A/N: Hi everyone. First off I want to give a shout-out to my beta Aleeab4u. Without her there would have been lots of stupid little mistakes in this chapter. She is an awesome beta and a talented writer and I am so thankful that she agreed to work with me. If you haven't already done so you should go read her stuff and show her some love.
Baynewen, Mara, brokentragedy2, belladonna, sarita, cshorte, ktsgran, ace1219, irishtwimom, tdtwifan, alliesmom, Pamela, your words keep me going and I am truly grateful for all of you.
Thank you so much to everyone who is reading this and favoriting and alerting it and especially reviewing.
EPOV
During the night I was blessed with two more gifts from Bella, one of them not so honorable and the other that meant so much more to me. The not so honorable one being that her towel had slipped away during the night and I relished being able to feel the entirety of her skin flush against me. Which brings me to the thing I was most thankful for; her towel had slipped away because she had turned in her sleep and snuggled herself up against me. She seemed so relaxed and peaceful, and she seemed to relax even further once we were embraced. She'd uttered not a word during the night, but her actions spoke volumes of trust even if it was still mostly subconscious. It meant that these emotions were working their way toward the surface and that perhaps there was hope after all. Hope that we could fix things and return to more than simply a semblance of our past selves, but to something deeper than we could have imagined possible back in those days of youthful ignorance.
Bella began to stir as the darkness of night turned to shades of grey slipping in through the curtains framing her window. She stretched against me like a cat before opening her eyes and I seized the opportunity to hold her tighter while running my hands along the soft skin of her back. I knew this languid comfort she was experiencing would fade the more she woke.
I rolled her onto her back and she hummed softly in pleasure as my lips made their way down her neck and I figured why not push my luck? I have never denied being selfish. I let my lips wander further down until my lips dusted her chest with feather light kisses and her body reacted perfectly arching itself to me and quickening her heart. She grabbed onto my head momentarily encouraging me, and then just as quickly tried to guide me away.
"I have to get ready for school." She whispered.
I sighed in defeat because I knew she was right. "I know." I made my way back up and gave her a lopsided grin. Her eyes were finally open, and though they were still somewhat sleep laden they also looked warm and comforting.
"I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself." I apologized.
BPOV
"It's okay." I was surprised at how much I actually meant those words. It was like the events of yesterday, Edward's frankness about his past plus pushing our physicality, had somehow replaced one of those missing pieces of my heart. Not enough to truly forgive or forget all that had taken place between us and all that yet needed to happen, but enough that this kind of touching no longer felt like a threat.
"Hmm." I grumped, looking at the ceiling.
"What?" he asked while running his fingers gently across my cheek.
"Yesterday I made a mental list of more things we need to talk about, but I don't know when the heck we're going to be able to." I said, exasperated. "I have school today; then Newton's afterwards, supper, homework, bed and I really should sleep instead of staying up all night talking to you."
"Is it anything time sensitive?" he asked, leaning up on one elbow.
"I suppose not. Well one thing kind of is, but there really isn't time to talk about it right now. If I just had school maybe I could skip, but I can't skip both school and Newton's." I sighed, frustrated.
"Bella, you're driving me crazy. You know I hate it when I don't know what you're thinking."
"Well believe me Edward, I wish you could read my mind. Right about now it would make things so much easier. I could just think everything while going about my day."
He chuckled. "I never thought I'd hear you say that. You were always so guarded with your thoughts."
"Yeah, well, that's because they were stupid."
"Bella…" he began to admonish.
"I'm serious, Edward. It's like I look back on myself sometimes and wonder what I was thinking. Some of it was just so shallow. I mean how many times in one day can a girl think about how beautiful her boyfriend is? I did it way more than I care to admit." My cheeks began to turn pink.
"Does this mean you no longer think I'm beautiful?" There was a hint of amusement in his tone.
"You know I do." I replied, giving him a light whack on the shoulder. "There's just so much more to think about right now."
"And most of it isn't good." He continued.
"No, it's not." I agreed. "But this is good." I said while cupping his cheek.
"It is, isn't it?" He smiled.
"It is." I confirmed.
He kissed me sweetly.
"Your father's gone to work. I could make you breakfast?"
"No. You'll just distract me." I smirked.
"I'll see you tonight then?"
