Chapter 19.

Disclaimer: I don´t own anything in Beyblade.

Warning: Yaoi story, harsh language and violence.

"Talk"

´Thoughts´

On with the story!

Two little birds sat and looked into his window. His eyes were aimed on them, but they were also unfocused. The only sound in his room were his deep breathing and no movement were seen either.

Kai had thought he was given a second chance before. And now it all felt so useless.

What had he done to his partner?

(Flashback)

"Kai…Y-ou are not even sure." Ray said in disbelief.

"Of course I am!" he screamed, yet he could feel the lie come from his mouth.

"No, you are not. I can see it in your eyes… h-ow long have you felt this way?"

(End Of Flashback)

The tiger had not waited for an answer, and he didn´t blame him. He understands if Ray felt it was too painful to hear the answer. He didn´t have an answer. Why?

He had been so sure that it was absolutely nothing going on between Wyatt and him. That his friend had only been having a pointless crush on him that would disappear after a couple of years. He had claimed that he would never like Wyatt more than a friend and yet he hated to admit that the kiss between them had been more than a shock for him. Every time Ray had asked him to talk with Wyatt he had seen the kiss before him and he had just pushed it away, thinking that it was nothing important. But now…when he had to tell Wyatt for real…that kiss became … interesting. He had felt something, but what was it? Could it have been…?

He closed his eyes and growled out in frustration while he put his head in his hands. He couldn´t think like this, he loved Ray. They had been through so much…he loved him, he really did. MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE! EVEN … Wyatt?

As he could see, he had two choices. He could continue like always and suppress this annoying questions, that don´t have to mean anything anyway, or he could be honest to himself and find out the answers to these questions and put his and Ray´s relationship in jeopardy.

Either sounded good. It was like a lose, lose situation. But maybe it had been from the beginning when Ray and Wyatt met.

He had been too stubborn to accept the fact that it was all about a choice. He could not have both. Even his own feeling was telling him that now. It was about a choice…his choice.

The door opened without warning making him jump. The nurse waived as she closed it again. "It´s time for the nasty pills." She said and opened can and dropped a few in her palm. He reached for his glass of water from the stand. "Those pills are the least of my problems right now."

"Is it about your friends? They both care about you very much."

"You are good. That´s my problem." He muttered and swallowed his medicine without any complaint. "

"One of them is out there. I think he wants to come in again." She said as she took the handle.

"Ray?"

"No."

He leaned back and nodded. It was probably for the best. "I can talk to him."

"I really think you are cheating, buddy." Max said as he leaned on his elbow while holding his five cards in his other hand. How Tyson always manage to bet when he was bluffing was beyond him. His poker hand right now was only junk, so of course his friend went all in.

"Aww, I'm hurt that you think that Maxie. Why is it so hard to believe that I´m good at something other than blading and eating?"

"This is not about you being good, it´s about you being able to tell my cards all the fricking time!" he had enough of being a fool and by Tyson´s expression he had hit the head on the nail. He quickly looked around and turned around before his teammate could stop him. And there it was...a mirror. Tactical placed behind him so his cards were shown. He turned back at the champion who looked pale and was laughing nervously. "Hehehhe, can´t take a joke Maxie!" his laugh was turned to a scream as the blonde jumped him and wrestled him down on the floor despite his tries to get away. "Give me back my money, you cheater!"

The high voices were interrupted by the sound of the phone, making them look at each other and then the watch. They were not expecting a call.

Tyson picked up the phone, "Granger." He answered. he listened for a while before his eyes widened. "what?"

They sat in silence for a while, barley looking at each other.

"Why did you come back?"

Wyatt smiled, "I have known you long enough, to see when you have a breakdown. I think you need me here."

The Russian didn´t answer. He just looked at his sheet covered legs.

"´Kai please say something. Tell me how you feel."

"… I think this heavy silence of guilt makes me feel like I´m cheating on Ray."

The boy rolled his eyes. "I'm sure that´s what Ray wants you to feel."

"No, I feel that because I'm feeling something for you that I shouldn't."

Wyatt felt how his heart stopped. He did not just hear that."W-what?"

"Wyatt… we need to talk."

"Tyson what´s wrong?" Max went silent when Tyson gave him a hand sign to do so. He looked very serious. "Are you sure about this?" A moment more passed by and he just shook his head. "I see. Well then. Bye."

