Disclaimer: Kazuya Minekura owns Wild Adapter. I do not.
Warning: Language, violence, and if I have to mention shonen-ai again then you obviously haven't been reading up until now...
Note: Shorter chapters are obviously faster to get out, but the next one might be a bit longer. I'm also considering changing the narration from second-person Kubota's POV to first-person. It might sound strange though. Tell me what you think.
Beretta 5
brkstrtrcr
June 2009
Tokitoh is fucking furious.
He's staring out at you from between the bars on the screen door to the interrogation room, fuming. The look in his violet eyes screams certain death if you come near him, and it reminds you ironically of the day that he woke up in your bedroom, scared and confused and violent. You suppose that's a mildly appropriate metaphor for this day; you're both walking into a new life today.
Kasai is giving you his quiet 'what the hell happened' look, dragging on his cigarette as you both enter the interrogation room. You note with no small amount of amusement that he chose the most heavily fortified room in the entire station house in which to keep your roommate: five inch brick walls, no windows, four locks on the outside. It's enough to keep Yakuza out and an angry cat within. He pushes inside past you and motions for Tokitoh to come out, but your mate isn't budging.
"Fuck him," he growls. "I'll fucking stay here."
You sigh and walk into the room, squatting down in front of him where he's sitting on a cot and you offer him a smile. "Tokitoh, you can't live in a police station," you argue gently, because your patience for his temper and his antics is veritably inexhaustible. "We can go home now."
He bristles at your tone, your smile. "Oh, so now all of a fucking sudden it's safe?! You left me in a cage for a day! What could you have possibly fucking done overnight that makes it all better?!"
Your guts roil at his words, at his implication. There's a palpable threat of violence in the air as he glares at you now, and he's never looked at you like this before.
Like you're guilty, dirty, less than who he thought you were. Like you're no better than the nameless thugs and hired guns that you've murdered in bloodbath after bloodbath while protecting him.
Like you're no different than the people who fucked him into being what he is today.
And something in you breaks and shatters and it hurts. Hurts so badly that you react without thinking, without regard to where you are or who is watching, and you slap Tokitoh across his face with the back of your hand the way your whore of a mother hit you, the way Komiya hit his mother, the way Sanada hits his dog.
It makes you feel in control, like a man. That is, until Tokitoh lunges up from the cot dead-set on breaking more than just your arm, and Kasai drops his cigarette and attempts to jump into the fray and pull the two of you apart, and as you try valiantly to pry your roommate's good hand off of your throat and breath you think that perhaps allowing you into a police station with a loaded weapon was a bad decision on your uncle's part.
"Tokitoh, let go of him!" Kasai shouts, trying to drag this angry little cat off of your chest. "You're going to strangle him!"
"Good!" Tokitoh growls. The feral rage in his eyes is intoxicating, and after a moment you stop fighting back and you start hating yourself for what you've turned him into. And you understand in that second that he would have been better off dead. You should have left him in that alley, barely breathing and half-starved, and allowed nature to take its course. You intervened, tried to salvage what wasn't yours to take, and this is what happens when you meddle.
If he wants to murder you then so be it. You'd much rather die by his bare hands than watch your entrails splatter across some dark street. He won't survive a day without you and maybe that will set things straight. Your error in taking him in will be canceled out if he kills you. Yes, that makes perfect sense. Or maybe oxygen deprivation has addled your brain and you aren't thinking clearly.
"...fucking hate you," he's muttering as he slams your head back into the linoleum floor, tears and pain in his eyes, and Kasai is trying desperately to pry him off of you. "I wish I'd never met you! You're just as bad as the rest of them!"
You smile weakly at him and close your eyes and wait for the end of air, of breathing, of everything, and Kasai's shout over Tokitoh's enraged ranting, the single word 'Minoru', sounds like a gunshot. Your attacker freezes over you. The hand around your throat disappears suddenly. Tokitoh collapses against your chest shaking and wide-eyed. Kasai looks very guilty, but relieved nonetheless.
"Sorry," your uncle mutters as he kneels beside you and looks cautiously at Tokitoh, but your cat is clinging to you like a lifeline, staring at the front of your tear-soaked shirt and trembling. It was a dirty trick on Kasai's part but you appreciate it anyway. You both know what it does to him.
You don't bother to inspect the damage to your neck--you deserve it for slapping the shit out of him. You sit up, holding Tokitoh firmly to your chest, and you comb your fingers through his dirty hair and rock him back and forth. You've done this so many damned times that it's almost instinct now, like so many other things about him, and you aren't embarrassed by the way he fists his claws onto your shirt or cries silently into your throat or throws his other arm around your neck and just holds onto you as tightly as he knows how.