"Yes. Maybe I can get away with turning in a bit early so we have at least a little time to talk."
"Alright. I'll come by around 9 and see if you're in bed."
"Sounds good. Now get out because if you think I'm letting you see me like this you are sorely mistaken." I said, referring to my unclothed body.
"A boy can hope…" he trailed off while pecking my cheek one last time and then he was gone.
I wrapped the towel around me just in case and got started on my day.
"Sooo…" asked Angela as we headed to class.
"Sooo…what?" I mocked, knowing full well what she wanted to know and still completely unsure of what to say.
"How are things with Edward? Are you still talking to him?"
"Yes. And things are…" God what did I say? Gee Ange things are great. Last night he finally confided in me that he'd killed people back in the 1920's and after that he gave me a massage that led to more?
Instead I just shook my head and huffed.
"Oh come on! I deserve more than that."
And she did. I just didn't know what I could give.
"I know you do, Ange. I'm just not sure what to say. I'm trying to respect his privacy, and frankly our privacy. I don't mean anything against you by that. It's just still so raw."
"Well, can you tell me if they're moving back? You know I won't tell anyone, right?"
"I know and yeah, I'm pretty sure they'll be moving back but that's something he and I still need to talk about." I paused and then continued. "I want them to." I admitted. "I know it won't be easy but I miss him. I miss seeing him every day; being able to walk to class with him, talking with him, listening to his music."
"His music?"
"Yeah, he plays piano."
"Wow. That's great. He's good?"
"Very." I smiled.
"He's quite the package, isn't he Bella? Too bad he couldn't see that you are too."
"Yeah, well, tell him that next time you see him." I nudged.
"Maybe I will." She declared haughtily.
EPOV
"Oh God, Edward, I'm just bouncing up and down in my shoes right now!" squealed Alice.
"Alice…" I warned. "I told you I didn't want you looking into our future."
"I know, I know, but I couldn't help it! Please…" She begged, dragging the word out.
"No, and please stop thinking about it. It's hard to ignore your thoughts when you're screaming them at me."
"Well you're no fun."
I could practically hear her pouting.
"That's certainly not the first time I've been accused of that."
"Wow. Did you just make a joke?"
"It's been known to happen."
"Really, when?" she challenged.
"I'm going to hang up now, Alice."
"Don't." Her voice returned to normal. "We miss you. I miss you."
I felt a wave of guilt. "I know, and I'm sorry for that. I miss you too. I just couldn't see it before."
"Well, my visions aside, how are things going between you two?"
"Good." I couldn't help smiling and I was sure that smile seeped into my voice. "I think we're going to be okay."
A tiny flicker of a vision began to crawl its way through the phone and I quickly slammed the little metal contraption shut.
"Stupid meddling pixie…" I muttered, but despite my annoyance that seed of happiness was still planted inside of me lifting my spirits.
BPOV
How on Earth did Jessica find out everything so quickly? Did she have bugs planted in the houses of every Forks resident? Somehow she already knew about Sam being back.
"Okay, so who here really believes that Indian guy was camping? Raise your hands." She said in her annoying voice. "No? No takers? Yeah, I didn't think so." She turned her attention to me.
"C'mon on Bella, you must know something." She whined.
I resisted the urge to throttle her while trying to think of a witty comeback.
"I don't know, Jess. You seem to know an awful lot. What do you think happened?"
Oops. Wrong answer. Her eyes lit up at the opportunity to keep talking.
"Alright. Can you guys keep a secret?" She whispered conspiratorially while leaning in.
I eyed her skeptically while Angela looked bored and Mike kept stealing surreptitious glances at me.
"Another one went missing sometime last night." She nodded her head while smiling. How could one person find so much joy in the misfortune of others? I would have made some crack about her having a future as a tabloid reporter if my spine wasn't suddenly tingling in fear of who had gone missing, a fear that her next words confirmed.
"Bella I think it was your guy. What's his name? James? Jared? Jacob! Right? Jacob." She said before I had a chance to speak. Not that I could have uttered a coherent word at that point anyway. My heart went into overdrive and my brain raced while I tried to stave off a panic attack.