Slowly he put down the phone and turned to Max with a frown. "You won´t believe this."

"What are you feeling for me Kai? And please be honest, I can´t take it otherwise. This is painful for me too you know." The student said as he was trying to stop his shaking hands in his lap. Kai sat on the edge of the bed and took a deep breath.

"Trust me my friend, I will be very honest."

"Did you lie to me before?"

"Not intentionally. I thought this was what I wanted. Maybe I still do, but I realized how wrong I was about how easy choice it was. When I was looking into your eyes" He said and looked up deep into those brown orbs. "I found myself lying to you. I was not as sure as I claimed to be, and for that I apologies for how I was treating your affection."

Wyatt quickly took his hand. "I knew there was something." He said and smiled. "So you feel the same thing for me as you do for Ray?"

"No, I don´t. I love Ray. But… I feel something strange to you that I can´t place at the moment. And just that hesitation alone is enough that I need to be honest to my partner. It affects him too."

Wyatt nodded. "I guess I can´t argue with that. But I think it affects you more at the moment."

"The kiss has not left my mind even though I have tried to block it out." He confessed.

"I think about it always."

"I don´t know what to do about it Wyatt. I can´t really ignore these questions around the kiss and around you, but it´s not right at act around it. I have not come very far about all this, but I know that something is telling me to take a moment at think openly about everything, only to be fair. Please just give me a moment to think it through. "

"Of course."

A good hour passed by in silence, but Wyatt didn´t mind. He felt good about the discussion they had. Finally a little justice for all who doubted Kai´s feelings towards him. He felt like he had won a big battle.

He waited a moment more and then looked at Kai who looked back, with a nod.

"I'm just glad that you admit that you feel something for me." He hesitated for a moment. "Kai, a new kiss would make it so much easier for you. That's what I think."

"I thought about it too, you know. But I`ve made up my mind." A well known feeling about disappointment fell over Wyatt and his head dropped. Ray had won again.

"Wyatt. I admit that I have feelings for you. I really like you more than what I have admitted before. And I believe your feelings for me. Would it be other circumstances, then I would gladly ask you out. But I´m already in a good relationship. And if I left Ray, left him and gave a chance for us a try, then I would not make us happy because I would miss my relationship with my tiger. I cannot leave what I have, for something that I may get. I think I just end up hurting you more and that is the last thing I want to do. So what I´m going to do now is to accept my feelings for you but not act and keep what I have with Ray, because he really makes me happy."

Wyatt shook his head with a very sad smile. "And I´m suppose to let you go, right."

"I know it´s cruel to ask, but yes. I'm asking you to let me try and be happy as I am now."

After what felt like eternity, Wyatt looked up with tears in his eyes. "You know, for the first time, we have really had the chance to talk about this. I feel no pressure from Ray now, and for that… I let you go Kai. I love you too much not to." Without hesitation he moved forward and put their foreheads together. Kai met him with an honest smile, he trusted him completely.

"I really love you," the boy whispered.

"I know." Kai answered silently.

Nobody moved from their spot.

Ray walked down the hallway, back from the bathroom where he had dried his tears. The hospital felt quiet. Very quiet. He scanned at the clock and saw that the evening shift was going to start. So probably the staff was exchanging information about the patients. He felt his heartbeat pound in his chest when he saw Kai´s door suddenly open. Wyatt came out and stretched like he had been resting. He turned the other way and started to walk away, but not before he turned and gave Ray a smile…an honest smile was what it looked like. That was new… and scary.

He didn´t bother think about it any deeper so without anything else, he entered his boyfriend room who met him with a calm and happy expression.

"I was just thinking that it would be a pain to wait for you."

Ray stood there… looking at him like he was reading his movements and thoughts. Until he walked over and put his arms around his partners neck in a tights hug. "Are you alright?" he whispered.

Kai smiled again and took in the ravens scent as he returned the embrace. "I am." He pulled away first and guided his partners lips to his own in a deep touch. Ray swiftly sat down on the edge of the bed and kissed back until they both pulled apart.

"This can´t have been easy for you. The decision I mean." Ray said and looked at him again. His eyes were really starring.

"No it wasn´t. But I´m glad that it´s over. And I think I made the right one." He gently took Ray´s hands in his and whispered. "I love you so much, Kon. I won´t throw away what we have."

Ray listened to his words but said nothing. A question rose up in his mind. "Did you come to a conclusion about your feelings for me and your feelings for Wyatt?"

