Author's Notes: I'm busy with NaNoWriMo, so don't expect updates from me for most of this month… In fact, I swore myself off writing fanfiction for the duration of this month, but this idea crept up on me and I couldn't let it go. So I wrote it down and I shall now be presenting it to you. It's from Kevin's perspective.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ben 10, never will. I also don't own the quote at the beginning.

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"In order to plan your future wisely, it is necessary that you understand and appreciate your past."

~Jo Coudert

52. Deep in Thought

Ben was going to grow up to be a hero, he was sure of that. The Omnitrix would remain on his wrist and he would continue to fight evil. It was a known fact, well at least known to everyone who actually knew that Ben's fancy watch was really an alien device.

Gwen, well he was sure that she was going to do something with her life. She would keep on being the hero she was, but he knew that she also wanted to go to university and learn to do something else to go along with the alien fighting. Whatever she chose to do, he knew that she would succeed in her plans.

The two of them, they both knew where they were going. There were no "what-ifs", no "will-I-actually-do-that", no "where-will-I-be-in-5-years", no other thoughts of uncertainty on where life was taking. They were riding this wild ride that was life with their eyes wide open.

But him?

He was riding it blindfolded with no ideas on where he was going to end up or where life would take him. Simply, he had no plans and he made no efforts to make them.

Why?

Because life had been so unpredictable to him that it was impossible for him to plan without having those plans (potentially) destroyed.

He had started life in a position of stability and relative happiness though he didn't really remember that time back when his real parents had been happy together. What he did remember was the next stage when his mother remarried and his powers began to develop. He was the freak back then. Life sucked. And he could do little about it, other than sustain the injuries and try to grab at the old ways of life.

As if things couldn't get worse, he ended up on the streets. Fighting just to survive, hiding in the shadows, stealing just to eat; life was tougher than ever. He figured he would never go anywhere. He would just die one day on the streets and no one would care because the whole world hated him that much. After all, what was the death of one freak when others with people who loved them were dying elsewhere?

Then he had met Tennyson. At first, he had thought he could use Tennyson and his watch to gain revenge and money. That had ended up a failed plan as Tennyson had too golden a heart to allow the passengers of a train to die. So he had tried to take that damn watch away and ended up becoming a monster.

From being a freak dying on the streets to a horrendous monster seeking revenge, it all happened in just one day. His goal became a rather simple one focused on revenge. Killing Tennyson and stealing the watch was his only goal, it preoccupied his mind and drove him insane.

When he ended up trapped in the Null Void, his anger had slowly faded away as survival instincts had taken over. He had once again expected to die in a place where no one cared, but he wasn't going to make that death an easy one. He fought, he killed, he made illegal dealings; he did everything just to survive. The idea of gaining revenge on Tennyson was on his mind occasionally, but it was never his most foremost thought unless he was having nightmares.

After escaping from that hellhole, he had started a new life. Well, it was similar to his old one in the Null Void in that he still took illegal jobs, but he was around humans once more. It wasn't long after that when he met Tennyson and his cousin again. And joined their side.

Reality really was screwed up. From unloved child to freak, from human freak to monster freak, from villain to hero, from enemy to friend. Maybe it was just his life that was screwed up. Everyone else seemed to know their place in the world. Ben and Gwen would always be good; Vilgax would always be evil and Argit would always be scum.

The unpredictable nature of his life had led him discontinuing all plans for the future. It was just too easy for those plans to be torn apart, so to prevent that hurt, he kept them away. Sure, his mind still wanted to plan ahead, it still wanted to say that he would remain a hero forever and that he would have a happy ever after.

But what if that didn't happen? What if in a year, 5 years, a decade, he decided that being a hero wasn't worth it and he turned back to the dark side? What then? All plans would be destroyed.

After all, 5 years ago he had been a sociopath. 5 years was all that it had taken for his life to make a complete revolution. Perhaps in another 5 years he would be a monster again.

Anything could happen, which was why Kevin Levin no longer made plans.

But sometimes his mind would forget about the curves his life took and he would entertain notions of staying a hero forever, of never being pulled back into the darkness and insanity of his previous life, of being with Gwen forever.

But those plans stayed secret dreams, stuffed away in a box that he could destroy, lest something go terribly off-course and cause his life to be screwed over once again.

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A/N: Wow, I'm not sure if I like this or not. It's just a contemplative piece I wrote on a whim… Anyway, the theme is Deep In Thought, which I'm not sure if this captures or not, but one could say he's deeply thinking about the future (or at least his inner thoughts are on the future)… I would say that you shouldn't expect anymore updates from me because of NaNoWriMo, but there's a slim chance that I will update if an idea comes to mind (especially with In Charm's Way airing soon). Oh well, that's plot bunnies for you... Though I'm not sure if you can count this piece as having a plot. What's a plot bunny called if there's no real plot in it?

Twilight Phantom Dragon