Jacob! No. No. No. No. Please let her be wrong. It was terribly selfish and cruel of me, but I prayed her dim-witted mind had gotten the names wrong since I was sure every Quileute looked the same to her. I wanted to run and flee and drive to La Push, but I couldn't and I wasn't sure I had ever felt as helpless as I did in that moment. I was torn between doing what I was supposed to do, which was stay in school, and doing what in my mind was the right thing; leave and try to help in any way I could. I did the next best thing I could think of. I grabbed my things without a word and dashed for the front office hoping that Ms. Cope would let me call Charlie.
I was winded and slightly damp by the time I reached the office. I had to slump on her counter for a minute before I caught my breath enough to speak.
"My Lord, child. What's wrong?" She asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost. Are you ill? You really should have gone to the nurse's office…"
I cut her off. "I need to call my Dad. Please." I begged.
She looked at me for a moment wondering if she should let me, but one good thing about a small town is they're a lot more lax about stuff. Finally she nodded yes and picked up the old rotary phone placing it on the counter in front of me. I quickly dialed the station.
"Hey there Shelly," answered a gravelly voice, "what can I do for you?"
"Sorry, no, this is Bella Swan. Can I speak to my Dad?"
"Oh." Said the voice on the other end in surprise. "Sorry kiddo. He's out of the office right now."
I figured as much.
"I know. Can you patch me through to him? It's really important."
"Hold on. I'll see how busy he is."
The line went quiet and I tapped my fingers impatiently. Images of Jacob ran through my head. I knew damn well he wasn't camping and my gut was twisted with worry for him.
"Hey, Bells." My Father's weary voice came across the line.
"Dad! What's going on?" I asked in a panic.
"How do you even know anything's going on?" He sidetracked.
"Um, Jessica?" As much as I disliked her, I didn't want to actually get her in trouble.
"Figures. Stupid police scanners. Wish they'd never made those things."
Ah. That's how she found out so quickly.
"Everything's fine, Bells. It was a false alarm. Jacob's fine."
"Well…what happened?" I stammered. My heart finally began to slow down.
"Jake skipped school, and if you ever think of doing anything like that young lady…"
This explanation was too simple. The warning bells in my head resumed.
"So you've talked to him? You're sure he's okay?"
"I talked to Billy."
"Dad, you need to talk to Jacob."
"Bella, what's this about?"
Uh-oh. Charlie's cop nature was kicking in. I hated to do it, but I had to play the Edward card.
"Sorry Dad." I whispered, half for effect and half to try and hide the conversation from Ms. Cope who was studiously trying to look like she wasn't listening in. "It's just with what happened…you know what I mean…I just panicked. I can't lose anyone else…" I trailed off.
He sighed. "Will it really make you feel better if I go over there and talk to him personally?"
I desperately wanted to say yes, but I realized that having his cop instincts snooping around might not be the best idea in this situation. I'd have to solve this mystery myself.
"No, it's okay. I'm sorry I bothered you. I should get back to class." I hoped I was being convincing enough.
"S'okay kid. You'll be at Newton's today right?"
"Yep. I'll see you tonight." I hung up before he could say anything else.
"Can I get a pass to get back in class?" I asked Ms Cope while sliding the phone back toward her.
"Everything okay, Bella?"
I knew she was dying for details.
"Yeah. I just heard a stupid rumor and fell for it. I'm really sorry for wasting your time."
"Not at all, Bella. It's nice to shake up routine now and then." She smiled.
Oh how I so very much wished for the opposite. I wanted routine right about now. I wanted to believe that Jake was okay. I wanted to go through a single day without worrying about anyone or anything. I wanted things I couldn't have.
"So Bella, you took off awful quick today during lunch. What happened?"
I was full of nervous energy and the last thing I wanted to do was get grilled by Mike Newton. I let my hair fall over my face and tried to shrug him off.
"It was nothing, Mike. No big deal."
"Sure didn't look that way to me." He scoffed. "You really like that kid, don't you?" He sounded a bit dejected.
"I do." I nodded while folding t-shirts. "But not like that."
Darn it. Why didn't I ever think before I speak?
"Oh well…about that movie?" he asked hopefully. He'd been mentioning it for a couple of days now, some new romantic comedy, and for the last couple of days I'd been giving him noncommittal grunts in response. Looks like I wouldn't be able to get away with that anymore.
