You lot know as I do, there's ups as well as downs. This is a 'down' one. But we all know they get together in the end and this is just part of the rollercoaster. And this is not so much what happened after - it's more about feelings.

Chuck versus The Break Up

How can I do this? I'm about to possibly break her heart as well as my own. But what just happened back there? Like Bryce said, she hesitated and I nearly died. Next time - it could be her whose life in in danger. I know for a fact that I'm in love with her but I'm putting her in danger by loving her and I've just go to push myself away from her. Who knows, maybe that's what she wants too?

Chuck sat fighting with his thoughts, with the gentle trickling of the fountain in the background. It calmed him a little, but he knew that Sarah was going to be here any minute and he still hadn't prepared what he was going to say. Well, he had a vague idea. Maybe she wouldn't react at all, or maybe she would argue with him and get angry. He didn't know which was worse.

Sarah was drawing near to Casa Bartowski and she was shaking like a newborn horse taking its' first steps. It was earlier she had realised with the gun in her hand, she was pointing it at the man she loved. She was in love with Chuck. She, Sarah Walker had fallen in love. She didn't even want to fight it, she wanted to embrace it with open arms.

She was going to tell him. No backing out, no hesitating, she was going to be brave. But did she really love him? How could she know for definite? Then she saw him sitting next to the fountain, a huge rush of love winded her so hard she almost fell over, her heart was pounding so hard against her chest that she could barely catch one single breath. Her knees wobbled as she walked closer.

Okay then, she loved him. Now that she had realised it everything that she did she analysed more than before - like the way she looked at him. She didn't just give normal eye contact - she gazed at him with open admiration and love. Was she too obvious? Suddenly, she snapped out of her head and remembered the real dilemma going on in front of her.

She saw that he was deep in thought, she took a deep breath and physically prepared herself for what was about to happen. She didn't know what the outcome was going to be, but she felt that if he knew, it would make her feel better. And, he might not reject her because he had said on a number of occasions what he felt about her. So this was it..

"Hey." She said, sounding a lot more calmer than she felt.

"Hey." He said, sounding jittery and nervous.

"Yeah, yeah - it's just there's umm.. I just had a couple of things to tell you before dinner." Though he so wished he didn't have to, he so wanted this not to happen.

"Yeah, me too." She couldn't help smiling, though it was quite a nervous smile.

"Look-" They said in unison then both laughed awkwardly. Both intending on crossing the others territory emotionally. Maybe more physically with Sarah's intentions.

"I'm sorry." Chuck smiled as Sarah laughed shakily. "Look, we both know how I feel about. So I'm just going to shoot - straight." He started.

This sounded promising to her, her heart was thudding with hope. She desperately wanted to talk now and tell him what she had been holding in for so long without realising it. It was the thing that woke her up at three in the morning in a cold sweat. She wouldn't know why this happened, but she couldn't go back to sleep until she looked at a picture of him on her phone and it sent her heart rate down and she was able to fall back to sleep.

"Sarah you're the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.." He held her gaze for a moment, knowing that he was building her up just to deflate her. "Your beautiful, your smart, you laugh at all my stupid jokes and you have this horrible habit of constantly saving my life."

Sarah felt so happy she could burst, she couldn't stop herself from smiling. Her heart swelled, she was surprised that she hadn't burst into song at that moment. But even though she was quiet, on the inside she was absolutely thrilled.

"The truth is your everything I thought I ever wanted and more." Chuck said, his eyes welling up. Sarah could feel fear start to ebb its' way into her stomach and punching away her happy vibe. He said he thought she was everything he had ever wanted. What? Was he going for redheads now or something? Because she would happily buy some hair dye.

She smiled uneasily hoping she was wrong. "The last few days all I can think about is our future together. About what's it's going to be like when I finally get the intersect out of my head and how we'll finally be together for real, no fake relationships, no covers, no lies, just us. " He paused for a moment and Sarah felt an intense feeling surge through her. Please let this be leading somewhere good. She tormented herself.

"But the more I think about it, the more I realise." This was killing him - saying this. "You and I can never have a future together." Sarah couldn't believe what she has hearing the happy bubble around her popped and she felt like her world was collapsing around her. She felt a lump rise in her throat, her eyes threatened to let tears escape.

"I fooled myself into thinking that we could, but the truth is.. We can't." Don't say that Chuck. Sarah thought as he struggled to get the words out. In his mind he was already working ways around what he said, finding quick solutions and hoping for the best. But no matter how much it hurt him he knew he was doing the right thing.

"Because even if he had a real relationship, it would never really be real. I'd still never know anything about you, your real name, your home town, your first love. Anything. And I want more than that, I want to be able to call you at the end of a bad day and tell you about some funny thing Morgan did and find out that I can't because you're off somewhere in Paraguay, quoting a revolution with a fork." He came to an abrupt stop, he was shocked to find she was almost crying as she tried to say something.

"I'm a normal guy, who wants a normal life. And amazing as you are Sarah Walker, we both know - you'll never be normal."

She thought it was ironic how she was just about to tell him she loved him and he had just virtually told her to back off. She felt worse than being wounded, she had been shot several times in her life and it had hurt less than this. She felt like crawling into bed and crying her eyes out. She knew that wasn't what Sarah Walker did, but she wasn't Sarah Walker, that wasn't her real name. She could have a family, a life and if she was normal she could have met him under normal circumstances instead of being in this awkward, complicated mess.

Don't cry in front of him, don't cry. "You know, someday when the intersect is out of your head and you have the life you always wanted you'll forget all about me." She gazed sadly into his eyes as her heart split into two.

"I seriously doubt that." He replied and he would never, ever forget Sarah Walker as long as he lived. He felt like he was going to cry, but men didn't do that. He mentally composed himself and tried to toughen up a bit.

She touched the side of his face. "Come on we'd better get inside- they're waiting for us." Her voice was barely a whisper and broke with emotion on her last word.

She stood up and looked upwards, trying to push her tears away. A year ago she would have never gotten like this, look at her now. She have rather died that moment than let him see her cry but she was already well on her way. Trying to push away her tears was like pushing away a much stronger force it was much harder than killing Russia's Top Assassin or America's Most Wanted.

Chuck came next to her and they walked miserably to the front door together. They locked eyes for a moment all the haze of emotion captured into one longing glance. They turned back to face the door and planted fake smiles on their faces.

They came into the room and Ellie rushed over to Sarah and Chuck had a brief conversation with Awesome. He watched as Sarah poured over a wedding book with Ellie and almost as if she could feel his eyes on her - she slowly turned around and caught his eye. She stared intensely at him as she felt the frisson fly through the air and made her want to kiss him, but fighting the insistent look in his eyes, she yanked her gaze away from his and carried on what she was doing.

Ten minutes later she felt like a volcano exploding. She excused herself to go to the bathroom and locked herself in. She let herself howl softly into a towel and cried her heart out. She didn't know why it hurt so much, she physically ached all over. She felt her heart seize up like she was having a heart attack. She had no idea it could hurt this much.

She wasn't going to let it carry on hurting her, because one day, she didn't know how - but she was going to get him - one way or another.

Dun, dun, dun! Sorry to lower your moods guys, but this was a pretty sad one to do. I don't know what it is about them two that makes me care so much but it's more than a programme to me. It's not just because I'm a teenager but I love writing about them!

Please review!

PS I have never had my heart broken, did I do it okay though?