***Chapter 6***
"It is critical that you think everything is an opportunity to kill."
(((0)))
The air was cool, the night was dark, and Kiota was thrilled. Everything he had wanted was laid out in front of him like a perfectly wrapped gift. He was free to roam the savannah alone once more as he had used to before Kya. Before Ojiro. Before everything. He thought back to how she had lunged at him to stop him from leaving. How pathetic. True, she and the other refugees would surely die at the hands of Toyo's hunters, but still. She could at least maintain a little bit of her dignity.
He looked across the landscape that lay before him. He had reached the edge of the vast field and entered into the dark jungle grove that stood in the center of this massively open grassland. He didn't really care where he was going; he just knew that he was going away from everything that had been troubling him so deeply. Kya was just so annoying. Her eyes were too much like his own and she was too… something. It was nice to get away from her.
But she was going to die. The thought flashed through his mind for barely an instant before he shut it out again. She deserved it. It was she who had wanted to help the refugees; it was her who had insisted on staying with them. Besides, he should have killed her when he had first fought her; she was already on borrowed time. No, he decided. It was far better for him to be alone again.
Still, it was strange to be alone once more. He felt… alone. Maybe that was only a natural part of being alone, but this time it felt different, like something was missing. The silence that replaced Kya's rhythmic breathing and footsteps seemed foreign and out of place. Kiota shrugged, it had been months since he had been truly alone, there was no wonder why it felt odd. Still… it was strange.
The quiet sound of footsteps made him turn sharply. "Kya?" he asked with a tinge of hopefulness. Nothing was there, and Kiota blinked in surprise at his own behavior. Why had he been hopeful? He wanted to be alone!
He growled irritably and turned away to continue on the path through the jungle. He was still not right! He had thought that by leaving Kya and the other refugees to the wolves; so to speak, he would have almost shocked himself out of being this… sympathetic waste that he had become. But no, he had managed to maintain this debilitating weakness that had plagued him for so long. In fact, now that he thought about it, he felt worse that ever! It was late and the moon was fully risen, but he refused to stop and sleep. If he felt this bad while awake, his dreams were sure to be terrible this night. The rogue shuddered at the thought of the strange dreams with the misty pool of other's reflections and sufferings. It was not something that he wanted to revisit at that point in time. The thought of seeing Kya and everyone else again was just too daunting.
He swore loudly with audible anger and swiped across a nearby tree, leaving deep gouges in the bark. WHY DID IT ALL MATTER SO MUCH? He HATED Kya! Why couldn't he stop thinking about her? He tried to push her out of his mind but despite his best efforts, he just couldn't do it.
"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" he screamed to the listening silence of the jungle, just as the soft footsteps returned to his rear. He whirled around once more to see the black foliage of the jungle staring back at him.
Kiota sighed deeply. "Am I going insane?" he said softly. He had never really questioned his sanity before, but then, he had never been this mentally distraught before.
To his surprise, the jungle answered. "Depends what you mean by insane."
He stared at the blackness for a few moments in stunned silence. Had the brush actually answered him? "Ummm… what?" he asked slowly.
A pair of deep yellow eyes burst from the leaves and pushed him over onto his back. Kiota just stared up in surprise at the old mandrill that stood over him, staring into his eyes. "I said, it depends on what you mean by INSANE!"
Kiota shook off his surprise quickly, and stood up, knocking the mandrill off of him. "Thanks for your input," he replied sarcastically, "but I don't really need anyone's counsel right now."
"HA!" he exclaimed loudly. "That's not what it sounded like a minute ago!"
"Just because I was screaming at myself, doesn't mean that I need your help." He said solidly before turning away.
The mandrill stood in his way with a large stick."It does, however, mean dat you are very, very confused."
Kiota blinked. How had he moved so fast? "Just… just leave me alone!" he said with annoyance; his usual forcefulness was gone due to the mandrill's confusing antics."
"Aaaahhhh…. NOPE!" he said with a wide grin.
He growled dangerously. "I think… that you're a little crazy…"
"WRONG!" came an unexpected yell. "I'm not the one that's crazy, you were de one dat was just yelling at yourself!"
"That doesn't mean that you aren't insane too."
The mandrill blinked. "Eh, fair enough… but then again… It all depends on what you mean by insane!"