I sighed and flung my hair over my shoulder so I could look at him. He looked so hopeful I just didn't have the heart to do it so I tried deflecting again.
"Have you thought about asking Jessica?" I tried, smiling.
"Oh…um…" he replied, taken off guard. "No." He picked at an imaginary piece of lint.
"I'm pretty sure she likes you, you know."
This did not have the desired effect. In fact he looked even worse.
"Forget it." He said, shoving himself away from the counter and going out back. Great. This day had started out so good too.
I spent the rest of my shift up front while he brooded out back and he didn't even say bye to me when I left. I really wasn't very good at this relationship thing, even when it was just friends.
The ride home was dark and wet and I used the time alone to try and think about Jacob and what to do. I felt so confined by all my responsibilities. Edward had it so easy. He could just come and go as he pleased while I was stuck with school and work and having to pretend I didn't live in a world where vampires existed. I was definitely feeling envious of his freedom at the moment though I knew he would chastise me for thinking such a thing because that freedom came with a price. A price I was pretty sure I was willing to pay if it meant spending eternity with Edward.
"Hey Billy." I'd decided I would at least try calling Jacob and see what happened. "Is Jacob around?"
"He can't talk right now." Came his curt reply.
Quick Bella. THINK!
"Well…my truck's making a funny noise. I was wondering if he could look at it?" I asked hopefully. Billy loved that truck as much as I did. It was practically a family heirloom. Surely he couldn't refuse this request.
"Jacob's grounded, Bella. So I'm sorry, you'll just have to go to a mechanic."
Was he serious? Did he really just suggest that a close family friend go dish out bucks to the town mechanic? My stubborn streak flared.
"Well, maybe if I could just talk to him for a sec and tell him what it's doing he can tell me what's up."
"The answer is no, Bella. And please don't call back." And with that he hung.
I stood staring at the receiver in shock. Never had Billy ever talked to me like that. So I knew. I knew without a doubt that whatever had happened to Sam was happening to Jacob, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.
EPOV
I paced Bella's room as quietly as I could. I had arrived early in my impatience to see her and now I almost wished I hadn't. I should have seen this coming. Alice should have seen this coming, but I guess she was too busy looking at my future with Bella to think about anything else.
We had left. And in our absence the wolf blood in the Quileute tribe had tempered and become complacent. There was no threat, no reason for the young men of the tribe to shift. But when I came back I set off an inevitable chain reaction and now a whole generation of youths would be condemned until we left again. Except I had no intention of leaving unless Bella asked me to, and after this she may very well do just that.
BPOV
While I sat at the table making a pathetic attempt to do my homework I heard the floorboards above me creak faintly. That's sloppy of him, I thought. Well it was nearly 9pm anyway. I made quick work of my nightly routine, not even bothering with a shower, in my haste to get to Edward. He was pacing the length of my bedroom when I entered.
"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked as I stood in his path, stilling him. He looked upset and all I could think was please not another thing wrong. I can't handle any more right now.
"It's my fault, Bella." He said, pulling me to him and burying his face in my hair. "Stupid of me." He muttered, and pulled back to look at me while holding me at arms length. "I just got you back and now I'm going to lose you again." He looked like he was going to cry.
"Edward, you're not going to lose me." I hoped. "Talk to me."
"I know what's happening to your friend."
"Really? That's great!" I replied in an excited whisper.
He shook his head. "It's not great Bella, and I'm terrified you won't be able to forgive me."
"Did you hurt him?" I pulled back in fear.
"No! No. Not like that. Not what you think." He sat down on the bed and pulled me with him.
"What do you know about the Quileute legends?" he asked.
"Um…besides the magic stuff?"
"Besides the magic stuff."
I thought back to all my conversations with Jacob and the Shaman searching for any clue as to what he might be talking about. The only thing I could think of was my suspicion that the Shaman knew what Edward was.
"There's an old woman. She's the one who helped me get you back." I said sheepishly. I was still a bit ashamed at having resorted to such unorthodox methods and I was scared to tell him my suspicions.
"Go on." He encouraged.
I couldn't look at him. "It's my turn to be scared, Edward."
"Why?"
