A/N: Hi everyone! So you have Aleeab4u to thank for this update. Well I thank her too of course because she poked me into writing. Poking works apparently especially when it comes from her. Thanks Aleea!

And once again you guys have proven quality over quantity. This fic is beginning to garner more interest but it still doesn't get a lot of action. However those of you that do leave reviews leave wonderful ones and it means so much.

Marajade30: You are definitely one of my favorite reviewers. Thank you so much for your support. I gave Aleea a peek into the future of this story and she liked it so I think you will too.

TriGemini: Glad to see you reviewing again! Thank you.

Ktsgran: As always thank you. You are another favorite reviewer and I hope you continue to enjoy the story.

Saritadreaming: Same goes for you and yes there will be more lemony type stuff. Can't help myself I guess and it does seem natural.

Brokentragedy2: Lol, still loving your reviews girl. Yep, definitely a sequel and ya'll are gonna kill me with how I end the first part of this story but that's half the fun right?

Mommys-Little-Nightmare: Lol, I think you'll get a kick out of part of this chapter.

Baynewen: Never fear. They will be together. I don't think I'm really giving anything away by saying that. I hope this chapter gives you a bit of the love and hope you were looking for.

And as always thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing and adding this to alerts. I promise you there is a lot more to come. And don't be shy. I love reviews and getting to know all of you has been truly wonderful. I don't care if people think we're batshit insane. The people I've 'met' in the Twilight fandom have been some of the most talented, intelligent, and witty people I have ever had the honor of conversing with.

On with the story…

Edward,

There is so much I want to say to you and yet what can I say? By the time you read this you surely will have heard more through the minds of others than I could ever tell you. But it's not the same. It's not the same as being in my head and feeling what I'm feeling and what I felt. I don't want to hurt you but it seems important that you know the depth of what you did. You asked me if you were too late. Yes. Yes, you are. We'll never have that fairy tale romance. We may yet have a happy ending and I do honestly hope that we do but now it's going to take work.

I no longer trust you. I want you; I crave you. But I do not trust you. You broke me when you left. A part of me died and I'm not sure that can ever come back. You asked me what I wanted the other day when we stood in my kitchen. I said I didn't know. That was a lie. I know what I want and I can't have it. I want the fairy tale. I want the last six months to have been a nightmare, a terrible heart wrenching nightmare to be sure but one where I woke up in your arms.

I can see our would be future so clearly. We would finish school and then go off somewhere so that you could make me like you. Somewhere in there you would make love to me. And we would spend eternity together.

But now I feel like all of that was foolish and I was merely concocting a fantasy in my head, a fantasy which you never had any intention of fulfilling. I can see clearly all of your protests, your denials and dismissals of me. Telling me I'm absurd or chastising me for my "human hormones". Way to make a girl feel wanted Edward.

I'm sorry. I guess getting all of this out there to you is dragging me back down and I don't want that for either of us. I just need you to know how I feel, why I might seem distant or confused. I do believe that you want to be with me. I just can't tell how much of this is you panicking or making false promises and how much of this is genuine.

Do you want to know why I wonder these things? Why I want answers? It's because I want to believe you. I want the fairy tale. In as much as we can have it I want the happy ending. I love you. I can deny it all I want and cry and scream and rage but at the end of the day I want you. I always have and I always will.

Don't take this as a free pass. It isn't. But you need to know those parts of my feelings as well. We need to be honest with each other from now on. Unconditionally. So in that spirit I am sorry I kicked you out the other morning. I was embarrassed. Plain and simple. The night before when you had been so…enthusiastic…I was torn between feeling elated and betrayed; elated because I had wanted that sort of attention from you for so long and betrayed because you had to wait until now to give it.

I understand what you were trying to tell me though. The distance brought your walls down. And I am going to try and believe you. I promise you that. So don't give up? Please? And neither will I.

We have to work on ourselves in this too. You need to stop thinking you're a monster. End of story. I don't want to hear it anymore. And I need to stand on my own two feet. Sounds funny coming from such a clumsy person huh? But I think you know what I mean.

I love you. I want you. And I want you to want me too. I'm not ready for everything to go back the way it was. We still have to figure out my Father and how the heck are you going to explain being back in town. And I'm sure by now you are well aware that you won't be entirely welcome. It's going to be hard on your family too. I'm not ready for them to come back yet but I know they will. I think Carlisle and Esme will be fine and probably Rose and Emmett too but I think you and Jasper and Alice will have a hard time of it. Not to mention that all of you will be under a magnifying glass, scrutinized by this bored little town. Can you really afford that kind of attention? I don't care. It's my turn to be selfish. I brought you back. I don't want you to go. I couldn't bear it.