"What does that even mean?" Kiota exploded. "WHO ARE YOU?"
The mandrill was quiet for a moment; a noticeable change from his previous wildness. "My name is Rafiki… and it means more dan you know."
"What then?"
Rafiki sighed. "Insanity is when we do tings dat don't make sense. Tings dat are not logical, but cannot be helped."
"Like have pointless nightmares." He growled frustrated.
Rafiki shrugged. "Who knows, maybe da dreams are da most sane ting about you."
"How so?"
"Dreams are da window into de subconscious… maybe it's just your mind telling you what it wants. Maybe what you want is de insane part."
Kiota turned his back on the mandrill. "You clearly haven't seen my dream." He remarked as he headed away.
To his surprise, Rafiki walked in front of him and kept going. "Follow me." He almost whispered as he pushed aside a thick wall of vines.
The rogue contemplated obeying this crazy monkey's request, but there wasn't much decision to be made. Weirdness aside, this guy clearly knew more than he was letting on and Kiota wasn't going to just ignore his offer to share that information.
They pushed through the thick foliage of the black jungle for many minutes. Vines caught around his neck and thorns pulled on his mane. He kept Rafiki straight ahead of him, but it soon became difficult. The monkey was just so much smaller and agile than him, even if he was old.
"Would you slow down?" he asked.
"No…" Rafiki said softly. "We are here."
Kiota was about to make a sarcastic remark, but lost his breath when he caught up to the mandrill. In front of them the wall of trees parted and a small path could be seen extending towards a moonlit pool of water. Reeds surrounded the mirror-like body of water and their reflections shown perfectly in the liquid. Light mist hovered over the surface of the water and grew thicker as it extended away from the pool, obscuring the nearby ground.
Kiota suppressed a gasp. It was almost identical to the pool of water from his dreams. "What is this place?" He demanded from Rafiki as strongly as he could. "Why have you broughtme here?"
As try as he might however, he could not hide the fear in his voice.
Rafiki didn't look at him; he only stared straight ahead at the water. "Dis is a special place… I have brought only a few others here before."
Kiota glared at him with all of his effort, but it was like trying to stay angry at a tree. Rafiki was just too… inanimate at the moment to be a good target for his frustration. "What do you want me to do?"
"What do you think you should do?"
It wasn't what Kiota wanted to hear; he knew what he should do, but he desperately wanted to avoid it at all costs.
"You will never understand it if you do not confront it." Rafiki said, catching Kiota off guard.
From the way he was talking, it was almost as if he KNEW what was going on… He shook his head and forced it out of his mind for the moment. First things first; he needed to face the pool of his dreams.
The first step was made towards the bank. Another placed him closer and another even more so. Each step was painfully suspenseful as he neared the edge of the water. Within a few more paces, he would be able to look directly into the water, just like in his dreams. He wanted to stop and slow down, but he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to start back up if he did. Instead, Kiota pushed ahead towards the mist-covered surface of the pool, not knowing what the water would hold.
He was there. The water shone with the brilliance of the infinite stars in the sky above, as well as with the silver luminosity of the risen moon. In the feared waters shone only his reflection, as normal as it ever had been before.
Suddenly Kiota felt ridiculously foolish. What was he expecting? To see the faces of those he had killed? To see Kya crying? It was ridiculous and he knew it… it was just a normal pool.
"Why are you showing me this?" He asked Rafiki. "There's nothing special about this water."
Rafiki appeared over the rogues shoulder and spoke in a near whisper. "It isn't the water dat is special… it is you."
"Wha-" he was cut off by a slight rippling in the water. Kiota's eyes locked with the pool in horror. It was changing! When the blurred image refocused, the face of Ojiro was clear. He stared into Kiota's eyes with harsh silence. Toyo's words seemed to float on the air.
"He's a lot like you, actually…"
Despite being shocked beyond belief, Kiota managed to blink. The image changed in a split second to the reflection of King Nario. In the distance he could hear the sounds of mourning subjects, then of dying fighters. He could hear Kya's voice:
"They died because you killed him…"
The unnamed lion of the waterhole was next. His desperation for food and water brought Kiota back to his early days of rogue life that had been filled with starvation and struggles.