"Because I think she knows about you. I swear I didn't tell her." I said, shaking my head. "I would NEVER do that. You have to believe me." My words stumbled one over the other, terrified that he would leave me if he thought I'd told.
"I'm sure she does know, Bella." He replied sadly.
"You are?"
"Yes." He said, nodding.
"Are you mad at me?"
"No, of course not. I know you didn't tell her."
"So what does this have to do with Jake?"
"Did Jake ever tell you any of the wolf legends from their tribe?"
You will always have home amongst the wolves.
The Shaman's words rang through my memory.
"The Shaman mentioned wolves once, but I didn't know what she was talking about."
"The Quileute are shape-shifters, Bella. They can turn into wolves."
I let out a disbelieving laugh and then let my mouth hang open. "No." I stated while shaking my head.
"Yes." He replied, very matter of fact. "Is it so hard to believe after everything you've seen?"
"You're telling me that Jacob is turning into a werewolf?"
"Yes." He was still somber, and my brain was quickly catching up.
"Why does that bother you, Edward?" I asked suspiciously.
"Because it's my fault." He said, looking down at his lap.
"What do you mean?"
"They were fine before. They were normal." He shook his head and looked away, and I knew he was jealous of that normalcy. "But I left you." He continued while turning to face me again.
"But you came back. " I whispered.
"Right. I came back. And that triggered their transformation. If I'd never left you, this wouldn't be happening.
"Let's not play the blame game, Edward. At least I know Jacob is alive. What does this mean for him though?"
He pulled us further onto the bed so that we were sitting in the middle instead of perched on the edge.
"It's painful. The transformation. That's why he's 'missing'. They've likely taken him somewhere while he goes through it."
"Is it a full moon?" I started to get up to look out the window.
"No Bella." He replied while grabbing my wrist and gently pulling me back down. "They can change at will except for the first time. The first time just sort of happens. You probably won't even recognize him the next time you see him."
"Why? Will he be all sorts of hairy or something?"
Edward chuckled. "You amaze me, you know that?"
"Why?" I smiled shyly.
"I just told you that your best friend is a wolf and you're so calm about it."
"Well, you always said I didn't respond to things the way I should."
"Mhm. I should clarify that. It's not fair for me to compare you to everyone else, especially when considering there is no comparison." He smirked.
"You're cheating again." I accused.
"How am I doing that?" He asked while leaning toward me.
"By flattering me."
"Is it working?"
"No."
"You're a terrible liar, Bella."
I placed my hands on his chest. "Thank you, but can we please finish discussing Jacob?"
"Yes. Of course." He replied, sitting up straight. "Jacob will not be hairy or howling at the moon or anything of the sort. But he'll be bigger and stronger, and he probably won't be very happy to see you."
"Why?" I asked, almost offended.
"Because he'll know, Bella. He'll know the secret you've been keeping from him; he'll know why he's changed." His voice was soft and concerned.
"Are you mad at me?" He asked.
"No. No, I'm not." I pulled him down so that we were lying side by side. "It's not your fault. I know you think it is, but it isn't. And this actually solves one of the things I wanted to talk to you about. I just hope that Jacob can forgive me."
"What was it you wanted to talk about?"
"I was going to ask you if I could tell him. It was killing me to not tell him. He knew something was up, and we got into a fight about it last week."
"I wouldn't worry about that too much, Bella. They get very emotional right before they change, angry actually. And he'll be that way for awhile after too. You'll need to be patient."
"You promise he's okay though?" I rolled to face him and laid my hand on his chest.
"He's alive if that's what you mean."
I looked into his eyes searching for more of an answer than that. Edward sighed.
"His life is changed forever, Bella. His life and the lives of who knows how many other Quileute boys. And it's because of me."
"What did I say about the blame game?" I tapped him on the chest. "I assume there were shape-shifters before you existed?"
"Yes, but…"
"But nothing." I said while placing my fingers over his lips. "What's done is done, Edward. Jacob is alive. Furry but alive. And that's the most important thing. That and the fact that you're back."
He turned to face me.
"I am back." He whispered while touching my face. "I was scared you were going to make me leave again after you found out about what was happening to your friend."
I leaned in and kissed him. "I wouldn't do that." I kissed him again. "I'm not going to make you leave." I kissed him again and rolled half atop him. "I love you."
And then he kissed me back.