatsoever.

She stopped holding it in and she let it all tumble out at once. Tears were hurriedly escaping from her eyes and she let herself howl softly. It hurt so much, seeing him with her. What did Lou have that she didn't? Well for one, he probably knew more about Lou than he knew about Sarah after only knowing her for like, what? Two days?

She tried to place herself in Chuck's shoes, to be the one who was so open and honest and Chuck was the one who was sad, lonely and private. How would she feel? She would feel humiliated for putting herself out there and she would want to get away and to prove that someone else could love her, and that she wasn't a sad person like him. She could have a real relationship.

Great, now she felt worse. She felt bad for the things he had to go through, she also admired his bravery for saying those things to her just before she took the antidote. And then she had crushed him, seeing a grown man almost cry was the worst feeling in the world to her and now as she cried on the floor, she was paying for her foolish mistake.

Pull yourself together. Her more serious side demanded. But then her other side fought back. What would be the point? Still though, she yanked herself up from the floor, wiped her eyes and changed the store's sign back to open. She felt better now, she opened the door and let the cool air sweep over her and into her sore eyes.

Sarah made the mistake of looking back over at him. At them. Lou had made her way back to the counter and looked as if she was pouring them both another drink. Chuck stared out of the window, his expression blank but his eyes clear. A magnetic force pulled his eyes to Wienerlicious and curiosity got the better of him, before he could stop himself, he felt his eyes being drawn to a slouching figure.

He locked eyes with Sarah. He was shocked by her appearance, her face was pale but blackened with splodges of mascara and her eyes were red and raw, it looked almost, almost, as if she had been crying. But surely not, if he meant nothing to her. But maybe he did. Or she just had a spot of hay fever or she had got something in her eye. He stared long and hard at her, the hurt evident in her eyes. The longing, the regret all pouring out in one swift glance.

"Are you okay?" He mouthed through the glass. Sarah squinted as she read his lips.

Nodding, she stole one last glance and walked back into the shop.

One day, when I'm brave enough, I'm going to kiss that man if it kills me. She thought wistfully.

A few hours later, Chuck left Lou's and got into his Nerd Herder, he needed to get away, to think. He put his keys in the ignition and sped off into the night.

He found himself at the beach, he sat on the sand like he had done only a few months previously, where his only worry was becoming the intersect. Now he had feelings for Sarah but she couldn't return them and he was happy that Lou was genuine, but she wasn't Sarah.

Happy birthday, Dad. And I'm going to be 15 in 6 months time today, yay! Please review everyone who reads, thanks!