Kasai has never been an unfortunate observer to one of Tokitoh's episodes, but today he is. He sits down in one of the folding chairs beside the table and folds his hands, elbows on his knees, and watches with a look of pity on his tired old face. And in reality, you're all three tired, stressed out, and under pressure right now. Tokitoh has been put through hell in the last week, but you've been so busy trying to keep him breathing that you've ignored your own exhaustion. You always will. Kasai's blood content is probably fifty percent caffeine, has been for as long as you can remember, but coffee doesn't do anything to take the edge off of the worry you saw in his frown when you told him that Tokitoh had been taken, or the concern in his grey eyes now.
Sanada can wait. The Izumo can wait. The discussion that you know you must have with these two and Kou can wait. Right now you just want Tokitoh to stop running in his mind from whatever it is that he sees when he collapses like this, half-paralyzed with fear. He's normally so loud, so spirited, so confident, and seeing him like this makes you sick to your stomach the way that Sanada's touch does. So you close your eyes and take a deep breath and press your lips to Tokitoh's temple and wait for the shaking to subside, for the silent tears to stop, for the terror to drain from his beautiful, wet eyes. For a good long while, you just hold him.
"Is he okay?" Kasai finally asks quietly.
You look down at your partner and nod. His eyes are closed now, his breath hitching every now and then on a small sob, but you're pretty sure he's asleep. You wipe the tear tracks from his cheek. "It normally only lasts ten minutes or so," you sigh. "It happens a lot."
Your uncle nods slowly. "Why did you hit him?"
It isn't meant as a reprimand but his words still sting. Because it's true. You just lashed out in anger and struck the one person in Yokohama who has been beaten enough to last a lifetime, the only person you swore you'd never hit. "I don't know," you answer truthfully.
An awkward silence falls between you. Kasai seems to be watching for some sign that he permanently damaged your cat, but you know that isn't the case. Tokitoh was permanently damaged when you found him, and realistically there isn't much that anyone can do at this point to fuck him in the head more efficiently. Maybe that's a good thing.
"Things went well with Sanada?" Kasai asks in an undertone, glancing over his shoulder.
You nod. "As well as can be expected. But he wants to interrogate Tokitoh."
Your uncle stares at you incredulously. "You're shitting me? You agreed to that?!"
Your lack of response as you run one hand up and down the ridges of Tokitoh's spine is answer enough for your uncle. He runs a hand through his hair in frustration and stands from his chair, pacing the east wall of the room. "I had no choice," you say softly, and you wonder when you started justifying your actions to other people.
Kasai chuckles dryly. "I guess not. I'm assuming that you're the new youth group leader?"
"Yeah."
Tokitoh mumbles something unintelligible into your throat and pulls himself closer to you with the arm around your neck. You smile. It's a habit where he's concerned. And as long as Sanada and Izumo don't touch so much as a hair on his head again you'll be their loyal junkyard dog again without batting an eyelash. After all, you made a pact with him.
"Let's get him out of here and back home. You both need a fucking shower," Kasai mutters. He heads out of the room and out of sight, and you sigh before standing and pull Tokitoh up with you. He raises his head from your shoulder and blinks groggily around the room, but he doesn't protest this time when you pull away and take his hand and lead him towards the exit. Instead he rubs his eyes with his leather-covered knuckles and follows docile and submissive behind you.
And as you walk past desks and copiers and curious police officers Tokitoh mutters, "I'm sorry" into your ear. You smile at him. Outside Kasai is waiting in his unmarked cruiser, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. You shove Tokitoh into the backseat and climb into the passenger seat, fumbling for your cigarettes. The smoke and burning in your lungs makes it easier to think about what lies ahead of you with Izumo and Sanada. You still haven't quite managed to get that taste out of your mouth.
Kasai is preoccupied with cursing under his breath about the traffic when Tokitoh's voice is suddenly in your ear from behind you. "I don't hate you," he grumbles quietly.
You turn your head to glance back at him and he's got this brooding expression on his face that makes your lips quirk at the corner. He's trying to apologize for the things he said out of anger, but he doesn't need to. "I don't hate me either," you quip.
He sighs in exasperation and mutters, "Stupid Kubo-chan" before leaning forward and kissing you awkwardly around your seat's headrest. His lips are firm against yours, warm and soft and real, and you forget about Ark Royals for a moment. You think that Tokitoh tastes like a life that you never asked for and a loyalty stronger than any junkyard dog's.
You pull back only when Kasai turns away from traffic and threatens to strangle you himself for 'making out in government property', and even after Tokitoh's lips leave yours that slightly dizzy, invincible feeling lingers, just like the satisfied smile on his handsome face.
This is worth fighting for, his fingers lacing with yours around the back of your seat and the contagious grin that steals across your face. The conviction in your chest is stronger than the dread in your gut, and that's all that matters.