"You killed him…"
Suddenly the dead lion vanished and was replaced with a far more familiar face. Kya. She looked sad, and Kiota instantly felt horrible. It was a mix of fear, unease, nervousness, guilt, embarrassment, and countless other undesirable emotions. A silent tear slid down her face and hung a moment before it fell to the surface of the water that separated the two worlds. Before the tear stuck, however, a smile spread across her face as if she had just heard something wonderful. It was one of the nicest things Kiota had ever seen. Then the image blurred with the ripples caused by the tear. When they stopped, only Kiota's own reflection remained.
He suddenly realized that he was breathing hard from the event and looked up sharply to see Rafiki standing a short distance away.
"WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?" He screamed.
"What do you think it means?" The mandrill countered.
Kiota was in no mood for mind games, but he couldn't bring himself to strike the old monkey. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!" He shouted as he began pacing back and forth. "It doesn't make any SENSE!"
"Only because you don't want it to make sense."
"What?"
Rafiki sighed. "When de heart changes, de mind is usually de last ting to fall into step with de change."
Kiota stared for a moment. "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"
"I tink dat dere is a different question dat you should be asking."
"FINE!" he shouted. "WHAT'S THE QUESTION?"
"Why do you fight?" the mandrill asked simply.
Kiota blinked at the unexpected subject. "Uh… I fight for the thrill… for the challenge."
"Mmmhmm… Rafiki nodded. "And when exactly was your last fight for dose tings, hmmm?"
"It's been a while…"
"Why?"
Suddenly Kiota felt himself overcome by rage. "WHAT IS THIS, A FREAKING THERAPY SESSION?"
"No… we're just talking."
The answer soothed him somehow, but the distraught rogue continued to pace back and forth with tension. Despite his better judgment, Kiota decided to answer the earlier question. "I-I don't know why I haven't been fighting… it just hasn't been feeling right."
"Maybe your heart is trying to tell your mind something."
What a ridiculous idea… as if his heart and mind were two different people. "Like what?"
"Maybe it's trying to tell you to stop thinking."
"Stop thinking?" It didn't seem like a great idea. "Why?"
Rafiki looked up at the stars. "Ahhh… another question from your mind. Stop thinking and exploring your mind, and start to feel and explore your emotions!"
"Explore my emotions?" Kiota echoed faintly. "Ho-"
"Don't ask how," Rafiki exclaimed. "Just do it!"
Kiota blinked in confusion, but did not argue. Instead, he stared up at the stars that seemed to perplex the mandrill. He took a deep breath, and allowed his mind to open to everything.
He thought about Ojiro, and about Kya, and about, and about the unnamed lion. Somehow, according to the pool, they all had something in common but Kiota just didn't know what. They each reminded him somehow of himself, whether it was a similar feature or a state of mind. It was his connection to them that produced the unease that he felt. Maybe that's what his dreams were trying to tell him… Did he feel guilty and remorseful for what he had done to them? It seemed strange to think of the unease as guilt, but then again, he had clouded his emotion so heavily in the past few months that it was no wonder that he had been a bit off in his analysis.
"That's called empathy…" came the memory of Kya's soft voice.
Was that it? Did he feel bad for what he had done? There was little reason to; he had given each of them a fair fight, sometimes even more than that. What was there to be sorry for? Pain. He thought back to it… all the time he had felt it. He had seen it on the faces of those he had killed, but even more so on the faces of those who had watched him do it. The subjects, mates, children, parents of the fighters who he had cut down. They had suffered because of what he had done. It was a troubling idea, one that caught Kiota's attention. Just like how he had indirectly killed Kya's family, he had also caused far more damage than he had initially thought. It was no wonder that he was hated by so many…
Kya didn't hate him…
He snorted irritably at the thought of her. She was so annoying. Then he remembered that night that he had spent with her; how she had listened to the stories of his dreams without judgment or skepticism. Now that he thought about it, she was the first person to really treat him like he was a real person and not some… god, for lack of a better word. Toyo, Shinmen, and everyone he had crossed had always looked upon him with either desire or fear of his strength and skill. They didn't see him for who he really was. But then again, who was he?