I don't know when you'll read this but know that I miss you.

Yours,

Bella

I finished writing the letter as the first rays of dawn peeked through the window. I'd had a hard time sleeping last night so it seemed like a good idea to get my thoughts down while they were fresh in my head. And if I were being honest with myself I had to admit that a part of me needed to be with him. His presence had rekindled that deep seated need to have him close and trying to sleep without him last night was like trying to sleep without all the trappings of the night time; darkness, quiet, clean sheets and a warm blanket. It could only be done out of sheer exhaustion and I wasn't at that point yet. I didn't want to be dependent on him but what I had told him the other night seemed to be true. I would no longer be able to sleep without him. But I would have to. I would have to find a way. A part of me had always known that it wasn't entirely healthy to be so entwined with someone. There has to be a way to find a balance right?

I re-read the last line of the letter. So many ways that was true. Would he understand the double meaning? I missed the old him, the knight in shining armor, or in this case, sparkling. And yet a part of me was excited to see this new him. It was like learning him all over again and this time I didn't know what to expect. We had both been irrevocably changed.

I looked at the clock and realized it was time to hustle or I'd be late for school. What to do with the letter? For some reason I didn't feel right leaving it at home. I wanted it with me. It was like a tether to him even though I'm the one that wrote it. I decided I would leave it in the truck on my seat while I was in classes. That seemed fitting.

EPOV

I circled her house getting soaked by the rain. I could tell she was awake and I so badly wanted to go to her but I didn't know if she'd want me and the uncertainty held me back. I didn't regret what had happened. It was the most beautiful thing I had witnessed to date. Well, one of the most beautiful things. Everything about her was beautiful. Even her tears though I'd gladly trade those in for a thousand nights like the last. But no. I needed a sign from her. This needed to be on her terms. I'd taken enough from her already. The choice was hers and hers alone.

I had spent the day in the surrounding woods getting soaked to the bone and hunting furiously. I was sure by now my phone was shot but I didn't care. I couldn't bear to be far from her. I'd even followed her to the Reservation and learned of the missing boy. Normally I would have feared for her safety, wondered if another of my kind was in the area but nothing seemed amiss. I stored the information into the back of my mind for later exploration.

In the meantime I relegated myself to living in the forest and giving myself over to my instincts. My kind are a divided lot, especially my family since we choose to live as mortals. On the one hand we are refined and educated and on the other we have the instincts of a predator and no real need to live as humans do. We do not need shelter or the comforts of home. We are perfectly capable of living in the forest and giving ourselves over to our senses.

And so I did. True I kept one eye always on Bella but I also let myself go as much as I could. It was a freedom and a punishment all at once. I could have gone back to the house. We never sold it. All of the furniture would still be there. Even some of the small things like books. And of course, my piano. I couldn't bring myself to take it when we left. It reminded me of her too much. I was only just beginning to feel like I could play it again but the part of me that loathed myself told me I didn't deserve shelter or comfort of any kind. I knew Bella wouldn't like that but I couldn't help it. My only self worth lay in her hands.

But the very least I could do was respect her privacy. So even though I knew she was awake I kept my distance. And even when I heard her scribbling, pen put to paper like a dire need, I refused to sneak into her room and peek at her written words. I could have so easily, without her ever knowing, and once upon a time I would have. But no more.

I did however follow her to school.

BPOV

I parked close to the woods and left the letter on the seat like I planned. I didn't know if he would even think to look but I found myself scanning the woods as I made my way to the cluster of buildings that held the youth of Forks High willing him to understand if he was even there. I hoped he was.

"Earth to Bella."

"Huh?" I said, glancing round to find Angela waving her hand in front of my face. We were at lunch sitting with Jessica and the rest of the usuals though I was at the end of the table away from everyone as had become habit over the last several months. The day seemed to be passing in a blur as I was lost in my thoughts.

"You okay Bella? You've been really out of it today. I mean…" she paused, "Um, different…" she continued to struggle for words and I knew what she meant. Not zombie out of it, pensive out of it. She was always so observant of me but I still couldn't tell her what happened so I quickly wracked my brain for something that wasn't a lie and settled on the most obvious.