Kai nodded and took a deep breath. He wanted to be as honest he possible could.

"Yes I did. I like Wyatt on some level that could have been a relationship if it was given time, but I love you and I don´t want to leave you."

"It sounds like right, I was always wondering where the kid´s confident came from. You must have sent him signals without knowing you did."

"Maybe, I don´t know. Either way, I will continue forward. It´s history."

"I´m still not so sure about that."

"I am, I will stay with you without do anything about it anymore."

"What do you mean? Are you just going to leave these feelings for him behind?"

"That´s exactly what I'm going to do. I don´t need to know Ray, you are more important. Like I said; all I want is to move forward with you and never look back. This will be a new start for us."

Ray´s head fell forwards and his bangs covered his eyes. Kai frowned slightly at the gesture and put his hand under the raven´s chin to raise it but Ray pulled away from his touch. "Tiger, what´s wrong?"

Ray laughed but also sobbed. He was crying. "I always love it when you call me that." He said and whipped his tears as he looked up slowly.

"Well, good." Kai said and smiled gently. "I can do it more oft-"

"Kai there is no easy way to say this; I'm leaving."

The fast words hit him hard for some reason, but he didn´t know why.

"What do you mean? You mean back home?"

"To Tyson and Max, Yes." He said and held a steady eye contact. Kai thought he looked cold except from his slightly shaken form.

"Did something happen to the team?" he asked next suddenly quite worried. The strange feeling didn´t fade.

The raven shook his head and finally broke down. "They are fine," he said with broken voice.

"Did something else happen?"

Ray hesitated. It was now or never. "Yeah, something has happened in here." He said and put his hand on his chest.

The captain looked at the hand and then in his eyes, clearly not understanding.

"I'm leaving Kai. I'm leaving this place… And you."

The blow came like a bucket of cold water. Without knowing until it was too late he grabbed Ray´s arms who tried to leave the bed. He held the stare and searched for the sign of this sick joke his lover was playing. But found none. "You are serious."

Ray nodded. "You can´t leave these feelings for Wyatt behind, like they never happened."

"This is my choice." He said with an angry tone, but it didn´t help.

"Maybe but I'm not a part of it anymore. I'm going home, it´s about how I´m feeling."

"I don´t believe you! And you are crazy if you think I´m going to let you leave like this!"

"You don´t have a choice. I'm breaking up with you. "

"Ray… what are you-"

"You need time to heal!"

"No I don´t! I know where I stand."

"Right now you do, but for how long! No Kai. We have hit a dead end."

"What can I do to convince you that I´m over it!"

"You can´t, it´s over. I'm sorry."

"You are sorry, are you even hearing yourself. You are letting us go."

"Kai please don´t make this harder than it already is!"

"You are letting us go!"

Ray sobbed even harder. "YES! And I hate myself for it, but I need to. You are a phoenix and you need to spread your wings. You cannot do that with me right now."

"RAY! I LOVE YOU!"

"It´s not enough anymore Kai."

Kai pulled him into another kiss. A desperate one and he pushed them to the wall next to the door effectively pinning the raven there. Ray returned it with equal force while his tears fell from his closed eyes.

"Please don´t leave me." Kai sobbed and closed the space between them again. "I love you; I want to be with you…"he said between the kisses. "I love you so much, I know that…"

Ray pulled away at last and pushed the other off gently. His golden eyes were red and he bit his swollen lip before answering, "It´s too late. There is nothing for us left, but doubt."

"Don´t doubt me Ray. I`m done with all this questions and drama."

"You want to be. But you are not. I love you. And that´s why I'm letting you go."

"Please don´t! Don´t give up on us like this." He said with forced voice as Ray backed out from the room.

"I have to. Goodbye Kai."

Ray closed the door and the sound of Kai´s sobs could still be heard. He tried to hold back the remaining of his own as he made his way down the hallway and retrieved his bag that he had left by the reception. With unsteady steps he walked down the hall, towards the door and out of the hospital. His chest was hurting so much. When he was outside he let himself go again and he cried openly while clutching his heart. "Kai… I'm so sorry…"

Leaving Kai was the hardest challenge I was faced with. My loss… My failure…Some part of me was hoping that he would fallow me like in a stupid romance movie. But he didn´t…

I didn´t meet him until six month later.

End of Chapter 19.

Last chapter will be out soon!