Kiota blinked. His earlier reasons for fighting didn't seem to make sense, and that was a big problem. He had always defined himself by why he fought, and now it was just… gone. The thrill didn't matter and neither did the challenge of it all. The mere thought of returning to his former lifestyle was unappealing; with the full understanding of the damage he was causing, he doubted he could ever gain fulfillment from killing again. He wanted to fight, but he didn't know for what. WHO WAS HE?
Suddenly he became aware of his identity crisis. His breathing became heavy and cold sweat poured down his neck as the panic set in. Then a single and sudden realization set into his mind. Kya knew. She saw the real him, and knew him. She saw what and who he was, which was more that Kiota could say for himself.
He wondered about her… why was it that he hated her? What was there to hate? She was incredibly nice, even to him after all he had done to her, and yet she was strong despite all she had been through. What was there to hate? Even the little peevs that he had against her weren't really because of her, he realized, it was more of just him looking for things to dislike.
All things aside… she was really an amazing lioness… and it stunned Kiota to arrive at this conclusion. It was never her that he hated… it was everything that she revealed about himself… she brought out his compassion, his empathy, his supportiveness, everything that he would have preferred to think didn't exist in him… she saw it… and she knew it too.
The more he thought about her, the more the reality sunk in… she was the closest thing to a friend that he had ever had… and he cared about her… He actually CARED about Kya!
The revelation was stunning to say the least… his hate… his annoyance… his perceived dislike… it was all just mental gymnastics to hide the truth from himself! Tanai's words came back to him:
"You can't chose who you love…"
And he did love her… maybe not romantically, but he did love her. In all honesty, he wished that he didn't, but like Tanai had implied, he couldn't help it.
A wave of emotion swept over him with this epiphany. All of his dull, vague, and nameless feelings from before were suddenly sharpened with the intensity of a knife-point. He felt guilty for the damage he had done to her and everyone else, he was happy to finally have clarity, and he was angry at himself for not understanding sooner.
Still… there was nothing logical about any of this. It wasn't helpful for him to care about Kya, nor was it practical to act on his feelings… He had seen countless times before how others had gotten themselves killed for little reason. Like Kya's family; if they had just handed their children over to Toyo, he would have left them alone and they would have lived. Though, he could understand now how difficult it must have been to even consider doing that. It wasn't his choice to care for her, but it was what it was.
His epiphany must have been visible on his face, because Rafiki seemed to know. "You look like you might be going insane…" he remarked.
Kiota was silent for a moment as he looked at the mandrills aged features. Then a wide grin spread across his face; "Depends what you mean by insane."
Rafiki smiled as well. "There is no place for logic in love."
"No… there isn't." he said in a dazed tone.
"So what exactly are you going to do now, Kiota?" Rafiki asked him.
He blinked. "How do you know my name?"
Rafiki shrugged. "Dere are many who want to see great things from you."
"Who?"
The monkey stared up at the star-lit sky, and Kiota did the same. "We aren't as alone as you might think… De great kings are vedy interested in you."
He was about to snort in disbelief, but then he remembered the pool… Maybe there was more to this world than he originally thought. "I would think that they would pretty much hate me by now."
"Do not underestimate dem, dey understand far more dan we do…"
Kiota supposed he was right, but still. He had done so much to deserve their hatred; it seemed remarkable that they somehow withheld their wrath.
"So…" Rafiki repeated. "What are you going to do now, Kiota?"
In truth, he didn't really know what to do. He supposed that he should probably go back and talk to Kya, though she was still mad about…
A deep and violent roar resounded through the jungle from far away, the direction from which he had come.
KYA! Kiota swore loudly, making Rafiki jump in surprise. "I have to go!" he said urgently.
The mandrill nodded understandingly. "You have a responsibility to attend to."
He nodded. "Yea… something like that." With that, he ran off, cursing himself as he went. Leaves and branches raked across his face as he ran through the jungle. He had completely forgotten about the hunters! The tall grass of the savannah slid across his torso like water, wetting his fur with the newly deposited dew. He prayed to the kings that he wouldn't be too late! Everything was clear to him now; he knew what was needed of him, and he intended to save them. It didn't matter what his chances of survival against the hunters was, it didn't matter. All that mattered was protecting the ones that he cared for. If they were already gone, he didn't know what he would do… They were all he had.
***Author's Note***
I know that this was almost expected, but I'm sure that you will appreciate it nonetheless. Keep reviewing!
-Ben