I sighed and dropped my celery stick back on my plate. "One of the Quileute boys is missing."

I'd barely gotten the sentence out before Jessica piped in, entirely too excited about this tidbit of news.

"I heard about that!" she exclaimed. "You're friends with one of them right? Is that who went missing?"

I wanted to deck her. She was actually smiling when she asked me this. Smiling. The audacity.

"NO, Jessica, it wasn't my friend." I said emphasizing the 'no' with as much disdain as I could muster. "But it was one of his friends and it's a pretty big deal."

This didn't seem to deter her at all.

"What do you guys think?" she asked scanning the table. "Drugs? Runaway? Secret girlfriend?"

You'd think she was writing for some trashy gossip column.

"Jess, this is serious." Angela tried to defend. "He could have been kidnapped. Or worse…" she trailed off.

I lost my appetite altogether. What if it was worse? I knew worse. And worse could be really really bad.

The end of the day came quickly and I found myself practically running to my truck but the letter still sat on my seat. Wherever he was it wasn't here and my heart tightened at the thought.

The next couple of days passed without incident except for my increasing anxiety. Anxiety fueled by Edward's absence and the fact that Sam was still missing. I visited Jake for one of the afternoons but ultimately felt useless. I told him that Edward and I had had a fight and that I hadn't seen him since. It was a weak explanation for my being distracted but it was the truth. But Jacob, ever the patient one, simply told me he understood and suggested I go home just in case Edward showed up.

My brain was still trying to wrap my head around how to deal with Charlie when he learned of Edward's return. The whole thing was somewhat of a catch 22. Edward couldn't reveal he was back until the rest of the family came but I wasn't ready for them to come back yet and didn't know when I would be. And right now I couldn't add to my Father's stress. Every night he came home weary. I could tell the missing Quileute was weighing heavily on him. It might have been different if it were one of the adults, in fact I'm sure it would have been, but for it to be someone young…well that sort of thing just doesn't happen around here.

That night I lay in bed finally exhausted. I'd hardly slept for three nights now. I placed the unread letter under my pillow and drifted to sleep.

EPOV

I couldn't take it anymore. I'd been away from her too long. I needed to at least breathe the same air as her. So I climbed into her room and watched her sleep as I had done so many times before and I instantly felt at peace. I was home. The only home I ever needed.

And it made me happy to see her finally resting. I wasn't sure what had been keeping her up the past few nights but I could surmise many things, none of them good. It was difficult to curb my desire to comfort her but I was proud of myself for doing so.

I watched her, her chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm as she slept her breath a whisper on her lips. I'd missed seeing her like this so much. She turned suddenly, onto her side, and that's when I saw the letter poking out from underneath her pillow. I could just make out the tail end of my name peeking out.

So I took it, my curiosity getting the better of me. I knew this had to be what she had been writing and I dispelled any guilt I might have had at taking it by rationalizing that it was addressed to me. I stood by the window and read it in the half light coming in from the street.

By the time you read this you surely will have heard more through the minds of others than I could ever tell you.

She was right. The worst had been what I had picked from Charlie's mind and yet every thought from her friends was like a knife being driven in again and again. A painful never ending reminder of what I had put her through. I saw her wandering the halls with a blank empty look on her face, people bumping into her, ignoring her, as though she didn't even exist. I heard the thoughts of the ones who had mocked her, egging her on to take her life and it took every ounce of willpower not to tear them apart.

I saw the sadness in her friend Angela and the now budding hope she had at seeing the first glimmer of life in Bella's eyes over the last few days. And I saw the time Bella spent with Jacob in my absence and I was glad for him, sure that she would have perished without him. He didn't know it yet but I owed him my life because without her I wouldn't have one.

I cringed when she told me she didn't trust me. I knew it. She had said it aloud when I came back and yet seeing it written on paper seemed to make it more real, like some sort of pact was made when pen was put to paper making it undeniably true. It was something we may never get back and it scared me to my core. For if she couldn't trust me would she really want to spend an eternity with me? Could she? Could I?

Ironically I think I needed to do some soul searching. Not about whether or not I wanted to be with her but about how to move forward with something like this. How do you embrace the future when it's been colored and stained by the past?

Damn me! Damn me to hell for ever making her feel unwanted! I dropped the letter turning to face her and that's when she woke.